Authors: Harper Sloan
“WHAT HAPPENS NOW, COHEN?” SHE whispers into the darkness surrounding us.
She has one leg hooked over my hips with her thigh resting against my spent cock, the other lying against the bed. Her chest is pressed against my own, and her forehead resting against my neck. The hand she was using to draw circles on my chest for the last twenty minutes stills with her question, and I use the arm I was holding her close with to tighten my grip.
I knew she was working things out in her head, so I let her take her time and waited for the questions I knew would come. I have a few of my own that hit me like a burst of clarity while I stared into her eyes and felt her body take every inch of me. Things I thought I would be able to wait for when it came to her. Things I have no fucking clue how I’ll be able to turn my back on and leave in the morning.
I have an inner battle warring inside me now. One side knows with no doubt that she is meant to be right here—naked in my arms with her heart beating against my skin. Then there is the other side. The logical side. The one that’s afraid to take it past tonight, knowing how many other lives it will affect. It’s not just the Cohen and Dani show. It’s our families, siblings and everyone else in the tight circle.
Battle or not, the side that will win all depends on the woman in my arms.
“Let me see your eyes, Dani-girl.” I dip my chin and wait for her to move her eyes to mine.
Her face is void of emotion, but her eyes aren’t hiding a thing from me.
“Tell me, honestly, what you want to happen now.”
“Honestly?” she questions.
“One hundred percent. One thing you need to understand about this from here on out is that, if you plan on telling me what I think—and hope—you are, then honesty is the most important thing. I can’t go into this without knowing what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”
She’s silent for a beat; all the while, her eyes never stop their hopeful begging.
“I never want to let you go,” she sighs, and I offer her a sad smile because we both know, come morning, she’s going to have to. “I don’t want you to leave, but I’ll support you any and every way I can. I want to be able to be yours even when you aren’t here but know that, when you come back, you’re coming back to me. I want you to be able to go with the confidence that I’ll be waiting for you if . . . if that’s what you want, of course.”
God, she couldn’t be more perfect.
“Anything else?” I probe, moving one hand up to run my fingers down her cheek.
“I don’t think we have enough time to get into everything that I want from you, Cohen. Let’s just put it this way. I want you. I want you and everything that comes with it.”
“Dani,” I sigh. “I leave tomorrow, baby. I leave tomorrow and I can’t even give you an estimate on when I’ll be home. It wouldn’t be fair for me to make you mine and demand that kind of commitment when I can’t even be here for you. I won’t even be able to contact you, Dani . . . How is that going to work? How is that fair to you? I don’t want you to have to sacrifice for me—for us.”
“When it comes to love, it’s always worth the sacrifice. Always. One thing my parents taught me was that when you find the reason for your heart to beat, you don’t ever let it go, and if, for some reason beyond your control, you have to, you fight with every breath in your body to have it back. You are worth that to me. You aren’t asking me to give anything up, Cohen. I’ve loved you my whole damn life . . . What’s a few more months of waiting if I know you’re coming back to me?”
Each time she tells me that she loves me, it’s on the tip of my tongue to return the words to her. I feel them, but I damn sure don’t want her to think that I’m just saying them to parrot them back to her. Knowing Dani and the reservations she already has about my feelings towards her and with
us,
she would probably think that way too.
“What about our families?” I muse out loud. It needs to be addressed. I don’t want it to become a big elephant in the room. Or, God forbid, her to want to hide this thing between us. First of all, with as often as everyone is together, it would be next to impossible. And I want to be able to show her off as my girl. Show her off and let the world know she is mine. I can’t do that if she is worried about what will happen when we go public.
“What about them? Your sisters have been rooting for us to get together for years. Nate knows—or at least he knows about how I feel for you—and he’s never said anything other than for me to be careful. I’m not sure that Cam and Colt care, to be honest. As for our parents . . . well, I don’t know about them. What do you think?”
I give her a smile, and I’m instantly rewarded when her full lips tip up and she gives me one of her own. “Baby, I think that, when I get home, your father is going to kick my ass, because there is no way I can give this up. Here is my honesty. You ready?”
She nods her head.
“I want you to think about this from every angle, because that’s what I’ve been trying to do. I would be damn proud to have you on my arm, in my bed, and to share my life with. I understand it’s going to be a fight when it comes to your dad, but that’s a fight I’ll take if you’re by my side. Our moms, yeah . . . that’s not something you need to worry about. Trust me, baby. They’ll start planning a wedding the second you and I let them know where we stand. My dad just wants me to be happy. And I guarantee you he will have my back when it comes to your dad. As for Nate, we don’t need to worry about him either. I’ll handle him. Sounds like my sisters aren’t going to be a problem, and my brothers will be right there with Lyn and Lila.”
I pause and shift our bodies so that she is lying under my body, her legs spread wide and her hips welcoming the pressure of my own. “The only issue I have here is knowing that I’m leaving tomorrow, and in doing so, I’m leaving you and what is most definitely starting between us. I’m not the type of man who likes knowing that his woman is alone, and if you needed me, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t like knowing that, if you’re sad, I can’t make it better. If you’re sick, I won’t be there to make you better. If you’re scared, I can’t chase away your nightmares. Bottom line, I won’t be there for you, and that isn’t something a man like me can stomach easily.” I drop my head, give her a small kiss, and pull away, looking into her bright and hopeful eyes. “But, Dani-girl, I’m also a selfish man, because even knowing all of that, it doesn’t make a difference. It’s you and me, baby. You and me against the world.”
I wipe the tear that leaks out of her eye before it can trail down her cheek to the radiant and very happy smile that has spread across her lips. Even when I drop mine to hers, the smile remains. And later—much later—when she is moaning my name, it still never slips.
My girl, my Dani-girl, is happy.
“You’re mine?” she asks.
“Yeah, baby. And you’re mine.”
With a full but heavy heart, I hold her all night long. My eyes never once leave her sleeping—and still-smiling—face. I memorize every inch of her, from the way she feels in my arms to how she smells like wildflowers in the rain. When she moans in her sleep and huskily whispers my name, I know that, when I leave tomorrow, I’ll be fighting every instinct I have to run back to her. It’s going to be an uphill battle, but this will be one worth every second of yearning, because in the end, when I come home and she’s right back in my arms, I’ll be the luckiest bastard alive.
IT’S HARD TO SEE THROUGH the tears clouding my vision. To see through the sadness my heart feels as I watch him get dressed. Watching him pack his things. Pull on his boots or grab his jacket. All the things I won’t be watching again for months. Little, mundane tasks I’m trying to sear into my mind so I’ll never forget. How his fingers look when he’s hooking his belt through his jeans. How his brow furrows when he’s trying to figure out how to get a little more space out of his carry-on. Even though I know he will come back to me, knowing that we’re starting something so beautiful off with a big, ugly fog surrounding us has me in pieces.
He looks over when he finishes zipping the last zipper and gives me a sad smile. I’m sure my eyes are looking at him exactly as his are gazing into mine. Like this is it and if we don’t see each other again, then we should make this second last a lifetime.
I bring a hand up and angrily swipe away a tear. I hate crying. It’s a sign of weakness, but I’m helpless to stop them. My heart, while full to bursting with the knowledge that he is mine, is breaking.
“Dani-girl,” he says on a sigh. “You’re killing me with these tears.”
He sits on the bed and pulls me into his arms. When his strong arms wrap around me and the comfort that always comes when he’s near sinks into my skin, I only cry more.
“This isn’t goodbye,” he vows.
“Never goodb-b-bye,” I stutter.
“It’s ‘see you soon’,” he whispers.
“Every time I close my eyes,” I promise.
We don’t need words after that. What more needs to be said? I have to believe that, even brand new, we have the kind of connection that can beat anything.
He holds me in his arms for another ten minutes. Ten whole minutes that I feel complete. When his phone beeps, letting him know that his parents are on the way, he gives me a deep kiss before pulling back and standing from the bed.
“Stay as long as you want, Dani-girl. I like knowing you’re in my bed even if I’m not here.” He stops when I let out a big sob-like hiccup. Leaning down over where he placed me in the middle of the mattress, he gives me another long and deep kiss. “See you soon, my heart.” With one more kiss, he stands, grabs his stuff and walks out the door.
I’m not sure how long I stay in the middle of his bed, surrounded by his scent and the memories of the night before. It isn’t until Liam shows up and wraps me in his arms, causing my sobs to double in force, that I realize the sun has long since set and Cohen is likely gone by now.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” I ask when I’m finally able to calm down.
“Cohen sent me a text a little after nine this morning. Told me that, if I didn’t see you by lunch, I was to go find Chance and get the key to the apartment. Lunch came and no Dani, so here I am. Come on, little princess. Let’s get you home.”
Lee turns his back when I move the covers off my naked body, throwing my shorts and one of Cohen’s shirts over his shoulder. When I pull the cotton tee over my head, I know instantly that it must be the one he wore the night before. The scent of him, so fresh and powerful, almost brings me to my knees. I have to bite my lip to keep it from wobbling and victoriously keep the tears at bay.
“Here,” Lee says with a smile. “I grabbed a few more and the body wash and the bottle of that shit he wears off the counter in his bathroom.”
When I look at him like he’s lost his mind, he laughs, throwing the body wash, cologne, and three shirts he was holding in my arms.
“What? You were standing there sniffing that one like you wanted to rub it all over yourself. Might as well make it so you can have some to last.” He shrugs his shoulder, collects my purse from the floor next to the nightstand, and takes my hand before leading me out of the apartment.
Chance is fixing some food in the kitchen when we walk out. He gives Lee one of those manly head-jerk things and me a small smile.