Undaunted Hope (16 page)

Did she love Michael and Alex?

A sob slipped out before she could catch it. She sucked in a quick breath. The heat of holding in the rest of the sobs scalded her lungs and chest. Something deep and passionate was pulsing through her. She didn't know if it was love. But whatever it was tore at her soul until it was shredded and bleeding.

With an energy born of desperation, she attacked the kitchen, scrubbing it until it was spotless. Then she moved into the parlor and cleaned it with a fury. Finally she collapsed onto the sofa into a restless sleep where she dreamed about the ice cracking and laughing wickedly as it watched Michael and Alex plunge into the freezing water below, flailing helplessly with limbs growing
numb, until finally their movements stopped and they floated on the icy water, staring sightlessly into the dark sky.

She awoke with a start.

“Miss Taylor?” Ingrid was perched on the sofa next to her. The braids that Tessa had plaited the night before were mussed and fell over her shoulders. “It's light outside. Can we go look for Daddy and Uncle Alex now?”

Tessa sat up and wiped her own tangled hair from her face. She glanced out the window to see the faint streaks of dawn beginning to color the sky.

“Gunnar already left,” Ingrid said.

Panic burst through Tessa. She shot up, the motion sending Ingrid tumbling to the floor. “Oh no! He can't go out there by himself!”

She whirled around, first toward the hallway that led to the front door and then back to the kitchen, tangling and tripping over her wrinkled skirt. “It's too dangerous to be out on the ice. He'll fall through just like them.”

“Miss Taylor,” Ingrid said from her spot on the floor, “he only went to the Rawlingses' to let them know that Daddy isn't home yet.”

Tessa stopped struggling. A wave of relief rose up in her so strong that she fell back onto the sofa and buried her face in her hands. Hot tears wet her palms. She wasn't sure why she'd reacted so strongly to the thought of losing Gunnar too, except that she knew it very well could have happened. He could have run out onto the ice, hoping to find his father.

She easily could have lost him too. So easily . . .

She shook her head.
Oh, Lord, I can't do
this. I can't let myself love this family, only
to lose them.

Wasn't that why she'd vowed not to have anything more to do
with the sea or lighthouses? She'd vowed she wouldn't step in one again. And here she was, right in the middle of one, caring far too much for this precious family.

Now look what had happened. She was getting hurt. Again. She couldn't keep letting this happen. She had to stop.

She took a deep shuddering breath. Of course, she couldn't abandon Ingrid and Gunnar now, not when they needed her most. She would stay and help them through this difficult time. But once she had them situated, she'd renew her pledge to stay away from lighthouses and the sea forever.

W
hen it was light enough and the fog less dense, a search party started out across Eagle Harbor Bay. Overnight they'd learned that two other men from the community who'd been ice fishing hadn't returned either. One of them was Hannah's husband. Although the teacher's helper had ashamedly admitted that she'd been unable to reconcile with her husband and that he was hardly ever home, Tessa knew the sweet woman wouldn't want her husband to suffer and was likely worried for his safety.

The search party loaded a sled with ropes, blankets, ice chisels, and other tools. Wolfie led the way across the ice. Tessa prayed the dog's keen sense of smell would track down the missing brothers and the other men. The grim faces of the rescuers told her it was probably too late. Though Gunnar wanted to go with, Tessa held him back. She'd wrapped her arms around him and was relieved when, instead of resisting, he hugged her back. After watching the men disappear on the horizon, Tessa
pressed a kiss against Gunnar's head and herded the children back inside the house.

She'd already put out a notice that she was canceling classes for the day. She decided that neither she nor Hannah would be able to concentrate. But as they waited for the search party, she wondered if she'd made a mistake. Perhaps they should have kept themselves busy at school. As it was, they had too much time to think the worst and run to the window at every shadow to see if the search party was returning.

Tessa was grateful at midday when Nadine came with her littlest one. She brought a jug of hot spiced mead to give to Alex and Michael once they were rescued. “It'll warm them down to their fingers and toes, it will,” she said with a confidence that didn't reach her eyes.

Tessa nodded her gratefulness and glanced out the window to the dark clouds piling over the lake to the west.

Nadine followed her gaze. “We're in for a storm, that we are.”

“Hopefully no more snow,” Tessa said with a sigh.

“From the cold bite of the wind, I've a mind those clouds are full of snow.” Nadine turned from the window and sat down on the sofa where she began unbuttoning her blouse. The baby squirmed and released a wail, impatient for her next meal.

Ingrid sat pale-faced in a chair next to the fireplace while Gunnar stirred the embers and added more wood. Both had grown more silent and somber as the day progressed. Tessa guessed they were thinking the same thing she was, that if a storm blew in, the search party would have to give up and return to their homes. With each hour that passed, the chances of finding the men alive diminished. After being out all night, the chances were already slim.

“It's a good thing you closed school today,” Nadine said, lifting the little one to her breast. The baby's whines were cut short as she began her greedy sucking.

“I'm not so sure—”

“Got news that scarlet fever took two kiddies yesterday over in Copper Harbor and three in Cliff.”

“Do we know of any cases here?” Tessa was almost afraid to ask.

“None yet, and let's pray it stays that way.”

Just the mention of the words
scarlet fever
was enough to cause a panic. The deadly disease spread without mercy and claimed many lives every year.

“I say it's the change in weather,” Nadine continued. “These warm spells in between the cold days always make the kiddies sick with one thing or another. Least mine are all running around with snotty noses.”

Tessa hugged Ingrid. Above the girl's head, Tessa met Nadine's gaze. “Would you tell families with children to stay home for the time being? We'll cancel classes for the remainder of the week. At least until we make sure there are no children here in Eagle Harbor carrying the disease.”

Nadine nodded. In spite of attributing most illnesses to old wives' tales and superstitions, Nadine appeared willing to cooperate with whatever Tessa might suggest.

“Make sure that parents check for rashes,” Tessa said, “and also chills, body aches, loss of appetite, nausea, and vomiting. If any of their children exhibit these symptoms, they should be careful to keep siblings away.”

Nadine finished nursing her baby and rose to leave. The wind had picked up and rattled the windows, the dark clouds rushing in with a galloping fury.

“The men are back,” Nadine announced, her face pressed to the window.

Gunnar flew to the door and flung it wide. His eyes were wide with hope. But one glance at the lake deflated him. His shoulders sagged and the light disappeared from his countenance. He didn't need to say the words for Tessa to know the search party had returned empty-handed.

A gust of frigid north wind raced across the room and hit Tessa with a hard cold fist. She'd tried to prepare herself for the inevitable, but even so, the loss took her breath away.
Please, please let the men be
there. Please
, she silently pleaded, breaking away from Ingrid and running to the window to see for herself.

All it took was one look at Wolfie, trudging along slowly with her tail listless and her ears down, for Tessa's throat to burn with the truth. Alex and Michael were gone.

Tessa couldn't do much more than curl up with Ingrid on the sofa as the little girl sobbed on and off during the afternoon. Tessa wanted to sob too. Her chest ached with the need, but all she allowed herself were a few silent tears from time to time when the children weren't looking.

She knew she had to stay strong for Ingrid and Gunnar, yet she couldn't make herself rise from the sofa to do anything. She was glad she had the excuse of holding Ingrid whenever Gunnar got up to add more wood to the fire or to check the flue. He was the one to feed Wolfie and to bring them hot tea late in the afternoon.

His sad eight-year-old eyes never once brightened, but he performed each task with the determination of a man. He retrieved her empty mug and then handed her a blanket for cover
ing Ingrid, who'd finally fallen asleep next to her. Tessa wanted to weep at the boy's sweetness. When she met his serious blue gaze and saw both Alex and Michael in his expression, she had to close her eyes to block them out.

“Are you all right, Miss Taylor?” he whispered as he stood above her.

She swallowed hard and opened her eyes. “I just miss your dad and uncle,” she said. It was the truth. She missed them much more than she knew she should. But at that moment she couldn't deny how attached she'd grown to this family and how much it hurt to lose the men. All she could think about was the time at the mine when Alex had held her and kissed her hair and how much she'd liked it.

“Thank you for all your help, Gunnar,” she said. “Your dad and uncle would be really proud of you.”

He nodded and didn't say anything for a long moment. Finally he cleared his throat and said in a wobbly voice, “What will happen to me and Ingie now?”

“I don't know.” Gunnar wouldn't be satisfied with platitudes. He wanted the truth, and she knew he would handle it like the man he was becoming. “For now, I'll stay with you. But once the lake opens to shipping again, then perhaps we can send word to your relatives, maybe your grandmother in Iowa?”

“Ingie wants you to be her mom,” Gunnar said softly. “Maybe she can become your little girl.”

His words choked Tessa and brought hot tears to the backs of her eyes. She looked down at the frail body next to her, the long lashes resting against tear-streaked cheeks. “She would make any woman the best daughter. And you'd make the best son.” She reached for Gunnar's hand and squeezed it. “But I'm sure your grandmother will want you to come live with her.”

“What about the surgery on her leg? She needs to have it done.”

Tessa nodded. Alex and Michael had both shared with her their plan to take Ingrid to Detroit for surgery. But even if Alex and Michael had lived, they would have continued to struggle to earn enough money for the trip and the surgery.

The wind coming off the lake beat against the house. It howled through the windows and scraped against the roof shingles. Snow mixed with sleet had been pelting the glass for the past hour, but now it raged with the fury of a blizzard.

The sound of someone pounding on the door was almost lost in the wind.

Gunnar rushed across the room to the door. As he unlatched it, another gust threw it open to reveal a man dressed in a thick fur coat, hat, and heavy boots strapped to snowshoes. He was covered in a layer of snow so that he was unrecognizable. As he wiped the snow from his beard and scarf, she could see it was the doctor.

“Dr. Lewis,” Tessa said. She stood slowly, trying not to disturb Ingrid.

The doctor didn't say anything. Instead he bent over as he struggled to catch his breath.

A shiver stole over Tessa and she hugged her arms across her chest. “What is it, Doctor?”

He motioned with his head outside and tried to speak, but he was still too winded to form the words. Gunnar stretched to see past the doctor. His eyes grew big, and with a cry he bolted forward. “Bear?”

Tessa's pulse jumped. She brushed past the doctor too, the wind and snow shoving her sideways, stinging her skin. She had to shield her eyes to see through the blowing white to Bear.

The dog was hitched to a sled. At the sight of Gunnar, Bear wagged his tail and started barking.

Already shivering, Tessa was tempted to retreat back into the house. She swung around and called to the doctor, “Where did you find the dog?”

Without answering, the doctor shuffled past her.

It was then she caught sight of a second sled behind the first with two dogs hitched to it. Both sleds were heaped with blankets. Dr. Lewis must have run along next to his sleds rather than ride in them. As the doctor approached the first one, the blankets began to move. Then a gloved hand poked out of the mound and peeled back the layers.

The instant she saw the broad shoulders, her heart tumbled over itself and a one-word scream rolled out, “Alex!”

She couldn't make her feet run fast enough or her hands work swiftly enough to rip at the blankets and free him. In an instant, along with Gunnar she was hugging Alex, even as the snow hit her face and the wind threatened to blow her away.

She clung to him with all her strength. “You're all right. You're all right.”

Gunnar was sobbing, and Alex kissed the boy's forehead. His face was half frozen and haggard-looking, but to Tessa it was the most beautiful face in the world, one she thought she'd never see again.

She started to pull back, to give him a moment with Gunnar, when Alex gripped her arm. He nodded at the second sled, where the doctor was already at work. “Gunnar, go see to your father. He's alive, but not by much.”

Gunnar ran through the blowing snow toward the doctor and the other sled.

The wind battered Tessa's face and froze the tears she hadn't
realized were on her cheeks. The temperature had dropped drastically since that morning. She knew she ought to get Alex inside and out of the cold, but when he turned his hungry blue eyes upon her, all it took was one glance to devour her and draw her back to him.

His tug was almost rough, but she couldn't resist as she fell against him. And when the cold brittle leather of his gloves cupped her cheeks and drew her face down to his, she knew she needed him as desperately as he did her.

He brought his lips to hers decisively as if he'd planned the moment. Even though an alarm in her mind warned her against kissing him back, she was too weakened by relief to pay it attention. Instead she slipped her arms around his neck and pressed against him with a franticness that contained all the worry of the past day, almost as if she needed to test the reality of his presence to know that she wasn't dreaming.

His lips found hers, fierce and demanding, taking her breath away. She responded just as strongly. She angled her mouth to fit against his more fully, needing more. But just as fiercely as he started the kiss, he broke it, leaving her breathless, her chest heaving.

His breath came in bursts too, and his hold on her arm was tight. “I told myself if I made it back alive that the first thing I'd do when I saw you was kiss you.”

So he'd been thinking about her while he was gone? She threw caution aside and lifted her bare hand to his face and allowed herself to run her fingers over the bristle on his cheek and jaw, relishing the roughness against her skin and knowing that he was here and real and alive.

“I'll need help getting Michael inside,” the doctor called above the wind.

Alex started to rise, but only got halfway up before collapsing, agony rippling across his face.

Gently Tessa pushed down on his shoulder. “I'll go help him.” Though she didn't want to leave Alex, he nodded and released her.

With Gunnar, the doctor, and herself, they managed to carry Michael inside. They situated him on the sofa that Ingrid had deserted, the commotion having awoken her.

Tessa set about with rapid efficiency and with Ingrid's help to fetch blankets and to heat water. By the time she returned to the parlor, the doctor had assisted Alex inside and deposited him on the opposite sofa where he promptly lost consciousness.