She got out, not bothering with anything more than a cursory rub with a towel, and then fell into bed.
If she hadn’t been so damned drained from all the grief and guilt, she might have been kept up, tormented by the images of that day. Instead she fell hard and fast into the kind of sleep blessedly free of dreams. But she was dimly aware, as she slipped into sleep, that Josh wasn’t next to her and she’d gotten used to him so fast.
Josh had called her as he left Portland, but once he’d heard her voice he knew she needed sleep more than he needed to see her. He could wait.
A few hours at least.
After he got to Roseburg, he allowed himself a cruise down the street he’d grown up on. Where he’d ridden his bike and his skateboard. His parents had moved to Colorado a few years before. He’d never visited, though his mother had issued a few halfhearted invitations.
He wished he had feelings about it. But all he had was ambivalence. In the ten years since he’d gone off to college, he’d seen them twice. Once at a funeral of one of his paternal grandparents. He’d had cake and drank bad coffee from a church urn and had left after an hour at the wake. And then once before they’d gone to Colorado. He’d met them at the airport, and they’d had lunch at a crappy hotel diner while they waited for their flight.
He didn’t miss them. Didn’t think to call them when something good happened in his life. Didn’t give much thought to them one way or the other. And he didn’t think they did of him really either.
He had a family. Not one he was born to. But one he’d made. A group of people who’d proven to him over and over that they would always have his back. And now he had Michelle.
He drove to her apartment complex and parked, taking a walk through the grounds as the sun rose. Making sure she was safe. Giving himself something to do instead of going to her door.
He’d left her the day before at the scene of that horrible murder. It had been hard to do, though he understood the reasons for it. He’d had to walk away and trust Pam to take care of her in his absence. Yes, yes, Michelle was a cop, she saw rough things, but none of the victims had been her best friend before.
And she’d been there hours. Helping with the canvass of the neighborhood, Pam had said. And then she’d gotten in her car and headed to Roseburg. Without him.
She’d called him to let him know and he’d been so angry. Hurt. But then he’d let it go because he understood it. Understood that she needed him, but was giving that up so she could go be there for Kathy, not trusting anyone else to tell her about Allie with as much kindness and compassion as Michelle could. Needing to grieve with someone who loved Allie too.
So he’d tied up his loose ends and had packed a bag and headed to her. The longer they were separated, the more antsy he was.
What he hadn’t expected was the way his wolf had risen and refused to back down. He
needed
to claim her. Being separated when she was in such an emotional state had pushed him to the breaking point. The wolf had let the man handle it for a week, but now it was time to let the man know he wasn’t human and his mate was unclaimed.
Claimed, he could protect her better. Claimed, he’d have a tie to her that would enable him to soothe, comfort and defend. He knew she’d had a lot to manage in the last week. Knew the bond would add more to that list. And yet, he also knew the thing between them was real. Knew the bond would make things better. Not totally, she had a lot of grieving in her future, he understood that too.
After he’d prowled the grounds and before the cops got called due to a man hanging around the area, he headed back to his car to wait for her to wake up. He wanted her to get as much rest as she could.
He did some work and tried to not look up every two minutes toward the building where her apartment was. And like magick—he supposed it was magick of sorts—he knew when she’d woken up. Even without the bond he knew it. He got out and walked to her door, knocking after he’d taken a deep breath to try to gain some control.
She shuffled into her kitchen and started a pot of coffee. She’d need to call Josh in a bit, let him know she was awake and also that she’d missed him. Just hearing his voice would make her feel better.
Being back in Roseburg, even after that short time in Portland, had made everything far more clear. Now that Allie was gone, she had nothing holding her in town and everything beckoning her to Portland.
What she had now, well it wasn’t logical really, though she had known him a very long time. She could tell herself it couldn’t possibly be love. And she could tell herself that in the face of the knowledge that she did love him. But what would be served?
Allie would have told her to shut up and accept it like the gift it was. Sometimes you just
knew
things. Another thing she knew was that his wolf chafed at the inability to claim her. Gina had broken down and told her how difficult it was for any male to not seal a mate bond, especially when they were living with and having sex and intimacy with their mate. She didn’t want that for him. Not any longer. She wanted him to be able to take that step with her.
They’d talk about it when she got back to Portland.
She peeked into her fridge and pulled out a yogurt and then heard the knock on her door. With a sigh, she headed over. She’d slept in her sweats and a T-shirt so she was relatively decent.
One look through the peephole had her turning off the alarm and yanking the door open to find Josh on her doorstep. Joy filled her at the sight of him.
She smiled but then noted his eyes. Holy shit, his wolf was right there at the surface. She’d seen him change, knew that look.
“I need you,” he said in a low growl.
She knew without a doubt that if she let him in he’d claim her right then and there. There was no turning back from this moment. If she said no, he’d go and eventually find someone else.
But she didn’t want that. She wanted to be his all the way. Damn everything else. This was a gift and she had no intention of letting that go.
She stepped aside, and he came in, kicking the door closed, locking it and pulling the security chain. She set the alarm again, her gaze not leaving him as he circled her like prey.
“I’d ask if you were okay but I know you’re not. And I’m sorry. Sorry for all you’ve lost.”
“You came to me.”
He stepped close and pulled her to him, his arms sliding around her and making her feel as if she’d truly come home. Her body to his, his scent in her nose, his heartbeat against her cheek.
“I will always come to you. Always. Do you accept that? Accept me and what I am? What
we
are? I know I said I’d wait as long as you needed, but holy shit I need you so much right now it’s sort of scary. My wolf is out of patience.”
She smiled and pulled back, taking his hand and leading him to her bedroom, turning off the coffeemaker as she passed.
He paused and took a deep breath once he’d entered the room. “Smells like you in here.”
She smiled. “I should hope so. Now it’ll smell like you too.”
He held out a hand and she took it. “Come here. You’re all sleep warm. Sad though. I’m sorry.” He brushed the hair away from her face.
She shrugged. “You’re here. So I’m a little bit less sad.”
He pulled her shirt up over her head and hummed, running his hands all over her skin, bending his head to take her mouth. She opened to him immediately, sucking his tongue, delighting in the way he pulled her to him tighter. He kissed down her neck, over her shoulder and then shoved her sweats down so she could step out of them.
When she opened her eyes, he was already on his way to naked, and she frowned a moment before deciding it was okay that she hadn’t seen him start to get undressed because that’s how she wanted him anyway.
She kissed across his chest, licking over his skin as she got his jeans undone and halfway down his thighs. “Off.”
“Impatient.”
But she heard his wolf in his voice, and she knew she wasn’t the only one impatient.
“In me,” she spoke against his mouth as he moved in for another kiss.
“First things first. I’m going to lick your pussy until you come. Get you nice and wet. Relax you a little and then I’m going to fuck you.”
She swallowed hard and fisted him, pumping up and down, smearing her thumb through the bead of precome at the slit. She licked it, and he growled, pushing her to her back on the bed, and settled in between her thighs. “Wait on that. I don’t want to be right on the edge before I even get inside you naked the first time.”
He went straight for her pussy, and she had no complaints, though she didn’t have his cock in her hand any longer. She arched, rolling her hips as he slid his tongue up and into her over and over before surging to her clit, moving his tongue and lips back and forth across it, sending her to the edge immediately.
So good. Damn he was so good at this. Fast or slow, he knew her body and did all the things she liked. Did them hard and soft, gently and not so gently, until her climax began to settle in. She dug her heels into the bed, her hips churning against his mouth as she tugged his hair, hard, to keep him exactly there. He hummed, and that vibration was the last little bit she needed before she fell over and orgasm consumed her as he kept devastating her with that mouth of his.
A smaller aftershock orgasm stole through her, leaving her boneless, and then he moved, looming over her, his mouth on hers, her taste on his lips, and it stole her breath.
He brushed the head of his cock against her, through the heated slick of her cunt, and snarled.
So. Good
. With a condom it had been good, but this? This was exquisite sensation. Inferno hot and so wet he slid in, easy at first but then she gripped him tight.
He paused as his heart beat in his cock for long moments.
Throb-throb-throb
. She tightened around him and he shook his head. “Careful there, beautiful. I’m so very close, and I want your cunt around me for a while before I blow.”
He thrust all the way in and sloooowly retreated. Over and over as it became nearly hypnotic, that slow and deep fucking. She drew her knees up to his sides, getting him even deeper. He dropped down to lick over her nipples, taking in her taste.
His woman.
His mate.
His
.
Her hands roamed over his shoulders, nails digging in, urging him on. The prick of pain shot through him as it did when she lost the veneer on her control and her claws came out.
“I want you to mark me again,” she whispered, and he groaned as he skittered even closer to climax at the sound of those words.
He bent his head and licked over the side of her breast. “Here?” He tested his teeth against the firm mound of flesh, and she shivered.
“Yes.”
He sucked. Hard enough he knew he’d leave a love bite. And then he bit and she came around his cock so hard he almost lost his mind.
“Someone likes it rough.”
“Yeah? Me too.” She smiled and arched up, biting his pec, and he growled as sensation surged, speeding his pace as the sharp pain of her teeth tingled into a pleasure so intense he had to get deep, had to come inside her and make her his in every way.
Their sexual interludes had been hot each and every time. But this was more raw than before. His emotion was so close to the skin, as hers was. She wanted it, wanted him, wanted to belong to him in a way she’d never felt before.
He began to fuck into her so hard she bounced a little each time he got in all the way. Her tits swayed and the grin he gave her as he watched was rakish.
She arched, dragging her nails up his sides, delighting in his growl.
“Now, beautiful.” And he came so hard she felt it.
And then it was…it filled her. Up and up and up. She felt so much she wasn’t sure she could take any more. She would have panicked if he hadn’t been there, pulling her into his arms as he rained kisses over her face. Murmuring endearments and soft words as her world was rocked. Literally.
She had to close her eyes against the tilt in her equilibrium as it sucked her under. Emotion rushed through her as she drowned in the way she felt and then the way
he
did. Sounds, scents, everything all around her amped up. Even the bedding beneath her demanded her attention with the cool caress of cotton. It was so much.
Was it supposed to be like this? It was too late to back out, and he didn’t seem alarmed so she hoped that meant it was okay. She let it take her, all that sensation, all those demands for sensory attention, and she trusted he’d make sure she’d get through.
She lost herself for a little while, and when she opened her eyes, she had to drag in a breath at the intensity of the connection she had with him.
He pressed a cool cloth against her face and neck. “Are you all right?” She didn’t even remember him getting out of bed.
“How long was I…um…whatever that was?”
“A few minutes. You’re fine now. I’ve been told the change, the binding, is a little harder on a non-wolf. You’re so beautiful.” He kissed her softly.
She swallowed hard and tried to sit up as the world shifted enough that she remained on her back. “This is…are
you
all right?”