Uncensored Passion (Men of Passion) (30 page)

I have to make her believe I’ve finally come to accept how she wants to live or she’ll send me away. I know that. I have to leave it up to Harm to pull his exit act and play along with whatever he says.

Somehow, I’ll make her understand that my love has never faltered or diminished. Then I’ll promise to cherish not only her but our babies, forever. Hell, I’ll grovel if I have to.

Trey took a deep breath and exited the vehicle. He stood outside her house, suddenly afraid to go inside—afraid that all those flowery and hopefully enlightening things he wanted to say to convince Kayla of his love and devotion would escape him when they actually came face-to-face.

Taking another steadying breath, fighting down another flash of panic, he rang the bell. The door was jerked open even before the musical chiming faded, leaving Trey to believe Harm had been watching for him from one of the bay windows on the second floor landing. He answered Harm’s curt nod of hello with one of his own. As Harm stepped aside so he could enter, their gazes locked and Trey read the man’s utter contempt.

“How is she?”

“Weaker. Do you have any luggage, or weren’t you planning on staying that long?” Harm asked sarcastically.

Although he mentally bristled at the implication, Trey kept his voice level as he explained, “I have luggage in the trunk of the car. I’ll get it later.”

Harm nodded. “Okay. Wait here. Give me a few minutes to talk with her so your showing up won’t be such a shock. I’ll tell her you called yesterday and I told you she wasn’t feeling well. I’ll add that I didn’t tell her about the call before now because, even though you said you were coming, I didn’t believe you. But I won’t tell her that you know about the babies. You can take it from there.”

Trey waited impatiently in the foyer while Harm went upstairs and disappeared into her apartment.

When he reappeared at the top of the stairs and motioned for him to come up, Trey felt a tightening in his gut and offered up a silent prayer.

Oh, God, don’t let me say the wrong thing. Give me the right words. Help me persuade her that I have never stopped loving her and I want her and these babies more than anything.

Harm led him to her bedroom, giving him one last hard, warning look before walking away.

Trey stood uncertain and shaking before her door for a second, composing himself. Then he knocked lightly and entered.

He thought he was prepared to see her not looking herself, but when he stepped inside and saw a pale, nearly emaciated replica of the vibrant woman he had known, he was shocked, but he hoped he hid it well.

What hit him the hardest were her eyes—those magnificent green eyes that he remembered had been so vibrant and had held such fire. Now they were dull and lifeless and sunken in her head. As they focused on him, as tears slid down her face, Trey hurried to her side.

She gripped the sheet, pulling it up around her but unable to hide the fact that she was heavy into pregnancy, the large, rounded protrusion in sharp contrast to her otherwise thin body.

He sat down on the bed and took her hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed it tenderly. Just the feel of her skin against his lips sent a jolt up his arm.

“Kayla, darling, it’s good to see you again. I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted to come here, to hold you. I’ve thought about you, about us and what we had together, every day since I left. My damnable pride kept me away until now, until I called and Harm told me you were ill. I couldn’t stay away any longer.”

Glancing at her stomach, he feigned a wide-eyed surprise.

“I see you’re pregnant.”

Trey hoped he was conveying a surprise he didn’t feel, but as she studied him with a keenness he so well remembered, he knew she saw beyond his facade.

“What really made you come, Trey? I know you still think my lifestyle is something you abhor and can’t accept. So why now?”

“I couldn’t get you out of my mind. Every time we talked, it tore me up. It took me this long to work up my courage, because I thought, after our last heated conversation, you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”

She looked at him for a long, searching minute. “Harm called you, didn’t he? He asked you to come, didn’t he? You wouldn’t have otherwise,” she said bitterly. “Did he tell you about the babies?”

“Harm told me you’ve been ill, so I had to come. It hit me hard. No matter our differences, I couldn’t stand to think of you seriously ill. I had to see you, Kayla. And I didn’t know about Lee and Luke until Harm told me. Why did you never mention that? And why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

“I thought you wouldn’t care.”

That stung him and he asked, “Kayla, do you think I’m that heartless?”

He searched her face when she didn’t answer. He saw that old bristling bravado again as she struggled to sit up in bed. When he tried to help her, she shook off his assistance.

“I don’t need you here because you feel sorry for me, Trey. Or because you found out about the babies, and don’t think you’re fooling me for a minute. You knew before you came that I was pregnant. That’s really why you came.”

Kayla tamped down on the pain she felt at the thought as she said, “Like I told you before, Trey, I managed my life before you, and I can manage without you now just fine.”

“Kayla, don’t let that damnable stubbornness of yours get between us now. Please. These babies are mine too, aren’t they?”

She released a sigh and nodded. “Yes, they’re yours.”

“Well, I want to be a part of their lives, just like I want to be a part of yours.”

“Thought you said my lifestyle made you sick to your stomach. I took that to mean that
I
make you sick.” She pulled her hand from his grasp.

“Don’t throw my words back at me, Kayla. Okay, we both know that I don’t like sharing you, but you know I didn’t mean you made me sick.”

“When we talked after the plane crash and you didn’t seem to care if Luke or Lee would even live, I knew you had decided to cut all ties,” she said, her voice hard, uncompromising.

Trey took her hand again. “Kayla, I remember the crash, but I didn’t know they were on that plane. I didn’t follow the news stories about the passengers, so if they were named, I didn’t hear. I’m sorry about that.”

She caught a ragged breath. “They were so wonderful. Our lives were wonderful before then. It’s hard to believe they’re no longer here with me, that we’re no longer the family we were. Nothing has been right since J.J. Everything just fell apart.”

“God, Kayla, it kills me to see you this way. You’re way too thin. Is everything all right with you? I mean, are the babies all right?”

“Yes, but I’ve been banished to the bed for the duration. I eat, but it’s an effort because nothing appeals to me. And it’s hard to keep food down. You know, Trey, I’ve gone over it all a million times in my mind, while I’ve been stuck here with nothing to do but think.”

“Gone over what?”

“You and me. How fate threw us together. It’s as if I was destined to bear your children.” She smiled ruefully. “And you know what? When I found out I was pregnant, there was a part of me that rejoiced.”

Trey felt a pang in the region of his heart. “The news takes my breath away, too,” he murmured.

Green eyes, bright and piercing gazed at him. “And you know what thought kept surfacing? Despite the sorrow about my partners, I kept thinking this was meant to be. This just feels so
right.
”

Trey’s throat tightened. “What felt right, darling?”

For a moment it didn’t seem as if she would answer him. Then with a sigh she turned to him and gripped his hand tighter. “Do you love me, Trey? Do you
really
love me?”

“How can you doubt it, Kayla?”

As he waited for her answer, Trey wondered,
what is this about? Surely she knows I love her.

“I guess what I need to know, Trey, is what sacrifice you would make for me. For us.”

Trey’s heart sank. He knew what she was getting at. If he loved her, really loved her, as Harm did, he would be willing to compromise. He would be willing to live her lifestyle, share her with other men.

Did he love her enough to do that? Could he survive the gut-wrenching emotions that flooded him at the thought of another man making love to her?

He looked at the drawn face of the woman who meant the world to him, the mother of his children, who was suffering losses so traumatic that her health and that of her unborn children were jeopardized. What sacrifice
would
he make for her? For her happiness? A calm feeling of inevitability filled him, much like the feeling that enveloped him before he went into battle: acceptance of whatever was to come.

“Yes, I’d make any sacrifice, Kayla. Anything you want.”

“You’d accept Harm as part of our family?” She asked wistfully, adding, “I find that hard to believe, given what you’ve said before.”

“I won’t leave you again, Kayla. I promise you that. And dammit, you are
not
going to leave me, either.”

She smiled wanly. “I’m so tired, Trey. Hold me for a while.”

He lay down beside her, gathered her frail body, and cradled her in a rocking motion, kissing the top of her head. He didn’t even try to stop his own tears from falling as he said, “I love you, Kayla. God, I love you so much. Fight to get stronger, honey. Fight for me and our babies.”

He held her that way until she closed her eyes. His heart hammered in terror when she grew alarmingly still. He was afraid she had released that tenuous grip on life she seemed to be holding on to. He almost shook her, but then noticed the gentle rise and fall of her chest and knew she was only sleeping.

Careful not to wake her, he slipped his arm from beneath her shoulders and slid off the bed, then drew the covers up to her chin.

He quietly left her bedroom and the apartment and went downstairs to the kitchen, looking for Harm. He found him sitting at the kitchen island, sipping coffee. Without asking, Harm rose, poured him a cup, and slid back onto the stool as he handed it to him.

“She looks so weak,” Trey said.

“She is. But I think now that she’s seen you and knows you’re going to be with her, she’ll get stronger,” Harm said tersely.

Trey studied him quietly, thinking he had never seen a man looking more broken, more defeated.

“So what are your plans now, Harm?”

He shook his head. “Other than touching base with my partner in L.A., getting more hands-on with the business, I don’t know what I’ll do. Last report, our chain of tattoo salons was doing well, so I guess I’ll continue to leave the day-to-day running of things up to my partner. Why stir the pot when the stew is done, right? Maybe I’ll just bum around awhile, try to get my bearings.”

Pushing up, he said wearily, “Well, hell, I guess I’d better get to packing.”

“Wait. I don’t think you should go, Harm. You should stay, at least until after the babies are born. The stress of you leaving wouldn’t be good for Kayla. Don’t you agree?”

“Yeah, but I thought you’d want me gone pronto.”

“Harm, we both love her, and we both want what’s best for her. And God, man, I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am that you let me know about the twins. Can’t say as I’m thrilled with the tangle of our lives. I never wanted to be part of a polyandry lifestyle, but for Kayla—let’s just say I’m giving it some thought.”

Harm went over to the coffee maker to replenish his cup. When he turned to face Trey, his face was expressionless. “Why the change of heart?”

Trey shrugged. “I guess I’m finally realizing how much I love and need Kayla.”

Harm shook his head. “It’s not just your decision to make, you know.”

Trey nodded. “Yeah. I know, but for now, I think us staying together is something we both have to live with, for the sake of Kayla and those babies. I know we may never be friends, Harm, but we can accept each other for the time being, for Kayla’s sake.”

Raking a nervous hand through his spiky hair, Harm snorted, “Stay together, huh? Never heard that one before. Guess that’s about the same as a
ménage a trois
, only in this case, without the sex.”

Trey flinched at that reference, not wanting to think of Kayla and this man together, or the other men who had been with her, but he remained silent.

“Well, as far as not being friends goes,” Harm continued, “frankly, I never thought I could even be in the same room with the guy I wanted to kill as badly as I’ve wanted to kill you. Guess we’ll both discover the real meaning of tolerance in the next few weeks. So, yeah, I’ll stay—at least ‘til the babies are born. The most important thing here is that we get Kayla back on her feet, physically and mentally. And I believe, as you obviously do, that it might take both of us with her, reassuring her and putting aside whatever animosity is between us, to get her there.”

They sipped coffee in silence for awhile then Trey said, “Sometimes love can be a son-of-a-bitch.”

“Ain’t it the truth!” Harm gritted.

CHAPTER 29

New beginnings

In the weeks that followed, Trey and Harm grew to know and accept each other as they both tended to Kayla’s needs, many times appearing in her bedroom together and smiling as though they were, indeed, good friends and eager to be a united family. If she saw beneath their facade, she never let on.

Though neither Trey nor Harm would have gone so far as to say they had actually developed a friendship, both would have admitted to having gained mutual respect, one for the other. And having them so attentive, Kayla began to rally. She ate better and seemed to be getting stronger daily. Some nights, when she asked that they both lie beside her, they did without hesitation, one to each side, and she slept peacefully.

* * *

The weather had warmed enough for Kayla to sit outside by the pool in the wheelchair she still had to use when she was out of bed. Trey wheeled her to the pool and sat beside her on a chaise lounge as she dozed in the mid-afternoon sun. His cell phone vibrated. He rose and quickly moved a few yards away to take the call, not wanting to disturb Kayla. It was Jerry.