“You mean those aren’t real?”
“I’m sure you thought they were real. They’re hard. It’s creepy.”
“How do you know? That’s creepy.”
“She lets complaints slip. They hurt, too. She’s always popping pills.”
“She sounds messed up. You need to go tell her.”
“Are you kidding? My roomies will kill me. Shhh….”
I hear a bustle. The blare of Tawni’s voice—unintelligible. And then Leesie’s back. “She ran out. I tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen.”
“Call her.”
“Okay. You’re right.”
She hangs up.
My phone rings a minute later. “She won’t pick up. I left a message. Everybody else is up. They want me to fill them in.”
She hangs up. I can imagine the cheering.
I’ve never seen Leesie like this. I don’t like it. It’ll be good to get her out of here for a few days at Thanksgiving.
GRATITUDE
LEESIE HUNT / CHATSPOT LOG / 11/23 9 AM
| Kimbo67 says: | | Leesie! |
| Leesie327 says: | | Cool. You unblocked me. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | I need all the friends I can get these days. Even wacky brats like you. |
| Leesie327 says: | | YAY!!!!! |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Sorry I flipped out on you. |
| Leesie327 says: | | No big deal. I shouldn’t have gone all preachy. I love you, Kim. I was worried. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | And I was a stupid slut. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Don’t call yourself that. So, how’s shower guy? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | He kicked me out. |
| Leesie327 says: | | What? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | His real girlfriend got back from a study trip…and there I was messing with her man. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Where are you staying? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Back in my room with that creepy Markstealing skank. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Are you okay? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Yeah, but she won’t be. Will you visit me when they lock me up for skankacide? |
| Leesie327 says: | | Can you trade with somebody? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Impossible…everybody hates her. |
| Leesie327 says: | | So you’re stuck—just like me. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Sucks…we should be having a blast. You should transfer here. |
| Leesie327 says: | | I’m starting to get used to Tawni. Michael gave me a big lecture. He says I should try being nice. I’m best at nice. So far she’s ignoring it, but who knows? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Michael? You haven’t been online much. I thought maybe you guys broke it off again. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Nope. He’s here. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | In Utah????? How??? |
| Leesie327 says: | | Saved a damsel in distress and got the bends. Had to take time off. Showed up on my doorstep. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Wow. You’re really together again. |
| Leesie327 says: | | As together as we can be. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Gosh, he loves you…no other guy would put up with that…I’m sorry what I said about you guys last time. If it works for anyone, it should work for you. |
| Leesie327 says: | | That’s sweet. I’m sorry Shower Guy didn’t last. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | You knew it wouldn’t…and it hurts. Crap, it hurts…not like Mark, but…I know I put up a good front…I really tried not to get emotionally hooked into him, but I did. I’m used to loving someone…I have to love someone. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Not just sleep with them? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | When you have sex, even if its just recreation, you’re acting like you love the guy…and then all the sudden, if you keep it up, you do love them…and that’s such an amazing feeling, you want more and more…can’t get enough. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Listen, Kim. Michael’s taking me home for Thanksgiving. Big surprise for my family. Do you want to get together on Friday? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | With you and Michael? I’ll pass. |
| Leesie327 says: | | I’ll let him hang out with my dad. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Don’t be silly. |
| Leesie327 says: | | At least stop in Sunday on you’re way back to Pullman. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Won’t you be catching a plane? |
| Leesie327 says: | | Not until Monday. I want to max out the time at home. Michael’s happy. I had a thing set up with the missionaries. Now he’s got a week’s reprieve. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Cool…it would be great to see you. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Have you seen Mark? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Uh-huh. |
| Leesie327 says: | | How’s he look? |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Awful…Shower Guy hurt him as much as I wanted it to. |
| Leesie327 says: | | He doesn’t want to see you destroy yourself. He still loves you. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Yeah, the stupid jerk. |
| Leesie327 says: | | Maybe he’s not so stupid. |
| Kimbo67 says: | | Maybe he is. |
LEESIE’S MOST PRIVATE CHAPBOOK
POEM #62, HOME
I embrace the golden sky
and fill my nose, head,
eyes, throat, lungs, brain full of precious
pine—hang on to that breath as long as I can
hoping some seeps permanently into my olfactories.
The other car rental lot patrons hustle by,
head down, searching the pavement for lot numbers.
Michael watches my every move—like I
watch his—memorizing, mesmerizing,
hypothesizing, anesthetizing, romanticizing.
We drive home past lion-colored wheat stubble,
bare pea fields, and rich rolling brown winter crops,
plowed and planted. Faded leaves falling.
Pines crowding every hollow, standing sentinel
in windbreaks that green the field edges.
The sun sinks and the hope in my heart rises
as we speed closer and closer.
Pig perfume greets me along
with spent chrysanthemums.
I run for the door, leaving Michael to
dawdle embarrassed in my dust.
“Mom! Mom! Dad! Stephie? Phil?
Mom! Dad?” I crash into Mom
coming from the kitchen, catch
her in a giant hug.
She’s as delirious as I am.
“Oh, Leesie-girl, how’d you get here?”
She sees Michael behind me and goes stiff.
“An accident in Thailand. Time off.
Showed up. Brought me
home. We’re—”
So in love.
I can’t say it.
She reads it in my face.
“Don’t be like this, Mom.
You did it. He can, too.”
She unwinds enough to shake
his hand.
Stephie ricochets into the room.
Michael catches her up, tosses her high,
gets her giggling. “How’s your kitten?”
“Big!” She makes him toss her again.
Then it’s Dad and Phil.
Dad hugs me and Michael—calls
him “son” like always.
Even Phil hugs me quick and whispers,
“Cool. She’s coming tomorrow.
You’ll get to meet her.”
“Stop. Stop.” Mom hushes the room. “Freeze
you two. I got to get a picture of that. No one
will believe me.”
The joy in me transcends the smile on my face.
It tingles through my body,
the purest happiness,
the most wondrous elation,
the love of forever.
MICHAEL’S DIVE LOG—VOLUME #10
D
IVE
B
UDDY
: Leesie
D
ATE
: 11/26
D
IVE
#:—
L
OCATION
: Teacup
D
IVE
S
ITE
: Leesie’s farm
W
EATHER
C
ONDITION
: sunny
W
ATER
C
ONDITION
: slight chop
D
EPTH
: who knows
V
ISIBILITY
: good
W
ATER
T
EMP
.: okay
B
OTTOM
T
IME
: 4 days
C
OMMENTS
:
I called Gram to let her know I was coming home. She’s too frail for Leesie-style surprises. Leesie’s mom had already invited Gram out to the farm for Turkey Day, so we’re all together. Nice.
Leesie’s mom is too busy cooking and fussing over Gram to glare at me. Not as awkward as last night. When the food is ready, the family gathers around a huge dining room table loaded with turkey, all the traditional dishes, and three different fruit and Jell-O salads. Before we eat, Leesie’s dad prays. They don’t do anything freaky like kneel or hold hands or make me say something. They all bow their heads and fold their arms. Her dad starts thanking “our dear Heavenly Father” for just about everything. I zone until I hear my name.
“Thank Thee Michael is safe, and he and Mrs. Walden can be here today.”
Leesie lets one arm unfold. Her hand slips under the tablecloth and rests on my knee.
“Bless and strengthen them as they continue to find their way. Help them carry on.”
I put my hand over Leesie’s, rub the tiny scars that are so faint now.
“Help them find joy and happiness despite their loss.”
Is he saying that to me? Is he giving me his blessing? My happiness—his daughter?
I peek. Gram is crying—that makes my eyes go misty, and I spend the rest of the prayer blinking hard against the emotion. I have it under control by the time they all say, “Amen,” and open their eyes.