Twist of Fate (41 page)

"Did he ever write back?" Rachel asked quietly.

"He'd dictate a letter maybe once a month. Mostly he'd say things like keep working hard and do well in school, and then he would tell me about my half sisters. I could have hated them, except that they're basically nice girls." Even to a friend as close as Rachel, she had never spoken of the letters. The pain of that had been too sharp.

"The father who wasn't there. Callie was no help-- when you were little her boyfriends were like a revolving door. Something deep down inside you interpreted all that to mean you don't deserve a full-time man. Or maybe having a man who isn't around regularly is what makes you comfortable because it's what you're used to."

Val smiled a little. "That made me think of the airline pilot I dated. Great for about two days every two weeks, then out the door. I was crazy about him. I must have gotten involved with a solid citizen like Rob by mistake."

"Well, you did think he was a carpenter. Maybe your unconscious figured that meant enough of a class difference so that you wouldn't have had to take him seriously."

"Ouch. There might be some truth to that. Luckily, Rob defies classification." Val made a face. "Why do smart women do such foolish things?"

"It could be worse. Some women who are only comfortable in limited relationships specialize in married men. They have brief periods of romance and hot sex with none of the mundane details of everyday life. They spend their holidays crying alone, and sometimes when the man actually leaves his wife, the woman ends the affair because having a full-fledged relationship goes way outside her comfort zone. At least you've avoided that."

"Adultery doesn't appeal to me." Val had never told Rachel about her one, long ago, stupid fling with a married man, and she wasn't about to mention it now. "Your theory really resonates with me. Heck, Callie was a role model for keeping relationships with men in a nice little box. But I don't want to live like that. Can you prescribe any pills that will cure me of marriage skittishness?"

"I wish." Rachel's smile was fleeting. "Naming the beast always helps. I think you need to believe that you're worthy of a loving, day-to-day, forever relationship, but that's easier said than done."

"Should I look for a therapist?"

"That's one approach. If you decide to try that, I can give you some names. Or maybe you should start a journal where you explore all your emotional kinks privately. Or you could do both. But I would start by talking to Rob. Show that you're serious about changing. From what you say, he's a listening sort of man. If he really loves you he'll be patient, and maybe he'll have some useful insights."

All good ideas. Val rested her head against the wall behind her, wondering why hospital waiting room chairs were so blasted uncomfortable. Did they think people would stick around a place like this for fun?

Seeing Dr. Kumar approach, Val got to her feet. "Thanks, Rachel," she said quietly. "As you said, naming the beast helps. Maybe now I can tame it." Raising her voice a little, she asked, "How is Mrs. Armstrong doing?"

"She's resting comfortably," Dr. Kumar said. "The embolism damaged her lungs, and she'll need to stay in the hospital for several days, maybe longer, but we're giving her drugs to dissolve the clot. Her blood pressure was sky high and so was her blood sugar, but they're also being treated. Later she'll need some cardiac tests to see how much damage the diabetes has done, but so far, so good." The doctor looked down at her clipboard. "You're Lyssie's sister but not Mrs. Armstrong's granddaughter?"

"Lyssie and I are in the Big Sister/Little Sister program so there's no blood relationship," Val explained. "I don't believe there's any other close family in town."

Dr. Kumar nodded, accepting that "Mrs. Armstrong simply must take her medications regularly. The next time, she might not be so fortunate."

"I'll see to that in the future," Val promised. "I'm a lawyer, so I know how to work the system." And if she had to pay for the meds herself, she would.

Rachel asked a medical question, and the doctors exchanged some technical talk about things like deep vein thrombosis and Greenfield filters and the relative advantages of cheap aspirin over expensive Coumadin for blood thinning. When Rachel was satisfied, Dr. Kumar turned to Val again. "Mrs. Armstrong really wants to speak to you. It's very important to her."

"What about the oxygen tube?"

"She has a tablet and a pen and much determination. I don't think she'll rest until you've seen her."

"I'll be happy to go in. Rachel, do you want to come in or head for home?"

"Home for me. We'll talk tomorrow." Rachel touched Val's arm, then left.

Val followed Dr. Kumar to Louise. "A bed is being prepared in the ICU and she'll be moved up there soon," the doctor said before moving on to another case.

Val pushed aside the curtain to Louise's area. The older woman looked gray and drained, which made sense when she had been flirting with the Pearly Gates, but her tired eyes were much more aware than earlier.

"Lyssie's fine, Louise," Val said. "My mother came and took her home. Between us, we'll make sure she's taken care of until you're out of the hospital. Is that what you wanted to know?"

Louise's eyes closed and the tension in her face eased. In the still room, the soft sounds of the ventilator that breathed for her were unnaturally loud. Thank God Lyssie had been in the house when her grandmother collapsed.

Opening her eyes again, Louise fumbled for the lined tablet lying beside her. Val lifted the tablet and held it in a position where Louise could write more easily with her felt-tipped pen. "Adopt Lyssie when I die?" she printed in large, sprawling letters that filled most of the page.

The message jolted Val like an electric shock. "You're not going to die. Dr. Kumar thinks you'll be able to go home in a few weeks."

The dark eyes looked impatient. "Diabetes hurts heart," she wrote. "Won't make old bones." Next page. "Could drop dead anytime. Want Lyssie safe. Take her?"

Val drew an unsteady breath. From Louise's expression, she must have hoped and prayed that a deep relationship would form between Val and her granddaughter, but she surely hadn't expected the situation to turn critical so soon.

Val was being asked for a commitment greater than marriage. There could be no divorce if she adopted Lyssie. But when she thought of Lyssie's intelligence and vulnerability and courage, she knew she had no choice. Saving the world was beyond her ability, but if necessary, she could save this one precious child.

Feeling a deep sense of lightness slightly tinged with panic, she said, "Of course I'll adopt Lyssie. I've always wanted a child, and she went straight to my heart as soon as I met her. You'll have to specify me as her guardian. I'll get papers drawn up, but first we need to ask Lyssie what she wants. She might have other opinions."

Louise reached for the tablet again. "Won't. Loves you."

Val found her eyes tearing. This must be akin to what new parents felt when contemplating their baby: a mixture of awe and fear and determination to do right by their child. "This sure is easier than nine months of pregnancy and stretch marks. On the down side, the terrible teens aren't that far away."

Louise's dark skin crinkled with silent laughter. Val took the older woman's wrinkled hand. "I think you're going to live to see Lyssie grow up. You're not that old, and I promised Dr. Kumar that from now on you'll have all your medications, plus Lyssie and I will both nag you to take care of yourself."

This time, it was Louise's eyes that filled with tears. Val leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "Thank you, Louise," she whispered. "I've never received a greater compliment than this. Even if the need to adopt Lyssie never arises, I promise I'll be there for her as long as I live. Think of me as a godmother."

Louise feebly squeezed her hand, then fell into exhausted slumber. She must have been maintaining consciousness by pure will. Now, finally, she could rest.

Val left the hospital feeling equal parts exhilarated and bemused. Even if she never became Lyssie's guardian, a seismic shift had occurred in her life and in how she saw herself. If she could take on a child, maybe she could do the same with a husband?

She drove back across Northern Parkway on autopilot, glad there was little traffic at this hour. Though her car had plenty of gas, she was running on empty herself. The last couple of months had been drainingly, exhaustingly full.

Was she in a better place than she had been? Yes, she was glad to have her own business and to have found Lyssie and Rob, even if so much caring was painful.

As she turned down Charles Street and prepared to turn into her Homeland neighborhood, she glanced at the Stony Run Meeting on the opposite side of the street. She had driven past it literally thousands of times since she had stopped attending Meeting in her adolescence. And every single time she thought about going inside again.

Tonight was far too late, but maybe, someday, she would work up the nerve....

∗ ∗ ∗

Vale opened Callie's door with her key. "Hi, it's me," she called. "Here to take a certain young lady to visit her grandmother."

Lyssie appeared, looking refreshed. Val had called first thing in the morning to confirm that her grandmother was doing well, and the news had lifted a huge load off those thin shoulders. "We had waffles for breakfast," she announced. "With fresh sliced peaches and real whipped cream. Can I take some to Gramma?"

"She'll probably be on the ventilator for at least a few days." She put her arm around Lyssie's shoulders and headed to the sunny kitchen at the back of the house where Callie was sitting lazily with a cup of designer coffee.

"Hi, Callie." Val poured herself a cup of the coffee, then sat down with a fork and began sampling leftover peaches and cream. "Thanks so much for taking my little sister. Now that I've imposed on you once, can I ask you to keep her for the next few days, until...the Monroe case is decided?"

"Not a problem." Callie waved a hand dismissively. "Lyssie is easy to have around. She has a first-rate imagination."

Val recognized that her mother was ready to turn Lyssie into another surrogate daughter who had the talent her real daughter had lacked. Well, Laurel had benefited by the arrangement, and no doubt Lyssie would, too. "She's a born storyteller as well as having artistic ability. Maybe she'll end up a writer and illustrator of books."

Callie's eyes narrowed. "I've been thinking. The school year is just starting, and I think Lyssie should transfer to the Hanover School. That's where I teach, Lyssie. It's a good place for children who have talents that might not get enough encouragement in public schools. What do you think, Val?"

Val recognized that speaking glance. She was being asked not only her opinion, but whether she would foot the bill. The Hanover School was not cheap. Though Callie might be able to wrangle a partial scholarship, more would be required, and neither Callie nor Louise could afford it.

Well, Val could manage it with some belt-tightening, and it seemed that it was the sort of thing a new godmother should do. "I think that's a great idea. I went to Friends School because it was a better fit for my abilities, but Hanover is super for creative types like you."

Lyssie perched on the edge of a chair, looking uncertain. "I might be too weird for a private school."

"Not this one," Callie said confidently. "I think you'll make friends there easily. It will be like finding your own tribe."

Val had told Callie about Lyssie's Lumbee blood, and referring to a tribe was the perfect way to convince the girl. "Then I'd like to go there, if Gramma agrees."

"I'm sure she will. She wants the best for you." Thinking this was a perfect cue, Val caught Lyssie's gaze. "Your grandmother is doing well, and I think she'll make a good recovery, but last night she asked if I would adopt you if...if something happened to her. I said yes, as long as it was okay with you."

Lyssie's eyes widened, looking enormous behind her thick lenses. "Did Gramma talk you into that even though you didn't want to?"

Val shook her head. "I agreed as soon as she asked because I thought it was a wonderful idea." She glanced at Callie, sending a silent message of her own. Making Lyssie part of the Covington family meant that if Val got hit by a truck, her mother would inherit the responsibility for Lyssie. After a brief hesitation while Callie absorbed that, she gave a faint nod, accepting the possibility.

"You'd really do that?" Lyssie asked in a whisper.

"I will indeed, and with pleasure, though I'd rather your grandmother lives long enough to see her great-grandchildren." Val rose and hugged Lyssie. "I had no idea how effective the Big Sister/Little Sister program would be, honey. We're family now."

Lyssie wrapped her arms around Val, her hug as unreserved as her tears. Val patted her on the back, feeling six kinds of wonderful. Any doubts she'd had about her fitness for becoming a mother were gone for good. Parenting would have its difficulties, but it would be worth it.

Chapter 31

Kendra appeared in the door of Val's office, her eyes wide and black. "Petition denied," she said starkly as she offered a handful of faxed papers.