But I was at the end of my strength. I was dizzy with fatigue. If I wasnt welcome here, I might as well phone Wilson and tell him to come and get me. I turned into Rupert Street and stood leaning against the door jamb and knocked.
Mary opened the door with a smile, then the smile evaporated. You in big trouble Danny! Your picture in papers. They say you a big time no-good murderer.
I no want trouble here.
What? What are you talking about, Mary? Trust me. Please let me in.
She heard the desperation in my voice and by rights should have slammed the door on this filthy tramp newspapers or no newspapers. Instead she took a quick look round the street and dragged me into the hall. She pressed me against the wall.
You stay here. No move.
I stood shoulders drooping while she scampered into her parlour and came out clutching a Daily Sketch.
You see. You see. You front page. She shoved it at me. I took it and slid down the wall till I was sitting on the floor. I gazed at the photo and the screaming front page headlines: RIPPER ON THE LOOSE! The photo was of me. In my sergeants uniform. They must have got it from Army files. I looked much younger than the image Id stared at this morning. But it still looked like me. I looked up in bewilderment. Mary was standing over me, her arms folded and her eyes slitted. I read on:
The Ripper strikes again! But this time police have a lead suspect from evidence found at the scene. A manhunt is underway to find former Sergeant Daniel McRae
Police Inspector Herbert Wilson told reporters that Every murderer finally makes the mistake that catches them out. A gun was found at the scene of this latest vicious crime, covered in the murderers finger prints. We believe the weapon a service revolver was dropped when the murderer was disturbed.
Thanks to diligent police work, we are able to match the fingerprints from the gun with those of a known criminal, Daniel McRae
God hadnt finished with me yet. Caldwell and Wilson were his avenging angels. I laughed, but was near my wits end. This fifth girl had died two nights ago, when I was lying half demented in the shed by the Serpentine. When I woke in a strange place with blood on my hands. As I read and reread the words, my flabby grip on sanity began to slip again. I thought Id given the gun to Millie. What was it doing by the body?
I looked up at Mary. I dont understand. I dont
I didnt
But I hadnt a clue what I had or hadnt done. I must have looked pathetic and not much of a threat, for she grabbed the paper from me.
On feet, Danny. Stop messing my hall. Customers no like.
I struggled up and she walked off and stood by her parlour door. She pointed in.
I took the hint. I shambled past her into her room. Her dazzling room. Nothing prepares the eye for this much red. Crimson dragons, scarlet cushions, cherry curtains, carmine couch, coral chairs. A room to please a vampire.
You stink, Danny! Dont you sit on my best sofa. She picked up a paper from the huge pile behind the door and spread it out on her couch and then indicated I could take a seat.
I took my coat and hat off and slung them on the floor. I sat down and saw her face crease in pity for me. Was I in such a mess?
Second thoughts. No sit. Stand and take off all clothes. You need bath! I got a business to run and don need stinky men about place.
Her tone brooked no opposition but I wasnt sure I had the strength to stand up and struggle out of my clothes. Mary had ducked into the hall and was shouting up the stairs.
Colette, get you lazy fat ass down here! We got smelly customer need bath!
She turned back to me and saw me struggling. OK, big baby. You need mama take your clothes off. She didnt wait to discuss it, just started in on me with expert fingers. What you worried bout, big baby? You think I no seen bare man before? Iseen plenty bare man. She pushed me back on the paper and wrenched my trousers, socks and pants off and threw them in a heap along with suit jacket, shirt and vest.
She left me sitting, too drained to be embarrassed by my nudity, while she rummaged in a cupboard. Put on. She flung me a huge dressing gown in ruby-red satin.
Was he a sumo wrestler, Mary? The dressing gown reached to the floor when I had it on.
Just big man, Danny. Very big! Her little face crinkled and she guffawed at a memory I was glad not to share. Now, first you have bath and shave, then food, then you talk. What you say?
I say thank you, thank you, let me light some incense in homage to your gods, Mary, because mine doesnt listen. Or if he does, hes a bloody sadist.
Mary and Colette made me sit in the steaming tin bath while they added kettle after kettle of hot water. They fed me rice and sweet chicken and tea. Mary shaved me while Colette soaped me down. Bliss. I felt better than in weeks.
Colette left us and I lay back wanting desperately to sleep and let the world go to hang.
Now, Danny. You talk.
She slopped water on my face. I talked. I told her everything and she interrupted for more details of how I turned the tables at Kates house and how I got away from the police. Mary kept darting to her feet and bringing out old newspapers from the bundle by the door to check what I was saying against the public comments. The pile of soggy newsprint grew. It was a long and complicated story. I wasnt sure it made complete sense, or that she was taking it all in. I was wrong.
You sure you gave gun back?
I dont know. Nothing seems real. Maybe I did keep it and used it to threaten that girl. Then I killed her.
The jumble in my head could be read any way you like. I tried to think of myself in the witness box defending myself. It wasnt a pretty thought: I think so, your honour, Im not sure, your honour, I cant remember, your honour, and so on until the jury was so convinced I was lying that theyd hardly have time for their first cup of tea before they were back with a guilty verdict.
I no think that.
Why?
You no killer. I seen plenty killers. Can tell a man by how he is with girl. My girls say you kind. They want mummy you.
No rosettes for my tigerish bedroom performance then. But I could have reached out and kissed Mary for that vote of confidence. I splashed water on my face to mask the tears that had sprung up.
She was shaking her head. But big mistake, big mistake give gun back.
I should have wiped it at least.
She nodded. She knew the trade. I forced my addled brain to think. A strand of excitement floated up from the murk. It grew as I worked through the implications of the newspaper report. This could be the first real mistake by the killer. If I had given the gun back at Kates place, it meant that it was planted next to the last girls body. Planted either by the murderer himself or by someone who knew him.
The question is, how did the gun get to the murder site?
Mary was nodding furiously. She was way ahead of me. Caldwell he give big fat bastard gun. He plant gun.
Possible. But how does Caldwell know Wilson? And then theres the question of timing. When did the gun get planted? At the time of the murder or after?
Could be strange man around. Doing all killing. And big fat bastard want you to swing.
I fingered my neck. The coincidences are piling up, Mary. Especially this last one: I ditch a gun with my prints on it the same night a woman is murdered. And the gun is magically whisked from Caldwells hands to Wilsons and into the murder scene? No. I think Ive already met the killer.
I think too. Sounds like you know three men who might got blood on their hands. She raised her tiny hand and stuck three fingers in the air.
Whos the first Mary?
Why, you, Danny. She pulled down one finger.
I thought you said
I no think that. But maybe you have a devil inside that come out sometime.
I stared at her for a while, and believed in devils for a moment. Maybe, Mary.
Maybe. OK, whos next?
She lowered the next finger. Mr big fat bastard
She was right. Id half-jokingly thought Wilson had all the attributes of a murderer. He was vicious, violent and liked hurting good-time girls who could hardly turn to the police for protection. Was that why he wanted me off the scene? The last thing hed need was a freelancer blundering around. No one inside the force would ever suspect that the DI in charge of the hunt was the killer. He was a suspect. But not my prime one. The one I could scarcely believe. Rule out nothing, suspect everyone, check everything until you have hard proof. Those were my rules.
He could be, Mary. Caldwell gives him the gun, Wilson kills another girl and leaves the gun with my prints on it. But if Wilson was the killer, how would Caldwell know that? And why would Wilson risk him knowing that?
So it Caldwell. She dropped the last finger.
Thats my hunch. Caldwell planted the gun with my prints on it at the site of the last murder. Caldwell is the killer.
The detective in me and Vals and now Marys faith in me made me cling to Wilson or Caldwell being the killer. Maybe in cahoots with each other. Tony Caldwells final betrayal of me. Maybe despite my dream - hed killed Lili in France; hed known I was due to see her and set the Gestapo on me. Maybe hed framed me by planting the incriminating gun on the latest victim.
What was I to believe? And who would other people believe? A CID Inspector and a decorated Army Major, or a man with a hole in his head? I could feel the noose tightening already. My brain seemed to have become paralysed.
You get dry. Get sleep. We talk later.
I did as I was told. At least, I lay on the tiny bed she gave me in a spare room and stared at the ceiling. So many fragments swirling around. It reminded me of the time I got so drunk that I had vertigo lying down. Yet in the debris of my life at this moment, a little Chinese woman had given me hope, just by believing in me.
Maybe that slender lifeline opened a channel in my brain, for I began to wake in the morning grasping desperately at the tendrils of a dream. The familiar one, but this time there was more. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to project it on to my lids. I got a purchase on it and hauled it in, reel by reel, to inspect it with my conscious mind. I lay as still as a corpse. It wasnt a dream. It was a memory of that night in Avignon. A complete memory.
The clock is striking eight and Im walking fast down the back lanes towards the safe house. I feel the familiar knot of fear and excitement in my stomach as I choose streets which I hope arent being patrolled. I have good papers on me and my French will stand up to simple interrogation from the Germans, though not from a Vichy militia-man.
We have a drop coming in tonight and I need to make sure everything has been set up for it. The last load was blown completely off course and landed in the town.
It was a race across the backyards of the suburbs in the dark; we lost, and twenty Sten guns and ammo ended up in the arsenal of the Gestapo. I am determined not to lose this consignment. We have a better system of flares and Ive doubled the number of Maquis ready to pounce on the crates.
Weve mustered nearly thirty bicycles and one truck Gregors. Perhaps more importantly, the weather is with us; a soft spring evening, a gentle breeze and clear skies. Perfect. And it has to be; Im determined to impress Major Tony Caldwell who was dropped in by Lysander a week ago on an inspection tour of all the agents in the south west.
My boots sound loud on the cobbles and the smell of wood fires salts the air. I feel good, alive, as though every part of me has been freshly oiled and polished. And Im seeing Lili. On business. As quartermaster for the towns Resistance forces Lili has no time for romantic liaisons even if she did fancy me. Were finalising the plans for tonights drop. She took her nom de guerre from the song were all humming or hearing Nazis or Allies on the radio stations. A funny business at times, war.
I cross the last street and head down a little alley. A path leads off it to the right. The path twists and turns at the foot of the back gardens of the neat row of houses. A fence follows the path. About halfway along is the garden door into the safe house. I turn one last corner and am almost at the door when I glimpse a figure moving away from me. The retreating walk seems familiar, a loping stride, but I cant place it.
I walk fast past the back door; its slightly ajar. I quicken my pace to a jog, but when next I have a clear view, the figure has gone. Up ahead I can hear running footsteps heading away from me.
I stop, turn back and go through the gate. Its a short garden leading to the kitchen door. There dont seem to be any lights on. Perhaps Lilis being over-cautious. I get to the door and Im about to knock when I notice its open a fraction. I push and go into the dark kitchen. Theres a smell of soup from a big pot on the range. Lili promised me dinner. I sniff the air and think its caught. I turn the gas off.
I let my eyes adjust until I can see where the hall is. I walk on into the hall and there for the first time, call out softly for Lili. Theres no reply. I call again. Nothing.
I find the light switch in the hall. I walk into the tiny sitting room and see a table laid for a meal; fresh bread and two places: me and Lili. I back out of the room feeling something is wrong, very wrong. The floorboards groan as I slowly take the stairs. I call her name again as I round the corner and emerge on the landing.
There are two bedrooms. I try one and find it empty. I enter the next. I cant see much; the curtains have been drawn and I cant find the light switch. As my eyes adjust I see the rounded contours of a body on the bed. I walk over, dread filling me. As I get close I see that it is a woman, naked from the waist down.
I lean over and touch her shoulder and say her name.
My hand touches stickiness. I find the bedside light and my shaking hand switches it on. Lili is face down in the pillow. Her hair and the shoulders of her blouse are soaked dark red. The pillow and the bedspread are saturated. My eyes are drawn down. The cleft below her spine is oozing blood. Her white limbs are parted and blooded. Between them, lies the hilt of a bayonet.