Trouble According to Humphrey (5 page)

“Why, aren’t you Mr. Show-off?” said Grandma. “Quite the daredevil.”

Then she did something surprising. She chuckled.

Since I was on a roll, I hopped off my wheel, grabbed onto my ladder and hung on with both paws, swinging my body back and forth.

“Ha-ha! Reminds me of a song we sang as kids.” Amazingly, Grandma began to sing.

It was an excellent song. She had a pretty good voice, too, even if she couldn’t remember all the words. I liked being the daring young hamster on the flying trapeze.

“I’d almost forgotten that old song. I’ll tell you, Humphrey—that’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Of course!” I squeaked.

“My name is Dot Larrabee. Humphrey, when I was young, we used to sing all the time. Now kids just listen to music. In my day, we made our own.”

I dropped down from my “trapeze” and listened.

“And for fun we’d go to the roller rink.” Dot’s eyes lit up as she talked. “There used to be a roller skating rink where the mall is now. Next door was an amusement park with a Ferris wheel and a merry-go-round. You
could go on a couple of rides, maybe have some cotton candy or a snow cone. Once I saw a dancing bear there. A man would play the accordion and the bear would really dance! Now all there is to do is spend money on clothes. Who cares about clothes?”

“I don’t!” I was squeaking the truth. I was perfectly happy with my fur coat.

“I’ve seen a lot of changes in my day,” said Dot. “But nobody wants to hear about my life.”

“I do!” I squeaked, and I meant it.

She smiled again. “You’re a chipper fellow. I like you, kiddo. I really do.”

And I REALLY-REALLY-REALLY liked Dot.

“We lived in a yellow house with white trim, down on Alder Street. It was a small house with a nice big yard with trees to climb and places to play hide-and-seek. It was near the Dairy Maid, only back then, it was a little corner store.”

Alder Street! Dairy Maid! That was right where I came from, next door to Pet-O-Rama!

“They tore all that down, that block of pretty houses. Put in a pet store and a music store or something. Right where I used to play when I was a girl.”

They tore down her house to build Pet-O-Rama! I was learning a lot, because I’d imagined Pet-O-Rama had always been there at the corner of Fifth and Alder. My mind was a million miles away when I heard a door slam, followed by the stomping and clomping of feet.

“Mother?” June called out.

“I’m in here with Humphrey,” said Dot.

June, Seth and Lucinda came into the den, all bundled up in coats, hats and scarves.

“You were probably smart to stay home,” said June. “It’s started to sleet!”

I wasn’t exactly sure what sleet was, but it sounded COLD-COLD-COLD.

“Of course it has,” said Dot. “Anybody with a lick of sense would expect it. Today’s March first. And you know what they always say: March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Hardly ever fails. Why, in my day, we had three feet of snow on March first one year. I must have been ten. Or maybe eleven.”

Seth and Lucinda rolled their eyes, as if to say, “There she goes again.”

But when I looked at Dot, I saw a young girl gazing out of the window of a yellow house with white trim, watching the snowflakes fluttering down, thinking about a dancing bear.

Later that night, I was feeling especially nocturnal, so I decided to perform my daring-young-hamster-on-the-flying-trapeze routine for Seth. I leaped up, grabbed onto my bridge ladder and swung across it.

“If you were a human, you could be on the Olympic gymnastics team,” said Seth, and it sounded like a very good thing.

“I wish Dad could see you,” he continued. “He lives
in Arizona where it’s warm all the time. He coaches high school basketball. I spend the whole summer there and boy, it’s hot. I guess Mrs. Brisbane wouldn’t let you stay for the whole summer.” He seemed disappointed and I guess I was, too. I knew that the capital of Arizona is Phoenix—whew, that’s not easy to spell—but I wanted to know what it would be like to live in a place where it was warm all the time.

I glanced out the window and, not only was it
not
warm, tiny pieces of ice were falling outside. Sleet!

On Sunday, I saw an amazing sight: The trees outside the window were covered in ice, which glittered like diamonds when the sun came out in the afternoon. Dot stood at the window, admiring the display. “Yessir, March came in like a lion, so you know she’ll go out like a lamb. Days like this when I was a kid, we’d go ice skating over on Dobbs’ Pond. Don’t kids do that anymore, June?”

June joined her mother at the window. “They paved that over and built houses there years ago, Mother.”

“Fools! What do you bet they get water in the basements when it rains? You can’t stop nature.”

June called to Seth. “Did you see these trees? They’re really beautiful.”

Seth was watching a basketball game on TV. “I saw them,” he said, but I knew he hadn’t taken his eyes off the screen for the whole game.

June went into the kitchen, but Grandma stayed at the window, watching the sun shine though the icy branches.

“Skating on Dobbs Pond …” Dot sounded wistful.

If I had a choice, I’d be out there skating with her.

FREEZING RAIN AND SNOW
KEEP STUDENTS INSIDE
OVER THE WEEKEND!

Humphrey stays warm at Seth Stevenson’s house.

The Humphreyville Herald

T
he sun melted all the ice that Sunday afternoon. On Monday, it was cold and windy. “March comes in like a lion,” Dot had said, and she sure was right. I shivered in my cage despite the heavy blanket that Seth put over it before he and his mom took me out to the car. Being chilly is one thing, but a lion can be big trouble. Was trouble blowing its way toward Room 26? (The answer is YES-YES-YES. I just didn’t know it yet.)

It was warm and cozy back in the classroom. I tried to tell Og about my weekend at Seth’s house, but Mrs. Brisbane had to “shush” me. During the spelling test, I was so busy watching Seth that I didn’t concentrate as hard as I should have. Seth did a lot less fidgeting than usual, and I noticed when he started jiggling in his seat, he’d glance over at me for a second and settle down. Good job!

I graded my test and was shocked to see that I’d only gotten 79%. Sayeh, as usual, got 100%. I’m not sure what grade Seth got, but he was smiling. Whatever grade Art got, it must not have been good because a) he wasn’t
smiling and b) the teacher asked him to stay in during recess.
Everybody
knew what that meant.

Then, we had a surprise visit from Principal Morales. He’s the Most Important Person at Longfellow School and a personal friend of mine ever since I spent a weekend at his house. Mr. Morales always wears a special tie. Today his tie had colorful little houses all over it.

“I hope you don’t mind me dropping in on Humphreyville,” he said. “I’ve heard so much about it, I had to see it for myself.” He strolled past the tables, admiring the houses and the street signs, and ended up near my cage. “I can’t think of a better name than the one you’ve picked.”

“THANKS-THANKS-THANKS!” I squeaked. As usual it came out “SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK,” and everybody laughed.

“You’re just in time for the next phase of our town-building,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “Today, we’re all going to get jobs.”

I heard gasps and murmurs around the room and my mind was whirling. Mrs. Brisbane already had a job—being our teacher. I had a job—being the classroom pet to help students learn about other species. As Ms. Mac said when she first brought me to Room 26, “You can learn a lot about yourself by taking care of another species,” and it was true. Now I shared the job with Og. But I sometimes wondered whether there was anything new for my friends to learn now that I’d been in class for a while.

My mind was spinning a bit too fast and I missed
some of what Mrs. Brisbane was saying. Something about people in a community contributing by doing specific jobs. She’d already started writing names of jobs on the chalkboard as students called them out:

“That’s what I want to do,” Garth said, aiming an imaginary fire hose at A.J. and making loud squirting sounds.

“Garth …” Mrs. Brisbane used her warning voice and kept on writing.

“Who needs a dentist?” joked Kirk, folding his lips over his teeth so he looked completely toothless. Gail giggled but Mrs. Brisbane ignored them both and kept going.

“You left out one job,” said Mr. Morales. “School principal. And I’d better get back to my job before Mrs. Brisbane gives me a new one!”

Everyone laughed as he left and the list-making continued.

When things quieted down, the teacher made her own suggestions. “I think we’re forgetting a few other important jobs in a town. People to keep the electricity going and run grocery stores and gas stations.”

“Car washes,” said Seth.

“Car lots!” added A.J. “You can’t wash your car until you buy one.”

All these interesting jobs had my head whirling. I dashed into my sleeping hut and quickly wrote the list down in my secret notebook. I’m grateful that Ms. Mac gave me the little notebook and pencil when she first brought me to Room 26, before I met Mrs. Brisbane. After Ms. Mac moved to Brazil, she came back to visit and brought me a brand-new notebook. (Although I worry about what I’ll do when I fill this one up, so I write extra-extra-small.)

Finally, Mrs. Brisbane said, “I think we have a good list here. Now, I’m going to assign jobs for Humphreyville.”

The room was in an uproar as students called out the jobs they wanted.

“I’ll be the Fire Chief!” said Garth.

Mandy frowned. “I don’t want to clean the dirty old streets. Or wash dishes.”

Mrs. Brisbane smiled. “These aren’t exactly the kinds of jobs we’re going to have in Humphreyville. You will have classroom jobs, based on the real jobs in a community.” She walked over to the map, which was pulled down. “Here’s the list I’ve made.” She rolled the map UP-UP-UP and behind it on the chalkboard was a
chart with a whole list of jobs I’d never even heard of before.