Authors: Elizabeth Peters
TO DOMINICK
with respectful admiration, admiring respect,
and much affection
F
IRE STAINED THE NIGHT
. T
HE SKY ABOVE
the dying city was an obscene, unnatural crimson, as if the lifeblood of its people were pouring upward from a million wounds. As he fought through the inferno he missed death by inches not once but a dozen times. The conquerors were already in the city. Another enemy army was closing in from the west; but the horde of refugees, of whom he was one, fought their way westward with a desperate, single-minded intent. Throughout history, always the barbarian hordes had come from the east
.
Unlike the others, he was not concerned with his own survival, except insofar as it was necessary in order to ensure the survival of something that meant more to him than his own life. This city would fall to the barbarians as other imperial cities had fallenâRome, Constantinopleâand the battle and its aftermath would add more wreckage to the monstrous mound of shattered beautyâdead children and mutilated women and torn flesh, burning books, headless statues, slashed paintings, shattered crystalâ¦. One thing at least he would save. How
he would do it he did not know, but he never doubted he would succeed. He knew the city, knew every street and building, though many of the landmarks had vanished in pillars of whirling flame and heaps of smoldering rubble. He would get there first. And in the lull between the flight of the vanquished and the triumph of the conquerors, he would find his chance
.
He was more than a little mad. Perhaps only a madman could have done it
.
Â
That's how I would begin if I were writing a thriller instead of a simple narrative of fact. Exactly how he accomplished it will never be known; but it may have been something like that. I only wish my part of the story had started with such panacheâthe death throes of a mighty metropolis, the fire and the blood and the terrorâ¦.
What am I saying? Of course I don't really wish that. But I could wish for a slightly more dramatic start to this tale than a stupid petty argument with my boss's secretary over a stupid petty bit of office routine.
Â
I love my work, and I don't really hate Mondays. I hated this Monday morning, though, because I had a hang-over. I am not a heavy drinkerâI know, that's what everybody says, but in my case it's true. I make it a rule not to overindulge, in any fashion, on a work night. There were reasonsânot
good reasons, but reasonsâwhy I had broken the rule that Sunday. They have no bearing on this story and they are nobody's business but my own. Suffice it to say that I was late to work and not happy to be there. If I had been in my normal sunny morning mood, I probably would not have overreacted when I saw what Gerda had done.
Gerda is, as 1 have mentioned, my boss's secretary; and my boss is Herr Doctor Anton Z. Schmidt, director of the National Museum in Munich. The National is small but what's there is “cherce,” to quote one of my favorite film characters. The building and the basic collections had been contributed to the city back in the eighteen hundreds by a Bavarian nobleman who was as eccentric as he was filthy-rich, which is one of the reasons why our present collections are a bit unusual. For example, we have the most extensive collection of antique toys in Europe. We have a gem room, a medieval-art section, and a costume room. The noble Graf von und zu Gefenstein also collected ladies' underwear, but we don't display that collection, fascinating as it is to students of costume. At least the people who request access to it
say
they are students of costume.
The point of all this, in case you are wondering, is that our staff isn't large. Although Gerda has the title of Secretary to the Director, she types all our letters and takes care of most of the office work for the staff. No problem for Gerda; she is inhumanly efficient. She is also very nosy.
Since I was late, I wasn't surprised to see that Gerda had taken advantage of my tardiness to mess around with my things. I wasn't surprised, but I
was irate. If I had told her once I had told her a hundred times to leave my desk alone. Those heaps of debris are sacred to me. I know where everything is. If people start tidying up I can't find anything. Gerda had stacked everything. She is a great stackerânice neat piles, sorted by size instead of content, every corner squared.
She had also replaced my desk blotter. The new one lay there pristine and dead; gone was the old one, with its vital store of informationâtelephone numbers, shopping lists, addresses of shops, and notes on books I wanted to readâ¦. And smack in the center of the nice new blotter was my mail. She had opened every letter and every parcel. The envelopes were stapled to the letters, which meant that in order to avoid tearing the latter, I would have to pry off the staples, breaking half my nails in the process.
I kicked the nearest filing cabinet. Hopping and swearing. I went behind the screen that concealed the really important objects in my officeâthe sink and hot plate and coffee makerâand plugged in the last-named article. I fully intended to kill Gerda, but I figured I had better have a cup of coffee first. Otherwise I might stumble on the stairs and break a leg before I got my hands around her throat.
While I drank my coffee, I glanced through the mail but found nothing that improved my disposition, especially after I broke a nail prying off a staple. It was the usual assortment: notices of meetings, circulars from academic presses offering books nobody could afford on subjects nobody knew anything about, and letters from students
asking permission to use the collections or to reproduce photographs.
The stack of mail was pyramid-style, with the largest items on the bottom. I worked my way grimly down to the baseâa coarse brown envelope approximately 8 by 10 inches in size. One of those well-known plain brown wrappers? It was plain enough; no sign of writing, not even my name. The heavy tape sealing the flap had been slashed, leaving edges so sharp I cut my finger when I reached into the envelope. Gerda's famous paper knife, honed to the keenness of a headsman's sword. One of these days someone was going to stab her with that knife. It might be me.
She hadn't stapled the enclosure to the envelope, probably because her diabolical tool could not penetrate the heavy cardboard on which the photograph was mounted. It was a black-and-white photo, probably enlarged from a snapshot; the faintly fuzzy focus suggested amateur photography. As I stared at it, a flash of memory rose and fell in the murky depths of my alcohol-fuzzed mind, but I couldn't get a grip on it. Yet I knew I had seen a photograph like that before.
The subject was a woman. The skin of her face had sagged and her thin mouth was set in a straight, expressionless line. She could have been any aging
Hausfrau
, except for her costume. A fringed diadem several inches wide encircled her brow. From it dangled ropes and chains of some metallic substance. Her earlobes were pulled down by more chains and dangles; the bodice of her plain dark dress was almost hidden by necklaces, row on row of them.
I turned the photograph over. The back was plain gray cardboard, with no inscription or photographer's imprint. Why the hell had someone sent me a picture of his mother dressed up for an amateur theatrical performance? His mother the soprano? She didn't resemble the conventional contralto stereotype; her chin sagged with the weariness of age, and her features were pointed and meager, like those of a rain-soaked bird. But the gaudy fake jewelry suggested one of the more exotic operas, such as
Lakmé
or
Aïda
.
I inspected the envelope again. It was still blank.
Eventually the caffeine penetrated my brain, and I gathered enough strength to pry myself off my chair. There was a pile of work waiting for me, but I decided that first I would go and kill Gerda.
My office is at the top of one of the towers. There are four towers, one on each corner, plus battlements and machicolations and all the other accouterments of nineteenth-century pseudo-medievalism. The Graf was as loony as his king, mad Ludwig of Bavaria, and both of them loved to build castles. It's fashionable to sneer at Ludwig's taste, and I admit he went overboard on the interior décorâall that writhing gilt and those enormous Wagnerian paintingsâbut anyone who can contemplate unmoved the fairytale towers of Schloss Neuschwanstein framed by the misty mountain-tops hasn't got an ounce of romance in his/her soul.
I chose my office in part because of the view. There are windows all around, looking out over the rooftops and towers of the city that I love like a native daughterâthe twin green onion domes of
the Frauenkirche and the lacy stonework of the Rathaus tower, the Isar winding gracefully between banks that are green in summer and snowy-white in winter, and the bustling traffic of Karlsplatz with the clock tower and the gates and the shops. You can keep your Parises and your Viennas; give me Munich any day. It's one of the happiest, handsomest cities in the world.
Another reason I chose to perch up in my airy aerie was for purposes of privacy. There is no lift, and people who want to see me have to want to see me very badly before they will tackle five flights of stairs. Even Gerda doesn't do it often; I suppose the chance to pry during my absence had been too strong to resist. I keep telling myself that climbing stairs is good for the figure, but I must admit that I don't tackle them myself unless I want something rather badly. This morning I wanted Gerda.
The director's office is on the second floor, but I had to go all the way down and then climb the central stairs, since the towers connect to the main building only on the first level. By the time I reached Gerda's room, I was full of adrenaline and pent-up rage.
She had been expecting me. I heard her typewriter start to rattle as I opened the door. She kept on typing, pretending she hadn't noticed me, even after I stamped across the room and stood beside her desk. When I saw what she was wearing, I became even more annoyed. The turtle-neck knit shirt, in bright stripes of shocking pink and pea green, was an exact copy of the one I had worn to work the week before.
This was a form of flattery, and it should have
touched me. My hair is blond; Gerda's is brown. Gerda is five feet and a fraction; I am a fraction less than six feet. I am a bean pole, Gerda is a dumpling. For some crazy reason, she wants to look like me.
What woman in her right mind would want to be six feet tall? How can you look coyly up at a man from under your lashes when your eyes are on the same level, or higher? How can you find skirts long enough to cover your knees? Put a pitchfork in my hand, and I look like a farmer; put a spear in my hand, and I look like an undernourished Valkyrie. I'd much rather be cute and cuddly like Gerdaâwell, maybe not quite that cuddlyâand it infuriates me when she tries to imitate me, especially since the clothes that look okay on me don't suit her at all.
I slapped the edge of the desk with the photograph. It cracked, like a pistol shot. Gerda jumped. “What's the idea of opening my mail?” I shouted. “How many times have I told you not to open my mail?”
I yelled in German. It's a good language to yell in, and I added a few expletives to my rhetorical question. Gerda answered in her meticulous, stilted English.
“That is impossible to calculate. It is also a meaningless question. To open the mail, it is my duty. In order to direct each piece of mail to the proper destination within the museum, it is necessary that I should investigateâ”
We went on that way for a while, in a mixture of languages. My voice kept rising; Gerda's remained studiously calm, but her cheeks got pinker
and pinker till she looked like a kewpie doll. The whole thing was ridiculous. Yelling was making my head ache, and I regretted having started the fight. We all knew Gerda's habits, and we all made damned good and sure none of our personal mail was directed to the museum. I wondered why I was doing this and how I could stop.
I was saved from retreat by Schmidt, who came barreling out of his office and added his bellow to the general uproar.
“
Was ist's, ein Tiergarten oder ein Museum
? Cannot a man absorb himself in study without two screaming females interrupting his thoughts?
Die Weiber, die Weiber, ein Mann kann nicht
â”
“You sound like
The Merry Widow
,” I said. “Calm yourself, Herr Direktor.”
“I calm myself? Whose screams were they that interrupted my contemplation?”
“Not mine,” said Gerda smugly.
“I knew that,” Schmidt said. “What is it this time?”
“You know,” I said. “You've been listening at the keyhole. You couldn't have heard us unless you
were
listening. That door is six inches thick.”
Schmidt's pudgy little hand stole to his mustache. He started growing it to compensate for the complete absence of hair on his head, and it has got out of hand. I think his initial model was Fu-Manchu, for Schmidt has a deplorable taste for sensational literature. Unfortunately, Schmidt's mustache came out pure-white and bushy. He's about Gerda's height, a foot shorter than I, and that damned mustache was the only touch needed to turn him into a walking caricature of a quaint
German kobold or brownieâround tummy, twinkling blue eyes, and an adorable little pink mouth, like that of a pouting baby.
He didn't deny the charge. “The post,” he said. “Again the post. What is it todayâa letter from, er, grr, hm, a close friend,
vielleicht
?”
He leered and sidled around the desk trying to sneak a peek at what I was holding. I handed it to him.
“Sorry to disappoint you, Schmidt. My er, grr, close friends don't send passionate love letters to me at this address. If they did, they would cease to become close friends. I don't know who sent this, because Gerda has removed the outer envelope and, probably, an enclosed explanatory letter. Now I haven't the faintest idea what it means or what I'm supposed to do about it.”