Trial by Heart (Trial Series Book 4) (12 page)

The warm tingles turn to fire inside me. He’s heard the horrible truth and still wants something to do with me. It’s hard to accept help from anyone, and to risk someone else’s life in the trials, but I’m also grateful.

“Don’t start celebrating yet,” Erish warns quietly. “You have three days left. You can’t be around him day and night.”

“The hell I can’t!” I snap as I turn on the shadow behind me. “You think I have any reservations whatsoever about sleeping with him, if it means I can break the curse? I’d fuck a demon to get rid of you!”

Too late I hear the words and remember I have an audience.

Ben laughs loudly.

“Shit!” I rub my face, distressed. “I don’t think it’s possible for me to embarrass myself more around you.” Ben is the one man in the entire universe I don’t want to think poorly of me, and I continue to humiliate myself in front of him.

If our roles were reversed, I’d be long gone by now.

“Come on.” Ben’s smile is the largest I’ve seen yet from the uber-private alpha. “I’ll show you my hobby.”

“Why?” I demand, more agitated to see he’s not remotely upset. “Why haven’t you, I don’t know. Run away screaming? Changed your mind?”

“The hero always saves the world and gets the girl in the end.” He winks.

I stare at him, start to laugh and then shake my head. His sense of humor always emerges at the oddest times and catches me off guard. “You’ve been watching too many movies!” I manage at last.

He holds out his hand.

I hesitate then cross to him and take it. He leads me towards a gravel road branching off from the driveway into the forest.

“Besides, in this movie, the
heroine
saves the world and gets the guy,” I correct him and immediately wish I hadn’t. “But this isn’t a movie, so the guy part doesn’t apply.”

“It could.” His features are stoic, though there’s a sparkle in his eyes. “You have to rescue him from the villain first.”

It almost sounds like he’s interested. Almost.

I sneak a look at him. Technically, we’re sleeping together, even if he’s a dog at the time, and now we’re holding hands.

He can’t
like
me, can he?

He’d have to be crazier than Erish, and I’m afraid that level of insanity can’t possibly exist.

“I guess if I see you in a pink dress tied to the train tracks, I’ll stop to save you before I defeat the bad guy,” I say with a snort.

“I prefer to be the one doing the tying.”

Heated arousal floods me suddenly, until I’m nearly fevered and my thoughts are scattered to the four winds. I can’t think of a safe response. For once, I don’t say shit.

We walk down the road, the gravel crunching beneath our shoes. The sky is clouding up, and a chilly breeze whips through the forest smelling of rain. Being with Ben is generally calming, aside from the hot flashes of desire I experience too often in his presence. He’s quiet and alert, and I check my second shadow to see if Erish has given up stalking us. I’m secretly thrilled by the idea being around Ben might mean Erish can’t hurt me again or pull off my amulet and leave me vulnerable to him.

We reach the end of the gravel road, which empties into a huge area the size of six or seven football fields. Five massive barns, spacious dog runs, and a half-f parking lot fill the area.

“Animal rescue,” I say, reading the sign out front.

“This is my hobby,” Ben says and motions to the field. “Finding and saving lost animals.”

“Like me,” I murmur.

“Finders, keepers.”

I smile. I like Ben. A lot. I think he’s bat shit crazy for liking me, but it’s also kind of cool.

“My corporation sits on the boards of several charitable foundations as well,” he explains. “I specialize in rehabilitating and placing the lost causes. Fighting dogs, abused animals, and anything exotic.”

“How exotic?” I ask curiously.

“We had an elephant for a year before I found a private sanctuary to take it. We just placed a tiger and returned a bear to the wild,” he adds.

“So dealing with me and Erish is an extension of your hobby,” I murmur.

“You don’t need rescuing, Leslie. You just need someone who believes in you.”

I hate the way his words make my heart melt. I’m torn between wondering where this man has been my entire life and wishing he’d back out, before I fuck up his world.

Ben gives me a tour of the barns and then leads me to an outdoor training area, where two of his employees are teaching commands to a few dogs each. We pause to watch.

“Werewolves teaching dogs to sit,” I say and smile. “Is that ironic or logical?”

“Probably both,” he answers and rests his arms on the uppermost board of the fence.

My attention strays from the dogs, and I think over what little I learned about Ben in the short time I’ve known he existed. “Did you know about Jenny?” I ask before I can stop myself. “It’s none of my business but … I guess I want to think what happened wasn’t an isolated event that exploded when I showed up.”

“It wasn’t. Jenny was my second for a long time. I’d known since shortly after she began some of her activities that she was dirty. I wanted to see who else was involved and was content watching her at first. Nate was completely in love with her, and always had been, even if he was cautious about taking a mate. None of my siblings have mated, which has a lot to do with the business and penalties of acquiring wealth. You can’t always trust someone is there for you and not your money. I assumed he’d hold out long enough for me to deal with Jenny.”

“I didn’t think werewolves would have to worry about something like that.”

“My family has always been cautious. The sole pursuit of the past dozen alphas has been to find acceptance among the Community, and a scandal would damage the reputation we’ve built,” he says. “When I heard Nate was thinking about mating with Jenny, I decided I needed to tell him what I knew. Someone tipped off Jenny, and she convinced Nate to wed in secret.”

“I hope you dealt with that someone,” I say, angry someone would choose Jenny over Nate.

“I did.”

Ben’s firm response makes me shiver. In my mind, that person would deserve a stern lecture and to be fired.

Werewolves don’t fire traitors, and implacable Ben seems even less likely to be swayed by compassion than Nathan, not when Ben is so in tune to the bigger picture. He gave up his ambitions in order to become the puppet master for the trials after a hundred years of plotting. He’s not going to tolerate one disloyal wolf, or several of them, fucking up his family.

“I’m sorry it happened but I’m the most sorry Nathan is hurt,” I tell him.

“He’s strong and smart. I’ve been keeping an eye on him. He’ll get through this.”

I’m not so sure. Nathan’s a lot moodier than Ben.

“An alpha knows when to intervene,” he adds at my silence.

Must be nice to always have a clue what’s going on. I’m envious of Ben. “If it’s any consolation, you deserve to be Community leader,” I say.

“My father instilled the need to work towards the greater good, to serve my wolves in the Community in whatever way they need me to. I feel I’m doing that by helping break the curse.”

“Is it always about the greater good or your wolves?” I ask and face him, leaning my hip against the railing. I want to know more about
him
and I’m not satisfied with what I’ve learned in the time we’ve been together. I understand the importance of his ultimate purpose to break the curse, but I can’t figure him out.

He mirrors my movement. “Up until now, yes. I didn’t have a reason to look beyond them.”

“Don’t make
me
your reason!” I say with a bitter laugh. “Wait, am I the reason? Or do I keep making the hole I’m in deeper?”

His smile is faint, his gaze on some point over my head.

“Ben, you can’t like me,” I say, disturbed. “Look what happens to people around me. I annihilate everything, and I don’t plan on surviving the trials!”

“I
do
like you. I don’t believe you’ll die this week, and I’m willing to take my chances with the curse.”

The simple words render me breathless.

“As long as you’re willing to rescue me from the villain, I don’t see why this can’t work,” he teases and meets my gaze.

This? We have a
this
now? It’s simultaneously the best and worst idea I’ve ever heard, and I panic at the idea of becoming as vulnerable to him as I did the others. I’ve wanted Ben to open up to me since we met. Now that he has, I’m going to have a meltdown.

“You weren’t ready for that, were you?” he asks softly.

My thoughts are clamoring, my feelings somersaulting. Am I happy or nauseated? How can those two sensations feel so similar?

“My arm hurts,” I answer, backing away. “I’ll see you at the house.”

Before he can say anything else, I turn and start away at a quick walk and then break into a run that jars my poor arm.

I make it about halfway down the gravel road when Erish acts.

This time, he’s not content to take one hand.

The sliding is back, and I stop in the middle of the gravel road, fighting the sense of losing myself or rather, losing control. I can’t draw in enough air. I’m back in the coffin buried alive, when my air was running out and I started to panic, or perhaps, watching from the backseat as my wolf took over absolute control of my body. I could trust her. I can’t trust Erish. The edges of my vision grow black, and my harsh breathing is loud in my ears.

Can’t … breathe …

“Let me show you what I can do, Kingmaker,” Erish’s whisper comes from inside my head.

No, no, no!

The ground beneath me quakes, and I start to topple into the darkness.

“Fight it, Leslie.”

Ben’s touch slams me out of the falling sensation so fast, I almost topple over. The vise around my chest releases, and I suck in air greedily as the world bursts into clarity once more.

I clutch the soft material of Ben’s shirt, able to feel the heat of his skin through the thin fabric. One of his thick arms is around me to keep me against his body, and I stay where I am until my senses right themselves again.

“Holy … fuck …” I whisper.

“I’ll revise my theory,” Ben says. “When I touch you, he can’t bother you.”

I look up at him, uncertain why I’ve never noticed the difference between my size and someone else’s before. He’s strong enough to lift five of me without batting an eye, and I feel fragile in his arms.

Ben touches my face lightly but drops his hand quickly. “Look, about what I said … I shouldn’t have.” The confident alpha who could observe the world ending, and still have a plan, is frowning. Warm concern is in his gaze.

I want to tell him it’s okay but at the moment, I’m a little too surprised by Erish to speak. My composure returns, and I shift my weight from Ben’s body to mine. Awareness makes it harder for me to formulate a sentence, and I focus on testing my body to ensure it doesn’t collapse or betray me again.

When I’m on my feet, I leave Ben’s arms but keep his hand in mine, in case he’s right.

“Are you okay to walk?” he asks.

I nod without looking at him. His intent gaze remains on me for a second more.

We walk at a deliberate pace back to the house. I’m collecting my thoughts as I go. Erish isn’t joking about taking me over. Ben seems to be the only protection I have against the curse, and I might’ve ruined that by literally running away. I don’t know how to tell him what I’m thinking – or that I didn’t run because I’m not interested – without sounding like an idiot.

He leads me into the house and to the kitchen.

I sit heavily on a stool at the breakfast counter. The kitchen is clean after my incident earlier, and my eyes settle on Ben as he goes to the fridge to pour me a glass of juice.

I accept it, debating how to say what I want to, and finally give up. I’ve never been one to think before I speak.

“I panicked,” I say.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” he replies. “You’ve got a lot to deal with.”

Surprised, I look at him. “Did you change your mind already?”

Ben’s watching me closely with the penetrating silver eyes. “No. But I think our focus should be on combatting the curse trying to possess you.”

“Probably,” I admit. “But I like you, too. And that terrifies me.” Already, I’m starting to panic again. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in three days, if I even survive this, and I’ve left a trail of misery and destruction everywhere I go. And you … you’re …
you
. Too amazing to be caught up in my drama. I don’t want to hurt you or lose you or watch you die or know you’ll spend your life in pain!”

“You won’t.”

Two words. Nothing else. “Now’s a time to use your words, Ben!” I snap. “Why do you want anything to do with me anyway? No one in their right mind would!”

“You’re the first Kingmaker in two thousand years who will oppose the curse. That’s enough to tell me what kind of person you are,” he replies.

“I’m so fucking fed up with being defined by the curse! My entire life, I’ve been judged and isolated because of it.”

“You’re brave, strong, beautiful and fun. Yeah, you’re a little lost or broken, but everyone is. Whether we met here, as part of the curse, or in a bar somewhere, I’d still ask you out,” he says. His phone vibrates, and he glances at it. “I’ve gotta take this.”

He walks away to the hall, and I release the breath I’m holding. In the long silence that follows, I’m entertaining two trains of thought. The first, that if I have three days left to live, I definitely want to spend it right here, with him. The second: I’m not sure I can handle the emotional toll if Ben somehow suffers because of his involvement in my life.

I’ve been at the crossroads multiple times in the trials and honing my instinct for what to do. The sense I might not be ready for him, that the quiet alpha may become much more alpha, much less quiet, if I cross this bridge, casts doubt on the impulsive side of me that wants to throw all caution to the wind and fuck the sexiest man on the planet.

I’m waiting for the instinct that tells me when something is wrong to speak up. For once, my gut tells me to go for it. What do I have to lose? I’m already expecting to die in three days.