Tracks (Rock Bottom) (27 page)

I notice
the lights grow brighter in the main hall through the curtain of our balcony. Everyone begins to file out of their balconies, so I decide to go into mine. I look down at the people on the floor below me: some still sitting, others stretching, and some filing towards a bathroom. I assume it’s intermission. I sit in my seat, deflated.

After a few m
inutes of being numb, I realize that I should be worried that Jeremy hasn’t returned. Would he have just left me here? Should I leave and grab a cab, or stay and wait to see if he gets me? I scan the crowd below me, looking through the people making their way back to their seats to see if he had gone down there. I look to my left, noticing that Weasel boy and the other man were sitting in their seats, but the blue haired girl is missing.

Something does
n’t sit right with me about the fact she’s absent. I decide, as the lights began to dim once again, that I will go looking for Jeremy.

I walk
out into the hallway again, and continue slowly in the direction I had seen Jeremy wander in after our fight. As I walk up the hallway, I pass a window or two before I reach the doorway to the stairs. Before I enter onto the stairway, I look out of the window at the cars and notice movement below it. I instinctively step closer to the window and look downwards, seeing two people talking below me.

I recognize Jeremy immediately from his dirty blonde hair and cigarette dangling from his mouth. I
note he’s talking to the blue haired girl in the purple dress. The conversation seems relaxed, and as I watch in horror, they even begin to laugh. I’m up here broken-hearted, and he’s down there laughing with her?

I see her take him by the arm as he flicks his cigarette to the ground and leads him towards the black limousine we arrived in, parked by the stage door where we had
entered. Jeremy opens the door and extends a hand, letting her slide in first. He enters after her and closes the door.

My mouth had popped open instantly after I saw her grab his arm. Is he serious? Is this happening?

I debate with myself on what to do for a moment, but the rage I feel is almost too much to bear and I find myself moving towards the stairs before I can decide on what I really should do. Hot, angry tears stream down my face as I find an exit door and throw it open. I step outside and try to get my bearings as to how to find the limo. I make a right and run as fast as my heels would allow.

I round a corner and spot the limo. I stop for a moment and catch m
y breath, staring at it. I can’t see any movement, but the windows are tinted.

Walking towards it, my nervous anticipation grew. I am about to find out what exactly is going on. I’m
terrified I might catch him fucking that young girl. Then what? He won’t be able to charm his way out of that one, or tell me to just drop it.

I reach the limo and quietly place my hand on the handle to the side door.
My arm tenses as I throw the door open, thanking God it’s unlocked, and quickly toss myself into the car.

The next few minutes happen in
a blur. I see the two of them instantly, both with shocked expressions on their faces. They’re not sitting together as I had originally suspected, and they are fully clothed. Relief passes over me and I begin to feel like an idiot. Maybe they are just friends, after all?

But
the relief fades when I look below their dumb struck expressions. I see a spoon and lighter lying between Blue and Jeremy. Jeremy’s right shirt sleeve is rolled up and his arm is tied with a rubber tourniquet, almost at his elbow. Dangling from the crook of his arm is a needle that he steadies with his frozen left hand.

The emotions that flash over me are dizzying. Terror, panic, anger, sadness, pity, disgust. “Oh my God,” I chok
e out, the first one to speak.

Jeremy rips the needle out of his arm and blood begins to drip from the wound. He throws the needle on the seat and unties the rubber from his arm. He falls to his knees in the car, putting his hands on my knees. “Dylan, I
…” he begins, then stops.

Blue
stays still, not moving as if that could keep her unnoticed. I look up from Jeremy, his head resting on his hands on my knees, and towards her. I could feel my stare intensify and, to my delight, she visibly constricts.

“Go. Away
.” I pronounce each word slowly.

The girl turns towards the door opposite the one I came in and, after fumbling nervously with the handle, gets out and begins to run,
slamming the door behind her.

My anger carries over to Jeremy. Out of
all the emotions, I pick anger because, let’s face it, anger is so much easier to feel than anything else.

“So, she’s your drug dealer, then?” I spit, stiffening my body. I sudden
ly don’t want him to touch me.

He feels me stiffen and must hear my disgust. He drops his hands from my knees but doesn’t raise his head or get up from kneeling.

“Not exactly…” he begins. I scoff.

“You’re really going to sit there and bulls
hit me now?”

He gets up and sits on the bench to the right of me. He brings himself to look at me, but only barely, and doesn’t mee
t my eyes. “No, she’s a mule.”

“Mule?”
I ask incredulously.

“Her father is a big time drug dealer. Seth, the guy with curly hair? That’s her brother. They both work for me. They carry the drugs on them that I buy from their father. I’m on probation, as you probably know, and the label said if I’m caught one more time for drugs they’d drop me.
Not to mention I’d go to jail.”

I stare silently at him, waiting for him to continue. I’m still not understanding. Jeremy looks up and makes fleeting eye contact, seein
g that I want him to continue.

“So they are always around because they carry my drugs on them. That way if we’re ever searched, the drugs will be on them and not me. I won’t get arrested or in trouble.
Seth also takes all my urine tests for me so that they’ll come up clean.”

I snort. “You really think of everything, don’t you? That is, except how to get clean.
Dear God, Jeremy. I’ve had unprotected sex with you, and you’re an IV drug user?” I look around the car again, seeing the paraphernalia scattered around, and I feel sick to my stomach with disgust. I’m disgusted with this situation: with her, with him, with me for letting me believe he could care about anyone other than himself.

“How can you do this to me?” I say, hyperventilating. He looks up at me, his blue eyes shining. “My mother. You know. You know what happened. And you let me
continue this relationship.”

A tear slides down his cheek. “Oh, Dylan,” he starts, unable to say anything else.

I look towards him once more and see all of the dreams I had just an hour ago drifting away from me. No babies. No wedding. No life together.

“I can’t do this,” I say, grabbing the handle and opening the door. Jeremy’s arm catch
es mine before I can step out.

“Dylan, you said you wouldn’t leave. I need the
se drugs, but I need you too.”

I don’t even bother to turn and look at him. I can’t take the sight of him like this. The man that I love, that I thought I loved, is gone. Or never existed. “You’ve been getting worse and worse the whole time I’ve known you. Or at least I’ve been picking up on it more and more. I love you, Jeremy. But you are going to turn out just like
my mother. Dead. And obviously I’m not worth it to you to stop.” His arm tenses around mine.

I turn my head back and look i
nto his pleading, sky blue eyes that are teary and red from the drugs.

“
I’m not going to stay and watch you waste your genius. I’m not going to stay with you and watch you circle the drain.”

With that, he drops his arm from mine. I take
the opportunity to exit the car. “Don’t bother contacting me unless you’re ready to stop,” I say, slamming the door behind me. I walk away from the car, rummaging in my clutch for my phone. I dial 411 and ask, barely hanging on to sanity, for a cab company.

While sitting in the back of the cab, the realization of what just happened is pushing through my shock. I hold my chest tightly and try not to hyperventilate. I already know that I could never love anyone the way I love him. But I loved a lie. And he, just like my own mother, never really loved me.

How could I be so stupid? I should have known. I should have seen the signs. Heat rash? I roll my eyes at myself. The shaking, the sweating at odd times, the way his eyes would turn red and water
y… For as smart as I may be, I feel so stupid right now.

I try to push the thoughts out of my mind so I don’t break down in the cab. The driver knows something’s wrong with me, but thankfully, he doesn’t ask. He just keeps looking in the rearview mirror at me like I’m crazy.

I had told the driver to take me to the airport, but what am I supposed to do from there? I don’t think going back to the hotel in Orlando is a good idea, even if I could find a plane. If I know Jeremy, he’ll probably miraculously make it back to the room before I get there. But what if there aren’t any planes leaving to Boston tonight?

I decide that I might need help. I can barely hold myself together
, so coming up with a plan on my own seems impossible. I don’t want to call Theresa. I know she’s with Sean right now, and I don’t want to ruin that or even hear the fact that she’s there. I couldn’t take her happiness right now. My Dad definitely isn’t an option. It would send him over the edge, I think, hearing what Jeremy did to me, knowing what he does about my mother.

I take my phone out of my clutch and open my contacts. I find his name and hit the call button. The phone rings a few times before I hear his deep,
groggy voice answer, “Hello?”

“Scott?” I choke out, letting mor
e hot tears fall down my face.

His voice changes immediately to panic. “Dylan?
What’s wrong? Where are you?”

I inhale deeply, my breath shaky. “I need help,” I say, not ready to e
xplain. “I want to come home.”

“Are you in Orlando?”

“No,” I took a shaky breath. “I’m in Miami. I’m going to the airport.”

His voice is red hot with anger. “Dylan, you listen, ok
ay? Do not answer any of his calls or messages if he tries to contact you, alright? I’m going to go make some calls, and you will be on a plane home tonight, alright? When you get into the airport, I want you to find a crowded place to sit.”

I cry a little harder.
Speaking the words out loud, especially to Scott, is almost making it real that Jeremy and I are over. And after everything, this is how it’s going to end. I see the driver glance in the rearview mirror again. He’s probably going to be glad to be rid of me. “I don’t have any of my things.”

“Dylan, don’t worry baby. I’ll make sure you get your things back. Calm down. It’s going to be alright. I won’t let anything happen to you, ok
ay? You’ll be home and you’ll be safe.”

I nod, even though I know he can’t see me. I do feel a little better. I know Scott is
more than happy to get me away from Jeremy, and that I would be okay. Before we hang up, he tells me he’s going to make a call and call me back to let me know what the plan is from there. As we hang up, the cab makes a stop in front of the airport. I search my clutch for the little money I have and manage to scrape together enough to pay the cabbie. I notice as I get out that he looks relieved. He almost runs me over pulling away.

I enter the airport and try to hide my face the best I can from the few other people walking around. It’s a smaller airport and it’s getting to be late at night, so not many people are travelling.
I’m not doing a very good job at looking discrete, especially since I’m in cocktail attire with five hundred grand worth of jewelry around my neck. I see some travelers looking at me with concern. I look around, making more of an effort to find somewhere to be, clutching my phone in my hand.

I find a pretty public seating area and sit down in one of the blue cushioned chairs. A man and a woman are also sitting on the other side of the room, reading magazines. I feel my phone vibrate in
my hand and sigh with relief.

My body freeze
s after I check the caller ID.

I want to pick up and talk to him. I want him to tell me he loves me and that he’ll stop. I want him to tell me he’s sorry he ever put all of this before me. But even if he were to say those things, I believe that eventually it would become a lie. Even if he didn’t mean it to be.
If he didn’t want to change for me before, he’s not going to do it now.

I hit the deny button. I put the phone down in my lap and look at the people coming and going dow
n the hallways of the airport.

A few minutes later, my phone dings to alert me I have a voicemail. I sigh, knowing it will be from Jeremy, and deci
de that I should listen to it.

I put the phone to my ear, and I hear his sweet voice. The sound of it immediately makes my heart constrict and eyes water, but even with the pain, I co
uldn’t bear to stop listening.