Tracie Peterson (11 page)

“Why do you say that?”

The girl smiled. “Well, I was once in your shoes. Pregnant and in juvey.” She used the nickname for juvenile hall as if it were an old friend.

“What’d you do?” Sherry asked, genuinely interested.

“I sold the kid.”

“Sold?”

April pushed her hair off her shoulder and leaned back lazily. “Yeah, that’s right. I made a deal with the court and they found a couple who wanted to adopt my baby. I got the royal treatment for the rest of my pregnancy and even afterward. It was great. Everybody handled me with extra care. They didn’t want me spoiling the adoption or getting upset or sick. I never had it so good.”

“Really?”

The girl nodded. “I’m telling you the truth. Some rich folks took me in and went through the pregnancy with me. I had my own room and even my own TV. It was sweet. Then I had the baby and they even let me stay around for the first few months ’cause they wanted me to nurse her.”

“You had a girl?”

April’s eyes grew momentarily shadowed. “Yeah. I have a daughter somewhere. I get pictures once in a while.”

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen. Jayceen is almost two years old now.”

“Jayceen? That’s your baby?”

“Their baby,” the girl said firmly. “Look, my point is, if you want to make a better life for yourself, offer to choose a
family for your child based on whether or not they’ll take you in. After that, you can run away or do whatever you want.”

Sherry nodded. She recalled Judge Woodsby’s comment about if she ever needed anything. “Maybe I’ll do that.”

****

The telephone on Justin Dillard’s nightstand rang at eleven-thirty in the evening. Putting down the book he’d been reading, he wondered who in the world was calling at that hour.

“Hello?”

“Justin? This is Barbara.”

He smiled and closed the book. “So what’s my older, wiser sister doing calling me at this hour? Don’t you know folks generally try to sleep at night?”

Laughter erupted on the other end of the line. “You? Go to sleep before midnight? Not when we were kids and I’ll bet not even now.”

Justin couldn’t help but grin. “Okay, so you know me pretty well, Judge. What can I do for you?”

“I have a case here,” she began. “A young unwed mother whom I’ve recently put into detention. Not, I might add, for any criminal charges, but rather because she’s pretty much exhausted the foster-care system with her antics. No one wants her.”

“So how do I fit in?” Justin cradled the phone against his shoulder while he fought to push his pillows into a comfortable position for sitting against the headboard.

“She wants to arrange an adoption of her baby,” Barbara replied. “She had asked for an abortion and legally I couldn’t interfere, but now that she wants to adopt the child out, I want to do all that I can to help her.”

“I see. How far along is she?”

“Just three months. She’s only fourteen and a little bitty thing. She’s had a hard life. Her mother died when she was only a few months old. Killed in a crack house when a deal
went sour. She’s never known any real security, and because of her attitude, she’s been shuffled from home to home.”

“What kind of attitude is she displaying?”

“Oh, you know, the regular hostility of being a teen, coupled by the fears, sorrows, and emptiness of being abandoned. I think down deep inside, she’s begging for someone to love her. That’s probably why she finds herself in her present condition.”

“Is she an addict?”

“No, as far as I know she’s experimented once or twice but is basically clean. Her last four drug screens have come up negative. I think she cherishes what little control she has over her life and therefore won’t jeopardize it with drugs.”

“What about the father?”

“He was the son of her last foster family. The parents came home to find the kids in bed together and that was the end of that. They’ve signed a waiver to any rights regarding the child, and since the girl originally planned to abort, there didn’t seem any reason for them to concern themselves overmuch with her condition.”

“And now?”

“I haven’t talked to them. I’m sure they’ll be upset, but once I point out to them that they’ll have no financial obligation to the girl or the baby, they’re sure to calm down. My question is, do you know anyone who might want to take this on? It would require taking the girl into their home for the duration of the pregnancy and some postnatal time as well. The girl wants to make certain the family is a decent one and wants to see them interact with her baby before giving the child up completely.”

Justin thought of Tess and Brad. Tess shared a common background with the girl in question, but she was enduring a horrific depression after seeing her best friend suffer from just such an arranged adoption. She would probably never want to consider an idea like this one.

“I’m not sure. I know a couple, but there’s some current
complications in their lives. Let me do some checking around. I had a couple of other people who were interested in adopting. Why don’t you fax me all the details. Maybe even include a photograph of the girl.”

Barbara sighed loud enough that Justin could hear it over the phone. “Thanks, little brother. I appreciate your efforts. Let me know as soon as possible.”

“Will do. Just be praying about it and then we’ll be sure to get the right folks for this child.”

“I’ve been praying ever since Sherry’s folder turned up on my desk,” Barbara admitted. “But I won’t stop now.”

CHAPTER 11

“So are you ready for the move?” Tess asked Laura as they discussed the final details over lunch. Laura had insisted on treating them to lunch on the Plaza at one of Kansas City’s famous barbecue restaurants. Tess was glad she hadn’t put up too much of a protest. The food was incredible.

“I’m ready for a change,” Laura replied. “I’ve been ready for some time. It just took convincing Darren. He wanted to move, but he’s always been a heel-dragger. Even in his work. He’s one of those people who goes over every detail five or six times before he’s comfortable with it.”

“I can’t blame him for being meticulous,” Tess said, pushing back her plate of half-eaten blackened pork. “There are fewer surprises when you plan for all the possibilities.”

“But sometimes surprises are good,” Laura said. “Like today. I surprised you with lunch. It was worth it, wasn’t it?”

Tess nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, definitely. But in other areas of life, I prefer no surprises.”

“Bad or good?”

Tess pursed her lips and thought a moment. “Well, some good surprises are okay. But even some of those can be a terrible disruption. And I don’t even want to talk about bad surprises.”

“Like your friend and the baby?” Laura asked sympathetically.

Tess could read the sincerity in Laura’s eyes. She truly cared about the situation. “Kim is still rather reclusive. She won’t let Travis change anything in the nursery for fear the birth mother might once again change her mind and bring Laney back. It hurts so much to see her like that. I know I couldn’t bear it.”

“So you’ve given up the idea of adopting?”

Tess sighed. She’d been torn for days, battling within
herself and trying to reason through her fears. She’d talked to Laura at least half a dozen times and still she couldn’t bring herself to let go of the haunting images in her head.

“I just keep seeing myself in Kim’s shoes. I see myself happy and bonded to a baby, finally having listened to everyone tell me how I could put my heart and soul into a child that wasn’t biologically mine. I see myself watching that baby grow and change day by day. I envision making plans for her future and then having someone—someone completely outside of my control—change everything in a heartbeat.”

“But that’s life, Tess. It could happen even with your own child. Children get sick. Babies die. It happens. You can’t truly live life in a bubble, never feeling or chancing anything.”

“I know that’s true,” Tess admitted. “It just seems that because there are so many unpredictable variables, we ought to at least control the ones we can.”

“Better yet, throw it all in the pot together and trust God for the outcome, as my mother used to say. Of course, she was originally talking about stew,” Laura said with a smile and a wink, “but I think the application works here as well.”

“You remind me so much of Mom,” Tess replied. “That sounds just like something she might have said.”

“Stella was a wise woman. So was my mother.”

“So are you. Oh, Laura, I wish I could be more like you and Mom. I envy your confidence.” Tess placed the terry cloth napkin on the table and shook her head. “But I have this void inside me, this great emptiness. I know it stems from childhood. I know the moment it hit me. I remember it like yesterday.

“My mother was stoned out of her mind and she caught the kitchen curtains on fire. The house filled up with smoke almost instantly. I can still taste it, smell it. It was so bitter and acrid. I remember grabbing my mother’s hand and pulling her to the front door. She just stood there watching the fire. I’m sure in her drugged state she was fascinated by the flames.”
Tess took a long drink of tea and found herself transported in time as she continued to share the tale.

“The fire department came pretty quick. I imagine one of the neighbors saw the smoke and called it in. My mother kept screaming at everybody to leave her alone. To leave the fire and let it burn. The police came and saw that she was in no shape to deal with the fire or with me.”

“You must have been terrified,” Laura said softly.

“I was. You have to remember, I’d been taught from early on that the police were the enemy. They were the monsters in my closet and they were the people I most dreaded.”

“But why, Tess?”

“My mother always told me that they would try to take me away if they found me. She made it sound like I was some sort of secret child who had been placed with her as a part of some bigger game. She warned me never to talk to cops and if I saw one, to walk away in the opposite direction. Never run—just walk. So when the police showed up and started hassling my mom, I was beside myself. I cried and screamed at them to leave her alone. I wrapped my arms around my mother’s waist and when one of the officers tried to pry me loose, I bit him.”

“Oh my,” Laura said, shaking her head. “Stella never told me any of this.”

“She never knew. I’ve never shared it with anyone but Brad,” Tess admitted. “It was a scene, that’s for sure. My mother got violent with the police. She screamed at them and when one finally managed to get me away from her, she attacked him with her fists.”

“So she must have loved you a little,” Laura offered.

Tess shook her head. “She thought I was somebody else. She kept telling them to leave Sammy alone. I don’t know who Sammy was. I don’t know if that was the name of my real father or someone else she cared about, but it wasn’t my name she called.

“I remembered crying for her over and over, pleading with
them not to take me away. I promised to be good. I promised not to cry, but nobody was listening.”

“Oh, Tess. I’m so sorry for your pain. What a nightmare.”

“But at least Mom and Dad came to my rescue,” Tess said, finally pushing back the memories. “In the long run they were a much better alternative.”

“But your emptiness was never filled?”

“I tried to fill it with them—with their love. I’ve tried to fill it with Brad and his love. But I think it has more to do with belonging to someone. That’s why I need a baby of my own.”

“No, Tess, that’s why you need a relationship with God,” Laura corrected. “Your emptiness isn’t going to be filled with anything here on earth. You need a closer relationship with Him. You need to let Him fill in those empty places.”

“But I go to church and I’ve been a Christian since I was young. I suppose I should get more involved, do more things. . . .”

“I’m not talking about acts of service or works, although they both have their merit. Don’t neglect an honest-to-goodness relationship with your heavenly Father by adding extra church activities.”

“But I thought fellowship at church was important.”

“And so it is. Working for the Lord is as well,” Laura countered. “But fellowship with God, a real heart-to-heart, one-on-one friendship, is so necessary if you’re to ever eliminate that void in your heart. You aren’t going to find it anywhere else, Tess. I can guarantee you that, just as you can guarantee me the benefit of your relocation services.”

“But I’m afraid,” Tess finally admitted. She looked away and dug her nails into her hands to keep from crying.

“You’re a child of God,” Laura replied. “He hasn’t given you a spirit of fear. The Bible tells us that in Second Timothy. If God hasn’t given you that spirit, guess who has? Worse yet, guess who it serves?”

Tess didn’t like the idea of serving anyone’s purpose outside
of God’s and her own and sometimes Brad’s. “I never thought of it that way.”

“You have a source of power to call upon,” Laura said with a smile. “Just like you have all those places and people you connect with to help you with your business, only this one is your heavenly Father, and His sources are limitless and eternal.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Why make it sound harder than it is?” Laura asked.

“I don’t understand.”

Laura leaned forward and patted Tess’s arm. “It’s like when the delivery man shows up at the front door. You can either open the door and take the package or refuse to answer the knock and let the package remain undelivered. It’s that way for bad or good. You can refuse delivery on the things that you recognize to be harmful. The key is knowing what to look for.”

“There’s a lot of things I’d like to refuse delivery on,” Tess said, finally offering Laura a smile.

“Then start now,” Laura suggested. “Start by refusing to let the worries of this life overtake you. Start by opening the door and your heart to a closer walk with God. After you start to grow closer to Him, you might not feel so fearful about continuing with your plans for adoption. In fact, you just might find the confidence you need to take on the hardest job you’ll ever have—that of motherhood.”