Tough Love (Hidden Secrets) (11 page)

“She’ll
be happy,” I forced out, stopping by them.

Colleen
walked up and put her hand on my arm, “What about you?”

Hanging
my head, I look back at her just as she laughed. “It doesn’t matter. I’m only her friend,” I whispered sadly.

Jake
put his hand on my shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I think you deserve her. Just wish you saw that.”

“No
what I deserve is this…”

“What?”

Turning and looking at Shannon, smiling sadly because she looked happy. “Watching the woman I love find her happiness.”

Colleen
gasps. “Jackson…”

“
Listen, I’m getting out of here. Hard week at the office, plus Nick’s going to be at my house early.”

“Yeah,
I need to turn in too. I’ve got to head to a meeting tomorrow morning. I’ll be back shortly after though.”

I
just nodded my head, then started making my rounds in saying goodbye.

Chapter Twelve

Shannon

I was confused. Here I thought that Jackson and I might have climbed over whatever this invisible hurdle was today. He has been so amazing tonight. But at some point without me looking, his wall went back up and again he was pushing me away. How is it that a person that has lost the very people that teach us love is trying harder than the one that still has the example right in front of him. Maybe this was pointless. Maybe, I was falling for a guy that will never want me back.

Looking
at me though, it was no wonder. My life is a mess. My house is falling apart around my ears. The boys are a lot to handle for outsiders. So, honestly, can I blame him for not wanting to spend anymore time than necessary with me. Looking, at him as he talked to another guy that resembles him, my heart aches for him. He looks sad. That’s not accurate. He looks broken.

“Hey.
I’m Scott. Not sure we’ve been introduced.”

I
turn to find a handsome guy standing next to me. His messy, dirty blonde hair, green eyes and a smatter of freckles across his nose. Judging by his shoulders and chest, he probably worked on this ranch too.

“I’m
Shannon. Nice to meet you.” I forced a smile, trying hard to be polite.

“Those
boys are amazing. You must be so proud.”

“They
are pretty great. It’s nice to see others see what I see.”

“You’re
pretty great too, if you don’t mind my saying.”

Turning
my head, “How so?”

“Not
many people could do what you’re doing. That says a lot about you as a person.”

The
uncomfortable tension I was feeling with his approach slowly ebbed away the more we talked. It was almost like talking to someone that I knew years ago. He was kind and didn’t seem to full of himself. So many men these days are so damn full of themselves, it makes me sick.

Scott
reaches over and puts his hand on my lower back, leaning in he whispers, “You are a beautiful woman, Shannon. Inside and out.”

I
just smiled at him. Didn’t really know what to say to him. In my opinion, I didn’t see it. All I saw was a run down, burnt out woman that desperately needed to get her shit together.  His hand moved further around my waist. We talked some more about anything that popped into our heads. For the first time in a while, I was enjoying myself.

Smiling,
I looked up and my eyes locked with Jackson’s. The look on his face caused my heart to stop and my breath caught in my throat. Then my heart broke a little more when he smiled and winked at me, tipping his head toward Scott. Taking a deep breath, I forced another smile and gave a slight nod of my head.

“You
really are beautiful,” Scott whispered again.

Smiling,
I dropped my head. Even though my stomach was in knots, it was just so nice to hear someone think of me. To see me.

“Will
you go out with me sometime?” He asks.

Biting
my lip, I nod my head. Scott was nice. It wasn’t like I had anything else to do. Then it occurred to me, I couldn’t go.

“I
can’t.”

His
smile dropped. “Oh…”

“No,
it’s not that. It’s the boys.”

He
smiles again. “I’m sure you could ask anyone here for a couple hours break.”

I
laughed. “But I don’t know them that well.”

“What
about Jackson?”

“What
about me?” Jack says, walking up.

My
eyes locked with his, suddenly I forgot what we were talking about. Scott, who must have been oblivious to the tension, didn’t forget.

“Would
you be willing to watch the boys for a couple hours tomorrow? I want to take her out on a date.”

He
stiffened and his eyes went wide. I looked to Jake standing next to him and it almost looked like he was disappointed in me. When I looked back to Jackson, his eyes were trained at my waist. It was at that moment that I realized Scott had his arm around my waist. Reaching out, I touched his arm. My heart broke when I saw his flinch. Quickly pulling my hand back, I worked to keep my tears at bay.

“Y-you
don’t have to Jack. Really.” I said in a quiet voice.

“Oh
nonsense, Jack can do it. He’d be perfect. The boys love him.”

“Scott,
look-”

“Sure.
No problem. Um, I’ll be by around nine tomorrow morning with Nick. See you guys tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your night.” Jack said with a strained voice.

“Thanks
man. I owe you one.” Scott said, slapping him on the arm.

“Yeah,
no problem,” Jack bit out. He looked at me with sad eyes, “See you tomorrow,” he said almost sadly.

My
eyes followed him as he walked over to his brother. Scott was talking to me, but I wasn’t really listening. Something was going on with Jack and I didn’t understand what. It was like he was hurt that Scott wants to take me out, but yet he doesn’t want to even kiss me. He begged me to stop from kissing him.

My
phone started ringing. When I pulled it out and looked at the screen, my heart hammered in my throat. Scott said he’d be right back, but I don’t remember much of anything else. I kept staring at the phone in horror. When it finally stopped ringing, I ran over to the boys.

“Come
on guys, we gotta go.” I hurriedly grabbed their hands and started walking quickly back to my car, pulling the boys behind me.

“Sissy
Shan, we want to stay.” They whined.

A
scream escaped me as my phone began to ring again. Unable to help myself, I pulled my phone out again. Tears were burning my eyes.  Grabbing the boys again, I pulled them to the car.

“Hurry
up and get in your seats.” I yelled.

They
looked at me with sad eyes. My phone started ringing again. Another scream escaped and I snapped at the boys to get in the car. They started crying, but got in the car. Quickly, I buckled them in. Just as I finished buckling in Atreyu, my phone started ringing again causing me to jump and hit my head.

“Fuck!”
I hissed.

Pulling
my phone from my pocket as I shut the door. Giving up, I answer the phone.

“Leave
me alone!” I yell.

“Now,
baby. Is that the way you talk to your mother?”

“Leave
me alone!” I slid down the side of my car. “Leave me alone,” I sobbed.

“Mommy
will be home soon baby.”

The
phone went dead and I started bawling. It was an overload on my already stretched thin emotions. I heard my name being called. Hurriedly, I got into my car and drove off. Just as I put the car in reverse, I saw Jackson running toward my car with a worried look on his face. Completely embarrassed, I continued leaving. There was no way I was going back there with everyone giving me pity looks.

My
nerves were shot and I couldn’t stem my tears. Since the day I got the phone call about my parents, I have worked very hard to make sure the boys never see me break down. Though I have also made sure that I don’t yell at them too and that was blown to hell. Fuck!

“Guys,
I’m real sorry for yelling at you. I, uh, wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave before I got sick in front of everyone.”

There
was no reply. Moving the rear view mirror to see in the back and both of them are just staring out the window.  I know they are mad. It was proven even more when we pulled up to the house and they got out of the car and went right to their rooms without talking to me.

Slumping
down on the couch, I tried to figure out how I was going to get out of this. How was I going to get the boys talking to me again? It hurt me with them not talking to me. Those boys are all I have and for them to be upset with me…

Pulling
myself up off the couch, I went around cleaning up everything. The whole time tears fell unable to stop them. To be honest, I didn’t even want to go out tomorrow. Scott was nice enough, but well, I’m not looking to date anyone.
Well, not Scott anyway.

A
knock on my front door, broke me from my thoughts. My hand flew to my mouth to keep the scream from coming out. Slowly, I made my way for the door.

What
the hell am I doing? It’s late and I’m thinking about opening my door with no idea who is on the other side.

“Shannon!
Shannon! Please open up. Please. I need to know you’re okay.” Jack’s voice sounded almost urgent.

I
didn’t respond. Jack was half the reason that I’m on an emotional overload. One minute the man acts like he wants to eat me alive. The next minute it’s like he can’t stand the sight of me. There was no way I could trust my actions tonight, so I didn’t answer the door.

“Shannon,
please answer the door!” There was a pause. “Fuck!” He yells, but I hear him walk off the porch.

Unable
to stay awake any longer, I head to my room. Tomorrow was uncertain. I wasn’t sure how Sebastian was going to be. When he was upset about something, he gets destructive and even sometimes violent. Right after finding out about our parents, Sebastian was a nightmare. He threw chairs, broke plates, punched walls, he even choked his brother. Sebastian was an amazing boy, but sometimes he couldn’t control himself. They had to put him on pills that was supposed to help with his anger after that. They hadn’t really done much for him, but then one day he wasn’t as upset anymore.  It was the day Jackson came into our lives.

The
thought of Jackson brought me back to this date tomorrow. I don’t want to go. Like really do not want to go, but stupidly I made a decision when I was hurting. Unfortunately, because of the phone call, I can’t cancel it. Reaching over to my nightstand, I pressed play on the CD player. Every night, I listened to one song. It was my song. A song that summed up exactly what I was feeling.
How Long
by Dream. Tears slipped down my temples as I lay there on my bed singing with the song.

Tell me how long
'Till I'm not just dreaming
How long, 'til somebody cares
How long, 'til I meet an angel
And give him my heart, 
When can I start
How long 'till I fall in love

My heart ached. In a way, I could understand the way Sebastian felt. I understood what it was like to long for something so much that you begin to wonder if it was ever meant for you. It wasn’t wrong to not want to be alone. To be wanted outside of your family, but as years passed, I began to wonder if it was ever meant for me. So many years have passed, even before the boys were born, and I still didn’t have anyone. My mom was sick a lot and it left me busy…

My
phone beeping broke through my thoughts. Grabbing it off the night stand, I saw Jack’s name show up. My heart skipped a beat. Of course the man I really wanted, didn’t want me. Clicking to open the text message.

Jackson:
Shannon please answer me

Jackson:
Damn it! Answer me!

Jackson:
When you get this please write me. I’m worried about you.

Jackson:
Write me any time or call. Yeah, call. I need to hear your voice.

Maybe going out with Scott tomorrow is exactly what I should do. Maybe it will help me get passed Jackson. He was damn sexy as all get out, successful, and a family man. Those kind of men didn’t want me. Hell, he probably wouldn’t want to even come around if he knew I was at fault for my parents’ deaths. Rolling over, I continued to sing the song until I cried myself to sleep.

Waking up, I fly out of bed. I didn’t hear any noise. Normally, I hear them playing in their rooms. I run out of my room and toward theirs. They sat in their playroom playing a game.

“Morning
guys,” I said.

They
didn’t even look at me. My heart dropped further in my chest.

“Come
on guys. Please talk to me. It hurts me when you’re mad at me. You guys are all I have.”

After
a minute of no talking to me, I turned and left the room. Man did I ever screw up. Tears welled up in my eyes. Just as I got to the hall, there was a knock at my door. Not caring anymore, I went to the door and opened.

Suddenly,
I was rushed and Jackson engulfed me in his arms, holding me tightly. He kissed my head repeatedly.

“Damn,
Shannon. I was so fucking worried about you. Are you okay?”

Pulling
from his grasp, “I’m fine. What are you doing here?”