Tossing the Caber (The Toss Trilogy) (6 page)

Logan squelched the desire in his gut and kept it out of his face as well. What the hell was going on with Diana?
All I did was let her know I want her.
Surely she was used to that—but she looked about to panic.
Change the game plan, Carmichael.

Obedient to his own advice, Logan altered his agenda, keeping
his growing curiosity and irritating awareness of her body under wraps.
She’s behaving more like pabulum than poison.
Deciding to play it safe, he set himself to charm her and put her at ease.

He succeeded. They had a relaxed and delicious meal, shared fresh blackberry cobbler ‘a la mode, and laughed over tales of his childhood misadventures.

Walking to the Jeep in the moonlight, Logan reached for her hand and silently congratulated himself when she barely jumped. Laughing at himself, he smiled ruefully in the sweet perfumed darkness. He’d chosen the Homestead Inn because it was an actual inn, offering charmingly rustic accommodations. In his own absurd optimism, he’d thought he might share a room here, and a bed, with Diana tonight. He shook his head. Any fool could see it was too damn early for that.

Once again, he wondered where the elegant, powerful CEO went and where this nervous, uncertain woman came from. In her vulnerabi
lity, Diana drew out feelings of protectiveness and gentleness he hadn’t known he possessed. Could it all be an act?

She talked quietly all the way back to town. Her childhood had been so different from his—and a lot less fun from his point of view. Lessons in this and that…ballet, art, even manners—deportment, she called it, and he laughed. He didn’t think she realized how cold, and even sad, it all sounded.

By the time they pulled up next to her car in the company lot, Logan had almost decided his initial assessment of Diana had been wrong. This was no hardened career woman, despite her professional demeanor and obvious success. He was curious, too, about her apparent naiveté. It could all be an act, but if it was, she was one hell of an actress. He looked across the seat to where she sat with her head leaning against the window. “Well, here we are.”

“Yes. Thank you, Logan. It’s been fun.” Her voice sounded almost wistful, and the full lips parted in a soft smile.

Coming around to her side of the Cherokee, Logan opened the door and reached up to lift her down. Her waist was slim and firm beneath his hands, the lush breasts a tender temptation just above his thumbs. But he resisted the desire to simply pull her into his arms. She wasn’t ready. Her firm grip on his forearms held her at what she undoubtedly felt was a proper distance from him. So he stepped to the side, reaching behind her for the jacket that still lay on the seat of the SUV. “Let me help you with this.” Sliding the fine lightweight wool over her silk-clad arms, he ran his fingers to the nape of her neck, releasing the heavy fall of hair trapped by the collar. The silken strands covered his hands, warm from her body and full of the scent of her. With a gentle squeeze on the neck, he gave fair warning of his intention, then grasping her shoulders gently, turned her into his embrace.

An instant’s resistance melted into fluid motion as she stepped t
owards him. In the light from the streetlamps, her face looked unsure, but not fearful. Watching emotions flit across her face, in succession too rapid for him to interpret, he leaned down and with a gentle touch, took her soft mouth. She was still as a statue. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes.

Strange feelings stirred inside him. Lust chained tightly down, yes.
But something more as well. Something unfamiliar. He slid his hands down to her elbows and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer. Her hands flattened against his chest, but she didn’t push away. Once again, he lowered his head and took her mouth, more firmly this time. Without a word, his lips urged her to drop her defenses. He felt her body relax as she swayed against him, head tilted back and lips parted, and he traced their fullness with his tongue, tasting the sweetness of her mixed with a hint of blackberry. As he lingered, lips moving softly against hers, her hands slid to his shoulders. He pulled her tight against him, fighting the desire to take all the sweetness she offered. For just a moment, he allowed himself to increase the pressure of the kiss, and then eased back, gently releasing his hold on her until she stood on her own, still in the shelter of his arms. Like a child. His heartbeat, strong and steady, pulsed in his fingertips. Her face was open, soft—and surprised. His head pulled back. Why the hell did she look surprised?

The nervous, uncertain look returned, and she stepped away. “Goo
dnight, Logan. It was…” She swallowed. ”It was a lovely evening.” Turning, she slid into her car and drove away.

He stood there, held immobile by sudden confusion.
Had those been tears in her eyes?

chapter six

Four days wasn’t nearly long enough to forget her embarrassing response to Logan’s kiss.
Why did McDougal & Bond have to be so prompt with the contract?
Diana stood in her closet fretting as she studied her array of power suits. The voice of the morning news anchor droned on from her bedroom television. At least she had managed to get away before she started to cry.

Stop overreacting. The kiss didn’t mean anything.
It was a normal ending to a pleasant evening out.

Yeah, right.
One thing was certain. There’d be no sexual encounters permitted today. He’d probably crossed her off his list after she made a fool of herself when he kissed her, but she wasn’t taking any chances. She reached for the most severe, least attractive suit she owned, an oatmeal-beige tweed that made her skin look muddy and her eyes dull, like she hadn’t slept. Well, she hadn’t—worrying about today had kept her awake.
May as well go with it.

She could still feel the comforting warmth of his arms—how her heart filled up and spilled over in response to the gentleness he’d shown. She’d felt so abandoned and alone when he let her go.
It meant nothing to him, but I practically fell apart.
Why didn’t the ground just swallow her up?

Don’t be an idiot, Diana. You’re making an I-beam out of a ten-penny nail.
She pulled on a white cotton blouse with a prim neckline. She’d better remember it hadn’t been a big deal to him. Otherwise she was sure to embarrass herself today.

She knew she was prone to over-reacting. Her mother’s voice played in her head—‘Must you always be so excessively dramatic?’ Turning her back on the voice and her anxious thoughts, Diana walked back into the bathroom and ran her fingers over the soft grey travertine tile. The cool texture was calming and the floral scent that lingered in the room soothed her. She reached for her hairbrush, resolutely turning the na
gging voice off the way she always had—by focusing on her work.

The arrangements for Logan’s purchase of her company were rather complex, because the situation was unusual.
I want to get to the lawyers’ office early and double check the wording of the contract with Gavin Bond. I want it clear that I have the freedom to step in any time the profit line is in jeopardy.
If only her hands would stop shaking.

This is just another business meeting. Nothing more.
She finished pinning her hair up in its neat twist, picked up her slim black briefcase from the hall, and walked out the door.

In downtown York, Logan parked his SUV a block away from the law offices. He tilted the mirror to face him, straightened his tie, and ran a hand over his hair. Today was the day. In a few hours, he would have a company of his own—if Diana Carmichael was to be trusted. Stepping out of the vehicle, he swung the door shut and scanned the exterior of the well-used Jeep. Logan nodded at the Cherokee.
I’ll probably keep you for old time’s sake even after I’m rich.
He patted the fender of the battered SUV, then turned and stepped along the street, past the silver Lexus parked in front of McDougal & Bond’s renovated brick building.
Diana’s car.

He wrinkled his brow. She had him puzzled. Was the skittishness an act, or was it real? And why was she willing to gamble her money on his ability to make Lennox a market leader? Mind you, he knew he could do that, but what motivated her support? There was something going on that he was missing. He had to keep reminding himself she was dange
rous. A woman with power was always dangerous. Did she plan to somehow steal his process? She knew a lot more about the ins and outs of pultrusion manufacture than he’d anticipated. She even understood the chemistry of it. When he pitched the idea to her, she picked his brain pretty thoroughly. Could she be planning to use that information to sweeten a deal with Carbon Unlimited?

Damn it, I should have had a lawyer draw up that intellectual prope
rty agreement, instead of getting distracted by the negotiations. It was too late to do anything about that now. He was going to have to examine the contracts minutely to make sure she wasn’t trying to slip something past him. “Keep your eyes wide open, Carmichael.”

He bounded up the steps to the door, two at a time.

Three and a half hours later, the contract was signed. Leaving Diana in conversation with the attorneys, Logan paused at the top of the steps to look up and down the street. The smell of grilled steak drifted from the Corner Restaurant. His stomach growled. Maybe he’d treat himself to lunch. Downtown York looked better than ever. The historic old buildings seemed to gleam with prosperity in the midday sun.

The deal was official now. He reached inside his jacket, to tuck his copy of the paperwork deeper into the pocket there, and resisted the temptation to leap from the landing to the sidewalk, stepping sedately down instead. Diana hadn’t tried any tricks—the terms were just as they’d agreed in her office.
My office now.
She even included the intellectual property clause they discussed.

A wide grin split his face, as he shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled toward the scent of food. She played fair, so far, though she’d treated him with chilly politeness. The grin vanished. Well, that was fine with him; he didn’t need the distraction. At last, the ball was in his court. “You’re on your way, Carmichael.”

Come Monday,
he
would be the one in charge.

On the top floor of Lennox Incorporated, Diana faced the small, eff
icient woman who ruled over the outer office.

“Ms. Lennox, I’m going to miss you. First
your daddy gone, and now you leaving… It doesn’t seem right, somehow.” Mildred’s salt and pepper hair curled around cultured pearl and rhinestone earrings. She wore a prim black suit and sensible shoes. A pearl and rhinestone pin, mate to the earrings, held firmly to her lapel.

“I’m not gone for good yet, Mildred. I’ll be back in two weeks, and then I’ll be meeting with Dr. Carmichael every Friday for at least a year.”

“It just won’t be the same.” The older woman had been with the company practically since the beginning and probably could have run the place herself if she’d had the temperament or the inclination.

“Don’t fret, Mildred.” Diana put an arm around the bony shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. “You’ll get along fine with Dr. Carmichael. Just steer him right for me, okay? And have a good weekend.”

Mildred seemed to think that unlikely. “I’ll try.” Casting another worried look at Diana, the secretary picked up her purse and left.

With a sigh and a smile at Mildred’s retreating back, Diana got down to business. She turned and opened the door to her office for the last time. After today it would be
his
office. That would feel strange. Standing behind the desk, she studied the tired, old walls and wondered where the feeling of nostalgia was coming from. This place had never been comfortable for her, yet she knew she was going to miss it. Not all the memories were bad. Her father had pushed her hard, never quite satisfied, but there had been good times, too.

Even so, her sadness felt out of place.
I guess it’s because today is an ending. The end of Diana Lennox, CEO.

For the first time it occurred to her to wonder who she would be when she was not the CEO. What role would she play in the company, and how would it be done? Coach? Mentor? Consultant?
Or maybe… just outsider? She felt a bit adrift, and more than a little alone.

Opening the top drawer, she removed the few personal items kept in her desk—a makeup bag, comb and mirror, a few birthday cards that had been sent to the office. Not enough to fill the small box she’d brought. She’d never felt at home here—it was just a stage set where she played her role. Who would she be after she walked out the door?

Only one way to find out.
Diana picked up the box with its few oddments. Closing the door behind her, she left her keys on Mildred’s desk, and walked out of the building. The Lexus waited in her parking spot—his spot now. She set the box on the passenger seat, gave the faded brick building a long, lingering look, and drove away.

chapter SEVEN

Eight days later, as the early morning sun splashed the trees along the ridge with a golden glow, Diana policed the runs at Man’s Best Friend after taking the dogs out to the paddocks. She’d come in early because she was restless—had been restless all week—with too much time and not enough to fill it. The work, the cool morning air, and the fresh scent of the grassy fields always helped to center her. She needed that more today than usual. Since turning over the company to Logan Carmichael, she felt unfocused—unsure what the next weeks would bring.

For years her parents had dictated one goal after another. Even after their deaths, she continued to move from goal to goal, piling up one achievement after another, always moving forward. It was comfortable to have a plan to follow, but right now she was drifting—and it was u
nsettling. The white noise of water rushing from the hose filled her brain, granting a temporary reprieve from her thoughts. As she began to relax, a movement caught her peripheral vision, and she turned to look across the meadow, lifting a hand to block the rays of the sun. She spotted a tall, slim figure cutting across the field next to the shelter.

Sally caught sight of her. “Hey, Diana!” She broke into a trot. “We missed you last weekend. What happened?”

Diana turned off the hose. “I needed some time for myself.”

“Problems at work?”

“Not exactly.” Maybe talking would help. “Sally, do you remember Logan Carmichael? He was here two weekends ago—he adopted Spud.”

“You bet I do! He’s the engineer you were talking about that mor
ning, isn’t he?” Sally swung the gate to the enclosure open and came inside.

“He is. How did you know?”

“I saw the way you ran out of here after talking to him. I figured he might be someone from work trespassing on your personal life.” Sally grinned. “Besides, I had to interview him before I let him adopt Spud, didn’t I?”

Diana nodded. “What do you think of him?”

“I think your description fell way short of reality. He’s a hunk. Why?”

“I turned the company over to him last week.”

“Well, you said before that you might.” She leaned a shoulder against one of the poles supporting the chain link fence, and pushed her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

“Yes, but there’s more. I went to dinner with him again, after we met that next Monday.”

Sally’s eyebrows shot up and she grinned. “Way to go, girl!”

Diana laughed. “It’s not like that. He thinks of me as a friend.”

“Oh, really?” Sally tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow. “He looked pretty interested, talking to you at the dog run the day he got Spud.”

“What were you doing, spying on me?” Diana smiled and began to coil the bulky hose.

“When I saw him making a beeline for you? You bet I was! Have you kissed him?” Sally grabbed the scooper and bag, following Diana toward the shelter.

“Sally!” From the first day they met, as freshmen college roommates, Sally’s openness had clashed with the restraint Diana’s parents cultivated. Diana had never quite gotten used to it. “Um, yes, I have…or rather he’s kissed me.” Diana’s voice drifted off as she hung the hose in place on the outer wall, remembering the kiss…

“Diana, is something wrong?”

“Probably not…I don’t know.”
Was it just her? Or was it him? “Maybe.”

“Are you falling for this guy?” Sally hung up the scooper and tossed the bag into the trash bin.

“No. Absolutely not. I barely know him.” It was her. She had cried for no reason. “But Sally, I think something strange is going on with me…” She pressed her back against the solid wall of the building and dropped her gaze. Talking to Sally would help, it was just hard, sometimes, to admit things. “We went to dinner, he kissed me goodnight afterwards and I practically melted, and then…I cried.”

Sally put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “What did he do?”

Diana smiled. Of course, Sally would instantly assign the blame to Logan. She was a staunch friend. Diana shook her head. “Nothing. And he doesn’t know I cried. I got into my car and away before the floodgates opened.”

“Why did you cry, then?”

“That’s what bothers me—I’m not sure. I just felt so sad all of a sudden. So lonely. It’s been bugging me ever since.”

“Oh, honey.” Sally leaned against the wall
herself, and threw an arm around Diana’s shoulders. “You probably deserved a good cry. Can I tell you what I think?”

Diana shrugged and nodded.

“You’ve been working your tail off to impress your daddy ever since I’ve known you. Studying day and night, never dating, then working like a slave for the company.”

Diana opened her mouth to protest, but Sally waved a hand, for
estalling her.

“Oh, you dated that jerk William who was more interested in the company than in you, but since then it’s been all business. Then your dad died, but it seems to me, you went on trying to please him—throwing yourself into bringing the company back out of its downhill
slide. Now you’ve done that, and you’ve decided to sell—and all of a sudden, there’s nothing you can do to impress Daddy anymore.

“I don’t think you were crying because Logan Carmichael kissed you, honey, I think you cried for you. For all the things you set aside, for all the years it’s cost you. Because you finally figured out that it doesn’t ma
tter to Daddy anymore. And you’ve never done or had anything that was just for you. Here you are, thirty years old, and you feel like it’s all over—you’ve got nothing left.”

Diana’s face started to crumple and she bit her lip to stop the sobs from coming. Tears ran down her cheeks, regardless.

“Going inside,” she said in a strangled voice.

“Oh, honey…”

Diana didn’t wait to hear the rest.

Twenty minutes later, a knock sounded on the door of the back o
ffice. Sally's voice came through. "Diana? Can I come in?"

Diana nodded and sniffed. “Yeah, sure. Come on in.” She didn’t meet Sally’s eyes, but saw her friend take in her slumped posture, the elbow propped on the battered desk, and the small mountain of crumpled ti
ssues sitting next to a nearly empty box.
I ought to sit up.
No… she didn’t have the energy.

“You okay?” The affection in Sally’s voice eased away the last of the knots in Diana’s stomach.

“Yeah…yes. I’m better now.” She pushed herself upright. “I’m a lot better now. Thanks, Sally.

Sally’s eyes were soft with concern. “I love you, lady—you know that, don’t you?”

Diana smiled and nodded. “Yes, I know that. I love you too. You know me too well, but I guess I can live with that.”

“What are you going to do next?”

“Well,” Diana wiped her eyes and blew her nose one last time. “You weren’t quite right. I don’t have ‘nothing’ left, you know. I have this shelter. I have my best friend, and…” She looked at Sally with determination in her eyes. “I have me.”

“And enough cash to take your own sweet time figuring out a plan,” added Sally.

“True.” Diana pulled up a smile. “That does help. I’m going to take stock. Get reacquainted with myself. Then we’ll see what comes up.” She snorted quietly. “Besides, Friday I meet with the new CEO of Lennox Incorporated to see how things are going, and to offer him any help he needs—though I don’t expect he’ll want any.” She straightened her shoulders and stood up. “I’m going home now. I want to sort out some stuff at the condo. Tell Cocoa he’ll have to wait until next time for his run.”

“I’ll do that. Take care, Diana.”

“Right.” Giving Sally a quick hug, Diana left. It was time to build her new life.

Driving back to the condo,
she sucked in the fresh morning air. It was amazing, how much better a good cry could make a person feel. Strength and purpose filled her once again. Thoughts, unformed but positive, swirled in her brain. She refused to look too far ahead. First she would deal with her condominium and her wardrobe.

Entering the sterile perfection of her living room, she pulled back the draperies and let the sun stream in. Grabbing the sharp-angled sculpture from the coffee table, she began a discard pile.

By the end of the day, most of the items dear to the heart of her mother’s decorator, every power suit she owned, and quite a bit of tasteful, restrained jewelry had made it into the pile. Still in her worn jeans and T-shirt, Diana marched into Catholic Charities and dropped three neatly packed bags on the donations counter. She beamed as the woman there ran her hand reverently down the lapel of a classic navy blazer. “Can someone give me a hand? I have more in the car.”

A volunteer followed her outside, and together they covered the d
onations counter and part of the floor with bag upon bag of Diana’s discards.

The label in a suit jacket caught the volunteer’s eye. Touching it, she frowned at Diana. “Are you sure you want to just give all this away? There’s a consignment shop a few blocks from here and—“

Diana smiled so wide her cheeks felt tight. “Believe me, I am absolutely sure.” She hadn’t anticipated the rush of euphoria getting rid of her old life would bring. If only she’d known, she’d have done this a week ago.

The woman behind the counter pressed a receipt on Diana. On her way back to the car,
she flicked the slip of paper into a nearby trashcan. Tax deductions be damned. She was starting fresh.

The next day, she window-shopped. Diana had been raised to know and appreciate quality—and she did—but now she was searching for those items that somehow resonated with her true self. Quality? Yes. Conventional? No.

She had a fabulous time all by herself, wandering through pricey decorating boutiques, inexpensive import warehouses, and everywhere in between. She was comfortable with the clean modern lines of her basic furniture pieces, but that didn’t stop her from checking out every antique shop in town.

At day’s end, she relaxed on the patio of her favorite Mexican resta
urant, margarita in hand, enjoying a spectacular sunset.
I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun.
She was beginning to understand which items caught her eye, and why.
I like quality materials, but I want them in strong, clear colors.
Maybe that was the result of a life lived in careful mistake-proof neutrals. Maybe it would change with time. But tomorrow, when she went out to buy, she had a good idea what she would be bringing back home.

Once her home looked less barren, Diana went through much the same process with her wardrobe. She had learned long ago how to hide
her curves. Now she turned that around and chose clothing that tastefully celebrated them. Clear, strong colors continued to catch her eye, but so did black, white and silver-grey.

She learned to recognize styles that enhanced her feeling of power and found others drew on a deep well of womanliness that was anything but gender-neutral. And accessories—no more tiny button earrings and demure pearls. She found her taste in jewelry was bold… and expensive.

This was fun, not work—there was no need to rush through it. So she contented herself with a small selection of stunning high quality pieces, and for the first time in her adult life, looked forward to shopping again soon.

Friday
morning, Diana stood in her closet, considering her options. Today would be her first meeting with Logan since signing the contracts. She felt like a different person, because she was. Sally had been right about the tears—she had cried for herself. But that was over now.
Diana Lennox is moving on.

In the place of her power suits were several soft summer dresses, a curvy silver grey suit in summer-weight wool, a few finely tailored slacks and her silk tops—some old favorites, some new. An old-fashioned lace sachet, bought on impulse, hung alongside the clothes. Waves of sweet scent drifted out every time her hand brushed it. Diana chose a new white silk blouse with a poet ruffle trimming the deep V-neck.
This will do nicely.
She slipped into the silver-grey suit and slid her feet into black strappy heels. Pulling her hair up, she began to reach for the pins, then paused. Why bother? She left it loose.

After straightening the satin-quilted bed and tossing a snuggly a
fghan onto the squishy armchair, she picked up her briefcase. At the doorway of the condo she paused, smiling at the sunlight streaming through the windows, the colorful pillows on the sleek white couch and the sprawling philodendron in its blue enameled planter on the coffee table.

It was time to be Diana. It was time to let go of the past and the masks that had gone with it. Sally was right. Her tears had been for he
rself—for all the time she’d wasted trying to please a man who was gone.

Once she acknowledged that, she’d realized there’d also been som
ething more. Something to do with Logan. As much as she’d discarded this week, she hadn’t been able to discard the feelings he brought out in her. That flash of desire she’d seen in his eyes still caused a powerful response in her every time she envisioned it. She found herself longing for him—and not just for his touch. His warmth, his gentleness—both had been unexpected and had filled, for a bit, the lonely spot in her heart. The childhood stories he’d told to amuse had helped her understand his driving need to succeed.