Tossing the Caber (The Toss Trilogy) (15 page)

“Maybe.” Sally sounded unconvinced. “But that was a long time ago. And you’re still blaming your attitude on that?”

He looked away. “Only partly. There’s more.”
Damn, I don’t want to go there.

Sally raised her eyebrows questioningly.

What the hell.
“When I was eighteen, I joined the Army to get an education. The drilling and workouts changed the way I looked, but I was still a geeky kid inside. I got involved…” he felt his face flush and looked aside.
Involved? You coward.
“Hell, I got seduced…”
Damn straight.
“… by a post-doc in my advisor’s lab. She was maybe twenty-five to my eighteen. The cultured, golden-girl type. I was amazed when she started paying attention to me.”

Logan swung one leg over the bench of the picnic table, stra
ddling it, and put on his warrior face to hide the emotions stirring inside. He leaned his elbows on his knees. “She was my first, and I was so young and stupid, I thought we were in love. I’ve always had a head for math, and I worked my butt off for weeks helping her with the statistical analysis for a paper she was writing.” The corners of his mouth pulled back and down. “She dumped me as soon as the analysis was finished. You can imagine how that felt.” It still hurt to remember it, even now.

Sally nodded. “Not so good.”

“Yeah.”
That’s an understatement.
“I’d been screwed over by a woman—a career woman—again. After that I avoided that type of female. Stuck to women of my own rank, if you will.”

“And how were you with them, Logan?” Sally challenged. “Did you figure a few bad experiences gave you license to do as you pleased?”

He straightened, looking her straight in the eye. “No. Not if you mean license to be a bastard. I’ve always been up-front with women. Never pretended to be anything but what I was. Always tried to avoid situations that would cause hurt.”
What the hell kind of man do you think I am?

Sally narrowed her gaze, “Until Diana, you mean.”

“No!” He shot to his feet and squared off in front of her. Damn, she was nearly as stubborn as Diana. Shoving his fingers through his hair, he tried to explain. “From the beginning, I told myself Diana was dangerous—a career woman and rich to boot. Not my type and out of my league. I meant to stay well clear of her, but…”

“But?”

Logan lowered his eyes. He’d been so wrong about Diana at the start. “I didn’t trust her. I thought she must have something up her sleeve. I asked her to dinner to try to figure it out.”

“You kissed her that night. How is that staying clear?”

He snapped his brows together and glared at Sally. Shoving hands in his pockets, he began to pace along the length of the table. “She was like a frightened kid herself that night. She sure wasn’t acting like the powerful CEO I’d decided to stay away from. It just happened.”

“Okay. I can buy one ‘it just happened’, but you brought her home from the Classic and slept with her.” Her eyes bit into his, accusing.

What was this, kiss and tell? Was nothing sacred? “Does she tell you everything?” Anger rose swiftly, and he took two swift strides toward the parking lot. Then…

The gauntlet, Carmichael.
You can do this. Let it go.
Regaining control, he returned, sitting directly across from Sally. Elbows propped in front of him, his head rested for a moment on his folded hands. He looked up. “Did you know she was a virgin? I didn’t. Not a word, not a clue, until it was too late. I might have been able to stop…”
Oh yeah?
“… maybe,” he added, looking away. “But she flat ordered me not to!” He flashed back to that first amazing night with Diana. Then he realized Sally was laughing and felt his face redden.

Diana’s friend shook her head. “That is so Diana!
”

Yeah, it was. Logan looked Sally straight in the eye and spoke the plain truth. “Your friend is like no woman I’ve ever known. She blew my mind. The supplier switch was a done deal before we made love. It never occurred to me to mention it later. Then when it all hit the fan, I didn’t want to admit how ignorant I’d been.”

Logan paused, remembering his unfounded confidence. “Hell, I didn’t even realize how ignorant I’d been—I thought I could handle it. If she hadn’t stepped in, I’d probably have lost the company.” It was true, he knew. He owed her so much. His gaze wandered over the flower beds without seeing them, then came back to Sally’s. “It’s not even remotely true I didn’t respect her. She amazed me. She still amazes me. She’s a tough, aggressive business woman, a demanding employer, a compassionate friend, a strong advocate—she’s probably the most complex person I’ve ever known.”

Sally waited.

He studied the wood grain of the picnic table. “When I first met her, I kept telling myself she was dangerous, because she was powerful. I was right. She’s the most powerful and the most dangerous woman alive—to me.” He looked up. “She’s got my future, and my heart, in her hands.”

Sally gave him a truculent look. “If what you say is true, why did you wait so long?”

He shifted uncomfortably.
Admit it, man.
“I was so dazzled by her sensuality I wasn’t thinking of anything else. When she accused me of only wanting her in bed, when she said it had only been sex, I didn’t know what to say. My gut said she was wrong… but looking at what had been going on between us, and knowing how badly I wanted her, I began to wonder.

“It took me a few days to sort things out. By then it was too late. If there had ever been a window of opportunity, I’d missed it.” He shook his head, reliving the despair he’d felt. “She wouldn’t listen to me. She wouldn’t let me try to explain. I found myself wishing we’d never made love, because maybe then she’d have believed me. Finally, I told myself if
I loved her I had to let her go. I decided to get the conversion finished, pay off her investment and set her free—like she wanted.”

In his mind, Logan went back to that cold November
morning, saw Diana turning her back on him and walking out the door. He remembered how hope had died as he watched her go. “But she left even sooner, just as soon as she felt she could.”

Sally stared at him for a moment. When she spoke, her voice was cool. “Even so, that was months ago. Why are you here now?”

How obtuse could the woman be? His eyes narrowed and he spoke harshly. “Because I’m not as noble or as strong as I thought—I can’t let her go. I believe she cared for me once and I intend to have her back. Nothing means anything without her. I love her. I need her. I’ll do whatever it takes to make her believe that.” He paused, refusing to hide his pain or his hurt. He allowed Sally to see it all as she studied his face. Diana’s friend might be his only hope. “Will you help me?”

chapter sixteen

Sally shifted away from Logan. She studied the bed of peonies to her left, and sighed. “Maybe. How?”

Logan’s heart beat faster. Now was his chance.

He leaned forward, intent. “This is what I’ve been thinking. She thinks I don’t love her. Right?”

A single nod.

“I have to do something big enough to jolt her out of her denial. She took a tremendous risk on me, more than once. I have to show her I’m willing to take a risk for her.” He frowned in concentration. “The only way I see to convince her is to do something she knows I would never do if I wasn’t crazy in love with her. It has to be out of character. It has to be outside my comfort zone.”

Sally’s eyes widened and her brow furrowed as if she was beginning to realize he was insane. “Sounds like you’re thinking of something a little nuts.” She sounded disapproving.

Logan grimaced. He needed her help. “Yeah, I know. Do you have a better idea? I’m not going to pretend I relish the thought of going about it this way.”

“Why can’t you just talk to her?”

“Simple. You know her. Is she going to believe me if I behave normally? If I just walk in, say I need to talk to her, and tell her how much I love her? Will she buy that, or will she just think I want her back in my bed? Will she even listen?”

“I see your point.”

“Or how about I walk in and get down on one knee and propose—flash a big old diamond in her face. Do you think that will work?”

Sally shook her head. “She’d lump you in with that jerk William, and throw you out on your ear.”

Logan pulled back for a second. The very thought of being lumped in with William-the-complete-idiot was insulting. But it made his point. “You see? I have to be willing to be insane. I have to take the risk. And, knowing Diana, I’m only going to get one chance at this, so I can’t afford to hedge my bet.”

Sally’s brows drew together, and she looked askance at Logan. “What are you thinking of doing?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but I know what I need to risk.”

“What?”

Logan shoved his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily. “My dignity.” He studied his naked left hand, clenched on the table and felt hollow inside.
How can I miss a ring that’s never been there?
His voice was grim as he met Sally’s eyes. “I need to risk being the laughingstock of York if she chooses to turn me down. The way I see it, it’s the only shot I have.”

Sally shook her head. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. What if you can’t convince her?”

Logan shook his head. “If I can’t convince her, I
will
be the laughingstock of York.” His eyes were steady on Sally’s. “Don’t you see? That’s the risk. I would never risk that for anyone but her.” His gaze dropped for a moment, then flicked back to Sally. “That way, even if she won’t marry me, she’ll still know I didn’t use her. She’ll know I love her enough to put myself on the line.”

A bee buzzed around the table. Sally gently shooed it away, then waited until Logan was looking her in the eye. “People here have long
memories. You do realize life is going to be hell for you, for a long time, if she turns you down.”

“My life is hell now, without her. Will you help me?”

“You’re not fooling around with this are you?”

He laughed in his throat and shook his head. “No, I’m not fooling around.”

This time Sally didn’t hesitate. “I’ll help.”

Diana studied the shelter’s books and shook her head. How had this happened? How could there be such a large error? Why on earth had Sally waited until last night to call her? They had been working together for half an hour now—it was seven a.m.—and Sally had stepped out to check on the animals, and on Tyler, at home. Diana shifted in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her jeans-clad legs. “I don’t know what ha
ppened here. It looks like a three thousand dollar deposit was entered twice and then spent three times. What could account for that?” She shook her head, absently pulling at the neck of her worn T-shirt, and began to go over the figures again.

The door to the office crashed against the wall.

Diana’s head jerked up and she gaped at the apparition before her.

Logan Carmichael filled the doorway. He wore his kilt and work boots—only his kilt and work boots. Blue body paint streaked his face and bare chest making his pale, unmarked shoulders and biceps stand out against the color. His eyes looked wild.

Diana took him in from head to toe. He looked… he looked ludicrous. So why was her heart racing? Nervousness made her voice tight. “What’s going on, Logan?”

He didn’t answer, but strode past the desk, reached down and hauled her from her chair, holding her at arm’s length. The strength of the hands clutching her upper arms made her very conscious of the fact she was alone with him and at a disadvantage physically.

Fear flickered. Her knees felt weak, but her blood ran hot. “What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?”

“No, not my mind.
Just my heart. You wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t believe me. So I tried to let you go, but I can’t. You’re mine, Diana. I want you to marry me. Be mine always.” He paused and took a deep breath. “So I decided to try the old-fashioned way.” He pulled her close and kissed her, hard.

Stunned, Diana’s head swirled with the passion of his kiss. But her brain clamored to be heard, to make sense of the words he’d said. She pushed fiercely against his hard muscled shoulders. “What do you mean the old-fashioned way? What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m kidnapping you.”

“Kidnapping me? Like heck you are!”

“To the front office. You’re coming with me.” He began to move toward the door, pulling her along.

“That’s ridiculous. Wait a minute.” Diana tried to dig in her heels, but it was like trying to slow the march of time. “Stand still and talk to me.”

“No.” He dragged her into the hallway. “I have to keep you off balance.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. Longer. Sweeter.

Her body was warming to his, but he broke off the kiss and conti
nued down the hallway. “Come with me.” He hauled her behind the counter in the front office. “Here.” He crushed her against his hard chest and claimed her mouth.

She pulled her head back. “Logan, stop it.” This was insane. His b
ehavior was completely irrational, and her body wanted him to keep going.

“Can’t. Won’t stop until you see that I love you. That I’d do anything for you.” He captured her lips again,
then lifted his head. “Won’t stop until you say you’ll marry me.”

She jerked back. “What?”

“You heard me.”

Her heart wanted to dance. “Do you know what you’re saying?”

“Yes. You’re the only woman I want. The only one I’ll ever want. I love everything about you. Your brains, your eyes, your hair.” He kissed her deeply once more. “Your body too, but it’s not the only thing and it never was. Kiss me back, Diana. Tell me you believe me.”

She shoved him away, but he kept his grip on her wrist. Her heart was doing leaps and pirouettes now, but her brain was still dragging its feet. “How can I tell you anything when you keep talking like you’re cr
azy and kissing me every two seconds?”

“I’m going to keep on kissing you. I don’t want to talk to your brain. It’s a great brain, but I’ve got to talk to your heart.” He kissed her again,
then pulled her from the room.

“Logan, stop this or you’ll be sorry.” He had to satisfy both brain and heart or this would never work.

“I’m already sorry. I’m sorry I was an idiot. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I let you get away from me. I know you’re getting angry.”

Her brain accepted the apology, but then…“
Getting
angry? I am angry!”

“Marry me. It’s okay to be angry. I wore steel-toed boots.” He kissed her again in the hallway. “And a cup.”

Diana pulled her head away from his lips once more, laughter breaking through the anger. “You’re insane!”

“Only for you. Marry me, Diana”

She went still, looking into his caramel eyes, and spoke quietly. “You really mean it, don’t you?”

“Hell, yes, I mean it. You think I’d look like this if I didn’t mean it?”

All the pent-up feelings she’d been trying to set aside and lock away were pounding at the door of her heart. What the heck. She loved him and she always would. “Logan, I—”

He stopped her with another kiss. Her body leapt in response to his kisses as it always had, even though the circumstances were absurd.

She pulled away and grabbed a breath of air. “Logan, I love you.”

His muscular arms tightened around her. “Are you just saying that to make me stop kissing you?”

“No. Logan, I love you” She sucked oxygen into her lungs as he swept her into his arms, and carried her into the back office. Setting her on her feet, but holding her wrist, he shut the door and turned the lock. He tugged her towards him.

She meant to step into his arms, but he stopped her, his hands on her shoulders. Holding her
still, he met her gaze. “And I love you. Only you. Always you.”

The caramel eyes glistened, blinked twice, then again, but they never looked away. “I thought I could let you go, but I can’t. Not unless you tell me you don’t want me.” He slid his hands down to capture hers. “Will you marry me, Diana?”

She pulled her hands away from him and spread her arms wide to put one palm on each muscled shoulder. It felt so good to hold him, she closed her eyes for a moment tilting her head down, and took a deep breath, feeling the heat of his body seep into her fingers and become part of her. Like he’d become part of her. She focused her eyes on his face, surprised to see an impassive warrior looking back. “I would be honored to marry you.”

He ground out a single syllable, his eyes flat, though fire burned deep within. “But?”

Diana blinked and frowned. “No buts. I love you, and I’ll marry you.”

The warrior face melted away, warmth returning, as Logan smiled and drew her into his arms. “You’ll marry me?”

“Yes.” Dianna felt the tension in him ease.

“I have one more question. Will you marry me today?”

“Today?” Isn’t there a three-day waiting period? “Well, I suppose we—”

He put a finger to her lips to stop her answer. “If you say no, I’ll have to start kissing you again.”

“I’m saying yes. Vegas works for me. And you’d better start kissing me again anyway.” She reached for him, but he stepped back.

“I’m not sure I should. You might think I’m only after your body.”

Diana reached to pull off her T-shirt. “Carmichael, after all that kissing you’d better be after my body. And take off that blasted cup.”

Logan beamed at her. “Yes, ma’am.” A dark gleam appeared in his eye. “The desk?”

She nodded. “The desk.”

As Diana stepped out of her sandals, Logan squatted to strip off her jeans and panties. He tried to press an intimate kiss between her thighs, but she pulled him to his feet.

“Take off the kilt.” She slipped off her bra.

“Just a second.” He quickly wedged a chair under the
doorknob.

“Don’t you trust the lock?”

“Do you have the only key?”

“Well, no…”

“I don’t want any distractions.”

He backed her up to the edge of the desk and sat her on top. Wra
pping his arms around her, he pulled her close—skin to skin, heat to heat.

Diana sighed. “I missed you so much.”

He kissed her—swift and hard. “Never again. You’ll never need to miss me again.”

Her head fell back. Leaning over her, he lowered her back to the desk and nuzzled her breasts. She wrapped her legs around his waist and in one quick surge of her hips took him inside her. But Logan wasn’t to be hurried this time. He eased back and forth within her, while teasing her breasts and kissing her lips, until she thought she would scream in fru
stration. “Logan, now. Please.”

“Tell me again that you’ll marry me. That you love me.”

“I love you, and I’ll marry you, and if you don’t get a move on, I’ll finish this for you!” She used her legs to pull him deeper inside her. He complied more than willingly. Minutes later, his chest above hers, he leaned on his forearms as they both panted.

“Put me on the floor, Logan,” she gasped.

“Let me catch my breath first, woman.”

“Logan, stand me on the floor! The desk is hurting my back.” She shook her head in disbelief. “Talk about a one-track mind—you are such an engineer.”

“I don’t want to leave you yet. Wrap your legs tighter around my waist. I’ll stand and take you with me.” As she complied, he gathered her towards him and with his powerful arms holding her close, lifted her off the desk, then turned and sat on it himself, still inside her. “There, how’s that?”

“
Mmmmm.” She wiggled her hips gently to seat herself more firmly on him. “Perfect, thank you.” Diana snuggled into the warmth of his embrace and relaxed. This was where she belonged. A contented sigh escaped her as Logan continued to cradle her against him, rubbing his cheek against her hair. Diana was so loose-limbed, and feeling so relaxed, now that the tension of being apart from Logan had ended, she simply let her mind drift. He seemed content just to hold her for a while. Then, abruptly, he sat straight.