"You told her all of our business?"
"Yep, he sure did!" Sherry pointed her finger in Mo's face.
"You wanna know what else? You ain't the only one with the house and the car. Quan copped me one, too, and every time y'all got into it he came right over and got in the bed with me!
Oh, and I forgot, in eight more months he gon' be a daddy again!"
Boiling with anger, Mo blacked out and left hooked the hell out of Sherry. The blow from her fist and ring caused the skin underneath Sherry's right eye to bust open and ooze out blood.
"Yo, chill!" Quan barked, pulling Mo back.
"Naw, let me go!" She tried to snatch away.
"Sherry! Get in the car and go home!"
"Fuck that!" she screamed, reaching for Mo.
"Get in the fuckin' car, Sherry!" Quan blocked her path.
"That's my word! I'ma kill you, bitch! Don't let me catch yo' tall ass out in the street! I'ma slice yo' face! Watch!" Sherry yelled, holding her eye.
"Oh you gon' kill me! Bitch, you better beat it, 'cause the day you come for my throat is the day yo' ugly ass gon' be found six feet deep!" Mo lunged for her again.
"Mo, STOP!" Quan yelled, restraining her.
"Let me go!" She tried to break free. "You gon' kill me, Sherry? You ain't gon' do shit! All you do is walk, talk and kick bullshit, bitch! You better take yo' raggedy ass home before I beat yo' ass again!"
"Do what you do bitch! It's whateva!" Sherry screamed.
"That's why Quan loves me! He don't love you! He ain't gon' never leave me alone! I'ma always be in his life!"
"Oh, he loves you?! You love her, Quan?" Mo's bottom lip quivered as tears clouded her vision. "You love her?"
"Come on, Mo, stop," he pleaded, practically begging.
"Naw, fuck this. You want him, Sherry?" Mo finally broke loose. "Huh? You want him?" She pushed Quan toward her.
"'Cause here, you can have him! The two of you deserve each other! Fuck this nigga! I ain't gon' be sittin' here fighting over him!" She pushed him in the back over and over again.
"Stop!" Quan turned around and restrained her by wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.
"Let me go, Quan!"
"He's my son's father! He loves me!" Sherry cried.
"I told you, you can have him! What, you think this muthafucka is my life? I don't need him! I got a life! I got a degree!" Mo cried, trying to break away.
"Tell her, Quan! Tell her that you love me!"
"I hope he does!"
"Just go home, Sherry, a'ight, please! I'ma check on y'all later," Quan begged, tired of seeing them fight.
Doing as she was asked, Sherry hopped into her car still talkin' shit. A minute later, she and Lil' Quan were gone.
"Get yo' fuckin' hands off me!" Mo demanded. Hesitantly, Quan followed instructions and let go.
"What is wrong wit you, Mo? Why you put my fuckin' son outside?"
"I told you why! Fuck you and that cock-eyed baby!" The words weren't even good out of Mo's mouth before she felt Quan's strong hand slap her face. Holding her jaw, she looked into Quan's eyes, and for the first time her reflection was blind. The love they once shared wasn't there anymore.
So instead of cussing him out, hitting him back or crying, she simply shook her head, slid her engagement ring off, dropped it and went inside. There wasn't any need to argue or fight.
She was done, finito, finished.
Upstairs in their bedroom, Mo began to pack her things.
This time there would be no returning. She wanted to stay, but if she did, she'd die. Swallowing the tears which were slowly creeping up her throat, she grabbed her clothes. She couldn't be a victim of circumstance anymore. She was tired of being scarred and burned by Quan's love.
She didn't want to play house anymore. She had done enough crying. There had to be more to life than this. It was up to her to choose whether or not she would win or lose, and at that point in her life she chose to win.
Unbeknownst to Mo, Quan stood quietly watching as she packed, holding her engagement ring, wondering how things went wrong. He could easily remember a time when problems didn't exist between them. He could remember the jitters that filled his stomach whenever he was in her presence. How she smiled whenever she saw his face. But Quan couldn't keep living on memories. She shamed him once by sleeping with West, but to shame him again by putting his son outside was the last thing he could take.
He didn't want to break up, but being with Mo had become too difficult. Love wasn't supposed to feel this way. It wasn't supposed to puncture his heart. To Quan, love didn't have any apologies or respect for him. All it seemed to do was cripple his ability to trust a woman.
"You know ... you have a made a fool out of me for years with these whores, but to bring the remnants of your flings to our house? What the fuck were you thinkin'? Like honestly, how much did you think I could take? Huh?" Mo's mouth tightened up.
"Are you serious right now? You fuckin' crazy. Did you just forget that you put my son outside?!"
"I'm not as crazy as you think I am and you're not as dumb as you look!" she snapped. "You know you've had a quiet time on my watch," she laughed, wiping her face. "I mean, let's go down the list. First it was the stank hoe that do hair at Leroy's, then the chick next door at Dream Team, there was that fat ugly bitch that waitress at Cougars, the tall big booty bitch at Mobile on Olive, the stripper at Bottoms Up, and oh, let's not forget the biggest rat of them all, the high powered freak from Pine Lawn that bore your child."
"Oh ... okay ... so since you think I fucked all them hoes, that's the reason why you fucked my boy and put my son outside?" he barked.
"So it's all about you? Here we go back to that shit! Poor you! So your feelings got hurt, huh? Well, mine have been hurt for years. You never bothered to care, so why should I?
What, you think I ain't know? I knew about all them bitches.
But I stayed anyway 'cause I loved you," she cried. "But you know what I wanna know most, Quan?"
"What?"
"What does she have that I don't? Is it the baby? Is that why you can't leave her alone?"
"Mo, who the fuck did you think I was when you got wit me? You knew how I grew up! You knew what kind of nigga I was, so where the fuck do you get off actin' all surprised and miffed when there are other women on the side? You knew the deal!"
"The deal?" she scoffed, amazed.
"Yeah, the deal! You really wanna know what Sherry has over you?" He got in her face. "I bet if Sherry had
our
muthafuckin' baby, it wouldn't have been sittin' outside! That's what she got over yo' ass! She ain't that fuckin' ignorant! That girl had to fight and struggle for everything she's got!"
"Unlike me?"
"Mo, yo' prissy ass don't even know the meaning of struggle. You grew up wit money, man. You don't know what it's like to hustle."
"How soon we forget. I tried to get a job! I asked you over and over to let me work but you said no! Your insecure ass was too fuckin' afraid some other nigga might take interest in me to let me get a job!" Mo replied, throwing her panties and bra into a bag. "So don't throw that independent bullshit in my face! I got a degree, nigga!"
"So I forced this life on you? Bitch, I ain't hear you complaining when you was out ever other week spending thousands on clothes! You wasn't complaining when you bought all of that expensive-ass furniture that we barely fuckin' use!
You wasn't complaining when I was out gettin' money and you was fuckin' my boy! I ain't hear no muthafuckin' complaining then!"
"You really don't get it, do you? All I ever wanted was you!
You, Quan! YOU!" she screamed, hoping he would finally understand.
"Fuck all that bullshit you talkin' 'cause I ain't even tryin' to hear that right now! I'm trying to figure out why you put my son outside! Straight up, 'cause that was some foul-ass shit."
"I got fed up. I got tired of you constantly shooting me in the heart."
"Shooting you in the heart? Look at what you just did to me!" Quan pounded his chest.
"What was I supposed to do?! You just kept on pushing him on me and pushing!"
"I asked you--"
"No, correction, you told me. You never asked me how I felt! You never once bothered to see where I was coming from because you're selfish! If it ain't benefiting Quan then you don't give a damn!" she shouted, flailing her arms around.
"Yo, save it! This ain't even about that. It's about yo' crazy ass puttin' my son outside on the porch! Don't you know niggas done died for less than that?!"
"Quan, please." Mo waved him off. "I believed you! I believed every fuckin' thing you said! I believed you when you said you loved me! I believed you when you said you would never hurt me! You ain't have to lie to me! You could've told me the truth!"
"I lied to you because I didn't want to hurt you."
"Please ... tell me anything. All you care about is yo'self."
"How can you say that? Everything I ever did in my life was for you!"
"Oh, so fuckin' Sherry was for me, Quan? Having a baby on me with that bitch was for me? 'Cause if it was, then you can take that gift back. Don't you know ... all I ever wanted was to give you a child? That's all." Mo held her head down as tears poured from her eyes onto the floor. "Don't you know how much that hurt me to see you hold and love that baby?
That was supposed to be our child, Quan." She sobbed, clutching her stomach. "Our child! I tried so hard to love you despite all this bullshit!"
"Mo, you act like I treated you like shit."
"You might as well have. I mean, let's be real, Quan. You didn't love me. You love the idea of loving of me, but you did- n't 'cause real love wouldn't have done this to me. It wouldn't have broken my heart and left me for dead time and time again."
"A'ight, so now I don't love you. Yo' ass is fuckin' crazy.
What's next, Mo? How the fuck am I gon' be wit you for damn near ten years and not love you?"
"You had a shitty way of showing it. Whateva love you had for me went out the window the day you started sleeping with Sherry. 'Cause you know what you being with her said to me?
It said fuck Mo. Fuck her feelings. Fuck the love she has for me! Fuck all those nights she cried over me! Fuck all the times she prayed to God to bring me home safe! That's what it said!"
"Go 'head, Mo. Blame everything on me. You ain't cheat.
You ain't lie. You ain't did nothing wrong I guess."
"Yeah I have. I ain't gon' never lie."
"You know what, shorty, whateva. I'm done arguing wit you 'cause you foul so just hurry up and leave my key on the table." He threw up his hands in defeat and left the room.
He didn't have any more to say. Too much had already been said before. Feeling the same way, Mo continued to pack in silence. An hour and a half later she was done. Mo was taking all of her stuff. She didn't want to leave a thing behind because had decided that she was never coming back. After loading six suitcases, four totes and three trash bags worth of clothes, shoes and accessories in her truck, Mo walked back into the house she'd called home for more than four years and breathed in deeply.
Quan was seated on the couch with his back facing her, smoking a cigar. His feet were propped up on the coffee table.
Normally, Mo would have gone off, but at this point, she didn't care. It was his shit and he could fuck it up if he wanted to.
For a minute she wondered if she should say goodbye, but quickly thought against it. Their relationship was over.
Nothing else needed to be said. She quietly took her key off the king ring, placed it onto the table by the door, and left without saying a word.
17
Chocolate Cocaine
The afternoon sun danced gracefully upon Mo's skin as
she sat comfortably at the windowsill of her downtown loft
overlooking the busy Washington Avenue traffic below.
Dressed simply in a silk creme negligee and tan cardigan with her knees up to her chest, she bit into a large green Granny Smith apple. Juice dripped from her lips down her chin as she chewed. Mo wiped her face and giggled as she continued to people watch in silence. The soul stirring melody of losing love and regaining one's independence by India.Arie played throughout the entire living area. It was a beautiful spring Saturday afternoon.
Mo was at home alone, but that suited her just fine. She enjoyed being by herself for the most part. Plus, she figured if she didn't enjoy her own company, no one else would. For once, life was pleasant and uncomplicated. She had her sanity, peace of mind and a good paying job working in the music industry as an A&R rep for Bigg Entertainment. After sitting down with Bigg and his business partner, Legend, Mo was hired right on the spot. They loved her enthusiasm and positive attitude. Her knowledge of the music industry and ability to spot great talent didn't hurt much either.
Mo was enjoying life for the first time in a long time. All of the fun things she'd once liked to do, but had to repress, were revitalized after leaving Quan. Since he didn't like going to art museums, plays or the ballet she didn't either, but now all of that was over. Mo could do all of the things she and her mama used to do before her death and not feel guilty about it. She didn't have to worry about Quan's smart comments and his lack of support for things that interested her.