Too Little, Too Late (34 page)

I
T HAD TAKEN
H
OSEA A
couple of days to figure it out. But with time and discernment, he finally had.

For as long as he could remember God spoke to him. Yet, it still amazed him every time he heard Him. But what was even more astounding was that this time, God had used Mae Frances.

“Say what you need to say. Ask what you need to know.”

Those were her words, but God’s guidance.

He stopped his car in front of the Rendezvous, nodded to the valet attendant, and then took a deep breath before he entered the hotel. As he stepped into the elevator, he kept his mind on his mission:
Say what you need to say. Ask what you need to know.

In the fourteenth-floor hallway, he glanced at his watch. It was late, not quite midnight. But he had no doubt that she would still be awake.

At the door, Hosea raised his hand to knock, but before his knuckles touched the door, it opened. As if Natasia knew he was coming and was gladly expecting him.

Only, she wasn’t.

Natasia stood there, covered only with a sheer robe. And next to her, a man. With his shirt undone at the collar and his tie and jacket flipped over his arm.

“Hosea!”

Her tone told him that she was as shocked as he was.

“Ah…” He didn’t have any words.

“Wow,” the man said, looking from Hosea back to the woman he’d just met a few hours ago at de Janeiro. “This is awkward.” And then, as if he wasn’t sure, he added, “Isn’t it?”

“Nah, man,” Hosea said. He stood taller, pushed back his shoulders. “It’s not awkward at all.”

“Uhmmm.” Natasia pulled the belt of her robe tighter. As if that would hide her bare skin beneath. “Hosea, come on in. Uhmmm…” She paused, looked at the man, squinted as if she was trying to recall his name. Finally, she gave up. “He was just leaving.”

“No, that’s okay,” Hosea said. “You guys can finish…your business. We can talk tomorrow.”

She pulled her arms tightly around her chest, trying to cover herself even more. “No, now is good. Come in.”

The stranger brushed past him and said, “I’m outta here,” and then dashed down the hall.

“Come in,” she said again, her voice shaking now.

He wondered why she trembled. Did she know what he had come to say? Or maybe she was cold—just naked and cold.

“I don’t need to come in.” It was easier now than it had been in weeks to keep his eyes on her eyes. “I just wanted to apologize for the other day. With Jacquie.”

“That’s okay.” She tried to smile. “I shouldn’t have taken her away without talking to you.” She paused again. “I just wanted you to know that your daughter and I could be friends.” She motioned toward him again. “Please come in.”

He shook his head. “The reason I came by, Natasia, is to say good-bye.”

She frowned.

“You’ve told me a couple of times that I never said good-bye. And you were right. I think that’s why you came back. Because I never released you. I never said good-bye. But now, you can put the life we shared behind you. Now you can go forward.”

She shook her head. “No, Hosea.” She reached for him. “Please, come in. I can explain what this—”

He held up his hands. “You don’t have to explain a thing. I said what I came to say.” He paused. Looked at her again. Repeated, “Good-bye,” so she would surely understand.

“Hosea!”

She called his name over and over, but he kept walking. He rang for the elevator, and when he stepped inside, turned around, she was there. Standing in the middle of the hallway. Almost naked.

“Hosea, please.”

He didn’t say a word as the elevator doors closed and the car descended.

He inhaled deeply, then exhaled. He’d done what he was supposed to do—he’d said what he had to say.

Now he had to ask what he needed to know. Had to find out if he could ever trust Jasmine again.

But he wasn’t ready to do that. Not yet. He needed time, because Jasmine’s answer could change his life.

He needed a few more days to pray.

A
LEXIS LIFTED HER
D
ELTA
Sigma Theta mug from her desk and sipped. She moaned softly. Inhaled and savored another sip of her coffee. This was as close to heaven as she’d been in a long time.

She caressed the half-f mug as if it was her lover, and then she buzzed her assistant. “When you get a moment, can you bring me a cup of coffee?” It was always good to have another waiting.

“More coffee?”

“Yup,” she said, and clicked off the intercom. Sure, this was probably about her fifth cup in an hour. But she had a lot of catching up to do. She’d been back in her addiction for only a week.

She punched in the Web site for her real estate broker and scanned the available apartments. The hotel was getting old. And even though Brian told her that she could have the condo, she had no plans of returning there for anything more than to pack the rest of her clothes. Her goal was to have her own place by this weekend.

The knock on her door came more quickly than she expected. “Come right on in,” she said without turning around. “Just put it on my desk.”

“Okay.”

She whipped around in her chair, shocked that he was standing there. “Brian.”

He held up the mug. “Your assistant gave this to me to bring in. Is it okay?”

She nodded.

She watched him close the door, place the cup on her desk, and then slip into a chair across from her.

“I hope you don’t mind my stopping by.”

“Not at all. I knew we’d have to see each other…eventually.” She paused, did a quick scan of the man she still called her husband. Dressed casually, in jeans and an open-collar shirt, he certainly looked as if he was handling this well. “How are you?”

He nodded. “I’ve been better. But you look great. Better than you’ve looked in months.” He held up his hands when she frowned. “That’s a compliment.”

Now she gave him a small smile. “I’ll take it as one.”

“You look happy. At peace.”

“I am.”
Finally.
“You look good too.”

“It’s not because of the way I feel.” He pulled an envelope from his shirt pocket. “I got your letter.”

She bit the corner of her lip. “I’m really sorry. I tried.”

He nodded. “So this is really it. You want a divorce?”

“Yes. Definitely, this time.”

He lowered his eyes. Nodded again. “I have a question,” he said, looking up at her. “If it wasn’t for Jasmine, if it wasn’t for the baby—”

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Brian. Before all of that, I thought I could do it.”

“But once Jasmine came into the picture, you couldn’t. You couldn’t forgive me.”

She didn’t answer right away. The worst part of all of this was that she didn’t feel like a very good Christian right now. Didn’t feel like she had a forgiving heart. “I think I’ve forgiven you. The problem I have is trust. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, and I know that you’re sorry, but I don’t know how I’d ever trust you again.”

In the quiet, he thought about her words. “I really did love you, Alexis. I still do. You can trust that.”

“I never doubted your love. It’s all my other doubts that would have kept us from having the kind of marriage we had before and the marriage we deserve.”

He nodded, but she could tell by the way his lips were pressed together that he didn’t agree.

She said, “We can both do so much better.”

“There’s no one better for me than you.”

She smiled. “I have a feeling you won’t be saying that in a couple of months.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

She shrugged.

“Do you think I’m going to get over you like that?” He shook his head. “It’ll never happen. That’s why I’m hoping we can stay friends.”

“It’ll never happen.” She laughed. “Maybe. I don’t think I can love you anymore. But I do like you. And everything that you tried to do for me. For us.”

“But everything I did—it was just too little, too late. It wasn’t enough.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I was the one who wasn’t enough.”

He sat forward, his eyebrows pinched together. “Don’t ever think that. This was never your fault. Never about you.”

She nodded. “Are you going to continue therapy?” she asked.

He grinned. “You sound like you care.”

“I can’t turn that off and on. I want you to be well.”

“I’m definitely going to continue. I don’t want to be that man anymore.”

“That’s not who you really were, Brian,” she said, shaking her head. “It was the—”

“Disease,” he said before she could finish. “I’m not sure you ever really believed that.”

“I did. It was just the consequences of it that I couldn’t handle.” She paused. Asked, “What are you going to do about the baby?”

“Nothing’s changed. I agreed to let Hosea and Jasmine raise her.”

“Can you really live with that?” she asked softly.

He shrugged. “For now.” He pushed himself up. “Well, I didn’t want to keep you. Just wanted to stop by and see you for a moment.” She didn’t move as he came around to her side of the desk. “I’m not happy about this, but I’m going to give you the divorce, Alexis.”

“Thank you.”

“But you know me.” He leaned over her. “There’s something inside that doesn’t let me lose. Doesn’t allow me to give up.”

Maybe she’d thanked him too soon. Was this a warning that they were headed for battle?

He smiled. “Don’t worry,” he began. He was still her husband, so close, he could almost read her thoughts. “I’m not going to fight you.” He inched toward her and when she didn’t back away, he pressed his lips against hers. Softly. For a long moment. Then he turned away.

But at the door, he stopped. Looked back. “Have your attorney call me. But keep him on retainer. Couples have been known to remarry, you know.”

He walked out of the office without looking back. Without seeing the smile that he’d left on her face.

J
ASMINE LEANED BACK IN
the bed and played the message again.

“Call me as soon as you can,” Annika said, her excitement bursting through. “The skussy left me a message a couple of days ago, but I was out of the office and just got it. Seems she wants a new job. And if I can help it, she’ll be in Timbuktu.”

Jasmine pressed “four” on the phone to listen again.

Natasia was going away? Why? Had she given up on Hosea? Had he given up on her?

Jasmine had prayed and read her Bible and left Hosea alone. Sat still, just like everyone told her to do. But it had been almost a month since he’d walked away. And for the last week, neither she nor Mae Frances had heard a word from him. He hadn’t even called for Jacqueline. That broke her heart the most.

But now that Natasia was out of the picture…

Jasmine grabbed the phone, dialed Hosea’s cell. After the first ring, she breathed. At least his phone was on.

Then it rang again. She imagined him looking at the screen.

And rang again. By now, he knew it was her.

And then, it rang for the last time. He was not going to answer.

Jasmine hung up when his voice mail came on.

Natasia may have been gone. But that didn’t change a thing. Why should it? Their separation was about a whole lot more. It was about Kenny. And Brian. And all the lies that she’d ever told. How much was a good man supposed to take?

“I get it now,” she said to herself, fighting her tears.

But it seemed as if her revelation was too little, too late. That realization made her roll off the bed and drop to her knees.

“God, please forgive me.” And then she stopped, knowing that was all she had to say. But she added, “I want You to know that I’m sorry. I’ve done some dirt in my life, and this is payback. It’s just hard to accept because You sent me such a good man. The only man I’ve ever loved.–And because I didn’t trust You, he’s gone.

“But I’m making this promise now, God. If You ever give me the chance to love someone again, it will be all about You. And all about trust. I know I won’t be perfect, but I will trust You to take care of me. I will trust You always.”

Jasmine stayed on her knees for moments longer before she pushed herself up. All she wanted to do was lie in her bed and cry. But what would that do? No amount of tears was going to bring Hosea home.

She sighed. If there was anything good to come out of this, it was that she would never have to tell Hosea about her age or any other lies she’d ever told. She would have never been able to face him with that truth, anyway.

But there was no need to lament over her past deception. All of that would remain a secret and she’d be able to start over, fresh.

The first thing she had to do was get herself and Jacqueline and Mae Frances back to New York. She reached for the phone, but then paused when she heard her daughter’s giggles. Jasmine smiled. At least she’d still have a wonderful life, as long as she had Jacqueline.

She tightened her bathrobe before she hurried to her daughter’s bedroom. But she stopped suddenly. Stood still in the doorway and pressed her hand against her throbbing chest.

“Hosea,” she whispered.

He didn’t look up, though she could tell he knew she was there. He held Jacqueline in his arms as he rocked in the chair.

“Daddy!”

It was one of her new words—Daddy instead of Dada. Jasmine watched Hosea’s face brighten.

“Say that again.” He laughed and tickled her.

Jacqueline laughed with her father. “Daddy!”

Jasmine half-laughed, half-cried with them, but she stayed where she was. Scared that if she moved a muscle, Hosea would go away.

Finally, Hosea placed Jacqueline down and watched as she grabbed her dolls. Then, for the first time, he looked at Jasmine. Stared at her for a moment, before he walked past her, into the living room.

She followed, praying that he wouldn’t leave without saying a word. But in the living room, he paused in front of the windows. She kept quiet. Just watching. Just waiting.

When he finally turned, he looked straight into her eyes. “I hate liars,” he said, as if it was just a fact.

It was hard to breathe after those words. All she wanted to do was cry. But she didn’t let a tear fall. Didn’t even blink.

He continued, “Because, if you lie, you’ll cheat. And if you cheat, you’ll steal. And I don’t even know what you’d do from there.”

She began to shake her head. She needed to deny that she was anything more than a liar.

But he held up his hand, stopping her. “I know you’re not a thief, Jasmine. But you are a liar.”

She tried her best to hold her sobs in. “Hosea,” his name came out in a whisper, “baby, I am so sorry. But I have changed. Really, I have.”

He stared, like he was trying to study her, believe her. “I can’t do this anymore.”

It was harder now to fight back the tears.

He said, “I can’t live with you and wonder if you’re lying. I have to know that my wife is telling me the truth. I have to be able to trust that.” He took a deep breath. “I have a question.” But he let moments pass, as if he was afraid to ask. As if he was afraid to hear the answer. Finally, “Have you told me any other lies?” he whispered. “Is there anything else…”

No!
she screamed inside. Why did he have to ask her that? She didn’t want him to know. Didn’t want to see the look of disgust in his eyes if she told him. She would never have a chance at getting him back if she told him the truth.

But there was a part of her that wanted to plead guilty to all that she’d done. “I…” She stopped. She just couldn’t tell him.

“Jasmine?”

Then she remembered—the promise that she’d made to God.

“Is there—”

Before Hosea could finish the rest of the question, she was singing like a jailbird. “I’m not thirty-eight,” she cried. But her tears weren’t going to get in the way of her confessions. “I’m forty-three. I think that’s why we haven’t been able to have a baby. And I haven’t gained twenty pounds, I gained twenty-five, maybe even thirty. And I don’t wear a size seven shoe anymore. But I think that’s because of the weight I gained. And I did grow up in Inglewood, not Ladera. Although there are a lot of people who say that Ladera is Inglewood. And…” She stopped, trying to remember all the words she’d ever spoken. Trying to make every wrong right.

But then, through her tears, she saw him. And his slight smile. “Is that it?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” she cried, her mind still searching. She wanted to tell him everything. But her head hurt. And her heart ached. “It’s all I can remember right now. But if I think of anything else, I will tell you, I promise.”

He nodded. Said nothing for a moment. “I didn’t know about your weight or shoe size, but I knew how old you were.”

Her eyes and her mouth widened.

“I didn’t know your exact age, but I knew that you had lied. And I needed to know if you would tell me now. I had to ask, I had to know, if you had really changed.”

“I have, Hosea. There’s a lot more I have to work on, but I’ve really changed. You can trust me. I’ll never lie to you again.”

Slow seconds ticked by. “I believe you now.”

A sob of relief rushed from her throat.

He said, “And I won’t lie to you, Jasmine.” With a breath, he added, “There are some things that I have to tell you. Some things that we’re going to have to work out.” He reached for her. “But first, let’s go in there and get our daughter.”

She stared at his hand, waiting for hers. And she wondered what secrets he had to tell. Was it about Natasia? Had they slept together?

But when she looked up at him, all she could see, all she could feel, was his love. She took his hand. And when he squeezed hers, she started crying all over again.

If he had slept with Natasia, it would hurt, but it wouldn’t matter. Because Natasia was gone. And he had come home.

Together, they walked back into Jacqueline’s room, and their daughter looked up. She pushed herself from the floor and waddled toward them.

“Mama, Daddy!” She clapped her hands as if she knew this was a miracle.

Hosea laughed. Lifted his daughter. Kissed her cheek. And then, kissed his wife.

Jasmine closed her eyes while Hosea held her. And in her mind, all she could say was, “Thank you, God,” over and over again.