Too Grand for Words (BookStrand Publishing Romance) (38 page)

She pushed his hand away. This wasn’t the Steven she knew. “People make mistakes, Steven.” She glanced at Kyle who stared back at her with a look that said “
I told you so
.”

“Addicts are weak. They’ll always break down again. You’ll put Mom and Dad through hell—again, just like last time, and because of you Moira was almost killed.”

“You know that’s not his fault,” she said, pulling away from him. He watched as she took the few steps to stand beside Kyle’s chair.

“What are you doing, Moira?”

Dane rested a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “I think,” he said slowly, “you better mind your words, Steven.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Let’s just get Kyle and Moira to the hospital,” Dane coaxed.

She stood her ground beside Kyle, her hands curled into fists. “Recovered addicts are not weak, Steven,” she hissed. “They’re stronger people because they’ve overcome a monster that squats in their mind and plays with every waking moment.”

Steven turned his gaze to Dane, not understanding. “What the hell are you talking about, Moira?”

“I’m saying your brother conquered his demons, and he wants his family back. He wants you to give him a chance.”

“Forget it, Moira,” Kyle said, grabbing her arm. “He doesn’t get it. He’s always been a self-righteous bastard.”

“Get your fucking hands off my wife.”

“Calm down, Steven,” Dane said. “She’s not your wife yet, and you’re going to fuck everything up if you don’t shut your mouth for a change.”

“What?” Steven stood up, and reached for Moira, but she took a step back.

“He’s right. You’ve always been a self-righteous prick. Just because you ended up with a few more brain cells than us doesn’t mean you’re smarter. You own a kingdom, but you’re about to lose your queen if you don’t shut your goddamned trap,” Kyle cautioned.

Steven’s brain finally kicked into gear. She stood beside the black sheep of the family, and he realized she was protecting him. “Moira?” He shook his head.

“What?”

“Not you, I don’t believe it,” he whispered.

“Moira, it’s all right,” Dane murmured, and walked to her side, wrapping his arm around her. He grabbed Kyle’s shoulder and gave him a quick squeeze. “It’s all right. Nothing has to leave this room.” He turned toward Steven. “Unless you want to leave, Steven.”

“I…I…” He looked out the dust-covered window of the old cabin, confused. “God.” He rammed his hand through his hair. “Moira, was it drugs?”

She shook her head.

“Alcohol?”

She shook her head again.

“It’s all right, sweetheart, tell him,” Dane urged. “It’s his choice whether he wants to accept it or not.”

“Dane—” He lifted his hand in the air as if warding his brother off. “Just stay out of this.”

“How can I? I love her, whether that pisses you off or not I don’t give a shit, and Kyle is our brother, but you threw him out of our lives like garbage. We all have weakness, even you. No one’s perfect, but that’s what you’ve always expected from all of us. That fucking IQ of yours always got in the way of your heart until Moira stepped into your life and rang your reality bell.”

He glared at his brother. “That’s not true.”

“It is. The perfect women, the best cars, the nicest clothes. You’re a snob, Steven.”

His eyes doubled in size. “That’s not fucking true. I just wanted…”

“What, Steven? What did you want? You never knew. You just kept getting possessions whether it was women or things, but you didn’t know what you really wanted, until a little five-foot-nothing brunette gave you a good whack across your heart.” Dane shook his head. “What if she’s not perfect either? Are you going to throw her away, too?”

“Moira, whatever it is we can handle it, together,” he said ignoring his brother.

“Addiction happens, Steven. It happens to the best people, to lonely people, to good people. It happens with the ignorance of youth like your brother—young, invincible and curious, and suddenly your life is ruined.” She laid her hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “I’ll tell you, Steven, and then I’m leaving.”

“No, I don’t care what it is, Moira. I don’t, I don’t care.”

“It wasn’t me, Steven, it was my father. He struggled with alcohol. I watched my mom being torn to pieces because of it, but she never stopped loving him, and it killed her and my brother. How could you give up on your brother? That’s not the man I know.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you never asked me.”

Steven swayed his head. “You’re right; I didn’t ask you anything about them. Because I didn’t want you to have to remember. I didn’t want to cause you any pain. You told me once they were all dead.” He turned and took a couple paces toward the window. “I wanted to be your family, Moira. I wanted you to have
my
family.”

“And I wanted to know all your family, and Kyle is your brother, your blood. I can’t give my father a second chance, but I want you to promise you’ll give your brother one. Let him prove to you that tomorrow can be different. Family is important, don’t turn away from him,” she begged.

He shook his head, “Moira, you’re tearing out my fucking heart again. I can’t.”

“You’ve missed him, Steven. I know you have. If you’re who I’ve always thought you were, you’re just angry right now, but you can’t tell me you don’t love him, in spite of his mistakes.”

Steven let out a deep breath, looking sharply at Dane.

Dane gave him a meaningful smile. “I forgave him a long time ago, Steven. I think it’s time you do, too. Moira’s right, family forgives, and they start again.”

Moira clasped her hand over her shoulder, squeezing the wound. “Promise, damn it.”

Steven darted a look at Kyle, and nodded. “Moira, I didn’t mean what I said about addiction. I’m angry at him, not you.” He looked at his identical brothers who stood silently watching them. “He did a lot of awful things to our family.”

Her hand jumped to her stomach, protecting it. “You promised, Steven, now stand by it.”

“Moira, what’s wrong?”

Her eyes squeezed shut with pain. “I think I’m losing the baby.”

“We have to get you to a hospital. We can talk about the rest later,” Steven said.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Steven. Ahh…” She doubled over with the pain.

Steven caught her in his arms. “Let’s go, right now.”

She lay staring at the ceiling waiting for the doctor to return. The rhythmic beep of the monitors and the irritating tick of the IV running into her hand broke the silence in the room. The sterile environment of the hospital made her more nervous than anything.

Since meeting Steven, she had waited for the other shoe to drop. She’d always known that the small balloon of happiness being in Steven’s life would eventually burst. The three brothers camped outside her room, not wanting to leave, even though she had asked them to.

The lump in her throat was proof enough that she loved Steven and his family, and wished beyond any wish that things could have worked out differently. But she could also accept the fairy tale was over. Tonight she’d come the closest to dying than she ever had. Next time it could be Steven, and she couldn’t live with that. It was better for her to walk away now, for a lot of reasons.

A swarthy-skinned doctor in a white lab coat walked in, followed closely by the brothers.

“Okay, ah which one of you is the father?”

“I am,” Steven said, reaching for her hand.

“Well, Moira—your lab results show the baby is fine. Your bleeding and cramps are normal for the first trimester. It can happen for a number of reasons. One being that your cervix is very sensitive during this period of the pregnancy. Sexual activity can cause the bleeding in many cases. You don’t have a pelvic infection, which can also cause the same symptoms. I would suggest that you take it a little easy and refrain from intercourse for a while or have it less frequently until your second trimester.”

“No problem, doctor,” Steven said. “How about you, sweetheart? Can you handle that?”

“Yes,” she said. She wasn’t going to air their laundry in front of some doctor.

“Good, I’ll have you released, and your fiancé can take you home.” The doctor paused. “I have to say, I’ve never seen three men of your age look so identical. It’s very unique.”

“So we’ve been told,” Kyle said, and smiled at her.

Steven helped her to a sitting position, and turned to his brothers. “You guys can go while she dresses, and we’ll see you outside.”

“Party pooper,” Dane said, throwing his arm around Kyle’s shoulder. “He always was that, too, wasn’t he?”

“Come to think of it, yeah. He never did share his toys very well.”

“Shut up, both of you,” Steven snarled at them.

“Do you think he’s getting more ornery with age?” Kyle asked.

“Definitely, especially when it comes to Moira. She’s hands-off, by the way.”

“Yeah, I think I get that.”

“You’re lucky he didn’t kill ya. You can thank me for that.” Dane grinned.

“Yeah right, you were right in there trying to stop him when he was beating the shit out of me, weren’t you?”

“Hey you’re big enough to fight your own battles. Besides, you needed one good beating.”

“By the look in Steven’s eyes, I don’t think I’m in the clear yet.”

* * * *

Steven listened to them bantering back and forth, giving him the gears as they left the room. He sat on the edge of the bed and took Moira’s hand in his, kissing her palm. “You heard the doc, we can go home.”

“I’m not going home with you, Steven.” She pulled her hands from his.

“Moira, I didn’t mean it. Don’t do this.”

“Steven, everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason I came into your life was so you could get your brother back. Be happy with that.”

“You came into my life because we’re meant to be together,” he said vehemently.

“I’ve made up my mind. Can you get the nurse to take this IV out?”

“No.”

“What?”

“No, I won’t. Not until you tell me you forgive me.”

She glared up at him. “This is all wrong, Steven, it’s been wrong from the start.”

“You can’t honestly believe that.”

“Don’t, Steven—we were never meant to be together. We come from two different worlds.”

He encompassed her face within his hands. “I need you more than you’ll ever know.”

“Steven,” she said, closing her eyes tight, and then opening them again. “I can’t live in your life. I can’t live with bodyguards and parties. That’s not who I am.”

“It’s more than that, isn’t it? It’s because of what happened tonight, and what keeps happening around you. You think something is going to happen to me, don’t you?”

She bent her head, and took in a shuddering breath.

Steven grasped her hands tightly and brought them to his lips. Fear gripped him. She was serious about leaving him. She couldn’t be. “I don’t want to live without you,” he whispered tightly. “I can’t.” He lifted her chin to look at him. “You’re
my
addiction.” He peered desperately into her eyes.

“I love you, Mr. Porter, and that’s why I’m leaving.”

His heart clenched. It was the first time she had ever said she loved him first. Did she trust him—finally? “Moira, I can see that you believe we don’t belong together, but you’re wrong. You always have been.” He strained to keep his emotions under control. Even the thought of her not being by his side tore him apart. “Dane was right. I surrounded myself with things and spent night after night with different women. It was because I was empty.”

“How can you be empty? You’re surrounded by people all the time.”

“No one touched my heart like you. The first time I kissed you, I knew I had finally found the only woman who would mean something to me. You’re the only woman who can center my world and keep me real. And it’s because I love you.”

“I’m not a socialite. I’ll always feel more comfortable in gumboots than high heels, and I have a string of bad luck attached to my heel, Steven.” Moira fiddled with the intravenous tube. “I’m about as imperfect as a person can be. You don’t need that in your life.” Her words caught in her throat, but she struggled to keep talking. “I just should have walked away from you.”

He reached up to gently follow the outline of her lips with his finger. “Tonight Dane called me a snob, and it’s true. At least it used to be,” he admitted weakly. “I’m not better without you. I’m empty without you, Moira.” He gently whisked the bangs from her eyes. “You’re my other half, I’d give you anything in this world if you wanted it, but I only have one real thing to offer you—my life. And whether it’s true or not that some strange cosmic force keeps putting you in the way of danger, I want to be there to stand beside you.”

A sad smile crossed his lips as he pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. “You are the most gracious woman I’ve ever known, you’re kind and real, and you try so hard to be strong, but it’s all right to be weak, to be human.” His finger traced her cheek. “For so long you’ve been by yourself, walking through life with no one to protect you, love you. Moira—” he whispered. “I don’t want you to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders anymore. I want you to let me carry it for you.” All the walls in her heart crumbled in that moment. Her features twisted with relief. Finally, he’d found the words that cracked her heart wide open.

Tears burst from her eyes, and it nearly broke him watching her release all the sorrow she had stored up in a lifetime of being alone. She’d been holding it all in, with no one to let her feel weak when she needed it, proud of her when she was strong. He realized she just needed to know that she could trust someone enough that she didn’t have to walk alone.

He held her close. It was all he had ever needed, too. Maybe, it was all anyone needed in this life. His brother had been right. He had always tried to fill a hole inside him with perfect things, but it was his imperfect heart that needed to be filled all along.

It’s what her books had repeated over and over again, faith, love, and hope. Maybe that’s why they had caught his attention from the very first page. She tried to tell the world that people needed all three, and only then could there be peace. Whether it was the peace in one’s heart or the peace of a nation, it all came from the same perfect point, a triangle of three virtues that no human could live without.

“I love you so completely and honestly. It scares me to think that I couldn’t look in your eyes every day. I see truth in them, and it gives me the strength I need to deal with the world. But you need to know that I’ll be with you every step of the way for the rest of our lives, Moira. I’ll be there if you fall, I’ll catch you, I’ll hold you until you feel strong again. But most of all, I’ll stand beside you till the end of our days.”

She folded over, tucking herself into his chest, and sobbed so hard her body shook violently. He cradled her in his arms, letting her shed the years of fear that she had hidden inside. “I love you, Moira, forever I’ll love you,” he whispered into her hair, closing his eyes tight.