To Walk the Night (3 page)
“Bad move,” Ethan whispered, taking a quick step to the side.
As soon as he was clear, my knife was out of its sheath and was buried in the Cultist’s thigh. He went down fast and hard, crying out in pain. I had the other knife in hand before he could think to react.
He looked at me through pain-filled eyes and dropped the knife to the floor. It clattered loudly on the concrete. “Fuck,” he said. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.” He squeezed his eyes shut as he pulled the knife from his leg. He let it drop to the floor next to the other.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. I wasn’t thrilled about what I was about to do. It was this sort of thing that made my life almost unbearable. “You know where I live. You know what I look like. I can’t let you leave here.”
The Cultist fell back into a sitting position. He looked at me with an almost blank stare, as if he had already accepted his fate.
“That’s why,” he said. “I didn’t understand until now.”
I stared at him, at a loss as to what he was referring to. It could have been anything really. There were all kinds of rumors about me, most so far off base it was laughable.
But whatever it was, it didn’t really matter. I couldn’t let him leave here alive.
“I’ll be, uh, in the other room,” Ethan said. He wiped his fingers across his throat where the knife had cut him. He winced and frowned at the blood on his fingers, then hurried up the stairs and out of the basement.
I knelt in front of the Cultist, nudging both knives out of the way with my foot as I did. “I’ll make it fast,” I whispered.
The Cultist’s eyes filled with tears and he nodded.
I rested my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. It was the least I could do.
Before he could resist, I gave his neck a sharp twist. His eyes widened for an instant before going dull.
His lifeless body slumped to the floor. I rose, dropping my knife beside him. The blood stopped oozing from his leg, which was good. I could feel my hunger wanting to take control. His blood would still be good for a little while longer.
I turned away, refusing to give in. He might have been a Cultist, but he hadn’t deserved to die. Not really. Disgust fought with hunger for control of my stomach. I felt sick. I did what I had to do.
That didn’t mean I had to like it.
3
Red-tinged water cascaded down my back and neck. The blood swirled down the drain, leaving a trace of red taint behind. My eyes were closed, hair dripping onto my face, concealing the pain hidden there. No one was there to see me, but I couldn’t bear the thought of exposing my weakness. I was stronger than that.
Of regrets, I have little. Taking the life of a man like the Luna Cultist wasn’t what was bothering me. It was the ease in which I did it that made my insides feel like they were twisting into knots. It was becoming far too easy to take someone’s life. It should never be easy, even if they
are
something of a threat.
are
something of a threat.
Okay, maybe I wasn’t being honest with myself. Having to kill the Cultist
was
indeed bothering me. What had he really done, other than break into my house to deliver a message? He wasn’t going to hurt Ethan. He had been scared, terrified really. Could I really blame him for that?
was
indeed bothering me. What had he really done, other than break into my house to deliver a message? He wasn’t going to hurt Ethan. He had been scared, terrified really. Could I really blame him for that?
But he knew where I lived. No matter how much I might have wanted to let him live, I just couldn’t do it. It was too dangerous allowing him to walk free. Sure, he had been sent to me by someone else who presumably knew where to find me. What did killing the Luna Cultist really solve?
I hated killing for no better reason than to protect my secrecy. No one should ever have to live like that. The Purebloods have their trained killers, men and women who could kill without a second thought. They could shoot a man at a distance, skewer him on the tip of a blade, and not blink an eye.
I didn’t want to become like them. Killing vamps and wolves wasn’t the same thing. They were tainted, their blood cursed. If left to their own devices, death and pain would follow in their wake. If nothing else, I was a perfect example of that.
I squeezed my eyes tight and tried to push the image of the Cultist’s face from my mind. Even though I hadn’t fed from him, I could still taste his blood in my mouth. He had bled little, yet I smelled it everywhere. It overpowered the werewolf and vampire blood that had covered me from head to foot.
The water pummeled my eyelids, beat at them so hard it stung. I took a large mouthful of water, swished it around, and spat it back out. I knew I could never rid myself of the taste. It was always there, waiting for the moment when I was at my weakest. It was a constant reminder of what I had become.
Blindly, I reached for the shampoo. The shower was almost like a ritual. I would wash my hair, my body, my spirit, in slow, measured movements. It would purge me of any guilt I felt. Normally, I would rid myself of the memories of the dead I couldn’t save, those whose lives were forever ruined by the vampires I killed.
Tonight, there was something else to purge, something I never wanted to feel again.
Ethan knew why I did what I did. He would understand. The body would be removed without me having to see it again. It had been a long time since he had to dispose of a body at the house. I never wanted it to happen again.
I rubbed the shampoo into my scalp, digging my fingernails into the flesh. Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to make sure any trace of blood—werewolf, vampire, or Pureblood—was cleansed completely free. I wasn’t afraid of the blood mixing and tainting me. I hadn’t sustained even the slightest of scratches in my fight with Paltori, and it would take far more werewolf blood than what was on me to contaminate me any worse than I already was.
The Den. My mind drifted from the Cultist to the reason he had been here in the first place. Why would the Denmaster want to talk with me? It had to be a trick.
But if they wanted me dead, why hadn’t they attacked me here? They could have set a trap, used Ethan as a bargaining chip for my surrender. They could have even killed him and waited for me, killed me before I knew anything was wrong.
It didn’t make any sense.
I washed out the shampoo and then turned my face back under the water. I grabbed the soap and began scrubbing at my body, starting from my face and working my way slowly down to my toes. I made sure to clean every crease of skin, every pore. No blood would remain.
The address had been scrawled on the small slip of paper just like the Cultist said it would be. There was no explanation, no information other than where I was to go. I had no idea why the Cult wanted to see me.
It wasn’t much of a surprise to learn the Den was located on the grounds of the old university. Most Cultists tended to come from the college ranks. Disillusioned youths, tired of dealing with the horrors of modern society often turned down dark paths to satiate their own inner demons.
The water started to turn cold and I hurriedly washed the soap from my skin. I turned off the shower and dried myself off, starting with one towel to catch any missed blood and then another to finish the job. I scrubbed at my hair until it was as dry as I could make it, then let it fall around my shoulders. Tossing the towels on the floor, I grabbed my hairbrush and ran it through my hair a few times, just enough to get out the worst of the tangles and make sure there were no clumps of blood remaining. My hair was so dark, it was hard to tell sometimes.
Once I was sure I was as clean as I could get, I opened the bathroom door and stepped into my bedroom.
“Oh, shit, sorry,” Ethan said, hastily turning away.
“What?” I said. I walked casually to my dresser to get dressed.
“I forgot you did that,” he said, waving a hand in my general direction. His face was bright red. “Don’t you take clothes in there, so, you know, you could change before coming out like that?”
“This is my bedroom.”
“Well, yeah, but, I don’t know ... The door was open and I thought you would be decent and ...”
“It’s fine, Ethan,” I said, mildly exasperated. “I’m sure you’ve seen a naked woman before.” I slipped on a T-shirt that was three sizes too big. It served well enough for a nightgown.
Ethan’s face blazed even hotter. He stared at the wall, fingers tapping his thigh as he waited me out.
“You can turn around.”
He glanced over his shoulder and sighed in relief when he saw me clothed.
“I didn’t mean to walk in on you,” he said. “I just want to make that clear.” His eyes darted down to my bare legs and then snapped back up to my face.
“What do you want?” I said, sitting on the bed. I had to fight hard to conceal a smile. Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe he
hadn’t
seen a naked girl before.
hadn’t
seen a naked girl before.
“Oh, right,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. He took a few deep breaths and his face went serious. “I was thinking about something before I got interrupted earlier.”
I stared at him, studied him. He was lanky, though not any taller than me. His hair was still a mess, but that was normal. He had also changed since I had last seen him. He was wearing jeans, a Scooby-Doo T-shirt, and sneakers. His Tom and Jerry one probably had blood on it now.
“What about?” I asked as casually as I could. From the tone of his voice, I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“Killing to feed,” he said. “There has to be another way. We can try something else. I was thinking that when we tried it the last time, I made some sort of mistake. Maybe I could come up with some formula, like synthetic blood or something. It might eradicate the need for you to feed.”
I tried to suppress my rise of anger. “You know this is a sore point with me,” I said. “And this isn’t exactly the best time to bring it up.”
“I know, but I am sure I can find a way for you to feed without the need for blood, or at least real blood anyway. There has to be.”
“And what do you expect me to do?” I shouted, rising from the bed. Ethan took an involuntary step backward. “We already tried the animal thing. It didn’t work. It will never work.”
Ethan licked his lips and tried to smile. His hands were shaking. “I know we tried, but maybe we did something wrong. Maybe if I was given more time to test some theor—”
“We didn’t do anything wrong!” I took a step toward him, my anger bubbling over. Even knowing Ethan as I did, knowing he only meant what was best for me, I couldn’t keep my rage bottled up when my less-than-normal diet became the topic of discussion.
Actually, anything could set me off. The vampire taint had accentuated my aggressions. Any little thing could cause my anger to boil over. I had to be careful all the time. One slipup and I could kill someone I didn’t mean to.
My thoughts flashed to the Cultist and some of my anger dissipated. Who was I to judge anyone? Ethan was only trying to help.
Ethan’s eyes were wide. I turned away from him. I knew a lot of my anger stemmed from what had happened earlier. That and the fact that I hadn’t fed for days. The longer I waited between feedings, the worse I got.
“Feeding on animals is to me like a blood transfusion from a cat would be to you. It just doesn’t work. Nothing you can do will ever make it work.”
“I know,” Ethan said. “But I want to try. Let me at least try to figure something out. If it works, then great. If not, then I will come up with something else. There is no reason not to try.” He gave a nervous laugh. “I just hate the thought of what will happen to you if you keep going down the path you are now.”
“And what do you think is going to happen to me?” I asked, though I already knew. I feared it, too.
“You know the consequences,” he said. “You see them every time you leave this house, every time you take on a vampire Count. Before long, if you keep killing, you’ll lose something you can never get back.”
I sat down heavily on my bed. I stared at the wall for a long time, trying hard not to think.
It didn’t work.
“I’ve already lost everything,” I said at a near whisper. All the anger fled from me in a gush of expelled air.
I knew I had been yelling at him for no reason. He only wanted to help, and for some reason, I was taking old frustrations out on him. It wasn’t fair. I knew that. I just didn’t know what else to do.
Ethan stared at me, stunned at my sudden shift. “I know,” he whispered. I could tell he was suffering memories of his own.
We had met under some pretty dire situations. Both of us had been captured by a vampire Count, Count Valentino. Back then, we were both Purebloods, as was my brother, Thomas. Ethan’s entire family had been killed by Valentino. He was the only one who had survived, though being locked up in a vampire’s cell wasn’t exactly surviving.
Thomas and I had been on a hunt. We were caught by Valentino’s wolves and tossed in a cage to be tortured later. We managed to kill a few vampires and wolves before getting captured at least. In the end, it was probably the worst thing that could have happened.
I had been stupid and brought along my keys and identification. Valentino took them, gave them to a few of his lackeys, and sent them to find my family.
They killed everyone—my mother, my father, my friends and neighbors. Everyone I cared about was lost to me on that day, including Thomas.
And my humanity.
“What does it really matter?” I said, trying to push the memories as deep as I could. “I’m already damned as it is. I kill on a regular basis. Nothing can change that. I’m a monster, and that is just something we are both going to have to live with.”
“You’re not a monster,” Ethan said. “Not yet. You don’t kill for the pleasure of it. You do it because you have to.” He chewed on his lower lip. “But having to kill all the time, it has to have an effect on you. I am scared the lust for blood will eventually take over. If we can somehow control the hunger, then we can conquer this thing.”
I sighed and ran my fingers through the last remaining tangles in my hair. “I’m not going to let it control me,” I said without conviction.
Ethan was silent for a long time. He worried at his hands, head bowed. I knew he was worried about me. I was worried about him as well. I had taken him in after I broke free of Valentino’s grasp. He was all I had left. We both had suffered greatly at Valentino’s hands. It was only fitting we stuck together.
“I think you should consider what he said,” he said suddenly. He looked up and stared me straight in the eyes.
“Who? The Cultist?”
Ethan nodded.
“And what? Accept the offer to go walking into their Den? I doubt they want to make friends. It’s more than likely some sort of trap.”
“He may have been crazy, but he was honest,” Ethan said. “The Cult wants something from you, and I think it might serve us well if you were to at least check it out.”
“More than likely, the only thing they want is to see me dead.”
“Are you so sure?” Ethan shook his head. “I’m not. If they had wanted you dead, they could have come in force, taken us both out before we knew what hit us. They could have waited until daylight, opened all the windows, and let the sun do their dirty work for them.”
I glanced at the heavily draped windows of my room. The drapes were taped to the wall, sewed closed so that not a sliver of light could penetrate them during the day. I refused to lock myself away in some basement somewhere, afraid to enjoy the comforts of a life long lost.
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