To Love and Serve (12 page)

Chapter Twenty

The only sound Diana heard in the car on the ride uptown was the wind whipping by as Ryder sped toward home.

He screeched to a jerky stop at the curb, but showed a little more restraint as he held back from slamming the car door, and slowly walked around the front of the car to meet her on the sidewalk. The heat of his anger beat at her through the connection they shared, and the shimmer of vampire neon was slowly leaking into his gaze.

In the elevator they went to separate corners, like two boxers waiting for the bell to start a round. The doors opened, and they walked into their apartment, going to opposite sides of the foyer. She wrapped her arms around her middle and faced him, tilting her chin up a notch in a show of bravado she didn’t feel.

The earlier rush in the bar and the maelstrom of feelings she’d battled in the car had taxed her beyond her limits. She was barely holding herself together physically and emotionally, part of the reason she kept away from him. Any closer, and he would know what was happening in her body. The chill that had started earlier had swelled inside, and her heart thundered at a breakneck pace. It was so intense, pain radiated from her chest into her core and melded with the cold stretching through her body.

When Ryder took a step closer, she flinched. He backed away, a stunned look on his face. “I scare you now?”

“I’m not scared, Ryder. I could never be afraid of you.” Even with the anger and violence his demon was capable of, she’d never feared he would intentionally hurt her.

“But you’re angry?”

She would be hard-pressed to deny that she was furious. “Tell me what you’re doing for the Council.”

He cursed beneath his breath, raked his fingers through his hair, and looked away. “I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

He snapped his gaze to her. “You keep saying you’re not sure you can handle the vampire world. As long as that’s still the case, I
can’t
tell you.”

His words hit as hard as if he’d struck her. “I’m sorry, Ryder. I never meant for all this distance and anger to happen between us.”

“I never meant for it to happen, either, and yet here we are, fighting over this same shit again.”

To be honest, she had little fight left in her. She was too weak physically and too whipped emotionally. “I love you, Ryder. I need you in my life. But I don’t know if I can handle all the rest of what comes with being undead.”

She took a step toward him, but her knees suddenly went rubbery. Her heart did a weird stutter-step and then seemed to stop. She tried to take a breath, but couldn’t. It was as if a vise had clamped around her, allowing her only a shallow, inconsequential inhalation.

The pain in her chest magnified, and the nausea returned a thousandfold. Circles of light and dark whirled in her vision.

She was terrified she was dying.

She reached out for Ryder, afraid of leaving him. He’d been alone for so long. Centuries. She didn’t want him to be alone again. Without her.

No.

She wasn’t ready to die. Hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. So suddenly.

Please, God, no
.

…

Ryder raced forward and scooped Diana into his arms before she did a face plant onto the floor. He felt the fractured energies in her life force, weaker than they’d ever been. Her heartbeat and breath were almost nonexistent, they were so faint.

No. It was
too soon
. He raced with her down one floor to Melissa’s apartment. He rang the bell and pounded on the door.

Inside, Mariel abruptly started crying. A tattoo of footsteps sounded, Melissa and Sebastian rushing to answer his call. Melissa threw open the door, fear filling her face. “What happened?”

“We were arguing and she just collapsed.”

“Take her to the back room.” Melissa belted her robe tightly and hurried away as Sebastian came down the hall, Mariel wailing in his arms.

Ryder sensed the anger and fear churning inside Diana’s brother, but Sebastian contained it outwardly as he tried to calm his crying daughter.

“It’s okay, Mariel,” he said, tenderly cradling the toddler. With a concerned glance at Ryder, he left the room with her. Ryder carried Diana to Melissa’s lab. His former keeper was already assembling the aphaeresis treatment. Her hands were shaking and she fumbled with a beaker, which dropped and shattered on the floor.

She stared at the crystalline shards for a moment then turned her teary gaze to him.

“I’m not sure there’s enough time, Ryder.”

Hell, no.
Not like this
. It could not be happening like this. He gently laid Diana on the padded treatment table. Her eyes fluttered open and her head rolled to the side. Her gold-green gaze struggled to focus on his face.

“Feeling…weird… Don’t want to leave you, Ryder.”

He took her hand. It was icy cold, but her grip was strong. Surprisingly so.

He bent toward her and brushed back a lock of hair that had fallen onto her forehead. “Tell me what you’re feeling while Melissa figures out what’s happening to you.”

“Cold. Really cold.” No sooner had she said that than she began to shiver. She squeezed his hand and he bent down to kiss her forehead. It was frigid as ice, like the rest of her.

Melissa came over with a heating blanket and they draped it over Diana’s body. For good measure, they covered that with a thin, silvery space blanket to trap the heat. Then Melissa went to work, checking Diana’s pulse and blood pressure. A grimace crossed her face. She prepped an IV needle and eased it into Diana’s arm for a transfusion.

At his questioning look, Melissa explained. “Her blood pressure and hematocrit levels are too low to run the aphaeresis. I need to get her blood volume up. It’s almost as if she’s in shock.”

Ryder nodded and concentrated on Diana, who had closed her eyes again, although the rise and fall of her chest was deeper and steadier. Beneath the blanket, where he held her hand, there was pleasant heat, which seemed to rouse her.

“Feels good.” She opened her eyes and was able to hold her head upright. Her lips now barely trembled from the cold and her gaze seemed clearer. More focused.

“You’re going to be fine.” He brushed his free hand across her hair.

“I’m not, but that’s okay. As long as we’re together, we’ll handle this,” she said, her voice steadier than it had been before. Filled with the same resolve as earlier that night.

He nodded, understanding. Even though she’d yet to say it, or maybe even really embrace it, she’d made her decision.

She closed her eyes, a weak but peaceful smile on her face.

He stood beside her, waiting. Hoping. Praying. God had been fickle in his lifetime, and yet despite his earlier words to Diego, he still believed.

Nearly an hour passed. Sebastian had come in and taken up a spot on the other side of the bed, his hand on her arm. Melissa had twined her fingers with her husband’s as she stood beside him, offering support. She had taken a blood sample and changed out the plasma bag on the IV several times. After the last one, a hint of relief finally showed on Melissa’s face.

“Her pulse and blood pressure are stronger.”

Ryder nodded, and pressed a kiss to Diana’s forehead. Beneath his lips, her skin was warmer. The energy in her body was not as splintered as it had been before, but somehow different. A steady pulse of power came from her and he couldn’t place how it had changed, but he didn’t really care. She was alive.

Diana seemed to wake with his caress and glanced around the room, offering a grateful smile to her brother and Melissa.

“Thank you.” She touched their joined hands.

“You gave us a scare,” Melissa said.

“I’m feeling better now.” She met Ryder’s gaze full on, and squeezed his hand beneath the blanket. “Would you take me home?”

“Are you sure?”

Smiling, she nodded and said, “I’ve never been more sure.”

…

Ryder lowered Diana to her feet beside their bed. She wobbled, and grabbed his shoulders to steady herself. “Damn,” she muttered.

“Maybe you should have stayed downstairs a little longer.”

She shook her head. “There’s nothing more that Melissa can do.”

In truth, whatever had overcome Diana had been different…and yet the same in so many ways. The flutter and chill she’d sensed earlier as she prepped for her date with Ryder. The nausea and other warning signs after the short chase into the alley. She’d known something was not right, and she should have been prepared for the worst when the frigid cold and erratic beat of her heart had taken hold. But she’d hoped it would pass, since it had never happened before in quite that way.

No matter what these new symptoms meant, she’d finally accepted she would never be free of the vampire cells coursing through her blood.

Never have a normal life with all the normal things she so desperately wanted.

“Can I get you something?” he asked, bending to examine her face, fear etched on his features.

She cradled his cheek. “I’m okay. I don’t know what hit me.”

“You pushed too much. Jesus should have never asked you to help on that case.” Icy anger dripped from his voice and she stroked his cheek, wanting him to understand.

“You were the one who told me I was born to serve. What am I, then, if I can’t do that?”

A grim smile spread across his lips and he blew out an exasperated breath. “You’re the woman I love.”

She smiled and tilted her head to kiss him. “And I love you. I’ve never had any doubt about that.”

Ryder eased his fingers into her hair and cradled her skull. He held her close for a slow, tender kiss. As he eased away, he brushed a kiss across her forehead, and gently nudged her head to rest against his chest.

“Well. I’m glad you’re sure about that, at least.”

…

Ryder’s heart beat steadily beneath Diana’s ear, in the slow, dirge-like cadence of the undead. Almost nonexistent, yet it somehow sustained life. And as they made love, that heartbeat became hers, too.

She wanted to lie in his arms now, and savor the strength of his caring and love. When her time came, she wanted to take her last breath in his embrace. To this day, she remembered every second of the last moments of her father’s life as he passed away in her arms. The memories were both a burden and a blessing.

Would Ryder’s guilt eat away at their love if he turned her? Could he handle being the one to end her mortal life?

But she wouldn’t let those doubts keep her from him any longer.

“I’d like to go to bed now,” she said.

“I’d like that, darlin’, but first I’m going to make you something to drink. Melissa said we needed to get more liquids in you.”

Diana eased off her leather jacket, but as she bent to take off her ankle holster, a powerful wave of dizziness had her reeling. Grabbing hold of the mattress, she steadied herself, but the wave was followed by a tsunami of nausea.

Ryder returned, a glass of what looked like wine in his hand, and stopped abruptly. “You’re looking a little green.”

Her stomach decided to revolt at that moment.

She made an almost drunken dash to the bathroom, slid onto her knees, and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Ryder was immediately behind her, holding her hair off her face and soothing his hand back and forth along her shoulders. When she finished, he wiped a cool, damp cloth across her forehead and the back of her neck.

“You okay?” He peered at her intently.

“I’m fine. Can you give me a moment to clean up?”

He nodded and rose, offered his hand to help her up. She took it, and wobbled to the sink as he hesitantly left the bathroom.

She stared at her face in the mirror. Her pale skin still had gone sickly green, although color was returning to her cheeks. She turned on the cold water and splashed her face, then washed out her mouth with the cool liquid before brushing her teeth.

On steadier feet, she returned to their bed. Ryder had gone downstairs. She undressed, cautious in her movements to avoid another bout. Then she slipped between the sheets, propped some pillows behind her back, and pulled the covers tight.

Closing her eyes, she waited and worried about all that had happened that night. About Ryder and Michaela, and whatever they were involved in. About Michaela and Jesus being involved with each other romantically. She couldn’t think of a worse person for her friend than the slayer who seemed to be the impulsive type.

At the sound of a footfall, she opened her eyes to find Ryder coming in with a tray. He laid it across her lap and she inhaled the pleasant, neutral fragrance of the small pot of tea, honey, cream, and plate with a combination of soda crackers and shortbread.

“I thought this would sit better on your stomach.”

“Thank you. It smells heavenly.”

…

As Diana prepped the tea, Ryder undressed and sat cross-legged on the bed, keeping a close eye on her.

She’d really scared him tonight with her illness, and he wasn’t sure they were done yet. Her hurried trip to the bathroom proved they were dealing with a whole new round of complications in her health.

The steady hand she used to pour the tea pleased him, as did the near-voracious way she gobbled the soda crackers and shortbread, and finished off a second cup of tea. When only a single shortbread remained on the plate, she jerked upright, an embarrassed look on her face. “I’m sorry. I’ve been such a glutton.”

He was relieved to see a healthy stain of color sweep across her cheeks. He smiled and reached for the last shortbread, but brought it to her lips. “Eat up. You could use a little more meat on your bones.”

Her dark brows flew up in challenge. “Funny, you never complained about my bones before.”

Despite her words, she bit off half of the shortbread. He popped the last morsel into his mouth, then set the empty tray aside on a small coffee table in the sitting area of the bedroom.

He climbed beneath the covers, and she came to his side, tucking herself against him. Her head and one hand were nestled on his bare chest, and one leg was casually draped over his.

He stroked his palm along the length of her back, pleased with the lack of chill on her skin. “You feel good.”