To Know Her by Name (51 page)

McKay felt as if the paperwork would never come to an end, but still he kept on. Reports had to be filed. His every action on the job this morning, as well as in Longmont, had to be recorded. It was tiring. Finally he finished and he felt his spirits lift as the Wallace home came into view.
She
was inside, and he was going to see her. He knocked on the front door, his heart beating a little faster as he waited. Miranda answered.

“Well, Mr. Harrington.” She never seemed to forget names. “Come right in.”

“Thank you. Is Callie up to a visitor?”

“I'll ask her.”

McKay's heart did erratic things when Miranda came back to take him to the study. He stepped to the doorway and found Pup sitting inside on the sofa, a book in her lap. She didn't have her dark wig in place, but she was still in a dress, and even with the short hair, she looked very feminine. She had never looked like a man to him, but now her dress of dark blue with white cuffs and collar only added to the attraction. McKay was so taken with her that he almost forgot to thank the Wallaces' housekeeper before making his way across the room. Pup watched him approach.

“Hi,” he spoke quietly when he'd seated himself beside her.

“Hi, yourself.”

“You look as though you feel better.”

“I slept and ate.”

For a time they just looked at each other.

“Did they need you back at the mansion?”

“No. I ended up at the office working on piles of paperwork.”

“Did you get done?”

“Yes.”

Words died out. They were content just to be near each other. McKay had picked up her hand, and Pup loved it when he wove their fingers together. It helped her forget a little bit of the fear she had known just that morning. Had it really been only a few hours ago? So much had happened. It was hard to believe it was over, and for Pup it was over in more ways than one.

“I can't do this anymore, McKay,” she said quietly, her eyes looking across the room. He watched her profile. “I can't keep this up.”

Those words were music to McKay's ears, but the discussion couldn't end there.

“Can you tell me why?” he asked.

She turned her head. “I can't handle the deceit. It has really bothered me these last few days. People are fooled so easily by what I do. Shouldn't I be more concerned for their souls than I am with making sure I get past them or pull the wool over their eyes?” He had never heard her so passionate.

“So you think all undercover work is wrong?”

“No.” She was sure about that. “But it is wrong for me. It's impossible to be playing a role and still tell someone about Christ, because I can't get that personal. And I don't like that. It doesn't feel right. I was glad to help Nick with this case, but I can't even stay and fellowship with my church family without getting called out on a job. And when I think of the people I've deceived—not crooks like Duncan Phipps—but innocent people like Mrs. Meyer and others at the mansion, I feel sick. I just can't do it anymore, McKay. I just can't.”

“All right.” He dropped her hand and put an arm around her.

She was still upset. “I care what you think, McKay. Tell me if I'm wrong.”

“You're not wrong, because obviously the Lord is leading you. I can see how it would bother you, especially not being able to get close to people, but your type of job is also very special. Your talent allows the law to pull criminals from the street. That's one of the reasons I stay involved. I believe in our system. It's not without its problems, but Phipps is now behind bars. Think of the people who will be spared his manipulations because of that.”

Pup laid her head on his shoulder. McKay kissed the top of her head.

“Somehow I thought you would be more enthusiastic.”

McKay immediately shifted so he could look down into her face.

“You misunderstand me.” His eyes were warm, almost smiling, and his voice low. “I'm all for your leaving this job. My plans for us do not include your moving about the countryside in various disguises.”

Pup smiled. “What do they include?”

“First of all, getting to know each other very, very well. Time with you and your church family. More time with you in Longmont with my parents and church family. Time to talk, plan, and dream a little.”

Pup stared at him. “To what end, McKay?”

It was McKay's turn to smile; he loved it when she was direct. “If you haven't figured out that I'm in love with you, you're not half as bright as I've given you credit for being.”

“I know when it happened for me,” she told him, her voice full of wonder. “It was the night you picked up an old man in the alley and dusted him off. I knew that if I looked forever, I'd never find another man in all the world who was like you.”

McKay kissed her. He didn't even try to fight the emotions surging through him. He loved this woman and wanted to kiss her. For right now that was all he needed.

“You look tired,” Pup said after a while.

“I am tired, and I know Nick is going to come home just as tired, so I'm going to take off. What are your plans for the next few days?”

“Tomorrow I want to see Jubal. I wish you could be there with me, but I know you're working.”

“I can ask.”

“Okay. Did you bring him in?”

“Yes. I'm sorry. I wish it could be different for you.”

“Do you remember that day we stood over Govern's new grave, the day you left my cabin? I told you then, McKay, and I'm telling you now—he made his choices. I didn't have a chance to tell Govern about Christ, and you can believe that I'll tell Jubal, but it's still the same. He's got to make his own choices.”

McKay put his forehead against hers and kept his eyes closed. She was so special. He had shot one brother and arrested another, but there was no anger in her.
Choices.
She had used that word with him several times. McKay realized that she had made her choice as well—a good choice.

“Are you really going to ask if you can go with me tomorrow?” Her voice broke into his thoughts.

He opened his eyes. “Yes. I'll let you know if it's going to work. And now I'd better get going.”

“All right.”

He tried to rise, but Pup held onto his shirt.

“If you can't go with me tomorrow, when will I see you?”

McKay's heart melted. He had never seen her like this.

“Either way I'll come here tomorrow night at seven o'clock and we'll go out for dinner and spend the whole evening together. I've got something special in mind.”

Pup bit her lip and wanted to cry.

“I'd better go.” He could see she was feeling teary and thought she might need some time alone. Either that, or he might end up staying longer than was wise.

He kissed her gently and made himself walk from the room. It wasn't his choice to leave her, but something told him that Nick would not want to come home and find the two of them talking in his study. At some point his relationship with Pup was going to have to come to the surface, but not today. Today had been full enough.

“This meat is delicious,” Camille told Miranda that evening.

“It was a good cut,” she said modestly, as she put a bowl of fresh potatoes at Nick's elbow.

“Thank you,” Nick spoke to the housekeeper, and then looked back to Pup. “Did you decide if you wanted to see Jubal?”

“Yes, I would like to. I asked McKay if he could take me tomorrow, and he said he'd have to ask.”

It was slight, but Pup caught it. Nick's movements paused for little more than a second before he went back to eating. Pup was no fool. She had not pressed McKay, but she knew very well that it had been more than fatigue that had sent him from her side before Nick came home.

“Is there some problem, Nick?” As usual she came straight to the point.

The man stared back at her.

“I mentioned McKay, and you looked uncomfortable. Is there something you want to say or something I should know?”

“I'm just not sure you know what you're doing.”

“With McKay?”

“Yes.”

“You'll have to be more specific, Nick.”

“I just don't want you to get hurt,” he said, a frown between his eyes. “Romance and the treasury department don't mix.”

“What if I wasn't with the treasury department anymore?”

“Don't be ridiculous! Of course you'll be with the treasury department.” And that was the end of that. Nick was not in the mood to be reasonable about the matter, and Pup felt it useless to argue with the man. The last thing she wanted to do was part on a bad note. She went back to her food, but not before glancing at Camille. Mrs. Wallace was looking right back, her eyes telling Pup she was on her side.

“What is it that makes you so unreasonable about the matter?”

Nick looked over at his wife. She usually didn't wake as early as he did, but something told him she'd been lying there awake for some time.

“I just don't want her hurt.”

“Then you haven't seen McKay's face when he looks at her. How could you possibly deny her that kind of happiness?”

“She's happy now. I'm not denying her a thing.” He turned away to tie his tie, and for a moment Camille was silent.

“I can still see you,” she began softly, Nick's back still to her. “You came in the front door of my parents' home, and I thought I would die. You were the most handsome man I'd ever seen. And the way you looked at me …” She sighed. “I blushed for a week.”

Nick had turned to look at her now, but her eyes were still on a distant spot.

“I can still see it as though it were yesterday.” She now looked at Nick. “I know that nothing would have been the same without you, and up to now I thought it was the same for you.”

“It is the same for me; you know that, Camie.”

“Then you can't tell me she's happy and should just settle for her job. She's met McKay, and now her heart wants more.”

Nick's eyes closed in agony. “She's like a daughter to me, Camille. Can't you see that?”

“Of course I can. Don't you think it's the same for me, Nick? I think we've been with Callie more than if she had been our daughter. A daughter might have moved hundreds of miles away; we have Callie off and on all through the year.”

She thought she'd gotten through to him, but a moment passed and the shutters dropped over Nick's pain-filled eyes again. He came to the side of the bed.

“Tell Pup that someone will be here to take her to the jail this afternoon, probably between one and two.” He bent and kissed his wife, his touch as gentle as always. He stood to full height then. Although his eyes were on Camille, they weren't really seeing her.

“He can't have her.”

Nick probably wasn't aware of having said the words aloud, but they were out and Camille's heart clenched in pain. A moment later he left without remembering to tell her goodbye.