To Know Her by Name (25 page)

“Well, Brita,” McKay said as he turned down an aisle looking for the cornmeal. Pup had spotted some used books up front, and he'd left her there.

“Hello, McKay.” Her voice was soft, and McKay knew she was hurt.

“How are you?” he asked sincerely, his voice kind.

“All right,” she told him, but clearly she wasn't. It looked to him like she might have been crying.

McKay didn't know what to say. There was no way he could explain his situation, but not explaining was going to make things impossible between them. Surprisingly, Brita took the decision out of his hand.

“That weekend our families were together, McKay—was that all in my imagination, or did I see interest in your eyes?”

To be put on the spot in such a way was beyond discomfort; it was dreadful.

“No answer?” her tone was a little hard now. “Well, it's no surprise. You're obviously looking for a woman who doesn't care if you hug and kiss her in public.”

McKay looked so shocked that she let him have it again.

“And don't you deny it, McKay Harrington. I saw you at the fire.”

“I did not kiss her,” he stated quietly.

“But you did hug her; don't deny that!”

McKay's heart squeezed in pain. What a horrible mess. He had wanted everything to be so special. He had wanted Pup to feel loved and welcomed and a part of the family, both at church and at home, but he hadn't foreseen anything like Brita Stuart standing there glaring at him. He couldn't say she was being petty; after all, it looked terrible, but McKay suddenly wondered what he'd seen in her.

“Callie Jennings is my friend, and I'm sorry that's a problem for you,” he said softly. Some of Brita's fire left her. “I never meant to hurt you or play games with you, and I'm sorry that it's come across that way. I'm also sorry that you believe we've made so much of a commitment to each other that I have to explain my actions to you.”

The pain that crossed her face was almost more than he could take, but he kept on.

“Again, Brita, I'm sorry. But I think if we're honest, we both know it's probably for the best.”

Wanting to be brave she nodded, but inside she was miserable. She made herself go back to her perusal of the shelves and managed to say goodbye when McKay moved on his way. Her eyes didn't see the well-stocked shelves; they only saw the woman who was with McKay. What he saw in such a plain woman whose figure resembled a broom handle she couldn't possibly understand. But even the knowledge that she was much prettier, in both face and figure, didn't stop the pain. She could have been kind to McKay when he'd come up, but instead she was mean and accusatory. Her young heart told her it was time to face facts. She let McKay Harrington get away, and she was probably going to regret it for the rest of her life.

“I can walk home, McKay,” Pup surprised him by saying. She had just tripped on the boardwalk, and he'd caught her. He now looked into her eyes and saw that she was serious.

“What are you talking about?”

“The girl inside. If you want to see her home, I can get back to your folks on my own.”

“It's all right, Callie; she's just a friend.”

“Then why didn't you bring her over and introduce me?”

She had him, and they both knew it.

“It's rather complicated.”

Pup looked at him. She was not the type to mother people and question everything they said. She'd already questioned him once, so she let the matter drop and allowed him to help her into the wagon. As they pulled away, Pup wondered if the problem stemmed from the hug at the campfire. Again her heart squeezed in pain. Much as she would have hated to admit it, she could have put the other woman's heart at ease in a moment. The hug hadn't meant a thing to McKay.

“Don't you like it?” Liz asked Pup later that day as she carefully watched her face. The younger woman had just tasted a piece of berry pie.

“It's wonderful, but how do you get your crust to taste like this? Mine is always a little, oh, I don't know, off, I guess.”

“Do you beat your eggs?”

“You put eggs in this?”

Pup's look was so comical that Liz couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped her throat. Pup's look turned to one of chagrin, and then she laughed a little too.

“I suppose McKay has told you that cooking is not my strong point.”

“He never mentioned it,” she said honestly.

Pup shrugged, her look still comical. “When you live alone, you're just not that fussy. At least I'm not.”

“Do you enjoy living alone?” Liz asked, hoping it was a safe enough question.

“Most of the time, but it's been nice here, having someone to visit with over meals and in the evening.”

“I hope you won't let this be your last visit,” Liz commented, topping off their coffee cups. “Summer can be hot, but spring around here is lovely.”

“Come spring I'm usually stuck in the cabin a little longer than most.”

“Do you live that far up in the hills?”

“Not all the way up, but pretty far.”

Liz opened her mouth to comment on how far McKay must have had to track Govern Hackett, but she remembered just in time that the man was Callie's brother.
Hackett and Jennings
. The names came together in Liz's mind for the first time. Had Callie been married before? Or had Govern Hackett only been a half-brother to her? It was yet one more curiosity over their house guest.

“Do you have any neighbors?” Liz tried another safe tack.

Pup couldn't stop her smile. “The closest ones are Percy and Mud Dougan.”

“Percy and Mud?”

Pup now laughed. “They're brothers who mine Boulder Creek. Percy keeps to himself, but Mud goes to town whenever he can get away.”

“They sound fascinating.”

“They are that,” she couldn't help but agree, a fond smile lighting her face. But that smile wasn't just for Mud.

Pup knew what Liz was doing, and had she been a more demonstrative person she'd have hugged the older woman. They'd been in the kitchen for more than an hour and managed to talk only of generalities. It did Pup's heart a great deal of good to know that Liz Harrington cared enough to treat her so graciously, but something was niggling at the back of her mind.

I can never get close to people,
she told herself.
I'm forever keeping folks at arm's length. McKay tells his family everything, and I tell Camille and Nick some things, but I know whose life is richer.
Pup wondered if Christ was the difference, or if McKay was just a more open individual. She strongly suspected that his relationship with God had much to do with it.

The afternoon moved into evening, and the four of them played whist until rather late. It had been a pleasant day and evening, but Pup couldn't get a few questions from her mind: Was her job worth her having to live the way she did? Would God want her to continue living a life of subterfuge and privacy? Pup simply didn't have a clue, and it was hours after she climbed into bed before she fell asleep.

21

The week was moving along in splendid form. Pup began reading McKay's Bible, and dozens of questions surfaced. He and his parents willingly answered them, and Pup's knowledge and awareness increased daily. Time took on a new quality. The days didn't rush by; they were spent visiting, walking, and reading. There was no reason to hurry. It seemed that the week with this family would joyfully last forever—until McKay's father came home on Wednesday evening with a sealed telegram for his guest. Harry and the two others who witnessed this exchange were filled with curiosity, but no one asked about the contents. Pup only thanked him and put the letter in her pocket. She did not mean to be overly private, but she was intent on something McKay had just said about creation and hardly even noticed the piece of paper.

It was not until she was readying for bed, and after she'd upset her night table and glass of water, that she found the note in her pocket. What she read made her sit down on the side of the bed rather hard. Having come quickly back to earth, she stared into space, her mind trying to deal with the transition. To be called back to work so abruptly was something of a shock. She once again read the missive in her hand.

CJ: Report to Charlie Barnes, Longmont, Colo. Status: Immediate. NW.

Only one other time had Pup been summoned to a job while not at home. It was years ago now, but she would never forget it: A treasury man had been suspected of betrayal. Was this the same situation? Had information been leaked? Pup felt chilled to the bone. She had to leave; there was no other choice. She had to contact this man—this Charlie Barnes—and learn what was expected of her. Nick was probably losing his mind as it was. Determined to leave on the spot, Pup stood and then realized the hour. She couldn't wander around Longmont in the dark, not to mention disturb her host and hostess. Pup mulled over the various options and found none satisfactory.

She had tried telling McKay that it didn't work to get close to people, but he hadn't understood. Now she would have to leave Liz and Harry with no explanation. They were bound to be hurt. It then occurred to her that she could not face them. It wasn't that she felt ashamed, but she knew how awkward it would be for all of them if she told them in person.

A moment later Pup sat at the small writing desk that sat under the window in her room. She found paper in a drawer, and opening the ink pot, found it fresh. Not given to flowery phrases, she dipped the quill and wrote what was in her heart.

Dear Harry and Liz,

To say thank you for this time seems woefully inadequate. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it has been. I have responsibilities, however, and my time is not always my own. Now is such a time. I hate to leave without seeing you, but I feel it is best for all. I would like to say that I will see you again, but I can't predict this either. Thank you for the caring you've shown me. McKay said you were wonderful, and I thought you sounded too good to be true. God has shown me much this week, including the fact that there are two people in this world whose hearts are as big as the mountains.

Sincerely,
Callie Jennings

Pup felt indescribably tired after she finished. She wanted desperately to lay her head down and weep, but she forced such feelings aside. Knowing she would need to walk from the Harringtons, she kept out the most casual of her dresses and only a few other things for the morning. When at last she put her head on her pillow, she wondered if she would sleep at all. She must be away before daybreak, before anyone else was up. It was the only way her plan was going to work.