Three Way (36 page)

‘Don’t say that, don’t even think it. This is her fuck up. She knows it. None of this is your fault and you’d be a pussy if you start going down that road.’

‘Yeah. I guess,’ I reply.

Parker stays for another hour. We talk, I don’t learn anything new, we just chew over how shit it all is. I appreciate his presence but find myself just wanting to be alone. He gets the hint and tells me to call him if I need anything. I nod and hug him, man style. He slaps my back on the way out.

‘Hey. Be okay dude. Just gotta wait a while. Let time do its thing,’ Parker says. I nod.

‘See ya,’ I say. I watch him walk away. I go to close the door and spot Tristan leaning against the railings watching Parker. He turns to face me. He looks, different. He’s had a shave and his hair is gelled back. There are still multiple holes in his jeans and his leather jacket has seen better days but his whole aura seems changed. He looks like a druggie James Dean. Or am I being too kind with that analogy?

‘Hey,’ I say, nodding to him.

‘Alright,’ he replies, taking a drag from his cigarette. About the first time he hasn’t started the conversation with ‘fuck you.’

‘Have a fight with your girl?’ he asks. I frown.

‘Yeah, how did you-?’

‘I heard high pitched wailing last night, figured it was you.’ I nod, mildly embarrassed. Was I wailing?

‘You going somewhere?’ I say, eager to change the subject.

‘Yeah. Got a job.’

‘You have?’ I ask. He nods and takes another drag from his cigarette.

‘Doing what?’ Maybe he’s a stand in for Danny in Grease.

‘Window cleaning,’ he says. I frown, confused. I feel sure there’s a punchline in here somewhere.

‘Right. So you just…clean people’s windows?’

‘Yep. The boss is a really nice guy as well.’ O…kay.

‘Well that’s…great. I’m really happy for you?’

‘Yeah. Bit of a turn up, someone like me working for a cripple.’

‘What?’

‘My boss. He’s only got one arm,’ Tristan says. I stare at him, trying to work out exactly what this job entails.

‘So if he’s only got one arm, how does he-?’

‘Clean windows? I put the leather in the water, hand it to him, he washes them and hands it back to me. I wring it out and so on.’ And there it is, the punchline.

‘That’s…good for you.’

‘Thanks man,’ he says, checking his watch, ‘shit, better go. Don’t let the girl get you down.’

‘Right,’ I say, closing the door slowly.

I walk back inside, sit down on the sofa and listen to Lauren’s voicemail again. She wants to explain herself? Fuck her. She doesn’t get to do anything. Not now. Not ever. A flash hits me of us at the cottage in the Cotswolds and I breathe out. I hate that she made me feel something for her. I sit in silence, unable to make a decision. I can’t call her back. Not this soon. She can sweat. I genuinely don’t know what to do. Then Parker’s idea fades into my subconscious. Ashley. She always knew what to do in these situations. Is it weird to call her up, ask her advice about this after what happened, especially as she’s moved on in such a massive way? Would she even talk to me? I look down at my mobile and I find Ashley’s mobile number in my phone. Fuck it. I dial her number. It rings once, twice…click.

‘Ollie Hayward,’ her voice says on the other end. She sounds cheerful, happy.

‘Hey, how’s it going?’ I reply, trying to sound normal.

‘Good, long time no see.’

‘Yeah well, you’re all famous now so…’

‘Doesn’t mean I don’t have time to talk to my favourite ex shag,’ she says. I smile. ‘So, how are you? Everything well?’

‘Well, you know, same as always…’ my voice falters, I can’t keep up the act. I clear my throat.

‘Ollie?’

‘Yeah, sorry. I just, uh…look I’m sorry to just call you up like this but, uh…is there any way you might have time for a chat? Just, I’m going through a bit of a tough time and I could really do with someone to talk to.’

‘Of course. I’m in Camden, can you get here?’

‘Camden?’

‘Yeah, at the Roundhouse. I’m performing three nights. I get busy from about five but if you can come down earlier?’

‘Yeah. That would be great.’

‘Cool, give me a bell when you get here.’

‘Thanks Ash, I really appreciate it.’

‘For you Ollie, anytime.’

‘Okay. I’ll see you in a bit.’

‘Bye.’

‘Bye.’

I hang up, swallow and head off to find some shoes.

The Roundhouse in Camden used to be an old Victorian steam engine repair shed. Now it’s blossomed into
the
place for new artists to play. Looking like a massive stone drum off the busy Chalk Farm Road, it has a vibe about it unlike other venues. I stare in awe at Ashley’s poster draped over the main entrance. She’s made it. Not that I ever thought she wouldn’t but she’s had an incredible year. First album, debuting at number three. Top five single with ‘Charity’ which even made it onto a ‘Now’ album. Everyone wants a piece of her. Christ, I’m starting to sound like a press release.

I stand, slightly overwhelmed. I knew she’d become successful but I guess it’s only when you see it right in front of your eyes you realise how real it all is. I walk inside and up to the desk. I’m greeted by a guy wearing funky thick-framed glasses.

‘Hi there, how can I help you?’

‘I’m here to see Ashley, I’m a friend of hers.’

‘Okay, who shall I say is here?’

‘Ollie Hayward, she’s expecting me. I hope,’ I reply, a little too enthusiastically. The man gives me a polite smile and dials a number.

‘Hi there, I’ve got Ollie Hayward here to see Ashley. Yep. Okay, thanks,’ he says, putting the phone down. ‘If you take this and head through that set of doors there.’ He hands me a temporary visitor’s pass.

‘Thanks,’ I reply and go over to the doors. I push them open and stop when I see the stage. Powerful spotlights are trained on Ashley who sits at the piano. A half-empty bottle of water rests next to her stool. Behind her, a fully kitted out band look ready to start. She’s talking to one of the roadies, who’s testing the speakers. At least that’s what I think they’re doing. I’m not a sound expert or anything, I just tell you what I see.

‘No, try it a little higher,’ she says, playing a small tune on the piano. ‘That’s it, much better, thanks Josh.’ A guy wearing a black t-shirt and jeans waves and heads behind the stage. I walk towards them slowly, unsure if I really am allowed in here.

‘Okay, from the top,’ Ashley says to the rest of the band. ‘One, two…one, two, three...’ The band starts to play. I stop, listening to them play. Then she begins to sing, her stunning voice filling the arena.

A friend and something else.

More than a lover, more than friend

Split, the hurt began

I just wanted my friend

My friend

I needed my friend

I needed my friend

I needed my friend

I walk slowly towards her. Her fingers on the keys move deftly on the piano, a total master. She sways slowly to the music as the band lift the song to a foot-tapping, soulful masterpiece.

His ship sets sail

For another land

But I will always miss

Where we came from

As she sings, she spots me and smiles. I wave instinctively and smile back, then glance around, suddenly subconscious.

My friend

I needed my friend

Where was my friend

I needed my friend

Goose bumps ripple across my arm. I shiver as I take in the meaning of what she’s singing about. I admit I’ve been playing her album almost nonstop on my way into work since it came out but I haven’t heard this song before. The band build to a rousing crescendo and Ashley’s delicate, almost innocent voice, softly finishes the song.

My friend

My lover

My friend

She holds on to the last note for what feels like ages. A beautiful, soulful song. The place falls silent. A moment before I breathe again.

‘That was great,’ Ashley says to the band. She holds her hand up, shielding her eyes from the bright lights.

‘Ollie Hayward,’ she says over the microphone so everyone in the hall now knows my name.

‘Hi,’ I say, walking up to the front of the stage. Ashley jumps up and takes a sip from her bottle of water. She walks down a set of steps and over to me, flinging her arms around me. She holds me tight, it feels good.

‘It’s so good to see you,’ she says. I close my eyes, breathing out.

‘You too,’ I reply. We hold the embrace a second longer before she releases me.

‘How you doing?’ she asks, smiling. I shrug.

‘Okay, I guess,’ I reply. She nods slowly and takes my hand.

‘Come on, let’s get out of here,’ she says. ‘Guys, I’m taking a break. Be back in forty-five minutes and we’ll start on Charity, okay?’ The band voices their agreement to the plan. I follow Ashley through an emergency exit and outside on to the noisy public road.

‘So, how are you?’ Ashley asks, threading her arm through mine.

‘Yeah good,’ I say, nodding. She stops and looks at me.

‘Really?’ she says, tilting her head slightly, eyebrows raised.

‘No,’ I reply, looking down. She looks at me a second longer then nudges me.

‘Come on,’ she says.

We find a small park and sit down on a bench facing a deserted playground. There’s not so much noise here, I even hear birds singing from the trees.

‘So?’ she asks.

‘So,’ I reply.

‘Love life?’

‘Lauren,’ I reply. She leans back.

‘Ah. Long distance thing proving difficult?’ she asks. I shrug and try to come up with a form of words to tell her the story. Eventually I say,

‘When she went to NewYork it started out fine, we talked nearly every day on Skype, sent emails and whatnot. But she got really busy and we just started talking less and less but we were still going out.’

‘So…?’

‘So,’ I say, breathing out quickly, ‘I haven’t spoken to her for, I dunno, a couple of weeks and last night I went down to this bar in the City called Jo Jo’s with Parker and Nicola and a few of her friends. It was Nicola’s birthday. Anyway, I go to the toilet and just outside I see Lauren…kissing her ex.’ Ashley’s eyes widen.

‘Oh. Shit,’ she says.

‘Yeah.’

‘So, she wasn’t in New York?’

‘No.’

‘What’d you do?’

‘I sort of couldn’t believe it really. Like, we’d spent all that time together and she just had so little respect for me, she just threw it all away,’ I say. Ashley looks at me with an I-told-you-so smile. She nods slowly.

‘Yeah. Doesn’t feel good, does it?’ she says. I suddenly remember this is exactly what I unintentionally did to her.

‘We never talked about us, Ash.’

‘Because I didn’t want to. Living with you those last couple of months was hard enough. This isn’t about you and me Ollie. Just ironic, I guess,’ she says. I look down. ‘Hey?’ She touches my chin with her hand and gently lifts my head. My eyes meet hers. ‘You obviously care about her a lot or you wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t have spent a year talking over Skype, right?’

‘I guess so. That’s why it doesn’t make any sense. Is she really that cold hearted?’

‘There can be so many reasons, she could have been fired, lost someone close to her…anything could have happened. Your ex is suddenly there, you’re feeling all over the place because of…whatever. You know, stuff just happens sometimes.’

‘Well, it bloody shouldn’t just happen.’

‘I know that Ollie, but she’s only human. Did she say why?’ I shake my head.

‘No. She called and left a message saying she wanted to explain everything and that she’d gone through a shit week,’ I say.

‘Well…maybe you need all the facts before you rush to judge. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be pissed off or angry or anything but, maybe just hear her out. You know?’