Authors: W. Ferraro
Finally, the clock showed it was time to clock out, and Mae was suddenly filled with trepidation. What if he could never fully trust her? Aside from her strong feelings of honesty and trust, Seth himself told her on their date how that trust was a deal breaker for him. Would he always doubt her? Would she herself be willing to be doubted for the chance to have Seth in her life?
So caught up in thoughts that when she walked out to the parking garage, she was suddenly startled by Robert who had run to catch up to her.
“Mae, didn’t you hear me calling for you?” he asked winded
“Uh, no, sorry Robert.”
“I wanted to see if you were alright? Leo told me about what happened with Seth, I’m sorry.”
“Honestly, I’m not doing too well. I’ve been crying every five minutes, I have this horrible ache where my heart was and my mind is just coming up with scenario after scenario of how this could end so badly.” Mae said as she grabbed for a tissue out of her bag since her tears were filling up again.
Robert pulled her into a comforting embrace and held her as her tears fell. He crooned supportive words and when she was done crying he used his thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “There, even after a crying fit, she is still beautiful.”
“Thank you, Robert,” Mae said as she hugged him she added, “I’m so scared. I love him so very much.”
“I know you do, Love. You look at Seth the same way that I look at Leo.”
Robert made Mae promise that she would come and stay with him tonight if she chose not to stay at Seth’s.
She headed out of the parking garage after getting in her car and drove toward Seth’s. While she drove the familiar road, she thought how quickly her life had changed in the last six weeks. She went from a single girl who was used to being on her own, content with her small circle, to being part of a family, feeling loved and a part of something whole. And oh how she missed the whole. Not just Seth, but the kids, Lynne and all the wonderful friends she made including Robyn, Bryan, Wes and Dylan. The beautiful, loving people who made her feel so welcomed and important that if she were to lose them, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stay here in Hamden. Could she just casually run into one of them at the town grocery store? So is that what she is thinking, she’ll move back to Boston or to somewhere else? She could get her job back at Dana Farber but she left for a reason, didn’t she? Ugh. It hurt to think about this, she just needed to get to Seth and go from there.
As Mae pulled into the drive, she noticed that the house was mostly dark except for Seth’s kitchen light, the back deck and the apartment’s kitchen light. She put the Camaro in park, shut it off and took a deep breath and stepped out into the cool night.
Seth was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. This had been one of the most agonizing days of his life. The time since he left her at the hospital had felt agonizingly endless. Their reunion didn’t go quite as he had planned. He felt dumb admitting it, but there was a small part of him that actually thought she would go willingly into his arms, tell him his apology was accepted and she would come right back home and everything would go back the way it was. He was going to have to work for this. And damn it, he would get her back!
“Hey, honey,” Seth said, hoping his voice hid his nervousness. “I missed you.”
“Oh Seth, I’m so sorry about Conner, I should have told you. You were right to be angry with me. Please forgive me.” Mae said wanting to break the three foot distance between them, but needing him to give her any sign that it truly was going to be ok, that they indeed could move forward from this.
“Honey, you have nothing to be sorry about. I spoke with Conner and I know what happened now. I’m the one who should be kissing your feet. I was such an ass to react the way I did. I’m so very sorry. The things I said to you were the most malicious words in the world and you didn’t deserve them. I am sorry Mae, please forgive me.”
And at last, he succumbed to the craving and placed his mouth on hers. Her scent surrounded them, and she was warm, soft and Mae; his Mae, the woman who got his heart to open again and fit herself right inside.
He was there with her, touching, tasting and surrounding all at once. It felt like forever and a day since she’d been with him like this; where nothing else mattered except the two of them.
Coming up for air, Seth laughed as his heart began to beat again. The relief of knowing she had come back to him meant more than he could every express into words. He wanted to get her somewhere he could show her that he meant it when he said he would make it up to her for the rest of his life. He held on to her hand and walked her back to where her car was parked and went inside to retrieve her bags. When he grabbed both in one hand, he towed her along behind him as he made his way up the stairs and over to her apartment. Once inside, he placed her bags on the floor and turned to her and said, “Welcome home, Honey.”
Smiling and loving the way that sounded, Mae couldn’t help but feel the gnawing of her subconscious reminding her that they needed to talk.
“The kids are going to be so happy when they wake up in the morning and they find you here!” Seth said with such joy in his voice as he placed their still joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of her hand.
“I’ll be very happy to see them too; I’ve missed them so very much,” Mae said knowing that nothing was truer than her love for those children.
When Seth made no attempt at starting their conversation, Mae cleared her throat and said, “Where do you want to talk?”
With cocky sureness, Seth put his arms around her waist and pulled her in close, and as his lips skimmed her neck drinking in her scent and feeling the softness of her skin, he spoke softly, “What’s there to talk about? I’ve apologized; you’ve accepted case closed. Now let’s get to bed and let me show you how sorry I am.”
Jolted at his words, Mae pulled back and just looked at him with utter disbelief. When his smile slowly faded and his obvious confusion took over his face, Mae began to get really annoyed.
“What do you mean we don’t have anything to talk about? We have a lot to talk about, Seth.”
Completely breaking away from his embrace and walking over to the sofa and turning back to look at the man she loved she waited until he said something, anything.
“What’s there left to talk about? We just need to put it behind us and focus on going forward.” Seth said with a bit of bite in his voice, eager to get her in bed so he could relieve the physical ache he had been suffering from since yesterday.
“We need to discuss what happened and that you could think I could do that with such selfish malice.” Mae began to get angry that he could just think I’m sorry and she would hop right back into bed with him.
“I said I was sorry. Look Mae, I’m tired and I’m sure you are too. Let’s just go to bed and we’ll have this unnecessary conversation tomorrow if you really insist.”
“Unnecessary?” she shrieked incredulously.
Now Seth was getting pissed; why was she adamant on beating this dead horse? He apologized; he told her she didn’t have anything to feel bad about. What else could she want from him?
“Look Mae, I don’t want to do this right now. I just want to forget about the ugliness of the past 48 hours. I want to take you to bed and finally get some sleep.” Seth said hoping she would get the message
Feeling that he was pushing her concerns aside, she looked at him and saw something she didn’t want to admit was there; he didn’t care about how she felt.
“Your right Seth, sleep is what we need. Hope you are comfortable in your bed.” Mae said sarcastically as she turned and picked up her bags that he earlier placed down and headed for the door.
“Where the hell are you going, Mae!” Seth yelled, unable to contain himself.
“You are so insistent that we need sleep, I’m going to go to sleep, but I can’t here.”
“Mae! I love you, but if you walk out that door, I will not chase you again. Do you hear me? Either you come to bed with me now, and we start tomorrow together as we should or you leave and we go our separate ways. I will not let my kids witness or be a part of a back and forth relationship.”
Feeling her heart ripping open at the thought of them truly being finished, she took a deep breath, lifted her chin up and said with love for herself, “I understand Seth, but I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone that doesn’t know what I need to be able to sleep at night with a clear conscience.”
She opened the door and quickly ran down the stairs and off toward her car. Knowing what she was giving up behind her, but confident in the values that were essential to her. She was aware that she was making the choice that not only affected Seth and her, but also the kids too. But she just couldn’t live with herself if she changed who she was for a chance at the Love for the Ages. With a heavy heart and wet eyes, she pulled out of the drive and drove off to an uncertain future—to wherever her life now was going to take her.
Seth just stood there in stunned disbelief. She accused him of not knowing her and what mattered to her. Didn’t his apology and his promise of forever show her that she mattered to him, that his love was hers? What did talking about it over and over again really solve? What else could have been said that wasn’t already? Hating that he would be true to his vow to her that he would not chase her again he sat there as a man in defeat. He was unmoved from his spot leaning against the dining table when Conner found him.
“Dad? I heard yelling, is everything alright? Where’s Mae? She should be here by now, shouldn’t she?” Conner asked as he looked at his father’s ashen face.
Looking at his son and started the painful moving forward without Mae now, Seth pushed himself up off his spot and went to his boy. Grabbing Conner by the shoulders and looking at the young man, his firstborn son, he said, “Sorry Con, I didn’t mean to wake you, come let’s get you back in bed.”
Not willing to be budged until Conner knew what was going on, he said sternly, “Dad, what is going on? Where’s Mae?”
Exhaling deeply, Seth decided to level with Conner as a man.
“She left, Conner. I told her that I was sorry and I just wanted to put everything behind us. I thought that is what she wanted too but instead she wanted to talk and I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. She went to leave and I told her if she left I wouldn’t go looking for her again. She knew her options and she made the decision that we both need to live with.”
“Why didn’t you want to talk about what she wanted?” Conner asked not understanding his dad’s reasoning.
“Because, I just wanted to bury what happened, and by talking about it would make me and her feel bad all over again.”
Walking next to his father through the interior door and then through the darkness of the downstairs, before reaching the bottom of the stairs, Conner turned to Seth said, “But Dad, just because you didn’t want to talk about it didn’t mean she didn’t want to. When Aidan and I fight you always tell us to talk it out rather than beat on each other. Well shouldn’t you do the same?”
Conner let the question hang between them as he climbed up to his room and went to sleep.
Seth stood there in his home looking up the stairs to where Conner just disappeared and thought to himself,
Out
of
the
mouths
of
babes
.
The next five days went by with as much tension in the Finn home as Seth could stand. The kids blamed him along with pretty much every one else. He just couldn’t get a break from this; even at the office, Dylan was in his face. If he was home either the kids or Robyn were suffocating him telling him to go to her again. He just couldn’t get over that she knew she was walking away from him. She blatantly made the decision to throw away their future together over a few words.
Seth was leaving the house after another stressful breakfast and about to get in the truck when Robyn pulled into the driveway, effectively blocking him in. She ran up to his open driver’s door and tried to catch her breath.
“Seth, I’m so glad I caught you, look, I know we’ve all been on your ass lately, and I know you think that you need to stick to what you said about going after Mae, due to your stupid pride, but Mae left.”
“I’m quite aware she left Ro. No one knows that better than I do. And it isn’t my stupid pride. It’s that I gave her all that I had and it wasn’t enough for her. She just couldn’t forget it, she wanted to just hash it out all over again making me feel like the prick Wes accused me of being.”
Robyn felt exasperated at his stupidity. Jeez, for someone who didn’t want to talk about the fight with Mae, he just never shut up explaining why he didn’t want to talk about it.
“Hate to cut you off of your pity party, but listen to the words coming out of my mouth… Mae… left… Hamden, Jackass!”
Positive that the world had stopped spinning on its axis, all Seth could do was stare at his sister. He was sure if his feet tried to touch the ground the Earth would just swallow him whole.
Waving her hands in front of his unmoving face, Robyn tried to stir him from his daze. When nothing seemed to work she pinched his side and that did the trick.
“Ouch! Robyn what do you mean she left Hamden?” Seth said as he tried to get the words out: they just didn’t sound right.
“Well thanks to you, she hasn’t been taking my calls either. She texted me saying that she was okay and she just needed some space. So not being able to take another minute of not knowing what was going on, I went down to the Cancer Center and was told when I asked to see her, that she was on sabbatical. Tina noticed me through the window and came out and told me that Mae had called in three days ago, said she was taking some time off. Tina said Mae was being evasive about what she was going to do with her time off, but you know Tina, she got the answer out of her. Seth, she is heading back to Boston.”
He moved with a new sense of purpose. He was on the phone with Dylan telling him that he wouldn’t be there today because he was going to get Mae before it was too late. Then he ran into the house and was grateful that the kids weren’t around so he could tell Lynne that he was leaving for an unknown amount of time. He knew between her and Liam, and Robyn and Bryan they would be fine. He’d just finished up in his room throwing whatever his hands landed on in his bureau into his overnight bag, when Megan walked in.