My mom put her
hand on her hip and took a deep, impatient breath. "You've had that on your body for
months
, Meredith? Please tell me no one's ever seen it."

"Of course people have
seen it
, Mom. I wear shirts that are open all the time
just so
people will see it."

My mom gasped with shock. "
Well, you better hope your father doesn't see that sh—trash on your body."

"
For your information, Mom, Dad's already seen it, and he said he liked it."

She
gave me that condescending laugh that told me she didn't believe me. "I'm not kidding about the laser young lady. I'm making you an appointment for next week."

"Mom,
I hate to break it to you, but I love it and I'm not getting it lasered no matter what you say. I'm old enough to get a tattoo, and I'm keeping it."

You could tell when Mandy Blake was upset because her lips stretched in a downward arch over her teeth like dried up rubber bands.
Currently, they were stretched tight in a scowl that would have terrified a more timid soul. I, however, was not timid. In fact, I'd put on that shirt
just because
I was ready to stop hiding the freaking thing from my mother. She regarded me with that cold as ice stare, doing her best to make me feel like trash for having a tattoo.

"I'm sorry Meredith, but as long as you're living under my roof, you'll do as I say, and what I'm saying is that it's either the laser or the damn door."

I gawked at her like she must be losing her mind. "Mom, you need to cool down a little bit. It's just a few little birds."

"It's black ink on your skin, Meredith, and it has no business being there."

"If you hate it that much, I'll just cover it up when you're around."

"No you won't."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you'll have it r
emoved, or you're on your own. I draw the line at tattoos, Meredith, and you knew that. That's why it took you so long to show me." She shook her head at me, her face a mask of disappointment. "Bet right about now you wish you'd kept it covered."

"Mom, you can't be serious. This is so little compared to some of the stuff my friends are getting, you should see how tatted up some of them—"

"
You
, young lady, are the only one I'm responsible for, and while you're in
my
house, under
my
roof, you absolutely will not have a tattoo."

I wanted so badly to tell her that my little brother
Carson
was living under her roof and
he
had a tattoo bigger than mine, but I couldn't bring myself to throw him under the bus. I was in silent contemplation about revealing my brother's tattoo when she continued speaking. "I'll be making an appointment as soon as possible, then, and I don't want any excuses. It's gone or you're gone." Her lips were still turned downward in a scowl, looking like dry rubber bands.

"Thanks a lot, Mom, that's so sweet of you."

"You'll understand when you become a mother one day and your daughter comes home with permanent trash on her body."

I stared at her, disappointed.
"Mom, I can promise you that no matter how bitter and close minded I become, I would
never
kick my own daughter out of my house because she got a tattoo of a few tiny little birds."

"Let's hope for your sake that your daughter
is smart enough to refrain from getting that trash on her body."

"
I'm sorry, but you're a bitch, Mandy."

She stared at me, with her arms crossed.
"I'll text you with the appointment time,
Meredith
, you better show up."

Obviously
, I wasn't planning on showing up to get it lasered. I wasn't giving up that tattoo. It was a black birdcage with tiny flock of birds going up my rib cage, and I loved it. Not only did I not want to have it removed, I was planning on adding to it. I figured it'd take her a couple of weeks to get me an appointment, and who knew, by then everything could change.

****

I spent the next few days devising a plan that could solve all of my problems in one sequence of events. I wanted to quit school and move to L.A. to live on my own. Having someone experienced teach me about sex was also on the table because I was planning on getting work as an actor. Not that I was thinking about sleeping with people to get jobs, but I wanted to at least give the
impression
that I knew what to do in the bedroom. You know, flirt a little if that's what it took.

As it stood, I had no freaking idea what to do with myself in the bedroom, and I knew I'd be pretty transparent once I got past kissing. The obvious question
: why had I waited so long? Truth was, even though I'd had boyfriends, I hadn't liked any of them enough to go there. It was sort of like I knew I should hold out for someone better. I wasn't proud of my virginity, though. In fact, I lied about it. I had all my friends believing that I slept with this guy I met at one of Collin's swim meets.

I was hoping to make that lie come true when I approached Zack Larson with the second part of my two-part plan.
I wanted to have someone I could trust but was experienced to teach me how to do it. No one could be a more perfect choice than Zack. He had a reputation for being friendly with the ladies, so I knew he could easily be talked into teaching me. I thought it'd be relatively simple since I couldn't think of any reason why a guy would turn down the chance to have no commitment sex with a virgin who wanted to experiment.

I didn't necessarily think I needed to move all the way to L.A. just to have sex with Zack. I could probably make that happen within a few hours if I put my mind to it. I wanted to move to L.A. for other reasons. And, no, it wasn't just on account of my mom making me do away with the tattoo. Okay, so maybe the whole tattoo thing set it off, but it had been a long time coming.
Mandy Blake and I had been butting heads for the last few years, and it was time for both of us to have a little space.

My plan was to drop out of school for a year or so, move to Hollywood, and try my luck at acting. I figured if it didn't work out, I could always move back home and finish up my degree.

There was no doubt in my mind that my mom would flip her lid when I told her my intentions. I fully expected to get the whole speech about what a disappointment I was compared to my brothers. I knew for sure that she'd be counting on me to fail, and I was thoroughly looking forward to proving her wrong.

My impending move
to L.A. and plan to have educational sex with Zack had taken over my thoughts ever since the idea had dawned on me a few days before. I knew if I planned on moving out of my parent's house, it had to be quick since my mom had already made an appointment to have my tattoo removed. I wanted to tell my mom and dad about my plans before the weekend was over, but that was turning out to be harder than I thought it would be.

To distract me from
all the nerves, I decided to text Emily to ask her about the other part of my plan. Emily and I were close to the same age, and we'd become pretty good friends over the past year or so. Her boyfriend, Ethan, was a close friend of Collin's and I knew that Emily and Ethan could easily put me in touch with Zack Larson. There were probably other people I could call to get Zack's information, but I sort of wanted to see what Emily thought about the idea.

I wasn't
going to tell her about my plans to move just yet. I knew I was going to have to tell
someone sometime
, but I couldn't shake the thought that everyone was just going to try to talk me out of it, and since I had no intentions to budge, I would wait till the last minute to tell everyone. I typed out a text, then erased it and started over. I had to figure out a way to explain myself. I really wanted to bounce my plan off someone, and I felt like Emily wasn't the type of person who'd judge me. She knew Zack as well as I did, and she'd be able to understand how he was the perfect candidate.

Me: "Hey girl, so this is totally random, but I need you to put me in touch with one of Collin's friends. Remember that embarrassing thing you know about my lack of experience, well, I'm in need of a teacher of sorts, and I want it to be someone I can trust. Don't worry. It's not an impulse decision. I've put a lot of though
t into this, and know it's something I want to do."

I pressed send and then squealed into my pillow, wishing I could take it back.
When I typed it out, I was hoping she would write me back wanting the details in a nice piece of juicy gossip kind of way, but now that the text had already been sent I wasn't so sure. Part of me feared Emily might try to talk me out of it. I was just praying she wouldn't judge me or tell my brother. I didn't think she would do either, but I was still really anxious about what she'd say. I was so scared to see her reply that I decided to get into the shower with the specific goal of being able to ignore my phone for a few minutes.

By the time I finished my shower and checked my phone, I had three texts from Emily.

Emily: "
Whaa? Who?"

Then ten minutes later…

Emily: "Hellooo? Where are you? You can't just leave me hanging like that."

Then
four minutes after that…

Emily: "Mere, that was a seriously sketchy text. What's going on?
Who are you talking about?"

I took a second to consider how much information I
should give her, but I wanted her approval, and without telling her everything, I'd never get that.

Me: "I know it seems silly, but I've actually given it quite a bit of thought. There's really only one guy
I trust who I think could be talked into helping me in my quest to be good in bed. Zack has too much to lose by telling my brother, so I know he'll keep his mouth shut. Not to mention, I'm sure he's really good at you know what."

Emily: "Zack Larson
?!? Mere, I'm sorry, but as your friend, I have to tell you that's a bad idea. If you're stuck on the whole teacher-student thing, fine, but not Zack. I can't see that ending well. Your brother would literally kill him."

She was freaking judging me. I couldn't believe it. Emily was my girl. I expected her to say "
Aww, how sweet. You two would look cute together," or something like that.

Me: "If I'd wanted a lecture, I would have told Rachel."

Emily: "Don't be like that. You can't tell me you think Collin would be okay with this scenario."

Me: "Of course Collin wouldn't be okay
with it. That's why I'm NOT FREAKING TELLING HIM."

Emily: "Simmer down. You know I love you and I want you to do what makes you happy. I'm just trying to prevent a felony here."

Me: "Sorry for yelling
. I just want to talk to Zack. Feel him out. I promise I won't rush into anything. I'll just tell him I'm trying to meet new people since I'm moving to L.A.

Emily:
"You're moving?"

I hadn't meant to tell Emily, but I felt like I needed to defend myself for wanting to contact Zack.

Me: "Yeah, but don't tell anyone. I haven't even told Collin or my mom yet."

Emily: "I can't believe it! I'm excited! When are you coming? Why aren't you telling anyone?"

Me: "Thanks! I'm excited! And I'm not telling anyone because once I say I'm dropping out of school, the rest of my news will automatically be
considered bad."

Emily
: "I didn't think about school. Mere, I'm sorry to keep raining on your parade, but really give it some thought before you drop out of school. Seriously girl, I'm just now applying for schools and I'm sad it's taken me so long. You sure you don't want to go ahead and finish since you're already this far in?"

Me: "OMG Emily.
Seriously. No, I don't want to finish school. You want to go to college because you're studying something you love. I'm going through the motions to get a random marketing degree."

Emily: "I'm sorry. I'm
excited you're coming. I just wish I were half way through my sophomore year at your age, but I see what you mean about not being in love with your field of study. When are you planning on coming? Let us know if you need help."

Me: "Thanks! I don't plan on bringing a ton of stuff, so I might need to find a room that's furnished. I'm checking the classifieds everyday to try to find something not too far from all of you guys. Sorry if I seemed testy. I'm just excited about coming, and I'm sad it's going to be perceived as bad news."

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