Three Hundred Words (5 page)

I slipped into the
jumper Mr. Lane handed me and appreciated the warmth. “Hey, will you spray some
aftershave on this? I really like the one you wear.” I’d noticed it tonight – a
strong smell that I couldn’t quite place, mint and vanilla, and something else.
All I knew was that I really liked it.

“Oh, sure, give me
a second.” He disappeared upstairs and I was left in his hallway with a big
grin. We’d finished off the bottle of wine over dinner and chatted until I was
red in the face from laughing so much.

He returned,
bottle in hand, and I made a note of the name as thought I might actually want
to gift it to him at some point. He sprayed the hoody four times, which was
generous, before replacing the lid. “Good?”

“Really good,” I
snuggled into the material and knew it was a shame I was going to have to shove
it in my cupboard until I’d broken up with Luke. That was a shame, the cologne
would have faded by then. “Thank you.”

“I had a fun
evening tonight,” Oscar leant forwards and locked his lips to mine. It was only
a goodnight kiss, but I still wrapped my arms around his neck and became lost
in it. Nothing could stop my desire rearing its head. “I’m sure we can do this
another three times,” he teased.

I grinned. “I’m
sure we can.”

He pecked my lips
once more before I opened the door. “Have a safe walk home. I’ll walk with you
if you want.”

We knew that was a
bad idea, though. Going out together in public was too much of a risk. “I’m
good. It’s really not far at all.”

Mr. Lane still
hesitated before nodding. “Okay, well, see you at school, then.”

I walked out of
the door, wrapped up warm and completely content. “See you then.”

Chapter Four

My excuses had
fallen on deaf ears today and that was how I’d found myself laying on Luke’s
bed, watching reruns of something I’d seen a thousand times. I wasn’t sure why
he was so keen for me to come around tonight, I’d figured we’d be doing
something out of the ordinary.

Either that, or
I’d been hoping he was planning on breaking up with me.

Instead, we were
laid, like normal, chatting about mundane things. “How’s your essay rewrite
going?”

I shrugged against
his chest, for once not feeling the slightest bit aroused. I felt bad, in every
way. “Okay, I think. Hopefully the redone one will be good.”

Luke nodded, his
fingers massaging my hips. “I’m sure it’ll be great. Now you’ve got the
comments he made on your other one, writing a good version will be easy.”

“Yeah, I’ve
definitely been finding it easier.” The essay had been the first one in a long
time that I’d found difficult. Things must have been stressing me out in
regards to my relationship and badminton practise more than I’d thought.

His hands had been
dancing around my hips for nearly five minutes now, fingertips brushing gently
and then digging in. I had an awful feeling what his surprise was going to be
and I just didn’t want it. That was going to make this entire thing even worse.
I could have dealt with sitting and watching TV and chatting, but I couldn’t
sleep with him. Not now.

Memories of Mr.
Lane still addled my brain at every waking moment and the only time Luke
entered my thoughts was when I was feeling guilty. I didn’t want to be with him
anymore. I just needed to wait a couple more days and Emma’s party would have
been and gone.

Emma and Luke got
on well enough and he always made her laugh, I knew she’d be disappointed if he
didn’t show up. I was surprised she hadn’t roasted me for cheating on him.

I ignored Luke’s
subtle advances and hoped that would be enough to deter him.

Eventually, he
turned over to press his lips to mine. They were soft, so soft that I was sure
he must go to sleep with a litre of Vaseline on them every night. They moulded
against mine without an inch of urgency – it was almost lethargic and
definitely not arousing.

I returned his
kiss, to see if I could get into it. Luke making an effort to be sexually
active with me was all I’d wanted – this should have been perfect. My stomach
should have been flipping up and down excitedly whilst desire flooded my body.

Instead, I felt
wooden.

Luke dragged me
closer against his body, large hands on my back, as the kiss picked up gusto.
He pried my mouth open, but there was still no really desire there.

He was doing it to
try and please me, not because he actually wanted to sleep with me.

When his fingers
began working at the front of my jeans, I was horrified to find tears gathering
in my eyes. I was a mess and I wasn’t fit to be in Luke’s company. He was
making all this effort to make me happy when I’d betrayed him in the worst
possible way.

I pushed him away,
standing up and facing the other way with hot trails on my cheeks. “I’m sorry,
Luke, I really have to go.”

I fled the room
without looking back, grateful no one was in to attempt to talk to me on my way
out.

I was a complete
bitch and no one deserved to put up with that. Luke had only ever been good to
me, and I threw it back in his face.

Wrapping my arms
around myself, I started the long walk home. I made it even longer by taking a
detour, just in case Luke decided to drive after me.

Letting the cold
seep into my skin as I desperately tried to stop the sobs wracking my body kept
me grounded. It stopped me just sitting on a bench and crying to my heart’s
content.

In two days, I’d
have left Luke and maybe my guilt would start to disperse. In two days, I’d
probably swear off relationships for a long time.

When I had my A
secured, I could start the long road to forgiving myself for what I’d done.

Chapter Five

Emma was a mess
and keeping up with her was becoming incredibly hard work. We’d made it to our
final destination without much of a hiccup, but someone had just fed her some
more of the drug, despite me warning her not to take it, and her saucer-wide
eyes were sparkling with happiness.

She’d danced with
and hugged practically everyone in the club by this point and I knew she’d got
some pretty funny looks. Plenty of people knew exactly what was wrong with her
and some had tried to take advantage. I’d been the good friend and stepped in
when some older guy had put two hands on her bum.

Emma had thanked
me profusely afterwards and insisted that I dance with her.

I’d drank my fair
share, too, but nothing was going to be enough to help me ignore the pressure
of Luke’s presence. He hadn’t tried to talk to me tonight, but I’d seen him
fixing me with plenty of puzzled, sad stares throughout the night. Being occupied
by Emma had almost been a godsend.

We were dancing
together now, Emma grinding against me in a far too explicit manner. She was
definitely completely out of it. Still, I was forced to move with her to avoid
looking awkward, and she definitely looked like she was having the best
birthday possible. “What’s up with you and Luke?”

I blinked. “I
thought you were too far gone to notice,” I chuckled.

“Never. So, you
didn’t break up with him yet, but something’s gone off.”

“He tried to sleep
with me and I kind of ran out,” I went to scratch the back of my head in
embarrassment, but Emma caught my hand and linked her fingers through it. “It
was stupid. I haven’t talked to him since it happened. I’m breaking up with him
tomorrow.”

“Ah, good. Don’t
keep him hanging. He’s a good guy.”

My mood hadn’t
been spectacular anyway, but this was a sure-fire way to kill it. “Yeah, I
know.”

“Hey, there’s Maurice,”
that was the guy who’d given her the drugs tonight. “Let’s go dance with him.”

I was dragged
along the dance floor and past Luke. He attempted to grab my arm and stop me,
but I dodged and gave an apologetic shrug. Emma was probably fine with this
guy, she knew him from ballet, but I was quite happy to avoid Luke for as long
as possible.

We moved easily in
time with the music. Dancing had always been one thing I felt pretty
comfortable with, because I only ever did it when I was wasted. Had I been
sober, I’d have been stood in the corner wishing desperately that I could go
home.

Part of me
wondered if being the state Emma was in would be perfect for me. I’d have no
inhibitions, then, just complete euphoria. She did look awfully happy. “Hi!”
She hugged Maurice before starting up a horribly intimate dance with him. He’d
not taken anything tonight, but he was smashed off trebles and returned her
grinding immediately.

I danced by
myself, trying not to feel too awkward. When I felt fingertips brushing against
my own, I jumped. It was Mr. Lane, but he’d already turned to walk in the
opposite direction, apparently implying that I should follow. I spared Emma a
final glance, but she couldn’t do anything too bad in the few minutes I’d be
gone. Maurice was her friend, too. He could spend some time looking after her.

Mr. Lane led me to
the edge of the building by weaving through the crowds and not looking back. It
was quieter out here and he appraised my appearance when I finally got to him. I’d
of course gone all out for Emma’s birthday party – a burgundy bodycon dress that
didn’t leave a whole lot to the imagination. My mum had been a bit horrified
when I asked her to give me a lift wearing it.

If Oscar was
drunk, he didn’t show it. His expression was as controlled as ever, just the
smallest of quirks at the corner of his lips. “You look very promiscuous tonight.”

I grinned. “It
appears it’s worked, have I caught your attention?”

Mr. Lane raised an
eyebrow. “It definitely has.” He brought me closer to him by placing two hands
on my hips. The fact he was willing to do this in a packed out club was the
only indication that he must have drank. I stepped into him with heated skin.

Luke couldn’t even
get a reaction out of me when he was trying now, but Mr. Lane turned me on just
by the simplest of touches. “How do you feel like cashing in another three
hundred words tonight?” He whispered into the shell of my ear and a tangible
shiver ran down my spine.

I reached up and
dared to press a kiss to his jaw. “I think I’d very much like that.”

He grinned, but
dropped his hands and I took a step backwards, too. That was enough risk for
public – we’d established that we could do all the touching we wanted when we
got home tonight. “Give me your number,” he instructed, thrusting his phone
towards me and beckoning for me to give him mine. “Then we can make sure we meet
up before one of us goes home. Good?”

I smirked. “Very
good.” I had to reread my number multiple times to check I’d put the right one
in and felt validated when I noticed him doing the same. “I’ll catch you later,
then. I hope you don’t find someone better!”

I weaved my way
back through the crowd towards where Emma had been. She couldn’t have gotten
far just yet. I’d been gone less than five minutes.

When I got back to
the pillar I’d left her at, though, she was of course missing. My stomach
dropped. There was no sign of Maurice, either. Maybe they’d just moved closer
to the DJ.

I spent a good ten
minutes searching around before I decided I’d have to just ring her. I almost
hoped she was still inside the club and therefore didn’t answer as I stepped
into the blustery night with my phone to my ear.

It was about to go
to answer phone when Emma’s chirpy voice reached my ear. “Oh, hey Lily! That is
you, right? I thought it might have said mum at first and was tempted not to
answer it. Wait-”

“It’s me,” I
derailed her sentence. “Lily,” I clarified, just to be certain. “Where are you?
I couldn’t find you in the club. She wasn’t in the club anymore, that much was
obvious from the lack of background noise. I could hear someone shouting in the
background, but no music.

I could
practically picture her smirk as she informed me that Maurice was taking her
home. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You should wait until you’re not in
this state.”

I didn’t doubt
Emma had waved a hand in dismissal. “This drug doesn’t fuck with your decision
making, don’t worry. I know exactly what I’m doing and I definitely want to do
it.”

“No, you should
wait. Where are you?”

“Lily,” she
dragged out the Y with exasperation. “I’m just fine and horny and wanting to
have sex. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“
Where are
you?”
I demanded, my voice becoming terse. She wasn’t in a fit state and
neither was Maurice. She was going to regret it. “I have, erm, another present
to give you. At least let me do that before the end of the night. It’ll make
the evening.”

I was beginning to
panic and had already started walking in the direction Emma would to go home.
There was a tiny chance they were going back to hers – her parents were in, but
she was also so impaired that she might have thought it was a good decision, no
matter how clear her she claimed to be.

I had to give it a
shot.

“It’ll be the
perfect hangover gift,” Emma grinned and I heard her heels clacking against the
pavement. “You can give it to me in the morning.”

“Emma, please just
tell me where you are. I’m just worrying about you. Let me just check you’re
okay before you go home and have some fun? It’s what we’ve been doing all
night.”

“You don’t need to
see
me, you can hear that I’m better than fine. Look, I’m nearly at
Maurice’s now, so I’m going to hang up. I’ll call you in the morning and we can
meet up and I’ll tell you all about how awesome my night was. Don’t worry a
bit.”

And she hung up
before I could protest further.

My shoulders
slumped. I’d been selfish enough to leave her alone so that I could fill my own
bed tonight and this was what had happened. Emma was about to lose her
virginity to a guy she’d never even mentioned to me before whilst she was
completely off her head.

I supposed this
meant I was just a bad person all round. Bad friend and bad girlfriend.

“Lily!” It was
Luke who called my name, jogging towards me with knitted eyebrows. “What’s
going on? Are you okay?”

“Emma went home
with some guy from her ballet class whilst I wasn’t looking and I couldn’t
convince her to tell her where I was. She’s going to hate me for this and she’s
going to hate herself.” I really tried not to get too overwhelmed by it all,
even when Luke wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

“You’re freezing.
Come on, we should go and get a taxi. Emma will be fine, I’m sure she knows
what she’s doing.”

Luke didn’t even
know she was on something and I couldn’t tell him. Luke didn’t know she was a
virgin and I couldn’t tell him. He didn’t
understand.
I shrugged out of
his grip. “I need to go and find some of her stupid dance friends and find out
if any of them know where this dickhead lives.”

I started striding
back to the club with purpose, but almost lost my footing after only a few
steps. I wanted to scream. I reached down to take off the extravagant heels
that I shouldn’t have bothered wearing, but Luke stopped me. “Calm down. It’s
too late to stop her now, just talk about it in the morning. Whatever happens,
it definitely isn’t your fault. It wasn’t your job to babysit her all night.”

“Yes, it was, and
I failed.”

“Hey, isn’t that-”
Luke had started his sentence and began to lift his hand before stopping and
letting the cringe show all over his face.

I turned to follow
his line of sight, but he put his hand in the way. “Come on, let’s just go. We
should really get you home.”

Luke was panicking
and that made me do the same. I shoved his hand away and got to see what he’d
been feasting his eyes.

It was my dad,
with another woman. They were making out, pretty heavily, and I couldn’t tear
my gaze away. The woman must have been half my mum’s age and groped at every
part of my dad she could get to.

I wanted to be
sick and for a moment, I really thought it was going to come. I retched and
Luke instantly rubbed my back, gathering my hair out of my face. Nothing came,
but I was just so unsure of how to react. Anger and despair warred to come out
on top and as a result, it was only tears that managed to get through.

I’d always cried
when I was angry, but this was something else entirely. I was heaving with
sobs, clutching my stomach and just preparing to go over and rip that bitch
away from my father when I realised they weren’t there anymore. Gone to get a
cab back to her place, probably.

My dad was
supposed to be fishing with his friends this weekend.

Luke continued to
rub my back and attempted to gather me into a complete hug. I staggered
backwards, shoving him away.

I was just as bad
as my dad and I definitely didn’t need Luke’s comfort. “I cheated on you,” I
told him through my tears, looking him in the eye to make sure he knew I wasn’t
lying. “I fucked someone else, so please just go away.”

Luke stared at me
as I stood in the middle of the pavement, crying. Thankfully, I’d gotten far
enough away from the main street of nightclubs that it was relatively quiet. I
didn’t get lots of stares, at least. “Why?”

“I don’t
know
,
because I’m a bitch. Because I don’t know what I’m doing with myself anymore.”
I couldn’t tell him it was because I was bored, or because he didn’t satisfy
me, even if Luke probably knew that. It would be fair. “Just please, go away.”