They have to see that there is no way out, don’t they?
I can’t be the only one so see we’re trapped here like animals sent to the slaughter. Even if there was a way through the wall, I really don’t see how we can make it through the dead. It seems like they are almost waiting for us to get out, and it’s not only our car they wait at. They are like frozen things, until one of the living jump out to run for the wall; then they come alive and hunt them down.
My ears begin to ring now, and I have the sensation of spinning even though I am sitting as still as I can possibly be. I wonder if maybe I’ll pass out and not even have to get out of the car. My prayers are almost answered as my vision narrows down on me. The voices of the others in car are dimming, and all I see are the dead that are waiting for us outside. As Dan passes ammo across the seat and into Gabe’s outstretched hands, there is movement out my window.
I quickly turn my head to it, which makes me instantly nauseas, but what I see makes me to not look away.
It’s a dark haired dead girl; and she looks almost like me.
She has long dark limp hair that flows down her back, and her eyes are lifeless hollow pits so dark, I can’t tell if they were once maybe brown. I can’t see a wound of any kind on her, she is close for me to spot one, but there isn’t a scratch on her. The only indication that she is one of the walking dead is that she shuffles along just like them; a ravenous shell left behind. I can feel goose bumps break out along my skin, at the sight of her, and it only gets worse when she lifts her head enough for our eyes to meet.
I feel like my stomach is bottoming out and I can’t quite catch my breath; because the girl at my window, is me. Right down to the angling of her nose and pursing of her lips; it’s me or me if I was one of the dead. She stares at me, as if she has a great secret that she wants to share, and I can almost see the corner of her lips quirking up into a smirk.
I’m literally moving to the car door, when in a blink, the girl that is me vanishes.
Left behind is just another dead girl that just is similar to me. My hands are outstretched to the door, and my entire is shaking like a leaf now. I sit back in my seat, and glance away from the dead girl, and back to the rest in the car. They are still obliviously going about loading up, as if they didn’t even notice my little mini freak out.
Even Gabe isn’t aware that I just about climbed out of the car on my own without a weapon. That seems weird to me. Shouldn’t they notice everything that is going on? It’s like they aren’t though, and even worse, they don’t see the living getting bombarded by those that are dead. I know we are outnumbered, but they act like it’s no big deal and that scares me more that the dead waiting.
The throbbing in my temple takes my breath away, and it leaves me feeling so nauseas and dizzy. I’m not entirely sure of what is up or down. I have to stop them before they get out, we aren’t going to make it, and they don’t it. I turn in my seat so that I’m facing Gabe completely, but he doesn’t even acknowledge me.
Alright, now I’m really getting pissed off, what is with them being all non-talky?
“
Something doesn’t feel right, there are too many of the dead out there. You guys do see that there isn’t a way through the wall right?”
They continue packing up as if I didn’t even say anything to them, they heard me right? It’s not like I just thought it, I said it out loud; didn’t I? I’m about to scream at them to freaking listen to me and stop acting like the jackasses they all are, when a sharp pain through my head makes me cry out and close my eyes.
I lean back into the seat of the car, and bite my lip as waves and waves of pain course through my temple. It takes everything I have, which isn’t much at the moment, to open my eyes and glance at Gabe. It brings tears to my eyes to see him not even noticing what is happening to me. They must have heard me cry out?
My own ears are ringing from the sound echoing through the small space of the car.
That’s when my vision takes the opportunity to start going cloudy on me, and I have to struggle to keep breathing in and out. Which is harder than it looks, especially when nausea has come back for the party with the pain and dizziness; hell it’s one big shindig all in my head and body. All I want to do in this moment is to close my eyes and ride out the pain until it passes, but Gabe and the others have a change of plans.
They are reaching for the door handles now, as if there aren’t hundreds of the dead just centimeters away from the doors. I feel like I’m caught in a bad dream, Gabe was just telling me moments ago how much he wanted to live through this with me, is now ignoring me.
Maybe they are just working together to get me to stay in the car, since they can see how sick I’m feeling?
That seems like a logical solution, but wouldn’t they clue me in on it? I’d like to believe that they aren’t purposely ignoring me, but for the life of me, it feels like it’s something worse. Ever since I woke up at the Collisee in Gabe’s arms, something has felt off to me, and it’s just getting worse. Maybe it’s not them that is wrong, what if it’s me?
I don’t have time to ponder this though, because they are all climbing out without pause.
Chapter Eighty Six
With not even a last look at anyone, they all climb out of the car and leave me sitting inside alone and stunned. Like all the times in the past, they all begin to shoot into the horde, even the once skittish little brother of Maria; Michael. Somehow they actually manage to push the dead out of the way, so that they can start to make a path for themselves. As they head for the wall, I really believe that they are going to just leave me here. With a cry for them to wait, I quickly climb over Gabe’s seat and for the open door, all the while ignoring the way the world tilts on me as I move.
I’m just reaching the door and using it to pull myself out, when the voices start.
It’s a strange feeling having the sounds around you dim and turns to static. Even stranger, are having that static fill up with voices of people that aren’t even anywhere around you. Deftly, I rise to my feet and lean onto the swaying car door. I notice right off that Gabe and Dan are doing most of the shooting a couple feet in front of me. Then quickly find out that Maria and Michael huddle close to them, like they are afraid to lose them in the crowed.
What about me?
Shouldn’t they want to stick close to me too? I mean, yeah sure I’m a little incapacitated at the moment, but I’ve done my fair share of ax swinging in the past. I want to shout at them to stop and wait, but I can’t. A feeling of wrongness weighs on me. It’s so overwhelmingly strong, that I go stock still and quiet. Then I know like a shock to my system, that whatever I’m feeling and now hearing in not remotely close to being normal. Something is seriously wrong with me. I know it. Because the voices I’m hearing?
It’s Gabe and the others.
But that can’t be right can it? I hear them as if they were right beside me, when I know for a fact that they are not. Obviously I can see them running in front of me. So why can I hear them now? I try to force myself to focus, but it doesn’t happen. If anything, my mind goes mushy with confusion. A throbbing ache that pulses with my rapid heart rate pierces inside my head forcing my eyes to squeeze shut. You’d think this new wave of pain would dim the voices, but the voices get louder instead.
I can hear Gabe the loudest, almost like he’s standing right in front of me yelling in my face. He’s telling me to hang on and not to leave him. The wavering pain in his words makes me want to ease his suffering, but I can’t find my voice around all the pain in my head. Distantly, as if a whisper, I can hear Dan repeating about hanging on. He practically urges me to snap out of it, and I can’t help thinking that it would make sense in my falling apart mind, to try to get myself to fight and keep going. Because obviously the voices are my subconscious talking…right?
Yeah that’s sane.
Of course the other alternative doesn’t exactly make me feel any better. What alternative you ask? Well, given the circumstances, I’m starting to think maybe I’m either dead or dying. Not exactly something fun to think about. At least this way is almost peaceful if I factor out the pain in my head and its way better than being eaten by hundreds of the dead. So really, my day isn’t going too bad…in theory.
The voices fade enough that I become aware as the others are shooting into the dead and just barely clearing a path around them enough to begin to run. I stand frozen by the car, not sure what the best attack plan is. I can’t just run after them can I? It would seem that I’m finally cracking under the pressure of it all. They act like they know it too and are fine with just leaving me to die. Deep down I know that can’t be true. Not after everything we have all been together, I mean really it’s not like we were strangers before this. Dan is my brother for goodness sakes, and Gabe, well he’s the love of my life now.
I’m so confused.
I’m all alone.
And worse of all, I feel so out of control.
For once though the dead are leaving me alone, this in itself is strange. Usually they charge for the weak and vulnerable…meaning me, basically. And yet they leave me alone? That can’t be right. I will take my pass though, even if I could very well be dying at the moment or going completely mental. Actually, you know what? Freak that, I’m not staying here to be dead people meat. I’m getting the hell out of dodge.
Before I can even flex my muscles to take a step forward, I have the sensation that I’m in two places at once. Complete with vertigo and I need to know why. So, biting the inside of my cheek and tasting the salty sweetness of blood, I push away from the car. My legs shake enough that I wonder if I’m about to fall flat on my face. My entire body just wants to buckle to the ground in defeat. But grinding my teeth together allows for me to find some semblance of balance to remain upright. My head does throb from the sudden change from movement to stillness.
It’s like an old friend at this point though, I must be getting used to it.
The feeling of being in two places at once overrides the pain. I suddenly feel like I’m sitting back inside the car again. The clarity of the sensation makes me go numb…well no that’s not true. I can feel my head throbbing like it is now but at the same time stronger somehow. My body feels so weak and tired in both scenarios that it makes me want to just lie down and give up altogether. Then something happens that makes me gasp. Warm strong hands press into my cheeks and hold me protectively. I physically sigh into them. A peace that I haven’t felt in a while wraps around me like a security blanket that I never want to lose track of.
The voices become clear. Gabe’s voice becomes clear and I can’t avoid it.
“
Maggie please hear me, I can’t lose you. Not now and maybe not ever.” His hands tighten, urging me to listen. “Just hang on a little longer, all we need is time. We’re so close to being safe. It can’t end here. Not like this.”
His voice fades before I can try to respond or even think if his voice is real. It makes me feel like everything is spinning out of my control. I’m seriously contemplating climbing back into the car, and just letting this crazy trip ride me like a roller coaster ride, when the sound of a bomb blazes through my senses.
My eyes go wide, and I go back to just hearing what is all around me and not in my own head.
The early dawn lights up as the ground quakes, bodies of the living and the dead are running around now. While trapped in my head, I lost sight of the others and quickly search out for them. It doesn’t take long until I find them, and I see them in the distance much closer to the wall than they were moments ago.
Screaming for Gabe and Dan, I force myself up off the road. I rush farther forward on rubbery legs, but neither of them turns around. I feel like I’m wearing lead shoes suddenly and I know it’s going to either take forever to reach them, or I’m going to black out. My head throbs harshly now, and my vision narrows down to Gabe a few feet before me.
There is chaos all around, people running and screaming, while rushing to the wall.
Guns are going off, with the bombs still falling from the sky and shaking the ground I run on. The sky is filled with smoke that burns my eyes. I have to force them to stay open, and they water from the strain of it. All the while, I feel like I’m running in slow motion and it feels like the closer I get to Gabe, he just gets farther and farther away. He and the rest are getting closer to the wall now, and aren’t alone. There is hundreds of the living with them, along with the never ceasing bodies of the walking dead. They still firing into the dead, as if they even have a chance, but then again maybe they do.
When the other voices come back into my head again, they cause me to stumble to a stop. I shut my eyes against their voices. A keening whine rises in the background, I think just might belong to me.
“…
please, hang on just a little longer.” His words send a throbbing urgency through me.
All I want in this moment is to comply. But I can’t. My limbs are heavy and feel as if they aren’t even mine. This rings a little close to home since I can still feel my other body lying on the cold hard road. I feel nothing in this one, except for Gabe’s hands that hold me immobile. Each of his strong fingers press into my cheeks with enough pressure that they keep me focused. I cling to the sensation.