These Starcrossed Lives of Ours (12 page)

“Please.” She rolled her eyes. “Ian talks about you all the time. Don’t tell me you’re not leading him into a life full of sin.”

“Excuse me?” I said, outraged.

“How many times has he slept with you? Once? Twice? He was a virgin before he met you. I guess that’s all gone now.” She threw her hands up in the air.

“If that’s what you think we’re doing in that apartment, you’re crazy,” I said.

“I don’t think, I know.”

“Even if you
think
you do it’s none of your business,” I said. “Now leave me and Ian alone.”

“Why? I’m only trying to protect him. I mean, look at you,” she said, scanning me up and down with those catlike, piercing eyes. “You don’t deserve him. The only nice clothes you have are the ones he buys you. You’re broke and ugly. You’re not even a Christian,” she snarled. “The only reason Ian likes you is because you’re his little charity project. If he didn’t have to take care of you he wouldn’t even give you a second glance. He likes helping people. He’s only attracted to you because you’re pathetic and worthless, and for some asinine reason Ian feels compelled to stoop low enough to serve your kind’s level.”

I wish I’d had a response, but at her words, my brain stopped working. Fumbling for some sort of comeback, I stuttered, “You know nothing.”

“Oh really? You wait and see,” she said. “Eventually Ian’s going to get tired of you, realize his mistake and come crawling back to me. And then we’ll get married and live happily ever after just like everyone expects us to. And you...” she looked me up and down. “You’ll slither back into the sewers where you came from.”

I hated this girl. I really, truly did, and we hadn’t even known each other for more than five minutes. All I wanted to do was to rip the heel off of her foot and smack her in the side of the head.

But Ian would be disappointed in me. I would give anything if I could make sure Ian never was disappointed in me. So I just shook my hair carelessly over my shoulder, brushed past her and said, “We’ll see about that.”

I could feel her eyes burning into my back as I left and knew that I had made a new enemy. She was obviously disappointed that she couldn't scare me into submission, but I refused to let her. I rolled my eyes. Christians. They were all the same...every last one of them was rotten to the core on the inside. They talked of love and only spread hate. Hypocrites. My eyes filling up with tears, I thought,
they’re all liars,
and ran as fast as I could to an empty room, any room.

I found it in what I supposed was the youth room. A place deserted of everything save for couches, a bookshelf and a bunch of posters, I walked to a corner and slunk down in it, burying myself in tears. Miracle or no Miracle, I never wanted to come back to this place ever again.

My sobbing was broken by the sound of a door creaking open. I glanced up to see that it was Kara, her face full of concern.

“Hey,” she said, coming inside and sinking down next to me. “You’ve been gone for awhile and Ian sent me to look for you. You weren’t in the bathroom like you said. Have you been in here all this time?”

“No,” I sniffled. “I just came in.”

“Something must have upset you,” she said, inching closer.

“Yes. Her name is Tessica Will-Grace.”

“Ah.” Kara’s face went hard as stone. “That’d explain it.”

I wiped my nose on my sleeve, not caring if it was gross. “She thinks Ian and I are dating.  She wants to get rid of me and win Ian back.”

“Like that’ll ever happen,” Kara snorted. “Tessica could have a gun aimed at his head and he’d still say no.”

“That’s not the point. I thought coming here would be different, but it’s not.” I was angry for setting myself up for disappointment, but the thoughts whirling in my head were so strong I couldn’t help but to voice them. “I thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad here, but I was wrong. There are just as many horrible people in here as there are out there.”

“I wouldn’t disagree. But please don’t base the rest of us on Tessica’s actions,” Kara said, shuddering. “She’s the worst this place has to offer, not the best. We’d kick her out if it wasn’t a church and if her daddy wasn’t an elder.”

“If she’s your worst I’d hate to see what your best is,” I said, and my tears began to slow.

“You’re living with him,” she said. “If we had a contest for who was out there spreading God’s love like we’re supposed to, Ian would definitely win the whole thing.”

I nodded. “Ian is good. Not perfect, but he strives to be good.”

“Nobody’s truly good or bad per say. We have both in us, we just pick what to follow, and most of the time Ian picks good.” She smiled.

“I don’t know how,” I said. “He gives up everything he has to help other people. I don’t even want to know what its cost him to help me. But he still does it, and with joy too. I couldn’t do that.”

“Ian is like that because he decided to follow the path God chose for him,” Kara said. “It’s in his nature to be kind. You and me, however, we have to work at it. We have skills in different areas that he’s not so good at.”

“Brains being one of them,” I chipped in, and we both laughed. As our chuckles subsided I said, “I feel like I’m back in high school again. I can’t seem to get Tessica’s words out of my head. It’s like I’m a nerd, and she’s some mean girl bent on making my life hell.”

“Don’t listen to her, she’s a devil in disguise,” Kara said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Some people here are like that but most of us are kind, caring people. The only ones you have to watch out for are the Will-Grace’s and whoever follows their lead. Ever since we got a new pastor they’ve been trying to throw him out and take over. A lot of people have left already because they can’t take the fighting. It’s splitting the whole church apart.”

She got up from the ground and helped me to my feet. “I’m sorry this didn’t go so well for you. Hopefully it’ll be better next week. That is, if you want to come back?”

I nodded. “Might as well try. Can’t give
Miss Will-Grace
the satisfaction that she’s run me out, can I?”

“Good girl,” she said approvingly. “Now let’s go find Ian. He’s probably freaking out because he can’t find either of us.”

He was. Looking totally lost Ian instantly rushed over to me, out of breath. I was glad that I had been born with the ability to look like I was fine when really I had just been sobbing my eyes out. I didn’t want him to know I had been crying.

“Where were you?” he said, looking at me in concern. “I’ve been looking everywhere.”             

“Really Ian, you can’t live a half an hour without me there to babysit you? You might have a problem.” I smiled and crossed my arms.

“You’ve got some explaining to do,” Kara said instantly, and for some reason she looked angry. “Why didn’t you tell Christie about
her
before you got here?”

“Who? Oh...” Ian’s face had a variety of emotions tangled up in it. Surprise. Anger. Hurt. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Tess talked to her?”

“What’d you expect? She wasn’t going to throw her a welcoming party, that was for sure.” Kara put her hands on her hips and stared at Ian.

“What did she say to you?” Ian asked.

“Oh nothing, she just threatened me because she thinks we’re dating and she wants you back,” I said.

“She’s crazy.” Ian’s eyes bugged out of his head. “I need to talk to her.”

“The only thing you need to do is get in your truck and drive to your parents,” Kara said, putting two hands on Ian’s back and pushing him forward. “And you need to explain to Christie what’s going on.”

“Kara...”

“You owe it to her. Go. I’ll deal with the witch. Everybody here knows she’s afraid of me.” Kara was gone in a flash and then it was just Ian and I. Ian wore a sullen expression on his face as we walked to the car.

“You don’t owe me anything,” I said to Ian as he started up the truck. “You’ve saved my life twice. You don’t have to tell me why Tessica hates me so much.”

Ian banged a hand on the steering wheel as he backed up. “No, I do. If she’s going to attack you like that, and I have no doubt she will again, you’re going to need to know the whole story.”

I stared at my hands for a minute. “What happened between you two?”

“She cheated on me.”

“With who?”

“One of my buddies, a couple of weeks before we headed off to college. I should’ve known better...she liked Carmichael since we were in first grade, but she refused to be seen with him because he was broke. I was her arm candy. She wouldn’t have cheated if I hadn’t been so stone drunk that night. But I couldn’t get Lia off my mind. Tessica was jealous that I was paying more attention to trying to find my missing sister instead of trying to please her. So she hooked up with my wingman while I was passed out on somebody’s couch. I don’t even remember whose.”

“She should have supported you in a time like that,” I said.

“She should have, but she’s Tessica and she thinks only of herself,” Ian said flatly. “I was nothing more than a tool to her. She wouldn’t even want me back if you weren’t living with me. She thinks it’s all a game, like if I go back to her she wins and you lose. Some people graduate high school, but they never grow out of it.”

“She told me she was going to marry you someday,” I said randomly, scanning his face for any emotion that he might still hold towards her.

He laughed, and my heart fluttered in relief. “That’s a joke. If I had to pick between marrying her and a man-eating tiger, I’d pick the tiger. The demise would be quicker and less painful. What exactly did she say to you?”

As I told him his fingers got white on the steering wheel. “I can’t believe it. Well, I can, but being that mean the first time you’ve ever met somebody is low, even for Tess.”

“She’s definitely a piece of work,” I said. “One thing she said bothers me though. Tessica told me you were still a virgin. Is that true?”

“Do you really want to know?” he asked. When I nodded he said, “Okay, yeah. I’m still a virgin.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, sitting back in shock. “You’re twenty four, were popular in high school and college, and are really good looking. How could you still be a virgin?”

“Good looking, huh?” he beamed. “Alright, I’m liking this so far. Keep the compliments coming.”

“Shut up,” I said, my cheeks turning pink. “Whatever I said, you’ve got to be lying.”

“I haven’t slept with anybody, Christie,” Ian said, shaking his head. “Have I ever lied to you?”

I dropped my head. “No. But why? Surely you’ve had opportunities.”

“Plenty. Chicks threw themselves at me because I was the big man on campus. But I said no everytime. I mean, once or twice a girl got naked in front of me, and it was tempting but...I don’t know. It just didn’t feel right.”

“But you’re a guy! I mean, come on.”

“We’re not all animals, Christie. We can control ourselves,” Ian scowled.

“Okay, fine. You can. I’m expecting your mind is perfectly in control, too.”

“I’m not that much in control. Men are people, and people lust. I can control my thoughts, but that kind of desire is just human nature. I can’t fight it constantly, and it’s unhealthy to anyways. But I try not to think of sex 24/7.”

“I’m guessing this is part of some Bible thing?” I said, trying to think of a reason that would prevent Ian from doing anything erotic. 

“Yes and no,” he sighed. “We’re not supposed to have sex outside of marriage, although plenty of us do it anyways. And I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care what other people do...that’s their business. But for me, well...I’ve always thought that it was sort of...private.”

“Meaning?”

“Sacred. Beautiful. A gift. You know what I mean?”

I paused. And then I instantly burst out laughing. “Of all the words used to describe sex,” I choked out, laughing even harder.

“Well, that’s the way I look at it.” He seemed hurt, so I stopped laughing and said, “Hey, I’m not saying it’s wrong. It’s just different, and I’ve never heard anybody put it that way before.”

He seemed a little relieved. “Thanks, I guess. I don’t know, I just decided when I was young that I didn’t want to give it up to anybody I didn’t love, and even when I was dating Tessica, I didn’t feel like I loved her enough to do it.” He paused. “When I finally have sex I want it to be with somebody I truly, desperately love. Someone I can’t bear to live without.”

“That’s beautiful, Ian,” I said. “It’s actually sort of honorable that you’ve stuck to your guns and decided that.”

He shrugged. “I guess. Besides, the minute I did have sex with somebody, you know it would get around this place in an instant.”

“For sure,” I nodded.

“Well what about you? Are you still a virgin?”

The hopeful light in his eyes prompted me to lie, but I couldn’t. Not to him. “I lost my virginity when I was sixteen,” I informed him
.
“I was in a relationship for a year, and then after that I was devastated. I had so many partners trying to get over it that it hurts to count them, so I don’t.”

He seemed disappointed, drastically so, and I instantly regretted telling him. “I’m sorry Ian,” I apologized, noticing the glistening in his eyes.