The Worst Romance Novel Ever Written (61 page)

Johnny was all out of comebacks, so he sat and listened.

“
Jesus went to where the people were. They walked, so He walked. He felt everything we feel. He felt tired. He felt lonely. He felt hungry. He felt cold. And He wasn’t walking without a purpose. He taught, He counseled, and He performed miracles. He encouraged everyone to lay up treasures in heaven.” Pastor Payton took a breath. “Eternal life is the ultimate benefit, don’t you think?”

“
I’m not sure I believe in living forever.”
I have enough trouble just living now.
“To be honest, I don’t know if I believe in anything right now.”

“
Tell me, Doc, have you ever been in love?”

“
Once.”

“
With Gloria?”

Johnny nodded.
But only one of us was in love at the time so it didn’t count.

“
Could you see the love you felt for her?” Pastor Payton asked.

Johnny shook his head.
If we could actually see love, the government would probably tax it, and we’d still be in a recession because Congress would mismanage the “love tax” revenues.

“
Yet you believed in love anyway.” He leaned closer. “And deep down, you still believe in it.”

Johnny nodded.
I’ve never stopped believing in it. Just lost sight of it.
“Yeah.”

“
Come to church tomorrow.”

“
I don’t know.”

“
What have you got to lose?”

There’s nothing
left
to lose!
“Pastor Payton, I’ve, um, I’ve lost a lot here recently, and I’m angry about it. I mean, you made me a deacon before I really knew what I believed. I have too many questions, too many doubts. I mean, if Jesus did exist and rose again from the dead thereby defeating death, as you say, why do people still die? If Christ did turn those few loaves of bread and a couple fish into a feast for thousands, why are children starving all over the world? If God is a God of love, why have people killed each other in God’s name throughout history? If God is supposed to protect the innocent, why …”
Why did He let that man walk past me to kill thirty-three people?
Johnny began to weep. “I can’t stop asking why, Pastor.”

“
There are no easy answers, Doc. We all have doubts and moments of doubt. Even me. That’s what makes us human.” He walked over to Johnny and touched his arm. “I know only a little of what you’ve gone through in your life from what you’ve shared with me and what Gloria has told me. God has put you on my heart for a long time, Johnny Holiday, and there are some things I know God wants me to tell you. You ready for me to lay it all on you? It might get heavy.”

“
I’m ready.”

“
God is omnipresent. He is everywhere, and He promises to be everywhere. Wherever you are, at work, at home, alone or with friends, He is there. When you’re in trouble, He’s there. When you’re at your absolute lowest, He is still there.”

Which means he’s hanging out with us right now. I wonder if He knows how to get this grease from under my nails without my fingertips losing their skin.

“
God is also omniscient. He knows our thoughts, our desires, our hopes, our dreams, our fears. And He knows them because He came to earth and became a man. He left heaven, Johnny. He left perfection to come to this imperfect world so we could live happier lives and later join Him in heaven.”

So when does my happier life begin?

“
God is also omnipotent. There is nothing God cannot do. Nothing. The storms He has brought you through when you couldn’t see through the storm, when you doubted you could ever make it—He brought you through those storms.”

Johnny dried his eyes roughly with his sleeve. “If God is everywhere, knows everything, and can do anything, then why isn’t He solving the world’s problems? Why isn’t He stopping the turmoil in the Middle East? Why isn’t He curing cancer? Why isn’t He fixing our economy? Why … why did the shooting at Tech happen? Huh?”

“
People make the problems in this world, not God. We are the problem. God is not the problem. God is the solution. He is your solution.”

I once thought Marla was my solution, and she left. I even thought Gloria was my solution, and I left. .

“
God has been watching over you, Doc,” Pastor Payton said. “He’s been solving your problems all along. He delivered you from death that day because, as the song says, he ain’t done with you yet. The Bible says, ‘Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us.’”

I like that verse, and it’s not because I used to deliver pizzas.

“
Doc, you know almost as much of what’s in the Bible as I do,” Pastor Payton said, squeezing Johnny’s shoulder. “Someone drilled it into you a long time ago.”

“
Yeah.”
Mr. and Mrs. Holiday, who sent me a Christmas gift card to Red Lobster when I was fighting diarrhea … and I have yet to thank them for it. I should give them a call.

“
So try to remember those words, and those words will be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path.” Pastor Payton checked his watch. “I’m late again.”

“
Sorry I kept you so long,” Johnny said, walking him out.

“
You didn’t bring me here or keep me here, Doc,” Pastor Payton said.

Johnny nodded as goose bumps raced up his spine. “Right.”

After Pastor Payton left, Johnny tried to remember the words. They came to him slowly, in fits and starts, as he lay upon his cot.
Ask and you’ll get it. Something like that. Sounds too easy. Seek and you will find. Find what, though? What if you’re not sure of what you’re looking for? Knock, and God will open the door. I bet God is a good tipper. He wouldn’t want the Devil to talk bad about him. Come to me … everyone who is weary—check!—and burdened—check!—and …

And what? Oh yeah.

And I will give you rest.

I sure could use a good night’s sleep, God. And if I dream, make it something boring like watching paint dry or grass grow. And if it’s not too much trouble, let me see Gloria again.

He settled under his dusty covers in his dusty clothes, the heat oppressive but the words flowing now …
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart … And you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Johnny Holiday dreamed of mountains and hills and slept through the night for the first time since April 16, 2006.

He woke up smiling.

Gloria was holding his hand the entire time in his dream.

45

Johnny arrived early at Faith Ministries, so early he was the first deacon there. He straightened up the sound booth, removing several Styrofoam cups and gum wrappers. He turned on the AC unit near the stage, where the musicians would be sweating later. He made sure each pew had at least two Bibles. When it started to rain, he took an orphan umbrella from the umbrella stand and walked outside to his post in the parking lot.

Time to meet and greet,
he thought.
I wonder if anyone will recognize me after nearly six months.

As cars, vans, trucks, and even a few pedestrians arrived, Johnny shielded those without umbrellas as best as he could, welcoming them to church and generally smiling a lot.

Most smiled back, and some even gave him hugs or shook his hand. “Long time no see,” they said. “Good to see you again,” they said. “Have you been sick?” they said.

A little girl even said, “The goofy man is back, Mama.”

You get what you give,
Johnny thought, trying hard—and failing miserably—not to think about the arrival of Gloria, Angel, and Marion. In between arriving cars, Johnny picked up trash in the parking lot, checked out “his” sidewalk, and listened to the musicians warming up to “You are Holy,” one of Johnny’s favorite songs. He checked the time on his phone and smiled.
Gloria should be arriving in five, four, three, two …

He looked at the entrance and saw Paul’s Prius laboring up the little hill to a parking spot near the sidewalk. Johnny wondered if the Prius needed a push.

Despite the rain, falling heavier and gusting up under his umbrella, Johnny’s hands started to sweat. He watched “his” family extricate themselves from the Prius, pop up umbrellas, and move down the sidewalk.
Wow,
Johnny thought.
Angel has grown. She has to be six now. And Gloria looks great. Marion looks … like Marion.

And Paul looks French.

Angel ran up to him, her rainbow-colored umbrella trailing behind her, drops of rain dotting her glasses. “Johnny, where have you been?” She took his free hand and squeezed it.

This is awkward,
Johnny thought.
I can’t say I took a few months off to find myself or something pathetic like that. Best to keep it light.
“I’ve been around, but you, Angel, you look fabulous.”

The usual traffic jam of people and cars arrived at two minutes to eleven, many of the people dashing from their cars using their Bibles to shield them from the rain.

Johnny crouched in front of Angel as Gloria and Marion approached. “I will definitely talk to you more after the service, okay?”

Angel nodded. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“
Me, too,” Johnny said.

Marion stepped under Johnny’s umbrella and gave him a half-hug. “Hello, stranger. You lost the beard.”

Johnny half-hugged her back. “Yeah. I looked all over for it. I think a bald groundhog ran away with it.” He noticed Gloria’s eyes glued to the ground, the tiniest smile on her lips, Paul behind her pursing his lips and stamping his expensive tap shoes.

Now
this
is drama,
Johnny thought.
And I’m in the middle of it.

The quintet stood for several unspeaking moments at the bottom of the stairs. “Well, um, service is starting, so …” Johnny said, and he stepped aside.

Angel ran up the stairs. Marion hummed up the stairs. Paul stomped up the stairs. Gloria didn’t move.

“
You, um, look good, Johnny,” she said. “Nice shoes.”

“
Someone nice picked them out for me,” Johnny said.

Gloria put her hand on the railing. “See you inside.”

“
Yeah.”

He watched her climb the stairs, waiting for her to look back. At the door, she turned, shook out her umbrella, and smiled at him.

Yeah,
Johnny thought.
We’re gonna have us some church here today.

While Faith belted out “If I Can Make It” and the band shook the building, Johnny stayed at his post at the foot of the stairs to wait for the fashionably, incurably, and terminally late. After ten minutes, an ancient Chevy Chevette rolled in, and a young black woman with a child got out. He rushed to them with his umbrella. “Good morning,” he said.

The woman nodded, picked up her daughter, and ducked under Johnny’s umbrella. “Thank you.”

The trio moved across the parking lot, up the stairs, and into the church. She, too, looked back at Johnny once she and her daughter were inside.

Two looks back in one day,
Johnny thought.
I wish it rained every Sunday.

After a few more minutes, his shoes somewhat muddy, he went inside, returned the orphan umbrella, and took his other post in the vestibule, which never seemed to move. He looked into the sanctuary to get a layout of the unfolding drama. Faith was finishing “Let It Rain” while Pastor Payton sang along. Gloria and family sat in the second row, Paul hugging the end of their pew by the wall. The woman and her child sat in the back row.

Let’s get it on
, Johnny thought.

The service began.

46

He’s here, he’s here, he’s here …
Gloria repeated in her head.
He’s here, he’s here, he’s here … Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer because … he’s here, he’s here, he’s here …