I was in my room. The one that had been my home for the last few months, and I felt sad at the idea of leaving it.
“You leaving today or tomorrow?” Reg asked as he popped his head in.
“Today,” I sighed as I thought about seeing Alexa again. To say that this whole semester had turned out differently to what I expected was a complete understatement.
“Looks like you’ve got a guest, catch up later. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
I swung my chair round to see Trinity standing there. She wasn’t who I’d expected to see today, but it was nice to see a smiling face. I wondered if Alexa would look at me the same way when she saw me. I wondered if she would feel the same way to see my face. I couldn’t understand how two people could be so close, so connected, and in a matter of weeks feel completely disconnected. As if they were no longer the same. Shit, I had spent nearly every night either messengering or speaking to Todd, who seemed to be having a whale of a time in California. But my own girlfriend had turned into a complete stranger to all intents and purposes. I just couldn’t figure out why. She hadn’t been to a game, not that I had played, but I thought she would show up at least once to show her support.
“The room seems quiet already and you haven’t even gone yet.”
I nodded looking at my suitcase. It was a bit dramatic, but I kind of knew what she meant.
“You going to see family?”
She shook her head, “No, just hanging out here.” She bit her lip as if she wanted to say more, but she didn’t offer any more then that.
I knew that she had an issue with her mom, but I had thought that she was close to her dad. She often talked about him, so this whole thing was news to me.
“Dad’s going to Bahamas with his new girlfriend,” she said as she shot the ball in the basket on top of my bed. “He didn’t invite you?”
She laughed, “I’m not exactly a beach girl.”
She had a point about that.
I could have invited her, and part of me wanted to, but I knew that as soon as Alexa saw her she would get jealous or think that something was going on between us two - and I wondered if maybe she was right.
There was something about Trinity that I craved; maybe it was her silky blond hair which just seemed to flow when she walked. Or the fact that she was a complete tomboy, the opposite of Alexa. but she reminded me a bit of my little sister, Olivia. Even Olivia had said that Trinity was nice, “a bit too nice” were her words, which meant that Olivia didn’t necessarily like her.
“None of the cheers invited you to theirs? I’m surprised.”
Well I wasn’t exactly, but I had to say something comforting. There was something threatening about Trinity, all the girls in the team had said it. She was too pretty and got on with everyone. No one likes a Miss Perfect, especially in Yale.
“No. But you already knew that.”
This time the ball was directed at my head and not the basket.
“Okay, so did you want to come with me?”
Shit, me and my big mouth. Why the fuck did I say that?
“I could?” she raised an eyebrow as if she was surprised at the offer. I avoided her gaze as I shot the ball, and said, “Sure.”
I tried to sound as casual as possible.
“Well, that’s a nice offer, Mr. Collins, but I don’t think Alexa would appreciate it.”
I didn’t like where this conversation was going. So, I picked up the ball and threw it again. I could feel her eyes on me and It felt as if they were boring through me.
“Why do you say that?”
She intercepted the ball as I threw it to the basket. She took it in her hand and whispered, “Think about it Mr. Collins, and in the New Year, you can tell me why.”
I shook my head and reached out my hand to take the ball from her. Our hands brushed as she said, “Because then you would have made up your mind about what you really want.” She kissed me on the cheek and left my room saying, “Happy Christmas and have a great New Year’s.”
I knew then what I should have done a long time ago. I’d told myself I would do stop hanging out with Trinity; this whole thing between us was bad news. A temptation awaiting to happen, because I missed Alexa like crazy. I loved only one woman, and it wasn’t the one that had just left my room.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Logan
“What do you mean there are no more fucking flights?” I asked the attendee, though it was clear that it wasn’t her fault. No, it was mine. I’d changed my dates. I’d been due to fly out yesterday but silly me thought that I would fly out today. The damn DKE wanted to have one more party and I’d had to join them. Now, I was suffering from a bad hangover. I’d just missed my flight and, to make matters worse, there were no more flights.
Shit, shitty, shit, shit… I kept repeating it over and over again.
Alexa had called to ask why I hadn’t come yesterday and part of me blamed her for changing my damn mind.
I hadn’t slept with Trinity. The most I had done was kiss her on the cheek. So, why did I feel so damn guilty all the time? Especially when I tried to think of Alexa, and then, to make matters worse, when I did finally speak to Alexa, all I wanted to do was put the phone down.
“You must be able to get me something,” I begged. I was trying not to sound too aggressive.
The reality that I missed Alexa and that I was turning to Trinity dawned on me as I’d managed to put on a shirt, some pants and get a taxi to the damn airport.
“Well, there could be something…” she was looking at her computer and I thought about Dad and using some of his charm. Then I thought that maybe that wasn’t a good idea.
Dad had charisma, but I wouldn’t say that he was a born flirt. I supposed I got it from Mom. She acted as if she was born doing it, she does it so naturally.
“There’s a flight to Pittsburgh.”
Did she just say Pittsburgh?
When the place I needed to get to was Chicago?
I shook my head. She didn’t even wait for me to open my mouth to tell her that she was talking about the wrong location when she said, “That’s the closest you’re going to get to Chicago on Christmas Eve.”
I knew what day it was, which was why this whole thing was kind of stupid.
Why oh why hadn’t I caught my flight yesterday?
I nodded as there was only one thing to do.
“Wait, if I catch a flight would I be able to hire a car from there?”
She coughed as she moved the imaginary piece of hair that she seemed to think was in her way, “Mr Collins, I check flights. Not car hire. Now, do you want the flight or not? There are a dozen people that would take it.”
I hated her attitude, but then again a few minutes ago, I’d been shouting at her and demanding to be on a flight that was fully booked. I needed to go home. No, I wanted to, so damn badly. Just when I was about to answer her, my phone started to ring. I thought about my car, the one I had picked up a few weeks ago, when I’d had this crazy notion that I would go on a road trip. There was just one problem: I had been too drunk most of the time at college to think about hitting the road, let alone driving on it.
“Dude, what’s up? We’re all waiting for you at the airport! You not coming through or what?”
I had to tell Todd the truth, “I’m not sure if I’m coming!”
“You fucking what? You need to come! There’s a party for you back at the house. Olivia even went out of her way to decorate. God, your sister’s cute and don’t even get me started on Alexa. We’re standing here with balloons and shit, waiting for you to come out of departure. What do you mean you’re not coming?”
I took a deep breath, thinking about my whole family being excited and Alexa too, and the disappointment. I had to say, “Missed my flight.”
“Again?” he spat out. Probably wondering what was really going on, I could hear Alexa’s voice demanding for him to pass the phone.
“Babes, what’s up? How comes you’re not at the airport? I’m here. Todd’s here,” she sounded as if she was crying, and guilt rushed through my body so fast that I felt like crying too.
“We’re all waiting. Don’t you want to come? I mean, I know that I’ve not come to see you…but...”
There was silence on the other end of the phone as I could hear Todd shouting, “Dude’s not coming. I knew it.”
Even when he’d come to visit he’d warned me about Trinity, told me to stay away, and that my real love was back home. Once I saw Alexa again, everything would fall into place like it always did. But he’d got it so wrong, I bet he was thinking that she was the reason I was staying behind and that
she
was the real reason that I was avoiding Alexa.
“Look I’ve got a plan. I’m going to hop in my car.”
She said surprised about my revelation, “You got a car?”
I nodded, “Yeah, when Dad was here a few weeks ago, he helped me buy it. Anyway, I’m gonna drive. I think that’s the only way I’ll get there.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, I heard her say to Todd, “Give me your keys.”
Todd replied, “Say what?”
She carried on to explain, “Logan’s gonna drive and I’m gonna meet him halfway.”
“Logan,” I listened as she told me the instructions, how we would meet halfway and where she would be waiting. Or thereabouts. I was on my way to Pittsburgh, I should be there around midnight and Alexa was going to meet me. She said that she had a surprise. It was going to be a long night, but the only thing I could think about was being in her arms. I shouted before I got off the phone and headed back to campus, “You’ve got a deal. Seven hours and I’m all yours.”
Chapter Twenty Eight
Alexa
I felt like a woman on a mission as Todd cried out that I was completely mad and shouldn’t be driving in my condition. Our relationship was strained, but I knew that was my fault. I had kept so many things from Logan and I needed to let him know that I was still his girl.
His woman.
For life.
Nothing would change that. My feelings for him had been cloudy for the first time in my life I’d had to make decisions without him. I’d had to go on this fucking journey and it made me sick to the stomach that I had locked him out. I didn’t want to do that anymore. I knew now. Mom wasn't the only one that needed healing. I’d realized that my fucked up childhood, with a dad that was constantly gambling and cheating on his wife, had affected me a lot more then I’d realized. Thank goodness for counseling!
It was his idea to keep apart from Logan for a while and, as I grabbed my purse and paid for the parking ticket, I thought about all the things that I had to say to Logan. There were too many and too few.
We had lost time, but that didn’t mean that we had lost the love that we shared. No way. That was something that didn’t disappear overnight, even if Olivia had hinted that there could be someone else.
“There’s a girl that likes hanging round my brother...,” she’d blurted out one night while we were in the living room alone eating popcorn.
I knew where the conversation was heading, but I let her take the lead. No one had told him that I was staying with his family, or the reasons why. When I’d found out that I was pregnant, it made my outburst to Mom suddenly make sense. It was the reason that I’d got all emotional with my Dad. Everything had fallen into place. This didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to college.
Mom had lived with Dad for six weeks until she came to her senses and had moved out and came to stay with Richard and Marie. God, thank goodness for them. If it had been anyone else, I was sure they would have thrown us out.
Even Mom’s family didn’t want to know. Everyone was terrified that if we stayed with them that the guys that came knocking on their door demanding money would end up at their place. Everyone had witnessed it, and no one wanted to be a part of it.
Marie and Richard were kind of cool. Marie had said that, having been a lawyer for so long she had seen so much fucked-up shit that goons knocking on the door wasn’t an issue.
We had thought that we would only be with them for a month, maybe two at tops. As they say, time flies when you’re having fun. But in my condition and with being allowed to finish my first year at college, Marie wanted me at home with them.
I loved them and, as she had said to me so many times, I was the other daughter that she never had.
The one she lost.
The one that she will forever remember.
I didn’t know what to say when I called her and stopped half way to where we were supposed to meet. She said that she was nearing her point too, to refuel and grab something to eat. She was tired, hungry and a woman on a mission. When she mentioned food I was tempted to ask her the question for one or two. But, I changed the subject soon we would be together and I would know the truth, “Hey, remember that time, you were mad at me for kissing Tara…”
I must have had Trinity on my mind when I started this conversation, because I had no idea why Tara had come into my head. Maybe, because it was the one of many times that Alexa had actually been jealous. She wasn’t the kind that would check my phone or anything, but she did make a point of letting me know when I was going too far - and that just happened to be one of the times. After our big game and we had just won the season and I just grabbed one of the cheers. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it until Alexa grabbed my arm and told me that I should put her down. I’d been on a high that day. It was the first season that I had been a wide receiver, a position that I had wanted for so damn long and it changed everything from that moment on - my dreams had really come true. I was a wide receiver and all my fears and insecurities about whether I’d ever be one were washed out of the window.
“No, her name was Katie and you kissed her right on the lips, and I wasn’t mad. I just didn’t want you to get carried away, that was the difference,” she sounded as if she was so close. I could almost feel her soft delicate skin rubbing against mine. “What’s Toledo like? Never been.”
She commented, probably looking around, “Does it matter?”
I stopped and looked at the old diner, I had stopped in and thought, “Nah, just wish it was Pittsburgh.”
She laughed, “Me too, cause I’m kind of tired right now. The whole idea of driving another four hours wears me out. Hey, what car did you get?”
“Well, you know I’ve got a thing about Mercs.”
She sighed, “Yeah, you have one in your garage back home.” Then she shouted, “It’s a Merc?”
I laughed, “Guilty as charged, but this one’s a 4x4, so it’s kind of different to the one back home.”
She sighed, “Logan, the one you have at home is a 4x4.”
I sighed at the whole idea of having to explain to her that there was a big difference between the G-Class SUV and the GLA SUV, but it didn't matter. As far as Alexa was concerned a car was a car and it would bring us closer together. The size and the price were irrelevant.
“Look I need to head to the bathroom. Just make sure you’re safe and driving under the speed limit.”
She said, “Okay, but I thought… never mind. I’ll head out too and so we should be there around the same time. Just one thing.”
“What?” I said trying to hold in my pee, but I should have known better than to drink so many cups of coffee before heading out on the road.
“What if there’s no hotels for us to stay the night?”
Really?
She was worrying about that now?
“Well, it’s too late to worry about that now. If there’s no hotel then we’ll have to make do in one car or the other.”