Cara snorted. “That, I knew.”
“Sethan told you?” He’d promised he wouldn’t. He’d known how much I hated to talk about it.
Cara gave me a severe look. “No need to sound like that. Sethan never said a word, but he didn’t have to. My father was head outrider your first trip out, remember? First time he saw you climb, he said to me you must’ve had a powerful dose of the Taint as a kid. I asked him how he knew, and he said you climbed like you’d learned without fear. Said if you survived you’d be one hell of a climber, but he figured you’d end up dead before the season was out.”
“What? Why would he think that?” Denion had never said anything of the kind to me.
Cara shrugged. “He said those who learn with the Taint often forget it’s not there to save them anymore.”
“Only if I’d had a lazy handler. The whole point of teaching us to climb was so that we wouldn’t waste any effort with the Taint. If he caught us using it to help, we got punished, fast and hard. It doesn’t take much of that before you know better.”
“Here I just thought you’d gotten lucky,” Cara said. “Well, it wasn’t hard to guess how a Tainted kid with no apparent family might’ve survived in Ninavel. You’ve no cause to blame Sethan.”
“Yeah, fine,” I muttered, although the knot in my chest eased. “Sethan knew I’d been a Taint thief, and he didn’t follow the Dalradian line on that. He was fascinated.” At first I’d dodged his questions. Talking about my Tainted days was like yanking my guts out with a hook. But as time went on, the pain had dulled.
“I told him about life as a Tainter, but I wanted so bad to impress him, I only told him the good bits. So when Sethan found out Melly had a good strong dose of the Taint, he got the bright idea to give her to my old handler.”
I dug my fingers into a crack between wall boards, uncaring of splinters. Khalmet’s hand, but Sethan had been a real idiot sometimes. “It must’ve seemed perfect to him. He figured she’d be well cared for, and taught to read and write and climb, and he must’ve thought when she Changed, he’d just go and buy her back from Red Dal. Probably thought he’d take her on as a new outrider apprentice, the way he did with me.”
Cara opened her mouth to speak, but I overrode her. “I know, I shouldn’t have glamorized it like that. Damn it, if he’d thought to ask me, I could have told him what a dumb idea it was! But no, he ran straight off to Red Dal without thinking twice.”
“Maybe I’m stupid too, but I don’t get it,” Cara said. “Why was it such a bad idea? Like you said, she’d be cared for, and the Dalradians wouldn’t find out.”
I stared at her, then reminded myself that although she’d grown up streetside in Ninavel, her family was skilled and self supporting and had never been near a ganglord.
“Even for a Tainter, breaking mage wards is a tricky, dangerous business. One mistake, and you’re brain-burned or dead. Sure, your handler will be a little disappointed, particularly if your Taint was strong, but he can always find another Tainted kid to replace you. Red Dal’s a good handler, and he and his minders train their Tainters well, but even so I’d say less than half even make it to the Change.”
Cara’s eyes widened. “I had no idea.”
“That’s not all,” I said bitterly. “Sethan didn’t think enough about the buy-out at the Change. He just assumed it wouldn’t cost much, because he knew mine hadn’t. He should’ve bargained with Red Dal at the first and forced him into a contract specifying the sale price and Sethan as the buyer, but no. He handed her over and assumed everything would work out. There’s nothing preventing Red Dal from selling Melly to the highest bidder, and damn it, she takes after Sethan, with that red hair and good looks.”
“You think her price will be high,” Cara said.
“Hell, yes. The pleasure houses will be panting after her. Before I left, I heard Karonys House was sniffing around.”
Cara grimaced. She knew as well as I did how Karonys treated their jennies. “When did you find out about all this?”
“Not until four years ago,” I said. “Only hint I had before that was when I started riding as Sethan’s apprentice and he made me promise that if something happened to him, I’d—how did he put it?—‘take care of some loose ends’ for him. He told me there was a letter in a vault in Koliman House I’d need to read. The way he talked about it, I thought it had something to do with his sisters.”
Cara pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and finger. “And then he died.”
I nodded. “When I found him after the rockfall, he begged me...” I coughed, my throat filling with the remembered stink of blood and rock dust. “He didn’t...didn’t have time to explain it all.” He’d choked out a scattered, desperate string of words through the blood pouring from his mouth, one hand fisted in my shirt. “But I vowed on my life I’d take care of Melly. Do whatever his letter asked, and never tell she was his.” I’d have promised him anything, at that point. As if by promising I could turn back time and make the rockfall never happen.
“Oh, Dev.” Cara’s voice sounded rough. “You should’ve told me. Or Sukia, or Randen...we could’ve helped you.”
I shrugged, not trusting my voice. I’d promised Sethan my silence, and I’d been so sure I could handle it myself, that I had enough time to earn what I needed.
Cara’s brows drew together. “But to take this job...why would you need so much coin? I know you’ve done pretty well over the last few years.”
Oh, gods. So much easier to talk about others’ stupid mistakes than my own. I turned and faced out the window. The cool night air did nothing to soothe the heat in my face.
“Yeah, well. Sethan’s not the only one to make a fool of himself over a woman.”
I heard a hiss of indrawn breath. “That black-haired little bitch...Pello was right, then. She played you, all this time?”
“Her name is Jylla,” I snapped. “And no,
it wasn’t ‘all this time.’” I couldn’t, wouldn’t believe that the girl who’d held me tight in Tavian’s cellar while I’d shaken with sobs had never cared.
“What did she do?” Cara asked, quietly.
“She set her sights on a mage.” My voice sounded strange to my own ears. “You know how it is in Ninavel. Mages live in a whole other realm, beyond even highsiders. Jylla wanted a way in to that world, and she found one.”
Found a swaggering asshole of a mage with a penchant for women with the shining black hair and slanted eyes of Korassian descent, and then used me, all unwitting, to deliver the poison that killed his current bedmate. The mage hadn’t cared, except to want a new plaything. A role Jylla was happy to take on.
“Thing was, she needed money, and a lot of it. Her mark was used to highsider women.”
“You gave your money to her?” Cara’s voice rose.
“No!” The windowsill creaked protestingly under my hands. “She managed the business side of things, so she had access to all our accounts at Shasnin House. But that money wasn’t enough for her...somehow, she got into the private account I kept for Melly. She took all that, too. Every kenet I owned. She said I didn’t need it, I’d make plenty more soon as the season started.”
I could remember all too well how she’d stood there in our shared quarters, her things already gone, and told me calmly what she’d done
. You think too small, Dev. You always have. Even so, I’d take you with me if I could
.
But Beren’s the possessive type. He doesn’t like to share.
“Shaikar take that conniving little bitch!” Cara stomped away. I heard the thunk of a knife driven into wood. “Why didn’t you stop her?”
I whipped around. “Fuck, Cara, what was I supposed to do? She had the money out of reach long before I realized it. And when I confronted her, she was wearing a scorpion’s tail charm, thanks to her new lover.” It hadn’t stopped either of us from getting violent when words failed. In the end she’d struck me down with the charm. When I’d come to, my bones still burning with liquid fire, I’d smashed everything I could get my hands on, then drank myself back into oblivion. Yeah, no surprise everybody in Acaltar heard the news. Everybody except Cara, who’d been out on the eastbound route.
“The next day, I got a message from Bren saying he had a job for me. I had four years of lost earnings to make up for, and Melly’s Change isn’t far off. I’d have taken the job for half what he offered.”
There was a long silence. I could feel Cara’s eyes on me, but I kept mine on the floor. The candle had burned down to a nub while I was talking, and the light flickered and guttered on the wooden boards.
Finally Cara sighed, heavily. “You and Sethan, what a pair,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“I told you that little bitch was no good, and so did Randen and Loril, but you never listened. Just like I bet Sethan didn’t listen, back in the day.”
My jaw clenched so tight I thought my teeth might shatter. “You didn’t know Jylla, not like I did. If she’s cold and hard as spelled iron, well, she’s got reason. Someone so lightly Tainted as you—Khalmet’s hand, you said you hardly even noticed the Change! You haven’t the least fucking idea what it’s like for a Tainter.”
“Oh, come on!” Cara smacked my shoulder. “You Changed same as Jylla, and you didn’t turn into a raving asshole.” She gave me a considering look. “Most of the time, anyway.”
I got a flash of the bone-deep hurt and betrayal on Kiran’s face, and flinched. I’d done far worse to him than Jylla had to me. Between the two of us, I figured I was winning the asshole competition. “I know I’ve fucked up. I’m trying to fix it—if I can get Kiran free of Simon, that’ll stop him—but...”
I can’t do it on my own, and I need your help.
Now I’d come to it, I couldn’t get the words out. I’d hurt and endangered Cara so much already. There had to be another way, one where she’d stay safely clear of this mess. I swung a leg back over the window ledge.
Cara grabbed my wrist. “Whoa, whoa. Where do you think you’re going?”
“I wanted you to know the truth. Now you do. I said I’d leave, after.”
Cara’s grip tightened. “You mean to go up against a gods-damned blood mage by yourself? I don’t think so. You came to ask for my help, didn’t you? I know you too well, Dev. You’d never have told me all this, otherwise. So get back in here, and tell me what I can do.”
I shook my head. “I did mean to ask. But, gods, Cara...the last thing I want is anyone else hurt because of my mistakes. What those mages did to Steffol and Joreal...that could’ve been you.”
“I know,” Cara said quietly. “But you’re not the only one who made a promise to Sethan. He asked me to look out for you, should Khalmet touch him. Try and keep you out of trouble, though all the gods know that’s impossible.”
Surprise kept me from resisting as she tugged me away from the window. Her mouth quirked. “You know he loved you, right? He told me once he couldn’t have been prouder of you than if you were his son. You think he’d try to take care of Melly, and not of you?”
Sethan.
My chest ached. “I can take care of myself,” I said, around the lump in my throat.
“Yeah, because you’ve been doing such a terrific job of that.” Cara pushed me into a chair. “No more excuses. Tell me your plan, and we’ll figure out a way to save Kellan—Kiran—whatever his name is!—without anybody dying.”
***
(Kiran)
“No doubt you’ve spent the last day constructing an elaborate defense against me.” Simon stalked into Kiran’s room, the dry amusement in his voice belied by the taut eagerness of his stride.
Kiran didn’t waste breath on a reply. He summoned his focus, a simple image of one of the earliest sigils he’d learned. Behind the focus waited a contorted maze of painstakingly assembled imagery that would twist Simon away from the
akhelashva
ritual into endlessly looping chains of false memories.
At Kiran’s silence, Simon inclined his head. “Let us see how thoroughly Ruslan trained you.” He turned and called, “Iannis!”
The scowling old woman appeared in the doorway, a vial of viscous yellow liquid in one gnarled hand. Morvain loomed behind her.
Kiran’s stomach clenched. Drugs...given Dev’s comment on Alathian expertise with herbs, he’d suspected Simon might attempt such a tactic. Though Simon couldn’t drug Kiran into incoherency if he wished to view Kiran’s memories without distortion, a drug that blunted concentration would put Kiran at a severe disadvantage in the mental battle to come.
He aimed a contemptuous look at Simon. “A truly powerful mage wouldn’t need the crutch of a drug to defeat a mere apprentice.”
Simon lifted a sardonic brow. “Perhaps you confuse me with Ruslan. I am not so blindly arrogant as to refuse a useful tool out of scorn for
nathahlen
methods.” His hand flicked in the hatefully familiar gesture.
Kiran’s muscles gave way. He shut out anger and frustration, as Morvain hauled him off the floor and dumped him on the bed. For years, Kiran had hidden the memories of his trysts with Alisa from Ruslan, even through mind-shredding pain. He’d hold his focus regardless of what Simon’s drug did to him.
Iannis approached the bed. Her black eyes surveyed Kiran with utter indifference, as if he were no more than an animal. Despite her seamed skin and stooped shoulders, her hands moved with practiced efficiency as she broke the vial’s seal. She tipped the contents into Kiran’s mouth, then held his jaw shut and stroked his throat to force a swallow.
The liquid tasted strongly of cloves, with a thin, sour undertaste far different than the oily bitterness of hennanwort. Iannis gripped Kiran’s wrist, her fingers pressing his pulse, her dispassionate eyes studying his.
As long moments passed, a dreamy lassitude overtook Kiran. He seemed to float in a warm, placid pool, like one of the marble baths in Lizaveta’s chambers. When Iannis released his wrist and nodded to Simon, her actions felt distant and unimportant as something seen in a scry-vision of the ancient past.
The focus sigil gleaming in his mind took on the weight of a mountain. Far, far easier to let the sigil fade...but Kiran fought off lethargy and held the image, even as cold tendrils of power crawled into his head. Somewhere, Simon was speaking, his voice seeping into Kiran’s consciousness like water through fissured stone.
“Think of Ruslan. Think of your master. He raised you, and trained you, and you loved him, did you not? I saw it in your memories as a child. You loved him, and desperately desired his approval. Tell me, Kiran, what changed that love? Show me how it turned to fear and hate...”