The Well of Shades (43 page)

Eile had a strong urge to make herself useful. It felt inappropriate to be sitting with this chieftain and his lady, whom Faolan
had told her was a real princess, rather than helping Mara wash sheets or scrubbing pots in the kitchen. There was no need for a common tongue when performing tasks such as those, and once or twice she caught Mara glancing at her as if about to suggest she stop sitting about and do some real work. But Drustan and Ana made it clear, without quite saying so, that she was their guest, a friend, and
that she was to spend her time accordingly. It felt odd; not quite right.

As the days passed the three of them, with Saraid, took gentle walks around farm and woodland, Ana working on regaining her strength, Drustan supporting her and telling Eile his tale all the while.

The farmer’s children were all much older than Saraid, and though the farmer’s wife, Brenna, was a kind soul, everyone was
busy and Saraid was overwhelmed by the constant activity. When the weather was inclement, she played with the game pieces Drustan had brought out for her, her small fingers careful. Once or twice the cook, Ferat, coaxed her into the kitchen to make rabbits or cats or little men out of dough; he seemed well-practiced at this. She made friends with the big dog, which seemed to like children.

Outside,
Ana and Drustan accommodated the child’s slow pace and spoke quietly to her. She walked at Eile’s side, making small forays away to investigate toadstools or hedgehogs or interesting rocks with patterns on them. While the dog, Cloud, always stayed close to Ana, Drustan’s two birds followed Saraid. It seemed to Eile, oddly, that they were watching over the child.

As the days passed, Eile learned
of Deord’s strength and endurance. She learned of his heroism. She discovered that her father, half destroyed by his own time in
prison, had made the most humane and compassionate of jailers. She began to wonder about him, for what Drustan told her did not suggest someone who had chosen to forget his family. This was not a man whose dark experiences had erased from his heart the capacity to love.

“I wonder why he didn’t talk about us,” she mused to Drustan, toward the end. “He did love us. I remember that. Surely it doesn’t just go away. Even when he’d been in Breakstone, when he came home so sad, he called me his little flame, his bright light. Because of my red hair. At least, that was what I thought. Maybe it meant more than that. He loved Mother. He was sweet to her, even then. He
used to wake up crying. He had terrible nightmares. I can remember hiding under the covers, but I could still hear him. I heard her singing him back to sleep as if he was a baby.” She wiped away tears. “I so wish he’d stayed. But then you’d have had some other guard, and you wouldn’t have been saved.”

Drustan nodded gravely. “Without Deord I would quickly have run mad. I don’t know if Faolan
told you, but… there is a particular reason I find confinement hard to tolerate. I possess the ability to go between forms; to transform from man to bird and back again. These creatures are, in a sense, parts of me.” He indicated the crow and the other bird, which he had told her was a crossbill, foraging in the undergrowth close to Saraid, who was showing Sorry some beetles. “It is both a gift and
a curse. It was through this oddity that my brother was able to accuse me of a crime I had not committed and label me mad. Ana and I have still to confront the shadow of that when we return to the north.”

“You’re the least mad person I’ve ever met,” Eile said. “Apart from Faolan, that is.”

Ana grinned as her betrothed translated this. She spoke softly to him. The sunlight, filtering down through
the canopy of new spring green, touched her golden hair to a brightness that seemed almost magical. Her voice
was low and gentle, her gray eyes full of a deep calm. Eile wished she could talk to her directly, without the need for translation. Ana might be of royal blood and dauntingly beautiful, but there was a realness, an honesty about her that suggested they could become friends. It was ever
clearer to Eile why Faolan loved this woman; who would not?

Drustan said, “Ana says you seem unsurprised by what I have told you. Some folk find it unsettling.”

“That you are a—what’s the right word?—a shape-shifter? I think it’s wonderful. I would so love to be able to fly. That’s a kind of freedom I can hardly imagine.”

Ana said something to Drustan. Her tone alerted Eile to a change in the
conversation. She heard the other woman say her name.

“What?” she asked sharply.

“Ana says it’s time we put something to you, Eile, and I agree. We wondered if you had given any thought to the future.”

“What kind of question is that? I have a three-year-old child. Of course I’ve considered the future.”

“What path do you see for yourself and Saraid, after White Hill?”

“After…” Eile felt a
chill creep over her, the familiar cold breath of change. “I’m not sure. I’d have to talk to Faolan.”

Drustan and Ana exchanged a glance.

“What?” demanded Eile, aware of something unspoken, something she wasn’t going to like.

“Eile,” said Drustan, “if you wished to come with us to Caitt territories, Ana and I would be very happy to take you. You’re Deord’s daughter; we both had the deepest
respect for him. You and Saraid could have a permanent home with us at Dreaming Glen. That is my own landholding on the west coast, a remote and beautiful location. It is a fine place for a child to grow up in, quiet, safe, full of good people. My brother changed it somewhat with his boats and his warriors, but I will restore it
to its old peace. Ana and I have decided to travel down the lakes
and up the coast to Dreaming Glen first, to settle in there and establish a strong base. Only then will I venture to what was my brother’s holding and set that household to rights. We’d like you to come with us. Ana would welcome the companionship. I’d be honored to have this opportunity to repay the debt we owe your father.”

“Oh.” Eile had not expected this, even though Faolan had once or twice
referred to some arrangement of the kind. “It’s a lot to offer. You don’t even know me.” There was a confusion of feelings in her. Not so long ago she would have thought this a wonderful dream come true: safety, an end to arbitrary changes, friendly people, no more desperate struggles to keep her daughter fed and warm and secure. A future: a real one. She knew these were good people; they were
Faolan’s friends, weren’t they? All the wise arguments pointed to
yes
. Yet there was some part of her that said, instantly and without logic,
no
. It was a part she could not disregard. “Thank you,” she said. “Your generosity is… overwhelming. But I can’t.”

Neither Drustan nor Ana said anything. It was obvious that Ana had understood the negative without need for translation. They looked rather
sad but not surprised.

“I’m sorry,” Eile said. “I can’t even say why; I can see this would be good for Saraid. But I know I can’t do it. You talked about repaying debts. I’ve got one of my own; if I go away, I can’t ever repay it.” She knew Faolan did not expect his silver back; she had hardly thought of the
éraic
in recent times. But going off and leaving him behind felt profoundly wrong.

“You might perhaps take time to consider it,” Drustan suggested. “We’ll be staying at White Hill a little so that Ana can see her sister.”

“And for the wedding,” Eile said, thinking how painful that was going to be for Faolan.

“That, too, although I believe we may disappoint some
people. We intend to keep our handfasting small and private. Bridei and Tuala will understand. Ana and I have no liking
for grand celebrations.” And, translating when Ana spoke, “We seem to have moved beyond the need for such events. Besides, in our own eyes and in those of the gods, we know we are already true husband and wife.”

Eile nodded, thinking what unusual folk they were and how it was a shame she would not have time to get to know them better. “I don’t need to consider it,” she said. She hoped they would
not think her ungrateful. “I can’t come.”

“That’s what we expected you to say.” That was Ana. Drustan smiled as he rendered the words into Gaelic. Then Ana said something else to him and his smile faded. They seemed to dispute whatever it was; Eile heard Ana say Faolan’s name.

“Tell me,” she said. “What about Faolan? He did speak of the possibility that Saraid and I might stay with some friends
of his; maybe it was you he meant.”

The two of them were looking at her now. She wasn’t sure what those expressions meant. They were sorry for her? They didn’t want to upset her? They weren’t sure how much to tell? With a tight feeling in her belly, Eile glanced at Saraid to make sure she was out of easy earshot, then said, “Tell me, whatever it is.”

“This will be best back at the house,” Drustan
said. “Ana and I need to discuss it first.”

“Now, Drustan,” said Ana in Gaelic.

“Very well. Eile, Faolan asked us if we’d assume the role of guardians to you. He wanted us to take you north with us. He pressed us to give him that assurance before he left. He’s very concerned for your welfare.”

Eile was momentarily unable to reply. She told herself this was entirely reasonable; that it was much
better than she should have expected. She stared at the ground, willing herself to act as Ana would do under the same circumstances: like a lady. “Thank you for telling me the truth,” she said. Her voice came out tight and wounded;
she couldn’t control that. “So you said yes. An obligation to my father. Faolan’s done his share and he’s passing over the responsibility.”

“Our offer was made in
a genuine wish to welcome you and your daughter into our household,” Drustan said. “Certainly we owe Deord a debt none of us can ever fully repay. But once we met you and once we knew your circumstances, Ana and I would have made our offer whether Faolan had asked or not. We thought highly of your father. We like and respect you.”

Ana put in a few words, her grave eyes all the while fixed on
Eile. Not pitying; more assessing. Eile liked that look much better than the earlier one.

“Ana says you assume we said yes to Faolan. In fact, we gave him no answer. Ana told him the decision must be entirely up to you. If you chose not to come with us we would respect your choice, and so must he.”

“Oh.” Eile considered this. Faolan was not the sort of man folk gave orders to. Perhaps Ana was
the one exception.

“After he left, Ana and I discussed this at some length. Ana says we should tell you that both of us believe you’ve made the right decision.”

Ana was stamping her foot in frustration, gesturing, unable to find the words she wanted.

“She says it’s annoying she cannot talk to you woman to woman, in private. I believe she wants to tell you something out of my hearing. I’m afraid
it must wait; nobody else here is fluent in Gaelic.”

They began to walk back toward the house. Eile was feeling very odd, as if she’d been on the verge of falling and had been saved by something quite unexpected. As if she’d been picked up and set back on the path, although perhaps it was a different path now. She had no idea where it led, and yet she felt better.

“You said you’d learned about
my circumstances,” she said. “How much did he tell you?” Let him not have spoken of Dalach. Or of the
éraic
. Or, most treacherously,
of the request she had made of him, the one he said had made him feel honored. Almost certainly that was what had tipped the balance and made him decide to get rid of her.

“He was tight-lipped with the details,” said Drustan. “It is plain you were very young when
you had your daughter. Faolan told us both you and he had to leave Erin because of an ongoing threat to your safety. He told us your mother was dead; that you had experienced great hardship and dealt with it bravely, as he’d expect from Deord’s daughter. That was as much as he was prepared to tell. He believes you and Saraid will be better off with a family; with someone who can provide stability
for you. He’s told you what his profession is, I imagine?”

Eile’s lips twisted. “Officially, the king’s bodyguard. Unofficially, a bit more, but I’m not going to talk about that. A family, eh? It
sounds
sensible. Like the nice young man he keeps talking about, the one I’m going to meet some day.”

Drustan glanced at her with a smile. Ana had bent down to admire some flowers; Saraid was counting
the petals. “Look, Sorry,” the child said, “little stars.”

“Drustan,” Eile said, “why do you think it’s the right choice? I don’t even know what’s going to happen at White Hill. I can’t speak the language. I can’t really do much except look after Saraid and perform servants’ work. Why bring me all the way here just for that? I mean, he did make a promise, but there’d have been easier ways to
fulfill it.”

Drustan translated for Ana; her reply was a question. “Will you tell us what the promise was?”

“That he’d stay with me until I didn’t need him anymore.” She could not keep the regret from her voice. It was plain to her, now, that Faolan’s understanding of the promise had not been the same as hers.

Ana spoke again.

“She says,” said Drustan, “it’s a pity you cannot ask Faolan whether
he believes he needs you. Being that
man’s friend is like watching over a person lost in a maze. The turns are many and complex; he is surrounded by shadowy corners, by dead ends, by tricks and traps. Some of them are of his own making. If you would be his friend, you need to stay by him even when he orders you to leave him. It’s not an easy path. Far simpler to bid him good-bye and go your own
way.”

It made an odd sort of sense to Eile.

“He did tell us,” Drustan added, “that you were not the kind of girl to choose the easy path.”