The Wedding Runaway (43 page)

The long expanse of skin against skin made her shudder and arch up against his weight. He breathed harshly against her flesh and his growing tension imbibed her with a new sense of urgency. His mouth sought hers and his kiss exploded with passion and a hint of desperation.

A nudge at the core of her made her tighten with anticipation.

"
Relax
,
do not fight me
,"
he whispered against her lips.
"
I do not want to hurt you worse than I have to.
"

He eased the pressure and then pushed against her again. She could feel the resistance of her body and concentrated on staying limp. She fought her instinct to clench her muscles. She put her hand on his cheek and he turned to press a kiss in her palm.

His skin was damp to her touch and he was shaking
,
his restraint was palpable. Yet when he pressed again
,
she folded her legs around his hips and added her own pressure.

Her body
'
s resistance ended with a ripping pang that faded quickly. He was inside of her
,
stretching her
,
filling her, making her more complete than she had ever been before. She did not know where he ended and she began
,
but her heart was full of love. And she knew she would never again feel whole without him
,
because she had only ever been half.

He pressed gentle kisses on her face and held still. She wiggled, relishing the pressure of his body and sensing he needed to know she was not in any great throes of pain.

Holding her head still, he studied her face. She met his concerned look with a smile. His eyes glittered and emotions crashed through her.

"
You did not cry out
,"
he whispered.

"
Oh
,
was I supposed to? It was not so bad.
"
She shifted her hips again, tightening her legs to deepen his penetration.
"
Actually, this feels near to perfection
,
but there is more
,
is there not?
"

Of course there was more. She loved him. His heart beating against hers
,
his weight bearing down on her
,
his body and hers becoming one were all part of them together. In bed there were no countries
,
classes, or past hurts to prevent their union of bodies and souls. Did he understand how much they shared?

Yet
,
he would resist if she spoke of her feelings. He would want to think this was just a physical act
,
but it wasn
'
t. He was too tender and caring
,
too unwilling to cause her the slightest pain for this to just be about pleasure
,
although it was about that too. Because she loved him
,
she was able to open herself and give of herself in ways that she could not fathom before this moment.

He moved
,
sliding out and then slowly back in. His constraint became a method of torture as pleasure built and crested within her.

She whimpered and strained against him
,
until his long elegant fingers found that place of intensity that had her writhing and twisting seeking...seeking until she shattered
,
her center rhythmically pulsing around his shaft. And she heard the words leave her mouth
,
the words she had not meant to say aloud
,
words that came out on a sigh and a moan.
"
I love you.
"

~*~

Lady Helena peered out the library window and wondered if Trevor would come. She set the candle on the sill
,
holding her hair back so she did not singe it in the flame. She had allowed her maid to remover her ball gown and dress her for bed. Although she had refused the rags for her hair that she normally slept with
,
and asked for lemon juice to treat her freckles instead. Which made her dresser shake her head at the oddity of the nobility.

When the house grew quiet after the doctor had left, she had finally been able to prepare. She
'
d removed her stays and then retrieved the brown paper package from where she
'
d hid it on top of her wardrobe. Inserting the sponge was much harder than she would have dreamed.

Now as she paced the empty entry hall in her peignoir and slippers
,
she was sure her efforts were futile. He would not come. She had taken too long. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest.

Her mother
'
s illness would put him off
,
although in truth it was not illness
,
but a combination of the rich foods and a stomach made squeamish by pregnancy. Lady Caine had been put out that Helena insisted that Keene Davies fetch the doctor for them to tell her what she already knew.

She told herself she would wait until the candle burnt to a nub and no longer. Then there was a soft tap on the door.

Helena flew across the marble floor and flung open the door. A watchman stood there with his stave.

Disappointment made her limp. Then mortification plowed through her as she realized she was standing in her nightgown and a thin peignoir with the door open wide.

"
You know this gent
,
milady?
"

Helena looked over the watchman
'
s shoulder and saw Trevor standing across the street
,
leaning against a lamppost. Relief crashed into her and she bit her lip thinking she was not cut out for all these emotions bursting one on top of each other like a volley of heavy artillery.

"
Oh, yes
,
he is expected.
"

The watchman looked her up and down and shook his head.

"
My cousin from America
,"
lied Helena.

"
Caught him skulking about
,
I did.
"

Stars above
,
if he was from London he would have known to avoid the watchman
,
but no
,
Trevor stood in the glow of a lamplight. Or was he telling her he would not hide?

"
Come in
,
Trevor
,
do
,"
she said
,
trying to keep her voice low without being obvious. She pulled her peignoir tight across her front.
"
Thank you
,
good sir
,
for watching our house so closely. My mother is abed
,
but I will fetch my father to greet my cousin.
"

The watchman looked skeptical
,
but as Trevor made his way to the front door in no special hurry
,
the watchman shook his head and stepped back.

Trevor removed his hat and looked about for a place to set it down. She shut and locked the door. Now
,
he wears a hat
,
thought Helena
,
as she took it from his hands. She grabbed his hands and pulled him toward the stairs.

He tugged back.

"
Helena
,
you should fetch your father.
"

"
No!
"

"
He would shoot me
,
rather than accept me as your husband?
"

"
Do not speak so loud
,"
she whispered and veered toward the library to retrieve the candlestick she
'
d set in the window.

She returned to his side after easing shut the library door
,
trying to hold his hat and the lit candle in one hand without causing a mishap.

"
Then are we to elope?
"
he asked.

Her heart thundered in her chest. Why was he being so obtuse?
"
We shall talk in my room
,
please.
"

She nearly ran up the stairs
,
fearing any second his voice would bring out a servant or her parents. And she did not know what they would do
,
but allowing him to marry her would not even be on the list of solutions.

Without her stays, her breasts jiggled as she walked. She folded her arm across her middle
,
feeling uncertain
,
undone
,
undressed compared to him.

She tugged him into her room
,
his large stature at once rivaling the poster bed for domination of the space of her pastel green room. She turned and locked the door, then set his hat on her nightstand.

She had left a lamp burning
,
but the light seemed harsh
,
too bright
,
although it was barely a soft wash of illumination.

"
Pack what you need
,
and I
'
ll help you get dressed.
"

Why was he insisting on a marriage this minute? Did he not understand that she could not marry him?
"
I cannot leave right now. My parents need me.
"

"
Why did you ask me here, then?
"

She backed away, feeling stupid and immoral and humiliated. She folded her arms tight across her midsection
,
trying to hold the ache inside.
"
Because I wanted...
"
She looked at the bed, then back at him.
"
You did not need so much encouragement at the park.
"

He took a step toward her
,
but she was suddenly frightened. His bulk cast a looming shadow on the wall and she could sense his anger.

"
I was reminded tonight of how very wrong this kind of liaison could be. What does it mean to you
,
Helena? Am I an experiment for you to learn how to use your womanly wiles? Practice for the lovers you will take after you are wed?
"

"
No.
"
She backed until she was in a corner between her bed and dressing table. He followed her and this was not the soft gentle union that she had imagined. Her emotions were too unrestrained for that.

He grabbed her arms.
"
Don
'
t you understand I want to marry you?
"

"
I know
,
but it is impossible.
"

He shook his head and turned around and took a step toward the door. He was leaving. Every doubt about herself crowded her mind. She was too fleshy
,
her breasts too jiggly without her stays. Her lack of passion
,
her inability to engage with anyone. Her emotions broke like a dam holding back floodwaters.

"
Do not walk away from me again.
"

He stopped
,
but he still faced the door.
"
I don
'
t care about your commands
,
Lady Helena. As an American
,
your station in life means nothing to me.
"

"
Trevor
,
please. I am frightened.
"
Her chest ached with such ferocity that she thought she would have done better to stay in that sleepwalk that she had been in most of her life. Her knees buckled and she grabbed the bedpost to keep from collapsing.
"
I cannot stand for you to leave England again without understanding how I feel about you.
"

He turned and folded his arms across his chest
,
his broad chest that she wanted to be held against.
"
And how do you feel about me?
"

"
I would marry you if I could. Oh, God
,
I thought about you every night and day since you left. I walk around as though I am more asleep than awake. Only when you are near do I feel alive.
"

He gestured toward her bed.
"
And this serves what purpose?
"

"
I only want you as my lover. I cannot imagine intimacies with another man.
"
A shudder of distaste rippled through her as she thought of having to allow any man other than Trevor access to that hidden part of her.
"
I thought after the park
,
that you would want it too.
"

"
If you marry Wedmont
,
you will share his bed.
"

A shuddery breath left her. She gripped the bedpost with both hands.
"
I want you to be first. I did not think it would be so difficult to persuade you.
"

He took a step toward her, lifted a strand of her hair and rubbed it between his fingers and thumb.
"
I want you more than anything
,
my love
,
but I want to have you as my wife. Your virginity should be a wedding gift for your husband.
"

He shamed her with his words.
"
I would you have it.
"

"
Come away with me. If I cannot procure a marriage license for us here
,
I
'
ll take you home. Any captain can perform a binding marriage at sea.
"

"
Truly
,
I cannot
,
my parents...are not well. I cannot leave them. If all is well in a few months...
"
If her mother gave birth to a healthy baby boy
,
would they care so much about her? Or would it be enough of a joy that they could swallow her defection?

"
What? Do you wait their deaths so that you might be free of their influence?
"