The Wedding Runaway (30 page)

"
Helena
,"
her father said.

She turned
,
thinking no more than he had an item he wished to add to his request.

"
I do not know where you went yesterday in the rain
,
and I am sure I do not want to know
,
but I trust we will have no more of that.
"

Helena nearly dropped the plate. Instead, she bit her tongue and busied herself with serving her father.

Her father sighed behind her. A tremble started at her toes and moved up her legs as if a cold draft had suddenly found its way under her skirts.

"
I should not speak of such things
,
your mother would have my eyeteeth
,
but after you marry and then deliver an heir
,
you might seek your pleasure elsewhere. Do you understand what I mean?
"

She did drop the plate then and stood staring dumbly at the yellow yolk splattered on her skirt.
"
I do not wish to speak of it
,"
she whispered.

She heard her father trying to rise out of his seat.

"
I need to change
,
please excuse me.
"
She ran to the door and up the stairs to her room. Her chest hurt at the realization that there was no love lost in her parents
'
marriage
,
and she had no hope of anything better.

~*~

Lydia stared at Victor, wondering if it was ever her curse to be accused of being too masculine. Except he was not regarding her with the horror that she had heard in Oscar
'
s voice.

In fact
,
Victor swallowed audibly and said with a rough edge to his voice
,
"
You should not stand directly in front of the lamp
,
pet. Unless of course you are trying to make me insane.
"

Lydia twisted, looking at the lamp behind her. She caught a glimpse of herself in the cheval glass. With the light behind her, the outline of her body was clearly visible through the nightshirt. She stared at her reflection
,
noting the slim feminine form. Female
,
yes. Curvy and voluptuous
,
no. But not male. She did not know that she had ever paid attention to her body before dressing as a boy. Her height and the lack of female influence in her life had always made her feel out of place
,
as if she did not quite belong within the ranks of women.

Yet
,
it was clear she was not male. Pretending to be Leonard proved that much to her.

She tried to form the thoughts that seemed hazy and vague.
"
I do not wish to be a man. My brothers have all taken positions in the company
,
and although I am just as capable of understanding shipping
,
I would never be allowed to contribute to running the family business. I cannot earn my own way in the world
,
unless I masquerade as a man.
"

Victor stood and moved behind her. He put his hands on her hips.
"
So you became Leonard as a means of seeking your independence?
"

"
My freedom. My self-reliance. To prove that I did not need men to make my every decision for me. That I could stand on my own two feet and support myself. To hear them
,
when I became a woman
,
I became incapable of rational thought. My brothers and father discount my...
"
Lydia took a deep breath realizing how miserable her male family members' disregard for her opinions had made her feel.
"
They never listen to me.
"

Victor met her eyes in the looking glass. His fingers tightened on her hips. He waited patiently.

All of a sudden, Lydia felt stupid. What must he think of her?
"
I suppose because I lost my mother when I was so young
,
I do not have a proper appreciation of the benefits of being a woman. I just...
"

"
What would your father have done with his business
,
if he had no sons?
"

Lydia shrugged.
"
Sell it all outright or try to find a husband for me to marry who could run everything.
"

"
Mmm.
"

What was he thinking? She wanted to run back in the other room and jump into the bed and pull the sheets over her head. He probably thought she was suffering female hysteria and when she was done he would pat her on the head and tell her she was a pea goose
,
or she should not worry about a thing. Her heart thudded painfully under her ribcage.
"
I have never been very feminine.
"

"
I cannot believe I could ever mistake you for a boy.
"
He rocked her hips lightly.
"
Your proportions were all wrong.
"

Lydia closed her eyes and dropped her chin.
"
It is my height. I know of no other woman so tall.
"

He was silent for a long time. Although she had her eyes closed, she could feel his gaze on her. Finally he said
,
"
I should introduce you to Felicity.
"

He had lost her.

"
Who is Felicity?
"

"
Sheridan
'
s wife.
"
He inched closer. She could feel the heat of his body behind her. A powerful wave of yearning swept through her.

"
The man I shot?
"
Lydia winced. The woman would likely hate her on principle.

"
Yes
,
but you see, she runs all the business left to her son by her first husband. There are manufactories and mines
,
a shipping company and even a sugar plantation in the West Indies. I do not know of anyone
,
man or woman
,
who manages so much with so much success
,
not even my father-in-law. Her advice as I was rebuilding my fortunes was invaluable.
"

He knew a woman with business success
,
and admired her for it? Excitement coursed through Lydia
'
s veins. His long elegant fingers shifted on her hips and a different kind of thrill pulsed through her.

"
But you have to admit
,
pet
,
that your choices have not always been sensible.
"

Disappointment curdled her blood
,
and she crossed her arms in front of her reflection.
"
I managed just fine until you came along.
"

"
You were about to be beaten senseless
,
when I came along. And your actions have in part led you here
,
where you had better hope my valet brings that tray soon.
"

She twisted out of his grasp
,
disappointed that he had seemed to understand her
,
yet not.
"
I was here in London for almost four months. It may have been by gaming
,
but I was getting by. I did not depend on any man.
"

"
Is allowing a man to protect you so terrible?
"
he asked
,
stepping toward her. His eyes were dark and bottomless
,
his breathing too rapid and visible. A strong and rapid pulse thrummed in his throat.
"
I could have killed you
,
those brutes at the gaming hell could have killed you. If anyone had penetrated your disguise
,
you could have been raped or worse.
"

"
I thought you understood. I do not want to be dependent on any man to think for me
,
to decide what I should and should not do
,
to
,
to...to—
"

"
Speak for you when you cannot form the words?
"
He lifted one eyebrow.

She wanted to smack him.
"
To override my decisions.
"

He folded his arms and glowered at her.
"
As addlepated as your decisions have been
,
I have never countermanded them.
"

Lydia opened her mouth to speak
,
but instead she gaped like a fish out of water. He had forced her to follow his dictates. Or had he?

"
I should, though. I should put you on a ship back to America or send you to stay with Keene and Sophie. You should not be here.
"

She clenched her hands together. He may not let her do as she pleased
,
but he gave her options and honored her choices.
"
I could go back to my apartments and take care of myself.
"
Although she knew as she spoke that the burden of her care would be too much for Jenny alone until she was better.

"
Bloody hell! If you want to earn a living so badly you turn your back on honest proposals and your family
'
s protection
,
then name your price and I will take you as my mistress.
"

Lydia could not have been more shocked if he had thrown a bucket of water over her head.
"
I
'
m not a whore.
"

He stared at her
,
his chest still heaved.
"
No
,
but I would make you one.
"

Her heart pounded in her chest and heat rolled off of him
,
charging the air like a storm on the verge of breaking. Undercurrents hung heavy and ominous.

She wanted to explore the dangerous world of making love to him
,
but not as a transaction. Not as a business exchange. Not when he would take all the responsibility for what was done and hate himself for it.

She reached out and pressed her fingers against his chest. She could feel his thundering heartbeat
,
feel his gasp
,
feel the power of desire burning through his skin. She was tempted
,
oh
,
so tempted
,
but
,
"
Not like this
,
and never for a price.
"

His expression went stark.
"
Oh, hell
,
pet
,
I am sorry.
"

"
No
,
you are not sorry. You are relieved.
"

She turned and went back into his room
,
carefully shutting the door between the two rooms. He was relieved
,
and she was furious. Her hands shook as she dropped the shawl on the foot of the bed. Dawn crept through the cracks in the drapes
,
but never had she felt more bleak.

Chapter Thirteen

Helena waited until her footman thumped the brass knocker of the house in a respectable middleclass neighborhood and the door opened. She stuffed her hands in her muff and descended the carriage steps.

As she approached the doorway, her footman stepped to the side. A middle-aged woman wearing a large white apron and utilitarian mobcap stood in the doorway.

"
I need to speak with Doctor Knighton
,"
Helena said.
"
Is he available?
"

The woman cast a glance at the footman and Helena
'
s maid, who stood behind her.
"
He
'
s been all night delivering a baby and he
'
s washing up now.
"

Helena blinked, uncertain if that was an answer.

The woman threw open the door.
"
Come in
,
my lady
,
I
'
ll tell him you
'
re here. I
'
m Nurse Antton.
"

The footman would have announced Helena when the door opened
,
so she did not respond. She followed the woman into a small antechamber with straight chairs lining the unadorned walls. A young woman with a very large stomach slumped listlessly in one of the chairs.

The nurse clopped across the bare hardwood floor and entered a door on the far side of the room. After saying a few muffled words, she turned and announced
,
"
My lady
,
the doctor will see you now.
"

The listless young woman looked up
,
flattened her lips
,
then shifted her gaze away.

"
I shall not take long
,"
whispered Helena as she passed her.

Helena entered a room that had smells that reminded her of the tooth drawer
'
s office. However, instead of a chair that leaned back
,
there was a high narrow table in the center of the space
,
with odd stirrups fitted to the end. A wooden stool sat at the stirrup end
,
and Helena blanched thinking how the two might be used together.

Moveable white screens on iron rods ate up a lot of the floor space. Jars of all sizes and contents filled the shelves lining one wall. On a cabinet top were odd metal instruments, including ones that looked like giant hinged spoons.

The doctor stood with his back to the room
,
splashing his hands in a washbowl. A few instruments dripped on a towel-covered table next to him. Had she had stepped into a torture chamber?