The Way Back (7 page)

“What are you doing?” Colby sat up. She turned on the bedside lamp.

“Nothing.”

Gigi had the jewelry box in her hands.

“That's mine.”

“Hell no, it's not.”

Colby reached for the box. Gigi backed up into the small circle of light. She was gaunt. Scratches lined one cheek. Her eyes darted back and forth, back and forth, dark shadows underneath them.

“I watch her, you know.” Gigi coughed. She reached for Colby's water glass beside the bed and took a drink. “When I come at night. I watch her sleeping. She looks like you. Milo too. Her nose. His nose. My nose. The family nose.”

“I haven't seen you watching her.”

“I know you pretend to be asleep.” Gigi laughed. “But sometimes you actually are asleep.”

“Put the box down.” Colby still had every intention of returning it. She just hadn't had a chance yet.

Much to her surprise, Gigi set the box beside Colby on the bed.

“Thank you.” Colby took it and held it in her lap.

Then she knew. All of a sudden she knew.

She opened the box.

It was empty except for the earrings and the child's bracelet.

“Gigi?” Colby looked up at her. Her voice knotted in her throat. “Where's the rest of it?”

“I took it.” Gigi shrugged. “Why not? It wasn't doing anyone any good hiding under your bed. Gram takes care of you. You get welfare. I need money. You don't.”

“Oh, Gigi…”

Gigi lurched forward to get a better look at Luna.

“It doesn't make any sense.” Gigi gazed at the baby. “You and Milo. And Jordan. That baby.”

“It makes sense.”

“Not really.”

“It's like you stayed back, Gigi. Behind us,” Colby said. “In the past.”

“It's like you took off and went somewhere else entirely, Colby.” Gigi pulled a backpack off her shoulder and set it on the floor, rummaging through it in that frenetic way junkies do that makes everything seem so much harder than it needs to be. “I got this for her.” She pulled out a soft, pink blanket with satin edging and
Luna Grace
embroidered along the bottom. “From that place in the mall where we got those matching shirts done last year. For Christmas.”

“Ho.”

“Ho.”

Colby laughed. “And when we stood side by side—”

“Ho, ho,” Gigi said. And then, “Give me the box.”

“No.” Colby tightened her grip on it. “I want to give it back.”

“What's the point now? There's hardly anything left.”

“There's a point. Even if you can't see it.”

“I need the money, Cole.”

“You need help.”

“Oh, right. Well, thanks for letting me know.”

“You need rehab, Gigi.”

“No thanks.”

“Why not?”

“Why should I?”

“Because you're a drug addict.”

“Preach it, sister.”

“You won't go because of Arman, right?” Her drug-dealer boyfriend.

“Leave him out of it.” Gigi glowered at Colby. “Give me the box.”

“No.”

“Fine.” Gigi lunged for it, trying to wrestle it out of Colby's hands. Colby held tight, and Gigi gave her a shove.

“Stop it!” Colby shoved back, still holding tight to the box. “Careful of the baby!”

Then Luna began to cry.

Colby let go of the box at once. She turned to her baby and scooped her up into her arms.

Gigi stuffed the jewelry box into her backpack. “You don't see what's happening, but I do.”

“You have no clue, Gigi.”

“I know exactly what's happening.” She nearly spat the words. “You've taken everything that was ever mine. My room, my house, my gram, even my brother! I hate you, Colby. I really do.”

Colby sat on the edge of the bed. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She held her baby and stared at her, willing herself not to say anything. To just let Gigi go. Gigi hadn't hit rock bottom yet. Colby wondered if she ever would. When they used to get high together, they watched out for each other. But now Gigi was alone out there.

“I love you, Gigi. No matter what, I love you. ”

But Gigi was gone.

When Luna stopped crying, Colby could hear Gigi arguing with Gram by the front door. But Gram couldn't stop Gigi either. She slammed the door behind her, and then the tiny house rang with simple, painful silence.

playing house

Jordan and Milo were looking for a place together. At first Colby wanted to move in with them too, but every place they looked at said no babies. So Colby put her name in for social housing and settled in to wait, no matter how badly she wanted to get away from the neighborhood.

Milo and Jordan had saved just enough for a deposit and first month's rent. They'd intended to wait a bit longer, to save up more money, but they were looking for a place now because the club owner had moved a new boy toy into the studio and Milo was sleeping on the couch at Gram's.

“Not saying that I won't miss the loft,” Milo said more than once. “But I don't miss the sweat and aftershave. Ugh.”

Colby was going with them to see a one-bedroom apartment above a convenience store down the block from the Velo Café.

So far, it hadn't mattered if Jordan and Milo had the money and good references. Every landlord had rejected their application. They were too young. Too weird.

This one was different though.

Jordan and Milo's boss, Martin, knew the landlord, who also owned the convenience store. He'd put in a good word for them.

Gurdeep met them at the store.

“I'll show you. Nice place. You can have it if you want. Martin says you will take good care of it.” Then he narrowed his eyes and leaned in. “No funny business though. No drugs in my building. None. I see drugs, I smell drugs—I know drugs. No drugs in here. Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Jordan said.

“Totally clear,” Milo said.

“And who are you?” Gurdeep cast a glance at Colby, who held Luna in her arms.

“I—uh, I'm a friend.”

“Not you.” Gurdeep's face brightened. He grinned. “That baby. Who is that cute little bundle?”

“Oh.” Colby moved Luna's hood back so he could see her. “This is Luna.”

“I like babies.” Gurdeep pulled a fat collection of keys from his pocket. “Babies make life much happier. I have four babies. They are all grown now. Not so cute. Thank God for grandchildren. Come on. Let me show you the apartment.”

Milo and Jordan and Colby grinned at each other, then followed Gurdeep out of the store, through a door beside it and up two flights of stairs.

The hallway was musty, and the walls were filthy.

There were two doors on each side and a window at the end, overlooking the street.

“Martin said you want one bedroom.” Gurdeep sorted through his keys. “But I think two bedrooms better for you. More room for the baby.”

Colby brightened. “You'd let us? With the baby too?”

“Sure.” Gurdeep smiled. “Why not?”

“Do you have a two-bedroom?”

“I do. This one.” Gurdeep led them to the last door on the right. He unlocked it and swung it open. “More expensive. But more space. I don't mind babies. Many landlords will not rent to babies. But I have nine grandchildren, and I know babies are not the trouble. Druggies are the trouble. Always the druggies. You promise me you not do any drugs in here—no drugs ever—and I am happy to have your baby as one of my valued tenants.”

Colby's mind was spinning.

The apartment was warm. She could hear the traffic swishing along the wet streets below. Rain pattering on the eaves under the window.

The ceilings were high, the windows too. Not as high as Milo's old place, but tall enough to make the place feel bigger than it was. Both big windows overlooked the street. Colby stood at the first window. From there she could see the park, with its new playground and community garden.

A narrow, rare stretch of open sky above the buildings. Perfect for looking at the moon.

She didn't care what the rest of the place looked like. She wanted to live there.

“This would be my room.” Milo emerged from a doorway. “And I'm not sharing.”

“Check out this pantry.” Jordan gestured to a skinny door off the tiny kitchen.

Pantry or closet, Colby wasn't sure. No window. But fairly big. For a closet.

The other bedroom was beside the pantry, overlooking the street. “This would be your room, Jordan.” But already, Colby was imagining it as hers.

“I'll sleep in that pantry thing,” Jordan said. “You have this one.”

“No!”

“I like it cozy. I can fit a double bed in there. Hang some lights. Make it into my love palace.” Jordan laughed at herself. She'd only had one proper girlfriend. Before Meadow Farm. And that hadn't lasted long.

“I can't take the bedroom, Jordan. This was supposed to be your and Milo's place.”

“I'm giving you the bedroom. It's the chivalrous thing to do. Besides, you and Luna need the room. I just need a bed. Hell, a single would do.”

“Not forever.”

“Let me do this for you.” Jordan put her arm around Colby. Luna mewled, her eyes opening. “Let me do this for you. And Luna Grace. You know that I want to, right? And I won't take no for an answer. Seriously, Colby. I'm offering to go into the
closet
for you. If only so that I can make jokes about coming out of the closet every morning.”

Gram cried when she drove Colby and Luna and their trunkload of things to the new place. But when she saw the tidy little apartment, and the room that would be Colby and Luna's, she kissed Colby on both cheeks and told her that she could come home anytime, especially for dinner.

Gram didn't mention Gigi, and Colby didn't ask. Colby hadn't spoken to her since they'd argued about the jewelry box. She knew that Gigi was coming and going from Gram's place though. Food gone missing. Her clothes piled atop the washing machine, waiting for Gram to take pity on them. Makeup strewn in the bathroom. Wet towels on the floor.

Colby held on to these little signs of life, pocketing them like so many morsels of hope. Gigi was still there. In the shadows, maybe. But not gone.

the fox and the moon

If Colby didn't think about Gigi or her dad, she could almost pretend that nothing was wrong. She had a home and people who loved her and a little baby who was her entire world. She was content. Maybe for the first time in her life. Or since her mom died, anyway. Sometimes Colby fantasized that her life was a lot like this before her mom died. Peaceful and busy. Filled with life and people and joy.

Colby was thinking about this one morning when there was a knock at the door.

It was her social worker, Mr. Horvath.

“Hey.” And even though she'd dodged him since Luna's birth, she opened the door wide. She had nothing to hide. “Come on in.”

Mr. Horvath hesitated, one hand on the doorjamb. “Not the reaction I expected from the girl who disappeared.”

“Sorry.”

He shook his head. “Why'd you give me a fake address?”

“Well, you found me now.”

“I had to track you down through Jordan's mom. Not impressed by your disappearing act, Colby.”

“In the flesh, standing in front of you. Asking you in.” Colby stepped back, bowing slightly. “Come in. Please.”

“This is where you're living?”

“Yes.”

“Your name is on the lease?”

“Yes.”

Mr. Horvath was still frowning. Colby started to get nervous. He had the power to take Luna. What if he didn't believe that everything was as awesome as it seemed?

“You were doing so well there for a while, Colby.” Mr. Horvath shook his head.

“I'm still doing great.” Colby's voice rose. “Me and Luna are doing great.”

“The urine tests and parenting classes and twelve-step meetings are not optional, Colby.”

“Look, test my piss, if you want. I'm clean.” It came out angrier than Colby intended, but she was really scared now. “I'm sorry, Mr. Horvath. I just…I just, I don't know. I just hate that shit. I don't want to be the ex-junkie mama. I just want to be a regular mama, you know?”

“But you're not. You are an ex-junkie.”

“I know, but—”

“But nothing, Colby.” Mr. Horvath put a hand on her shoulder. “Most teen mothers in your situation don't leave the hospital with their babies. And the stunt you pulled, leaving early?” He shook his head. “The nurse wanted me to apprehend Luna immediately. I assured her that you'd been clean for a long time. I hope I was right.”

“I
was
clean. I
am
clean. I've been clean since Meadow Farm.”

“Which is why you have your daughter with you now. And you were doing really well, coming in regularly. Going to meetings.”

“I'm sorry, Mr. Horvath.” Colby heard a catch in her voice. “With the move, I just…I'm not sure. I'm sorry.”

“Well. Apology accepted.” He stepped into the apartment, his eyes doing a fast sweep before Colby could hide anything. “Who else lives here?”

“My baby's father, Milo. And Jordan. They both bat for your team.” Colby tried a smile.

Mr. Horvath stared at her. “And how is that relevant?”

But then a different look came across his face. He looked confused. “Wait a minute. Milo's the baby's father? Isn't he—”

“Gay.”

“How—” Mr. Horvath caught himself. “No. None of my business. Rude to ask. Sorry.”

“I was hoping that he'd jump the fence.”

As if he'd heard them talking, Milo opened his bedroom door and stumbled out.

“Who's he?” Milo yawned.

“My social worker.”

“And what do you want?” Milo crossed his arms, suddenly defensive. “We've got everything Luna needs. Even two parents. Hell, three, if you want to count Jordan, who is about as good with babies as someone can be. How many of your teenage moms can say that the dad is in the picture, huh? How many? And you know what? None of us are using drugs. We even smoke outside. Look around! You won't even find an ashtray. So? What are you doing here?”