The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven (3 page)

             
Marissa watched my reaction. “Good, right?” she said, misunderstanding my wide eyed expression. “Chloe made it.” I regretfully swallowed and nodded my head. “Here try this,” Chloe said handing me a shot.

             
“Did you make these too?” I asked Chloe, trying not to sound panicked.

             
“No,” she replied.

             
“Thank god,” I thought, and took the shot. It tasted like a Snickers candy bar. I enjoyed it so much I took another. “Woo!” they all cheered taking another one as well.

             
“Let’s dance,” Marissa shouted, making a conga line into the living room.

             
I reluctantly followed and found Josie in the designated dancing area already talking to a different boy. I strode right up to her and she grabbed the cup from my hand, took a sip, and instantly spit it out on the floor. Marissa’s crew shrieked and scoffed at Josie. “What the hell was that? Ugh it was nasty!” Josie was never one for subtlety.

             
“Nice going, bitch!” Marissa squealed.

             
“C’mon Ella, let’s go where there are less toxins,” Josie said narrowing her eyes at Marissa and escorting me outside to where there was a bonfire going.

             
The fire was warm and inviting. People were standing around cooking hotdogs and roasting marshmallows. Josie skewered a marshmallow with a stick and handed it to me. “I don’t know how you can stand hanging out with them.”

             
“I wasn’t hanging out with them. I was just being polite,” I said. Josie rolled her eyes at me and I nudged her with my elbow. She cracked a smile and I laughed as we enjoyed the fresh air.

              While I twirled my marshmallow in the fire so it wouldn't burn, I caught a glimpse of someone off in the distance. It was Kevin and he was sitting by himself on the edge of the dock, staring out into the open water. My therapist told me that I shouldn’t be afraid to talk about what happened. That I should open up to people because talking helped. I wasn’t exactly convinced she was right, but I thought I should give it a try. I turned to Josie and handed her my stick. “I’ll be right back,” I told her. She looked at me confused. I pointed in the direction of Kevin and she nodded her head that she understood. 

             
I took my time walking down to the dock, contemplating what I would say. I never really talked to anyone about the accident, but if I was going to do it now I knew Kevin would be the one I should talk to first.

             
When I reached him, I could tell there was something wrong. His tense body told me he wasn’t in a sociable mood so I approached cautiously. “Is this seat taken?” I gestured to the empty spot next to him. I knew I startled him when he flinched slightly. He quickly relaxed when he saw it was me and patted the seat alongside of him.

             
Neither of us said anything at first. I stared out onto the lake watching the moon glisten off of the water, casting a beautiful, bright light. It almost appeared magical. “It’s my fault,” Kevin said breaking the silence.

             
“What’s your fault?” I questioned, confused.

             
“Kyle’s dead because of me.”

             
“No he’s not. Why would you think that?” I always blamed myself for Kyle’s death. Saying it was my fault because it was my idea to come up to the cabin that weekend. Hearing Kevin blame himself made my chest hurt.

             
“The weekend you guys were supposed to come here, was supposed to be the weekend after.”

             
“What are you talking about?” I asked, not understanding.

             
“I wanted to use the cabin that weekend so I told Kyle he had to come the weekend before or I’d rat him out for sneaking out while he was grounded. It should have been me, not him.”

             
“Kevin don’t say that. It is not your fault.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “There’s no way it would have made a difference when we went. I think it would have happened regardless. Some things you just can’t control.” I didn’t really believe that, but I didn’t know what else to say so I just recited what everyone else kept telling me.

             
With his shoulders slumped, he cocked his head to the side and looked at me. “How are you handling it? You can’t tell me you really believe that bullshit you just fed me.”

             
“There’s no getting anything past you is there?” I sighed. I should have known better. “It’s not easy, trust me, but I’m dealing.”

             
“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said anything.”

             
“No…it’s okay…it helps to talk about it.”

             
“It does,” Kevin said, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Kyle really loved you, you know.”

             
“I know,” I sighed.

             
“He always told me to keep an eye on you. To make sure you were okay in case one day he couldn’t be here to do it himself.”

             
I smiled. Kyle was many things and one of them was having a way of sometimes being overprotective. I wouldn’t have expected anything less. “Almost sounds like he knew this would happen.”

             
“Weird right?” Kevin said, thinking it over for a minute. “But then Kyle always knew things no one else did. I’ve always wondered about that.”

             
He was right. Kyle had incredible intuition. Sometimes he would jokingly say that he was psychic and I would laugh with him. I missed his laugh.

             
“How are you coping with everything?” I asked. Kyle had once told me that being a twin; he and his brother shared a different type of bond than other siblings. He said it was hard to describe but the best way to explain it was that they could feel what was going on with each other even when the other wasn't around, like they knew if the other was hurt or needed help. I always thought that was fascinating.

             
Kevin looked down at his hands as if the answer was somehow written there. “It gets a little easier each day.” He let out a sigh and took a sip of his drink. “Sometimes I feel like he's here with me. You know, like watching over me. Does that sound weird?”

             
“Not at all,” I said giving him a sympathetic smile. I felt that way, too, sometimes.

             
“Plus this helps,” he said holding up his cup.

             
I took the cup Kevin was holding and took a sip, instantly spitting it back out. I remember that putrid taste – Chloe’s concoction. “Uh…how can you drink this?”

             
“It’s rancid. I know,” he chuckled. “But it does the job.” He took a sip and made a face. “On second thought,” he said pouring the rest of it into the lake as we both laughed. “You have a beautiful smile. You know that?” He tilted his head slightly and looked at me. He had a strange look in his eyes.

             
“Thanks,” I blushed. “You know Kyle used to –” before I had a chance to finish my sentence he kissed me. I pushed him away stunned. “Kevin!”

             
“I’m so sorry…I…I don’t know what I was thinking.” This was so unlike him. I’ve known him and Kyle since I was five and Kevin was always the rational one. He never made crazy decisions or rash moves. I was so beside myself I didn’t know what to say. “Shit, I’m sorry. I really messed up didn’t I?” he said, embarrassed.

             
“It’s okay,” I said trying to make him feel better. “Don’t worry about it. It was nothing. Minor lapse of judgment,” I joked hoping to relieve some of the tension. The more I thought about it, it really was nothing. I knew deep down Kevin wasn’t the type of guy to take advantage of me. I knew he was hurting and just looking for comfort and at that moment I was the closest thing.

             
“I can see why Kyle loved you so much,” he said.

             
We sat there for a moment in awkward silence.

             
“C’mon, let’s go back to the party and get a real drink.” He laughed as he stood up and then helped me to my feet.

             
“There you are!” Marissa called as she stood at the tip of the dock. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Where have you been?” I turned to Kevin and gave him an apologetic look before wandering off to find Josie.

             
I found her inside dancing with a few of our friends. They looked like they were having fun so I walked over to join them. Josie embraced me in a tight hug when she saw me. “You okay?” she asked, wondering how my talk with Kevin went.

             
“Yes. Yes I am,” I smiled feeling good for the first time tonight. I thought having to face my past would be a bad idea, but it ended up giving me some closure. Something I never thought I could get and now that I did I could look forward to all the great things to come in the future. I knew I would never forget Kyle and I knew a part of me would never stop missing him, but I had to move on. I wasn’t ready before, but I think I am now. Feeling more at ease, I closed my eyes, and swayed my hips to the music and just let myself go.

Josie and I spent the rest of the night dancing and hanging with old friends. I ended up enjoying myself and was glad I came. Sometime around 1:00 am, I called Dean to come pick us up. I did not want to wake up my mom this late; even though she told me to call her no matter what time it was.

             
After I hung up the phone with Dean, I stayed outside, and waited while Josie flirted with one of the many boys she met tonight. I caught a glimpse of her through the open door. She was laughing and playfully hitting the guy she told me earlier
‘had good potential’
. I smiled thinking how much I would miss her. Even though we were going to the same school, she was right. We had no idea how often we would really see each other.

             
A light breeze picked up and I shivered as a cold chill ran up my body. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms trying to warm myself. “Here,” Kevin said startling me. He placed a jacket gently over my shoulders.

             
“Thanks,” I said pulling the jacket tighter around me. When I slipped my arms through the sleeves I realized it was Kyle's favorite jacket.

             
“Keep it.”

             
“I can’t…” I began to take it off.

             
Kevin put up his hand to stop me. “He would’ve wanted you to have it.”

             
“Thanks,” I said again just as we heard a crash inside the house.

             
“Shit…I better get back in there,” Kevin said. I waved goodbye as he took off into the house to investigate, leaving me all alone outside.

             
Unable to fight off this violent chill that overcame me, I looked around.  This feeling was telling me something, but what, I didn’t know. All I knew was that it wasn’t the first time I felt this way. It felt familiar.

             
My eyes shifted to a dirt path that led into the woods. There was something there. I moved closer, trying to get a better look, and as I did, the knot in my stomach grew tighter. I ignored the warning and continued forward, putting one foot in front of the other. I had reached the dirt path and slowly crept closer to the entrance of the woods. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something move, but it was so fast, it was just a blur.

             
I stood frozen, holding my breath, too frightened to move.

             
I felt a hand on my shoulder.

             
I screamed and turned around ready to swing my fist.

             
“Whoa! Ella! Chill it’s just me,” Dean said stopping my fist from decking him in the face.

             
I put my hand over my racing heart. “You scared the shit out of me!” I took a slow, deep breath, trying to decrease my heart rate.

             
“I called your name, but when you didn’t turn around…are you okay?” he asked concerned.

             
“Yeah, I thought I saw something. I guess it was nothing,” I said looking back over my shoulder into the empty woods.

             
“Lucky for me you don’t pack that hard of a punch. Can’t afford for my pretty face to be damaged.” I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a slight shove. He draped his arm over my shoulder and dragged me to the car.

             
“Where’s your partner in crime?” Dean asked.

             
“She’s busy getting some guy’s phone number,” I said pointing in the direction of the house.

             
“No worries, I’ll save her.” Dean winked at me and jogged up to the house.