The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven (130 page)

             
Tristan shook his head. He couldn’t think about that. There was no doubt in his mind that Ella loved him, but he also knew, even without Cameron telling him, she loved another. And just how strong was that love? Could he compete? He pushed the thoughts from his head again and got undressed. Then he climbed into bed with Ella and wrapped his arms around her tight. “Hi,” she whispered.

             
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

             
“It’s okay.” She ran her hand over his arm. Making it feel like it was on fire. He always longed for her touch. The way it made him feel was unlike anything he could describe. She twined her long fingers through his making his heart skip a beat. She made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world and everyday he didn’t understand how he could deserve someone like her and maybe he didn’t, but right now he was hers and he wouldn’t take that for granted. Something told him he had to make a decision.

             
“Ella,” she turned over to look at him. “You know I love you, right?”

             
“Of course I do,” she smiled. Oh how he loved that smile. “I love you too.” She kissed him just then. His lips lingered on hers, loving the taste of her.

             
“You know no matter what I will always love you.” He knew she could sense something was wrong from the tone of his voice.

             
“Tristan, what’s up?”

             
“Nothing,” he smiled. He didn’t want to waste one second of their time together. He slid his hand up her night shirt making her giggle. He knew exactly what to do to make her smile. He knew every inch of her body. He knew where to touch her to make her laugh, smile, or even lose her breath. He cupped her beautiful breasts, which were a little bigger than the last time he remembered, but he wasn’t complaining. She let out a breath and grazed his cheek with the back of her hand. She had the softest skin he had ever felt. He closed his eyes never wanting to stop feeling her touch.

             
He kissed her then. He kissed her so hard she gasped, but he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t, and he knew she didn’t want him to. He wanted her and wanted all of her. He wanted to feel her body against his, the warmth of her skin. He wanted to consume her.

Chapter Thirteen

*

Ella

In the morning when I woke I felt joy, nothing but pure joy. I was in heaven. I found Tristan, I was going to go home and try to talk to my father, and beg – if I had to – to get back into school. Things for once were finally looking up. I rolled over and reached for Tristan, smiling, but the only thing my arm hit was air. I opened my eyes and saw an empty spot next to me. I sat up and looked around the room. I thought maybe he was in the bathroom, but when I heard nothing I begun to be a little concerned.

              I pulled the sheet around my chest tight when I heard the door open. Cameron popped her head in. “Oh good, you’re awake. We were going to head to breakfast before we had to leave. Do I even have to ask if you’re hungry?”

             
I laughed. “No.” Cameron smiled and moved to close the door. “Hey Cameron,” she popped her head back in. “Have you seen Tristan?” She shook her head no. “Okay, I’ll see you downstairs in a minute.”

             
“Everything okay?” she asked.

             
“Fine,” I lied. I got up and got dressed and joined Cameron, Billy, and Dean down in the café. I asked Billy if he had seen Tristan and he said no and that I shouldn’t worry. He probably went to see his grandparents one last time before we left. I figured he was probably right. I sat down in the chair and tried to enjoy my breakfast. When breakfast was over and we got back to the room to collect our things, Tristan was still a no show and I was beginning to get worried. He didn’t have a phone and I didn’t know his grandparent’s number, but I did have Josef’s.

             
I pulled out my phone and text Josef asking him if Tristan was there. He text back no and I’m sorry. The
‘I’m sorry’
made my heart twist. I had a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn’t right. I sat down on the edge of the bed gripping my star necklace. “Hey Ella, you almost packed?” Dean asked, looking at my half packed suitcase. “Ella, seriously? We have like thirty minutes before we have to leave for the airport.”

             
“I know, I just don’t know where Tristan is,” I said, biting my lip.

             
“I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

             
Something told me otherwise. Cameron walked in and straight for me holding an envelope. She handed the ivory colored paper to me. “This was left at the front desk for you.” I took the envelope with a shaky hand. “Maybe we should give you a minute,” Cameron said, looking at Dean. Dean, clueless as always, stood there, and stared at us. Cameron rolled her eyes, grabbing him by the arm, and dragging him out of the room.

             
I sat there, barely breathing, and just held the envelope in my hands. I knew whatever was inside was not going to be good news. I closed my eyes and let out a breath. I opened up the envelope and pulled out the letter inside unfolding the three folds.

            
 
My Dearest Ella,

             
By the time you read this, I will already be gone. Don’t look for me. It will just be a waste of your time. I lied to you. I knew you survived that night when you thought I died. I faked my death because it was the only way I knew you could move on. We would never have worked. You were always better off without me. If I have to disappear again to make you understand that then that’s what I have to do. I’m sorry to do this to you, but it’s the only way you can live your life the way that you deserve to. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a happiness that I cannot provide for you the way you desire. I am not the guy you make me out to be. I won’t change. I can’t. It’s not in me to do the right thing. I don’t know how. But I will try by starting with letting you go. For me this is the right thing to do and soon you will see it too. Understand that I never lied when I said I loved you, that much is true, but I can’t give you what you really need. I can’t be that guy you want me to be. I’m sorry Ella, but this is my goodbye to you. I hope you find the true love you deserve.

Tristan

              I dropped the letter and watch it float to the plush carpeted floor in slow motion. My whole body was numb. I slid off the bed and crashed to the floor, staring at the still paper that just sucked all the air out of my lungs. I felt like that one piece of paper had left paper cuts on my heart causing me to bleed out and suffocate my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even focus on anything in front of me. My tears had come so fast and sharp my vision was blurred. The pain in my chest was so overbearing I wanted to rip at my skin and tear my own heart out. I let out an ear piercing scream and threw my body on the floor and pounded my arms until I heard the floor crack beneath me.

             
“Ella! Ella!” a familiar voice called. The voice sounded so far off in the distance even though the person was right next to me. “Ella.” I felt tense arms wrap around me and hold me still. “What happened?” I recognized the voice. It was Dean. He was asking me what was going on.

             
“He left…he just left,” I blubbered.

             
Dean fell back on his heel and pulled me closer to him. “Ella, I’m sorry.” Was all he said while I fell to pieces.

I didn’t remember getting on the plane nor did I remember much after I read Tristan’s letter. My movements were robotic and forced. I was also pretty sure Dean slipped something in the water he forced me to drink so I would calm down. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted to forget everything that happened over the past month. I wanted to forget Tristan and all the time we spent together, because it was nothing but a lie. I wanted to forget Ireland and leave it all behind. My hurt and sadness turned to anger. I was angry at him for being too much of a coward to say goodbye to my face. I was angry at him for telling me he loved me and that he would never hurt me, when that’s exactly what he did. He hurt me.  He hurt me to the point that I felt my heart has now turned to black. My anger stirred making me agitated. 

             
I leaned forward and looked for some more sleeping pills in my bag, but what I found instead was a card. I was afraid to open it until I saw the handwriting. I flipped up the lip of the envelope and pulled out the card inside. On the front cover there was a picture of two little girls eating ice cream while sitting on a bench and two older women doing the same thing and sitting on the other side of the bench. I smiled softly and opened the card. The inside read:

Here’s to growing old together. Happy Birthday!

Dear Ella, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you on your birthday. I promise I will find a way to make it up to you. Hope all your wishes come true.

Happy Birthday Bestie!

Love, Josie.

            
 
I’d been so out of it I couldn’t believe I actually forgot it was my birthday. It didn’t really matter anyways. I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. I sighed and stuffed the card back in my bag and reached for the sleeping pills. I no longer wanted to think anymore. I just wanted to shut off my brain and sleep for as long as possible. I knew as soon as I got home I would have a lot more challenges ahead of me and at the moment I could only handle one disappointment at a time.

             
When the pills wore off and I finally woke up, Dean was sitting next to me. We upgraded to first class. Dean said there was no way he was flying coach and sitting in those tiny seats and I didn’t blame him. “Hey,” he said. “How are you feeling?” I let him know with just a look how I felt – broken. He frowned not liking my expression. “Well, I have something for you that make you feel better.”

             
Dean pulled down the tray and placed a vanilla cupcake with pink icing on top in front of me. “Happy Birthday,” he smiled. “Sorry there’s no candles, but you know being on an airplane and all.”

             
“Got it…and thanks, Dean,” I said, forcing a smile.

             
He twisted his hands in his lap. I knew he was trying to think of what to say without making me upset. “I’m sorry it wasn’t a happier birthday. I know you’re really upset about Josie and…” he trailed off; scared I might lose it if he mentioned his name. “Look, he was a dick. It was a dick move and the coward’s way out,” Dean growled. “He doesn’t deserve you and his ass better stay hidden or I’ll –”

             
“Enough,” I said, putting my hand up. I didn’t want to hear it.

             
“I’m sorry,” he said again, letting out a breath. I reached over and squeezed his hand letting him know not to worry so much. “Are you going to make a wish?” he asked, gesturing to the cupcake.

             
“I guess I could be thankful that I survived long enough to see another birthday.”

             
“That’s the spirit,” he said, nudging my shoulder.

             
Cameron popped her head over the seat. “What you guys doing? Hey, where’d you get that cupcake?”

             
“I managed to coax one off the stewardesses,” Dean said, winking at me.

             
“I want one,” Cameron whined.

             
“Here, you can have mine,” I said, handing her the cupcake.

             
“Ella,” Dean started, but I gave him a look to let it go. Cameron looked between us wondering what was going on, but just as quickly she shrugged it off and grabbed my cupcake.

             
“Dean, do you mind, but I kind of want to be alone.”

             
“That’s kind of hard to do on an airplane full of people,” he joked. I narrowed my eyes at him letting him know I was not in the mood. He put up his hands and gave me my space, but not before giving me a quick kiss to the forehead. “Happy Birthday Ella,” he whispered. I managed a small smile and leaned back into my seat.

When the plane finally arrived in California, my stomach started to do flip flops. I was not looking forward to seeing my dad. “Ella, why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?” Cameron asked, meeting me at the luggage carousel.

             
“Because it’s not important,” I said, annoyed that Dean told her.

             
“Like hell it isn’t. It’s your birthday and we need to celebrate,” she gushed.

             
“I’m not in the mood to celebrate. I rather just skip this one if you don’t mind.” My attitude was enough for her to drop it. I grabbed my bag and turned around almost smacking into Dean. I narrowed my eyes at him.

             
“She’s your friend and she should know and you should let her take you out. She’s just trying to help,”
Dean projected. I glared at him and walked away. I didn’t want anyone’s help and the last thing I wanted was to go out and be around people, but I also didn’t want to hurt Cameron’s feelings so I told her maybe we could do something later.

             
After we collected our luggage, we flagged down a cab, and made our way to my house. I dreaded every minute of the ride. I was not prepared at all and was slowly regretting it. I had no idea what I was walking into, but as much as I hated to admit it, Tristan was right. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t work things out with my father.

             
The driver pulled up to the front of the house. I took a breath before I got out of the car.
Well,
here goes nothing.

             
“Ella, you coming?” Dean asked, as he dragged his suitcase behind him and up the brick pathway to the house.

             
I couldn’t seem to remember how to make my feet move. It felt like they were glued to the ground where I stood. Dean watched me for a few seconds before he turned around and walked back to me. “Come on, we’ll do this together.” He took my hand and pulled me toward the door.

             
“Do you want me to wait outside?” Cameron asked. Her expression said she wasn’t looking forward to this anymore than I was.

             
“Don’t be silly,” I said, grabbing her hand. “Besides, we might need a witness,” I gulped.

             
Hands locked tight, the three of us stepped inside the house. Everything was quiet. No sounds of a normal busy morning with my mom running around and getting ready or Danni cleaning or my dad racing out the door on his way to work. “Where is everyone?” I asked. Dean shook his head as I walked into the kitchen.

             
Everything was spotless. I half expected at least the remnants of the smell of stale coffee, but nothing. I spotted the clock on the stove that read eleven am. I forgot about the time difference. “I checked the garage. All their cars are gone,” Dean said, opening the fridge. When he closed the door he pulled a note from the fridge that was addressed to Danni. “They’re at the club,” he said, handing me the note.