Authors: Roberta Kagan
Chapter 66
On a very cold morning a few weeks before the Christmas holiday, Alex dressed for work. He wore heavy gray wool pants, and a white shirt with a black jacket and black tie. After wrapping a heavy wool scarf around his neck, he kissed Anna goodbye and left.
Most of his colleagues at the paper were Christians and they were looking forward to the coming holiday. The offices would be closed for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so they could enjoy time with their families. In celebration, the newspaper had put together a small office party, a luncheon spiced with a little alcoholic holiday cheer that would take place that afternoon at a nearby restaurant.
At eleven forty-five, the office closed for the day so that everyone could attend the gathering. They walked in groups of two or three for half a block, sliding on the slippery pavement to the restaurant. Icicles hung from the awnings of buildings and the branches of trees. It had snowed the night before, dusting the city with a thin white powder that had turned to black slush where the cars had driven through the streets.
The waiters brought out steaming and delicious platters of roast turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and mashed potatoes. A piano player crooned old-fashioned holiday songs while everyone joined in.
Alex was talking with a man who he’d met a few times at the office. They sat across the table from each other, discussing cigars, as the man puffed like a locomotive on a thick Cuban cigar. He said name was Mike and told Alex how surprised he was that Alex knew so much about Cuban tobacco.
“You’re not from Cuba. Your accent doesn’t sound Spanish to me,” Mike said, prying a little, wanting to know more.
“No. I’m not.” Alex tried not to tell anyone that he came from Germany. It saved the aggravation of explaining.
“You immigrants never cease to amaze me,” Mike said.
Once lunch was over the party began to break up. The boss came around the tables and handed out envelopes containing Christmas bonus checks.
“Merry Christmas,” he said as he handed Alex the envelope. “I wish it could be more, but the economy has been so bad…”
“Thank you, sir.” Alex had never received a gift from his employer, and he appreciated whatever he might find in that envelope.
Just as everyone was saying their goodbyes and wrapping themselves back into their winter coats, scarves and boots to head for the subway, the owner of the restaurant came in to the room. His face was as white as a funeral lily.
“We’ve been attacked,” he said. “The United States has been attacked. The Japanese just bombed Pearl Harbor, in Hawaii.”
It was December 7, 1941. Japan and Germany were allies.
Alex imagined Nazi flags hanging from the buildings in New York, pictures of Hitler inside his office, all of his friends turning on him when the discovered his Jewish heritage. He felt his entire body grow hot and clammy. The room turned dark. He felt dizzy and lightheaded.
Alex fainted.
When he awoke, Anna knelt there beside him. Next to her stood his boss and all of his fellow employees.
“You gave us quite a scare, Alex,” his boss said. “I telephoned your wife and she took a taxi right over. Come on, let me help you up.”
Alex stood on wobbly legs and leaned on Anna as they walked outside to flag a cab. The cold wind sobered him, and he remembered what had happened.
“Have you heard the news?” Alex asked Anna.
“Yes. I know. We have been attacked. Come on, Alex. You must try not to upset yourself. We’ll discuss this further when we get home.”
All the way to their apartment in the taxi, Anna heard Alex’s labored breathing. She was worried that he might pass out again. When they arrived, she helped him up the stairs to their flat. Then she laid him on the sofa and put up a pot of water to boil for tea.
Alex sat up and turned on the radio. He’d purchased a secondhand radio just a few months prior. As he listened, he could hear the shock in the voices of the announcers. No one had expected this.
Hitler, Alex thought. Did Hitler have something to do with all of this?
Anna sat beside Alex and gave him a cup of tea. Neither of them slept. They barely spoke as they listened through the night, anxiously awaiting news.
At 12:30 the following day, President Roosevelt came over the radio and declared the United States officially at war.
“This is a day that will live in infamy,” the President said.
Alex looked at Anna, his eyes glaring, his face white as the snow that fell the night before.
“Don’t disappear on me, Alex,” she said, shaking his arm when she saw the look in his eyes. “I can’t cope with that again. You promised. Please, Alex. I don’t need the extra worry.”
He nodded. Then he took her hand in his and put it to his cheek. “I won’t disappear. I am here. We’ll see this through together.”
She brought his hand to her heart. “Alex. Oh, Alex… Don’t worry. We will be all right,” Anna said. She had a secret that she had planned to tell him on
Hanukah
, but now she didn’t know if she should tell him at all. He was so delicate, so unstable, and she couldn’t be sure how the news might affect him.
Chapter 67
Anna couldn’t say exactly when Alex started drinking heavily. All she knew was that he seemed to bury all of the demons that followed him in the bottom of a whiskey bottle. She worried about him constantly. However, as much as he drank, he never allowed it to interfere with his work. And for that at least, Anna was thankful.
Once she conquered the English language, school became fun. Anna enjoyed the challenge of learning new things, and although she was much older than the other students were, she made friends.
When he was not at work, Alex listened to the radio obsessively. Each night when he arrived at home, he didn’t even take the time to change his clothes; instead, he immediately flipped on the radio and sat down with a grave expression on his face. When President Roosevelt gave his fireside chats, Anna dared not interrupt. She knew not to say a word.
“I feel terribly guilty every day,” Alex said, “I am here, living well, eating good food, and sleeping in a warm bed. I am safe, while other American boys are fighting overseas, and Jews are being persecuted in Europe. These American soldiers are dying for me… I should be there. I should be with them. They are keeping Hitler from coming, sending his troops to the United States.”
Anna had been preparing dinner, but she stopped to sit down beside him.
“Do you ever feel guilty?” Alex asked
“Of course I do. I feel guilty because I left my parents, and my friends. But what can we do Alex?”
“I think of Manny all the time. I see his eyes in my dreams and wonder if he is suffering somewhere.”
“I know. He did a lot for us. If not for Manny we would be in Europe, probably under Nazi rule.”
“Yes, and we might be dead. He gave us our lives. And me? I have done nothing, nothing for anyone except for being the cause of the death of my whole family,” Alex said. His hands were balled up in fists on his lap as he leaned forward, shoulders slumped and head down.
“You have to stop thinking about that. There is nothing you can do to change the past, Alex, nothing.”
“I know. I know, and that is why it bothers me so much.”
“Perhaps Manny and Elke got married. Maybe they went to England,” Anna said.
“The Germans are bombing the hell out of London. If they are in England, they are in constant danger.”
When Alex fell into one of his depressive states like this, Anna had learned that there was nothing she could say or do to pull him out of it. It just had to run its course.
He filled the shot glass with golden brown whiskey, which he poured down his throat in a single swallow.
“You have been drinking quite a bit lately.”
“It’s the only thing that makes me feel better.”
Anna glared at him. She gritted her teeth. All of their married life, he had been so damned much work. Then she poured herself a shot and forced it down quickly. The bitter taste burned her throat, but the effect was good. It calmed her nerves and quelled her anger, at least for a moment.
The following day, Alex did not return from work on time. Anna began to worry. He had been very depressed the previous day, and she always feared that he might disappear again. The sun set, and it was almost bedtime before Anna heard Alex’s key turn in the door. She sighed with relief.
“Anna, I am sorry I’m late. But there is something I must discuss with you.”
Chapter 68
It was a good thing that Anna had not told Alex about her surprise. All day long she had been having terrible stomach cramps. She’d missed school, and then Alex had been very late coming home, so she hadn’t had a chance to tell him. Perhaps the constant worry over Alex had gotten to her. Perhaps she just could not carry a child full term.
“Anna…” Alex called again. “I’m home I need to talk to you.”
“I’m in the bathroom. I’ll be right out,” Anna said.
There was blood on her underwear and blood in the water of the toilet. Anna felt like crying, or screaming, or beating her fists against the wall, but she knew it wouldn’t help. She was less than a month pregnant, and now she’d lost the baby.
“Anna, are you here?”
Damn him, she thought. Can’t I have a single moment that is not about taking care of his needs? I am upset, my heart is breaking. Can’t I just be left alone?
“Anna...”
“I’ll be right there,” she said.
“I’m sorry I’m late,”Alex said.
“I said I’ll be right there.”
Anna washed away the blood that had stained her inner thighs, and then she put the rags she used for her menstrual period in place. She had been so hopeful that this child would fulfill her need to love something pure and undamaged. Leaning her head against the cool cement of the bathroom wall, she sighed; then the tears came, and she lost control and wept.
“Anna, are you all right? I said I need to discuss something with you.”
“Yes, I’m fine.” She frowned, annoyed, as she splashed cold water on her face. Then she dried off and walked out into the living room to see what Alex had in store for her now.
Chapter 69
“I’ve enlisted in the army,” he said, placing his enlistment papers on the table next to his uniform.
“My God, Alex,” Anna sunk down into a chair. “You should have talked this over with me first.”
“I know, but now at least I will be doing something to help. I won’t be so useless. I will be fighting against the Germans.”
“Alex. Come on, you’re not a fighter. My God, you could be killed.”
“Yes, I realize that, but this is something that I must do. I will be an American soldier.” He smiled at her, a strange, sad smile.
She could feel the deep furrow between her eyes, but she just nodded. It was no use to argue with him.
“I will be paid fifty dollars a month. I’ll send you money to live on until I return.”
Anna was tired, physically, emotionally, and mentally. She was too weak from the loss of blood and the loss of the baby to cope with the bomb Alex had just dropped on her.
“Your dinner is on the stove. I am going to bed,” Anna said.
Chapter 70
When Alex left for boot camp, Anna felt lost and so alone. Except for when Alex had been gone for a week during her hospital stay, and when she’d boarded the
St. Louis
by herself, Anna had never lived alone.
She continued to go to school, but classes only lasted a few hours a day, and then she would return to the dark, lonely apartment and wait for a letter from Alex. As she had expected, he corresponded regularly, and she promptly answered. From what his letters told her, Alex was stationed at Camp Pendleton in Southern California. “Besides learning to fight, I am learning to repair vehicles, tanks, planes, and automobiles.” His letters explained how rigorous his basic training was; each morning he was awakened before sunrise and put through an intensive exercise regimen. Alex wrote of his difficult, demanding drill sergeant, and of how he had almost no time to himself. But at least, he said, he did not have very much opportunity to dwell on his depression. At night when he lay down, he was so exhausted that he fell asleep immediately.
Anna was lonely. She had no real friends. Her school friends were all much younger, and although she asked them to come to dinner, none of them ever came. With no one to cook for but herself, she hardly ate, so her already slender figure grew sickly thin. Staring out the window, reading, or listening to the radio all night was maddening. The days faded into one another. She began falling asleep as she read, sitting in her chair. To Anna it felt as if she’d become an old woman with no place to go and no one to talk to. Hers was not a fulfilling life. Realizing this, Anna decided to go to work.
The following morning she walked to the corner and bought a newspaper. Then she returned home, put on a pot of coffee, and began to search the want ads. With all of the men going off to war, the jobs had grown more plentiful. There was an opening in a meat packing plant for a secretary. Anna could type, but not very fast, and she had never learned shorthand. She continued to scan the list of jobs that met her limited qualifications. Housekeeper for a family on Long Island, a waitress in a family diner, a line server in a hospital cafeteria, an elevator operator… She took a pen and put a check beside each one. Then, as her eyes moved down the page, she saw an opening for a sales person to work in the women’s dress department at Gimbels department store. Anna loved fashion. This was a job she would enjoy.
Anna got dressed, and with paper in hand, she headed to the subway. She wore a straight black skirt that came to her mid-calf, and a starched white blouse with a peter pan collar, and a simple, but stylish black wool coat. Her shoulder-length hair was parted on the side and combed neatly into a pageboy.
Why not start by applying for the job she would most prefer? Anna took the subway to 34
th
Street, got off, and began walking. Although it was already April, it was still cold outside. Now the snow had begun to melt and turn to gray slush, making way for spring. Anna pulled the collar of her coat tighter around her neck. She knew right where Gimbels was located. Occasionally, she’d come downtown shopping, and as she’d passed the window she couldn’t help but stop and stare at the beautiful window displays.
“Excuse me,” she said to a young girl straightening a gorgeous pair of black velvet opera-length gloves in the millinery department. “Can you direct me to personnel, please?”
The woman laid the gloves on a glass table next to a wide-brimmed black hat sporting a red feather plume. “Sure, right down that hall and then to your left, there’s a big sign that says ‘Personnel.’ You can’t miss it.”
Anna loved the click her low-heeled pumps made as she walked along the white marble floor, clutching her small leather handbag. The overhead lighting cast a glow over everything in the store. When she happened to catch a glimpse of herself in a mirror in passing, she decided that the lighting made her look prettier than she actually was. A good selling tool, she thought. If people looked good in the product, they would buy without hesitation, especially women. Even though the war effort had taken all of the silk and nylon, the stockings of cotton and rayon that were presented were stylish and well made. Each department displayed gorgeous items in the latest fashion, and she couldn’t help but turn look at each one. As she passed the perfume counter, a whiff of a light floral fragrance rose up to greet her. This was where she wanted to spend her afternoons. This store was where she wanted to work.
Anna entered under the sign that said Personnel Office.
“May I help you?” A pretty young girl with clear skin as pale as fresh cream sat behind a mahogany desk.
“I would like to fill out an application for the position that you have advertised in the paper,” Anna said.
With a smile, the girl handed Anna a clipboard with the application and a pencil. “Just let me know when you are finished, and I will tell Mrs. Parker.”
“Thank you,” Anna said, and she sat down.
When Anna finished writing her answers with careful penmanship, the girl took her application and asked Anna to have a seat and wait.
A few minutes later, a woman entered. Her dark hair was cropped in the latest style; she wore a knee-length dress that fit her slender frame perfectly. She picked up the clipboard at the reception desk, and then extended her manicured hand to Anna.
“I’m Grace Parker,” she said, “I will be interviewing you for the position.”
Anna smiled and extended her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Parker.”
“Come into my office.”
Fifteen minutes later Anna had a job. She could not believe that it had been that easy. Grace Parker said that she liked Anna’s style. She also appreciated Anna’s willingness to work long hours. For now, Anna would put her education on hold. She thought it best to save as much money as she could, and when Alex returned, perhaps they could move out of the city and put a down payment on a house.
She wanted to get home to put her clothes together to decide what she would wear tomorrow, because tomorrow would be her first day of work.
As soon as she got her first paycheck, she would send Valente the money she owed him.
Anna stopped at the store to pick up a few grocery items, and then she went home. When she arrived, she checked her mailbox. There was a letter from Camp Pendleton, but the address was not written in Alex’s hand. “Oh my dear God,” she thought as she unlocked the door to her apartment. “What now?”