The Vampire's Revenge (13 page)

“How was your trip over?” Olivia asked.

“You can have your modern air travel,” Billy said. “Give me an old-fashioned passenger liner any day. I remember the old days when the Irish would come over in steerage with immigrants from all over Britain. The singing, the dancing, the camaraderie. Of course some blokes don’t go in for all that.” He gave Gwyn a look.

“The Welsh clergy weren’t much fun on a voyage,” Gwyn admitted. “They didn’t approve of the dancing and drinking, much less the fighting, so they tried to ruin the fun for all my lot. But they couldn’t be everywhere at once.” He grinned, showing off a gold tooth.

“What did y’all fight about?” I asked.

“Who had the most consonants in our names,” Billy said and brayed with laughter.

“We Welsh won that one, ya old sod,” Gwyn said, doubling over.

I looked at the two of them laughing like hyenas and was sorry I asked. “I guess you had to be there.”

“Seriously,” Billy said. “Do you know how hard it is to get people to dance on an airplane? First, there’s no room. Then, no music.”

“They could use a good reel on the stereo,” Gwyn said.

“Or a hornpipe,” Billy agreed. “And then there’s those women with the scarves who boss you around. No sense of humor, I tell ya. None a’tall.”

I got a mental picture of these two boys going all
Riverdance
in the aisle of a Boeing 757 while the flight attendants beat at them with those little pillows. “Uh, why don’t y’all get started?” I suggested.

When they went to the edge of Huey’s hole, I noticed that neither of the gods could walk a straight line. I drew Olivia to one side. “Hey, these guys are soused. I don’t have to tell you what happened the last time I tried to perform a ritual at this same spot while I was knee-walking drunk.”

Olivia looked at Huey the zombie, who was trying to focus both eyes on the proceedings. His bad eye kept wandering away like it was searching for something more interesting to look at.

“Relax, Jack. You’re looking at an Irishman and a Welshman.
They
can hold their liquor.”

I must admit that remark stung the pride of my southern manhood. “Hmmph. We’ll see.”

“Do you need anything before you start?” Werm asked them.

“Do you have any Guinness?” Gwyn asked.

“All we have is Budweiser,” Jerry replied.

The gods agreed to try one, but when they tasted it, they found it disagreeable. “Och!” Billy said. “This is awful.”

“It’s the king of beers!” Rufus insisted. You don’t insult a man’s brand.

“It’s not a fit offering,” Gwyn said, after spitting out a mouthful.

“Rennie, get the Scotch,” I said. “The good stuff.”

Rennie returned with my good single malt and two glasses on a tray.

“You been holding out on us, Jack,” Otis said accusingly.

Annoyed, I threatened, “Quiet or it’s strictly BYOB from now on.”

The two gods knocked back a couple of shots of whiskey. Billy pointed at Alger and asked, “Who’s that, then?”

“Test subject,” I said.

Gwyn sighed. “Oh, ye of little faith.”

Olivia said, “My sire, Algernon, passed into that woman’s body. When we found him . . .”

“No need to explain, is there, Gwynnie?” Billy said. “We know we’re out of fashion with the general public. We don’t mind a test now and then, unlike some gods we know.”

Gwyn burped. “Who shall remain nameless.”

“Bring ’im over,” Billy said.

The guys untied Algernon and dragged him to the hole kicking and swearing. When they didn’t let him go, he begged. “Olivia! Olivia, you must help me, my child!”

When Olivia began to sob I put my arm around her.

“We’re going in,” Billy announced.

“Godspeed,” Olivia whispered, more for Algernon than for Billy and Gwyn, I figured.

Each of the gods took one of the woman’s hands and they jumped into the hole, dragging her along with them. The rest of us spread out in a circle along the rim and watched.

What happened next looked like a cross between a holy roller revival baptism and a mud-wrestling match. Make that a holy roller baptism on a reluctant baptizee. Now there’s something you don’t see every day.

The two gods dunked each other and the woman who was Alger over and over again while taking turns yelling incantations in languages I could only assume were Gaelic and Welsh. It sounded like dueling gibberish to me but Olivia looked enthralled. I could tell it was speaking Otis’s language, too, him being a genuine Irish faerie and all. His eyes kind of lit up and he swayed back and forth.

The rest of us just stared. “Can you feel anything?” I asked Werm.

He nodded slowly. “I actually think I can. I can’t describe it, but I can feel something strange is happening all around us.”

All of a sudden a loud buzzing whine filled the air, as if a million angry bees had just been turned loose. Then the water in the mud hole began to boil, and the woman’s screams took on a higher pitch.

“Where am I? What’s happening?”

Billy and Gwyn each grabbed her by an arm and hoisted her out of the pit right into the arms of me and Werm. Olivia wiped the mud from the woman’s face and looked carefully into her eyes. “Alger’s gone,” she said with certainty. “Come with me, you poor dear. Let’s get you cleaned up and into fresh clothes. I’ll explain everything.”

And by
explain everything,
Olivia meant she’d put enough glamour on the lady to make her forget her misadventure. Later her spell of temporary amnesia would explain how she wandered away from her family.

I closed my eyes and opened my mind to the vibes from the city. The disorientation, stress, and fear I had felt earlier were gone. All gone. It had worked. The magic from that mud pit was spreading out to free people who’d been taken over by demons. I sighed with relief, thinking about all the humans who were saved and all the demons they were saved
from,
none worse than that unholy bitch Eleanor.

“Oh, man, that was great!” Werm said as he and the others helped Billy and Gwyn climb out of the slippery hole. “I want you guys to come over to my club to celebrate. Since the lady’s using Jack’s facilities to get cleaned up, I’ll take you to my apartment underneath the club and you can shower and change there.”

“Drinks are on me,” I added. “That includes everybody. This is really something to celebrate. Happy Saint Patty’s Day!” The lot of them piled happily into the limo and drove off, but not before I got Chandler aside and told him to take the newcomers straight to the airport when they’d drunk their fill.

Talk about a load off my mind. Now all I had to do was head off a nuclear catastrophe and defend myself from a vampire slayer with a grudge and I’d be home free. By the time I finished picking up beer cans and tidying up the back forty, Olivia had Jean, the lady we’d just rescued, cleaned up and dressed in a fresh pair of Rennie’s coveralls. Then Olivia put Jean in a cab and pressed a wad of cash as big as a softball into her hand.

“Not bad for a night’s work,” I said to Olivia as she waved good-bye. “Are you okay about Alger?”

Olivia sighed and I saw that she’d been crying. “I’m okay,” she said. “At least Alger’s no worse off than he was after Reedrek staked and burned him. You were right, though. The vampire who spoke to us from that woman’s body wasn’t the Alger who made me.”

We embraced then, holding each other like a lifeline. We’d just come through a major crisis and had more to do before we could rest. Without William, stripped of Connie’s love, and just having lost Mel and Renee, I’d have felt all alone in the world if not for Olivia. She, like me, had lost her soul mate and sire and was the only other creature on earth who understood what that loss was like. I held on to her like she was the only thing anchoring me down to a world spinning so violently out of control it was about to sling me into space through centrifugal force.

“Well, isn’t this nice?”

The venom in Connie’s voice was as thick and dark as sorghum syrup.

Olivia and I stood apart. I stared hard at the Slayer, searching again for any spark of my old Connie in her eyes. There was nothing but malevolence.

From a scabbard on her back, Connie drew the magic sword that had helped her make the transition from half-human goddess to vampire slayer.

“Oh, don’t break it up on my account,” she said. “Go ahead and hug each other again. In fact, get as close as you can.”

She swung the sword in two graceful arcs, first on one side of her body and then the other, as if she were born with that blade in her hand.

“That way,” she continued, “I can kill you both with one blow.”

Nine

“But we just sent the double-deads back to hell,” I said. “And got all the humans into their right bodies. Don’t we deserve some snaps for that?”

Connie gave us the triple snap with her free hand. “I’d applaud,” she said. “But then I’d have to put down my sword, and I’m not doing that.”

“After all we’ve done, you’re still going to kill us?” Olivia asked. I tried to put myself between her and Connie, but she stepped out beside me. “Even after we’ve proved we’re benevolent to humans?”

“We had a deal,” Connie said, taking a step toward us. “I agreed to let Jack live until the double-dead threat was gone. Now it is. Vampire time is up.”

The sword caught the moonlight and put off a weird, silvery glow. Connie’s skintight black leather suit, the blue-black highlights in her hair, and her cat-like athleticism made her look like a comic book action heroine. But she was real, and she was coming for my head if I didn’t think fast.

“Hey. Listen,” I said. “There’s a new threat out there you need our help with.”

“You wish,” Connie said. She continued to swing the blade, first over one shoulder and then the other, making it sing with a metallic twang as it sliced through the air.

“Jack’s right,” Olivia said as we backed away from the advancing Slayer.

“Talk,” Connie said, still coming at us.

I started talking fast. “That vampire who was William’s wife, Diana—she and this dude she’s hanging with now are planning to steal some tritium on its way from a TVA plant to the Savannah River site and make a dirty bomb or something.”

“That’s a great story,” Connie said. “I give you an A for creativity. Tell me another one.”

“Oh, goddess, why doesn’t she believe you, Jack?” Olivia asked.

By this time, Olivia and I had backed all the way behind the garage.

“I think it has to do with that little matter of me trying to kill her,” I said.

“Bingo,” Connie confirmed.

“What do we do now?” Olivia asked.

“I’m open to suggestions,” I said.

Olivia’s eyes widened. “I think you should tell her everything. Maybe she would let you live.”

“Tell me what?” Connie asked suspiciously.

“About the—”

I clapped my hand over Olivia’s mouth before she could finish. “No. Not that.”

Olivia slapped my hand away. “You’re a fool, Jack.”

Connie narrowed her eyes. She might not have believed the terrorist story—although it was true—but for some reason she sensed we weren’t bluffing now. Maybe it was the look of desperation I could feel on my face. “Out with it,” she said. “Whatever it is.”

“Look, uh,” I said, “I need time to get more information. Then I’ll be able to tell you all about it.”

“Okay, but it better be good,” Connie said. She sheathed the sword and frowned. “You’ve got twenty-four hours to get the information—and your affairs—together. Or, if you’d rather use the time for a head start, go ahead and run. It doesn’t matter to me. I’ll find you wherever you go. I’m beginning to understand how to sense where you are.”

She turned her back. I couldn’t help but watch her leather-clad derriere in motion as she walked away. Olivia followed the direction of my gaze and punched me hard in the arm.

“Ow,” I said, rubbing my biceps.

“What are we going to do?”

I sighed and thought for a moment. “You’re going back to England. Tonight.”

“Oh no. If you think I’m going to leave you here to face her alone—not to mention whatever Diana and Ulrich have in store—you’re daft.”

I took her hand. “Olivia, you’ve already saved the day by bringing those god guys over to take care of the double-deads and body swappers. You’ve done enough. It’s not safe here. Go to your own people. They need you.”

“
You
need me.”

“Think what will happen to our cause if we both die,” I said. “Alger and William, the two original leaders of the good vampires, are gone. Now there’s me here in America and you in Europe. Having us both in the place the Slayer calls home is like—like the president and the vice president flying on the same plane. One of us has to survive to carry on. Besides, this is my fight more than yours.”

Olivia looked pained, but I could tell she knew I was talking sense. She pursed her lips and stared at the ground. “I suppose you’re right,” she finally said.

“You know I am. Now, let’s go back to William’s so you can make your travel arrangements and get a good day’s sleep before you have to go.”

Olivia squeezed my hand and brought it to her lips. “All right,” she said at last. “I’ll ask you again, though, to promise me that you’ll do everything, and I mean everything, in your power to stay alive—even if that means killing the vampire Slayer.”

“I promise.” It’s hard to lie to a master vampire, but I tried. I knew by the sad look in Olivia’s eyes that she didn’t believe me, but she had the good grace to let it go.

“Come with me while I lock up,” I said.

Olivia followed me inside the garage. I turned off the coffeepot and the lights in the kitchen. Then I locked the front and back entrances and closed the bay doors except for the one where the Corvette was parked. We’d back out and I’d close that door from the outside.

Olivia grabbed the chain and closed the door behind the Stingray.

“Hey, how’re we going to drive out?” I asked.

“We’re not,” she purred. “Not for a while, anyway. And I don’t want your policewoman to come back and arrest us for indecent acts in public.”

I looked at her standing there under the one overhead light that I’d left on. She put a high-heeled foot on the ’Vette’s chrome bumper and gave me a come-hither look.