The Unfortunate Traveller and Other Works (17 page)

‘Since we have entered thus far into the devil's commonwealth, I beseech you certify me thus much, whether have they power to hurt granted them from God, or from themselves; can they hurt as much as they will?'

‘Not so,' quoth he, ‘for although that devils be most mighty spirits, yet can they not hurt but permissively, or by some special dispensation. As, when a man is fallen into the state of an outlaw, the law dispenseth with them that kill him, and the Prince excludes him from the protection of a subject, so, when a man is a relapse from God and his laws, God withdraws his providence from watching over him, and authoriseth the devil, as his instrument, to assault him and torment him, so that whatsoever he doth is
limitata potestate
,
³⁴⁶
as one saith; insomuch as a hair cannot fall from our heads, without the will of our heavenly father.

The devil could not deceive Ahab's prophets, till he was licensed by God, nor exercise his tyranny over Job till he had given him commission, nor enter into the herd of swine till Christ bade them go. Therefore need you not fear the devil any whit, as long as you are in the favour of God, who reineth him so strait, that except he let him loose he can do nothing. This manlike proportion, which I now retain, is but a thing of sufferance, granted unto me to plague such men as hunt after strife, and are delighted with variance.'

‘It may be so very well, but whether have you that skill to foretell things to come, that is ascribed unto you?'

‘We have,' quoth he, ‘sometimes. Not that we are privy
to the eternal counsel of God, but for that by the sense of our airy bodies, we have a more refined faculty of foreseeing than men possibly can have that are chained to such heavy earthly moulder; or else for that by the incomparable pernicity
³⁴⁷
of those airy bodies, we not only outstrip the swiftness of men, beasts, and birds, whereby we may be able to attain to the knowledge of things sooner than those that by the dullness of their earthly sense come a great way behind us. Hereunto may we adjoin our long experience in the course of things from the beginning of the world, which men want, and therefore cannot have that deep conjecture that we have. Nor is our knowledge any more than conjecture; for prescience only belongeth to God, and that guess that we have, proceedeth from the compared disposition of heavenly and earthly bodies, by whose long observed temperature we do divine many times as it happens; and therefore do we take upon us to prophesy, that we may purchase estimation to our names, and bring men in admiration with that we do, and so be counted for gods. The miracles we work are partly contrived by illusion, and partly assisted by that supernatural skill we have in the experience of nature above all other creatures.'

‘But against these illusions of your subtlety, and vain terrors you inflict, what is our chief refuge?'

‘I shall be accounted a foolish devil anon if I bewray the secrets of our kingdom, as I have begun; yet I speak no more than learned clerks have written, and as much as they have set down will I shew thee.

Origen, in his treatise against Celsus, saith there is nothing better for him that is vexed with spirits, than the naming of Jesu, the true God, for he avoucheth he hath seen divers driven out of men's bodies by that means. Athanasius, in his book
De variis questionibus
, saith, “The presentest remedy against the invasion of evil spirits, is the beginning of the sixty seventh Psalm,
Exsurgat Deus, et dissipentur inimici
eius.”
³⁴⁸
Cyprian counsels men to adjure spirits only
by the name of the true God. Some hold that fire is a preservative for this purpose, because when any spirit appeareth, the lights by little and little go out, as it were of their own accord, and the tapers are by degrees extinguished; others by invocating upon God by the name of
Vehiculum ignis superioris
,
³⁴⁹
and often rehearsing the articles of our faith. A third sort are persuaded that the brandishing of swords is good for this purpose, because Homer feigneth that Ulysses, sacrificing to his mother, wafted his sword in the air to chase the spirits from the blood of the sacrifice; and Sibylla, conducting Æneas to hell, begins her charm in this sort:

Procul, o procul, este, prophani:
Tuque invade viam, vaginaque erripe ferrum
.
³⁵⁰

Philostratus reporteth, that he and his companions meeting that devil which artists entitle Apollonius,
³⁵¹
as they came one night from banqueting, with such terms as he is cursed in holy writ, they made him run away howling. Many in this case extol perfume of
calamentum, pæonia, menta, palma Christi
and
appius
.
³⁵²
A number prefer the carrying of red coral about them, or of
artemisia, hypericon, ruta, verbena
: and to this effect many do use the jingling of keys, the sound of the harp, and the clashing of armour. Some of old time put great superstition in characters, curiously engraved in their
pentagonon
, but they are all vain, and will do no good, if they be otherwise used than as signs of covenant between the devil and them. Nor do I affirm all the rest to be infallible prescriptions, though sometime they have their use; but that the only assured way to resist their attempts is prayer and faith, gainst which all the devils in hell cannot prevail.'

‘Enough, gentle spirit, I will importune thee no further, but commit this supplication to thy care; which, if thou deliver accordingly, thou shalt at thy return have more of my custom; for by that time I will have finished certain letters to divers orators and poets, dispersed in your dominions.'

‘That as occasion shall serve; but now I must take leave of you, for it is term time, and I have some business. A gentleman, a friend of mine that I never saw before, stays for me, and is like to be undone if I come not in to bear witness on his side: wherefore
Bazilez manus
,
³⁵³
till our next meeting.'

Gentle reader,
tandem aliquando
³⁵⁴
I am at leisure to talk to thee. I dare say thou hast called me a hundred times dolt for this senseless discourse: it is no matter, thou dost but as I have done by a number in my days. For who can abide a scurvy peddling poet to pluck a man by the sleeve at every third step in Paul's Churchyard,
³⁵⁵
and when he comes in to survey his wares, there's nothing but purgations and vomits wrapped up in waste paper. It were very good the dog-whipper
³⁵⁶
in Paul's would have a care of this in his unsavoury visitation every Saturday; for it is dangerous for such of the Queen's liege people, as shall take a view of them fasting.

Look to it, you booksellers and stationers, and let not your shops be infected with any such goose giblets or stinking garbage, as the jigs of newsmongers. And especially such of you as frequent Westminster Hall, let them be circumspect what dunghill papers they bring thither: for one bad pamphlet is enough to raise a damp that may poison a whole term, or at the least a number of poor clients, that have no money to prevent ill air by breaking their fasts ere they come thither. Not a base ink-dropper, or scurvy plodder at
Noverint
,
³⁵⁷
but nails his asses' ears on every post, and comes off with a long
circumquaque
³⁵⁸
to the gentlemen readers; yea, the most excrementory dish-lickers of learning are grown so valiant in impudency, that now they set up their faces (like Turks) of gray paper, to be spit at for silver games
³⁵⁹
in Finsbury Fields.
³⁶⁰

Whilst I am talking, methinks I hear one say, ‘What a fop is this, he entitles his book
A Supplication to the Devil
, and doth nothing but rail on idiots, and tells a story of the nature of spirits!' Have patience, good sir, and we'll come to you by and by. Is it my title you find fault with? Why, have you not seen a town surnamed by the principal house in the town, or a nobleman derive his barony from a little village where he hath least land? So fareth it by me in christening of my book. But some will object, ‘Whereto tends this discourse of devils, or how is it induced?' Forsooth, if thou wilt needs know my reason, this it is. I bring Pierce Penniless to question with the devil, as a young novice would talk with a great traveller, who, carrying an Englishman's appetite to enquire of news, will be sure to make what use of him he may, and not leave anything unasked, that he can resolve him of. If then the devil be tedious in discoursing, impute it to Pierce Penniless that was importunate in demanding; or, if I have not made him so secret and subtle in his art as devils are wont, let that of Lactantius be mine excuse,
lib
. 2.
cap
. 16.
de Origenis errore
,
³⁶¹
where he saith, the devils have no power to lie to a just man, and if they adjure them by the majesty of the high God, they will not only confess themselves to be devils, but also tell their names as they are.

Deus bone
, what a vein am I fallen into? ‘What, an Epistle to the Readers in the end of thy book? Out upon thee for an arrant block, where learnedst thou that wit?' O sir, hold your peace: a felon never comes to his answer before the offence be committed. Wherefore, if I, in the beginning of my book, should have come off with a long apology to excuse myself, it were all one as if a thief, going to steal a horse, should devise by the way as he went, what to speak when he came at the gallows. Here is a crossway, and I think it good here to part. Farewell, farewell, good Parenthesis, and commend me to Lady Vanity, thy mistress.

‘Now, Pierce Penniless, if for a parting blow thou hast ere a trick in thy budget more than ordinary, be not dainty of it for a good patron will pay for all.' Ay, where is he?
Promissis quilibet dives esse potest
.
³⁶²
But cap and thanks is all our courtiers' payment; wherefore I would counsel my friends to be more considerate in their dedications, and not cast away so many months' labour on a clown that knows not how to use a scholar: for what reason have I to bestow any of my wit upon him that will bestow none of his wealth upon me? Alas, it is easy for a goodly tall fellow that shineth in his silks, to come and outface a poor simple pedant in a threadbare cloak, and tell him his book is pretty, but at this time he is not provided for him: marry, about two or three days hence if he come that way, his page shall say he is not within, or else he is so busy with my Lord How-call-ye-him, and my Lord What-call-ye-him, that he may not be spoken withal. These are the common courses of the world, which every man privately murmurs at, but none dares openly upbraid, because all artists for the most part are base-minded and like the Indians that have store of gold and precious stones at command yet are ignorant of their value, and therefore let the Spaniards, the Englishmen and everyone load their ships with them without molestation; so they, enjoying and possessing the purity of knowledge, a treasure
far richer than the Indian mines, let every proud Thraso
³⁶³
be partaker of their perfections, repaying them no profit, and gild himself with the titles they give him, when he will scarce return them a good word for their labour. Give an ape but a nut, and he will look your head for it; or a dog a bone, and he'll wag his tail; but give me one of my young masters a book, and he will put off his hat and blush, and so go his way.

Yes, now I remember me, I lie; for I know him that had thanks for three years' work, and a gentleman that bestowed much cost in refining of music, and had scarce fiddler's wages for his labour. We want an Aretine
³⁶⁴
here among us, that might strip these golden asses out of their gay trappings, and after he had ridden them to death with railing, leave them on the dunghill for carrion. But I will write to his ghost by my carrier, and I hope he'll repair his whip and use it against our English peacocks, that painting themselves with church spoils, like mighty men's sepulchres, have nothing but atheism, schism, hypocrisy, and vainglory, like rotten bones lie lurking within them. Oh, how my soul abhors these buckram giants,
³⁶⁵
that having an outward face of honour set upon them by flatterers and parasites, have their inward thoughts stuffed with straw and feathers, if they were narrowly sifted.

Far be it, bright stars of nobility and glistering attendants on the true Diana,
³⁶⁶
that this my speech should be any way injurious to your glorious magnificence: for in you live those sparks of Augustus' liberality, that never sent any away empty; and science's seven-fold throne, well-nigh ruined by riot and avarice, is mightily supported by your plentiful largesse, which makes poets to sing such goodly hymns of your praise, as no envious posterity may forget.

But from general fame let me digress to my private experience,
and, with a tongue unworthy to name a name of such worthiness, affectionately emblazon to the eyes that wonder, the matchless image of honour, and magnificent rewarder of virtue, Jove's eagle-borne Ganymede, thrice noble Amyntas.
³⁶⁷
In whose high spirit, such a deity of wisdom appeareth, that if Homer were to write his Odyssey new (where, under the person of Ulysses, he describeth a singular man of perfection, in whom all ornaments both of peace and war are assembled in the height of their excellence), he need no other instance to augment his conceit, than the rare carriage of his honourable mind. Many writers and good wits are given to commend their patrons and benefactors, some for prowess, some for policy, others for the glory of their ancestry and exceeding bounty and liberality; but if my unable pen should ever enterprise such a continuate task of praise, I would embowel a number of those wind-puffed bladders and disfurnish their bald pates of the periwigs poets have lent them, that so I might restore glory to his right inheritance, and these stolen titles to their true owners. Which, if it would so fall out (as time may work all things), the aspiring nettles, with their shady tops, shall no longer overdrip the best herbs, or keep them from the smiling aspect of the sun, that live and thrive by his comfortable beams; none but desert should sit in fame's grace, none but Hector be remembered in the chronicles of prowess, none but thou, most courteous Amyntas, be the second mystical argument of the knight of the Red Cross.