“Jackass.”
His face wore a teasing smile — the same one I used to see when we played video games alone five years ago.
I
really
needed to get out of here.
Graham kicked the controller with his bare foot, nudging it into my hip. Fine. Three minutes. Then I was going to be history.
The clock ticked down, leaving Graham and his Red Wings as the winners. “Finally!” he crowed, standing up to stretch.
“Okay, happy?” I asked. Getting up off the beanbag, I grabbed my shoes. I perched on the edge of his bed to put them on. I had just untangled the laces on the first one when my shoe disappeared from view, ripped from my hands by Graham. I raised my eyes, knowing exactly what I’d find there. Graham’s face was flushed, and there was a lusty gleam in his eye.
Fuck
. When he looked at me like that, it was hard to breathe. Even so, I had a moment of absolute clarity.
Here we go again
, I chided myself even as he pushed my shoulders back onto the bed. I caught myself on my elbows, and time paused for the briefest speck of a moment. Then Graham closed his needy eyes, lowering himself onto me. And then his mouth landed on mine, hot and determined.
I’m sure I grunted in disbelief. And maybe for two or three seconds, I was too wary to let go. But he cupped my jaw, deepening the kiss. Then I opened for him, and that’s all it took. The first real taste of him ruined me. As Graham began to take long pulls from my mouth, the kiss went wild. I shoved myself further up onto that bed, and he followed me in a rush. And then my arms were free to yank him closer.
Fused at the mouth, we bumped and twisted on the bed. For a moment I was on my side, jamming one of my legs between his. Then the world tilted and I found myself on my back, Graham’s hot weight pressing me into the mattress. All the while, our limbs clamped gracelessly around each other. And we were kissing. Always kissing. We couldn’t keep our mouths apart. In fact, Graham made a clumsy attempt to strip me of my shirt. But it was unsuccessful because he wouldn’t release my mouth long enough to pull it over my face. And I wouldn’t remove my hands from his ass long enough to help.
I stroked him through the denim, my hands delving down his crease, as far down as I could reach, and he let out a monstrous groan.
So I did it again, with the same result, until he ground his dick against mine, then pulled up short, panting. “Strip,” he demanded.
“Are you sure that…”
“
Strip.
” He pulled his shirt over his head. A second later, he yanked his jeans down, leaving absolutely nothing but miles of golden skin and a jutting erection.
Holy shit
. Graham wanted to get naked with me, and I was going to let him. And it was going to end badly. I knew that already. The fact that Graham and I always ended badly was fucking written in the stars somewhere.
But did that stop me? Nope. When it came to Graham, I could never keep my head on straight.
And all the thinking I was doing meant that I wasn’t moving fast enough for Graham. So he came after me. He dragged my jeans down off my legs, even yanking my socks off with them. I watched my underwear follow in his hands.
And then we were skin on skin. He was on top again, devouring me. His dick scraped against mine, hard and ambitious. I began to feel greedy. At this rate, the whole encounter was going to reach its inevitable conclusion in the next couple of minutes. That wasn’t okay with me. If I was going to make this mistake, I wanted to make it good.
With a palm against Graham’s shoulder, I gave him a shove, rolling him to his side. His body felt so fucking good against mine. “Slow down,” I urged, rubbing his sculpted pecs with my hand.
“Can’t,” he said simply, leaning in for my mouth.
We kissed again, softer this time. Trailing a hand down his body, I took us both in hand, pumping my palm against our parallel shafts. Graham gave a deep bellow of a groan. And just the sound alone took me to the edge.
Stilling my hand, I took a deep breath. “Can I suck you?”
His eyes squeezed shut at the very idea. But then he shook his head, and those cool eyes flipped back open. “No. I want you to fuck me.”
For a second, all I could do was blink back at him, wondering if he’d just said what I thought he just said. The request shocked me almost as much as the fact that I was here with him in the first place.
“It’s been a long time coming,” he said into the silence. “Don’t make me beg.”
I cleared my throat. “Have you ever…?”
“Only with toys.”
Damn
. I didn’t know what to do. So I made a joke. “G, that’s pretty pervy for a straight guy.”
Graham dropped his face into the pillow and smiled.
I leaned over him, reaching for his bedside drawer. Right inside I found what I was looking for — lube and a condom. The second that Graham saw them, he rolled onto his stomach. Even before I’d lubed up my fingers, he pushed his ass up off the bed. And when I finally reached my slicked fingertips over to caress him, he shuddered and groaned.
My body was absolutely throbbing with expectation. But I still didn’t know if I could go through with it. This was different than a kiss and a grope. If Graham freaked out after sex I’d feel awful.
Nervous, I began playing with him. And with my free hand, I rubbed up and down his beautiful back. Leaning over, I worked kisses into the smooth skin at his waist and tried not to think too hard. My arms were full of this beautiful boy, and each time I pressed my lips against him, it felt like coming home.
And all the while, Graham squirmed against my fingers, his greedy body asking for more. “Come on, man,” he gasped. “Give it to me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said, my voice low.
“Hurt me,” he said, pushing back onto my hand. I stretched my fingers inside him, rubbing up against his spot, and he moaned. “Oh yeah. Do it.”
Jesus fuck
. It was the most erotic invitation I’d heard in my life. And I ached for him. But something still held me back. Graham was facing away from me, his eyes closed.
Hurt me
, he’d demanded. It sounded as if Graham was trying to punish himself.
I wanted him. But I wanted it to be real. Not some twisted revenge fuck. “Turn over,” I ordered, slapping his hip.
“What? I think you’re a tease, Rik.”
“I need to see your face,” I whispered.
With a frown, he turned that great body over, bending his knees to get around me. God, he was so gorgeous. I could have just stared at him for hours, all spread out in front of me, ready to be fucked.
But he was
still
evading my eyes.
Climbing on top of him, I took his face in hand, forcing him to look up at me. My thumb slid over his beautiful cheekbone, over his handsome jaw. “Look at me.”
When those cool blue eyes connected with mine, time slid to a stop. “Jesus, Rik,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.
Slowly, without breaking eye contact, I dropped my head for a very soft, very sensual kiss. I knew it was more intimacy than he could probably handle. But he held my gaze, blinking a little, but staying with me. His mouth softened into the kiss, and big hands wrapped around my ribs, holding me in place. I kissed him sweet and slow, until he moaned, his legs wrapping over me to hold me close.
“Good boy,” I breathed. “Now spread for me.” In a big hurry, he did exactly as told. And his eyes never left mine.
Ever so slowly, I gave him exactly what he’d asked me for. And when he broke our gaze a while later, it was only because his eyes rolled back in his head on a shuddering gasp.
That time, I wasn’t offended at all.
* * * *
Afterward, I had never been so sated. And Graham felt it, too. His body was relaxed to the point of bonelessness. As if I’d fucked all the tension out of him.
Unlike the night of our tequila adventure, he didn’t look like he wanted to bolt. True, we were in his room. So his options for bolting were more limited. But he didn’t
look
panicked. In fact, he barely looked conscious.
“It’s a shame you didn’t enjoy that at all,” I teased him as he lazed in my arms.
“Smug, much?” he asked, grinning without opening his eyes. “I am covered in jizz.”
“I know. Isn’t it great?” I kissed the place where his neck met his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Rik,” he said then. And I thought he might tell me to leave. Except his hands were running up and down my body as he said it. So maybe not.
“What are you sorry for?”
“Ducking you. Ducking this.”
It was only four words, but they made my eyes sting. “We’re here now.”
“Yeah we are,” he said on a sigh. “Nobody can know.”
Well,
ouch
.
But it was hard to blame him. Hiding sucked, and I’d already proven that it didn’t really work very well. But on the other hand, I didn’t make a very good advertisement for coming out. Nobody would look at me and say,
Heck yeah! Sign me up for some of that media attention!
Most gay men who’ve been around the block a few times will tell you that it’s a bad idea to be with somebody who won’t acknowledge you in public. Was I willing to be with Graham if I had to sneak around?
Actually, it was a pretty easy decision. “Does this mean tonight isn’t just a one time thing?”
Graham buried his face in my neck. “It’s always been you for me. Always.”
And now he’d shocked me
again
tonight. The hits just kept on coming. I couldn’t even say anything back, I was just too stunned. But Graham’s unlikely affection fed something hungry inside me. So I held him tightly, and let my contented sighs tell him how I felt.
For a long time, we lay there together, tangled up on the bed. And here I’d thought that naked cuddling with Graham was never going to happen. But his big hands continued to warm the skin of my back. He buried his nose in my hair and breathed deeply.
“I gotta clean myself up,” he said eventually. “Hang tight. I’ll bring you a Zamboni.”
Graham dressed in boxers and a T-shirt, and then disappeared into the bathroom. He came back a couple of minutes later, hair damp from a quick shower. I used the warm washcloth he brought back to clean myself up.
Then I sat up, pulling on my shirt and my jeans.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
The vulnerability in his voice was not what I’d expected. I paused, my zipper in my hands. “Well, I have to use the john. Which means that I have to use yours, or go home. So which is it going to be?”
His eyes traveled to the door. It was after midnight on a Friday night. There were three other rooms on this floor. I could bump into someone in there. Even then, his neighbor would have no reason to suspect us.
I could see him doing the math, because it was the same math that I used to do when I was in the closet at Saint B's. I put a hand on his chest. “Look, I’m putting my shoes on. And my jacket. So if someone sees me in your bathroom, they’ll just assume that I’m on my way home. You know — after pissing out the beer that real men drink while they watch the game on T.V.”
He nodded. But I could see the reluctance in his eyes.
“I didn’t see a soul,” I said when I came back into his room.
Graham lay on the bed in his boxer shorts. His expression was sheepish. “Didn’t mean to make a federal case out of it.”
I kicked my shoes off and dropped my jacket and jeans over his chair. Then I flopped onto the bed beside him. “Look, I know how it is. But I need you to trust me a little bit. I would never expose you.”
His smile was rueful. “You could have outed me your first day on campus if you felt like it.”
“Never,” I said. “Even when you wouldn’t look at me, I never wanted to do that. I’ve
been
outed, G. Nobody deserves that.”
He propped himself up on an elbow. And I let myself admire the curve of his bicep. Tonight, I was allowed to do that. “Nobody?” he asked. “How about that television pastor who preached that gays should all die of AIDS, before he got busted for soliciting men in a public bathroom?”
“Okay. Maybe him.”
We laughed, but then things got serious again. “If you could undo it,” Graham said. “If that asshole never outed you at Saint B’s, would you rather be back in the closet?”
“Nope,” I said immediately. “It sucked to be outed, because I never got a chance to make that call for myself. But now I know who my real friends are.”
Even if there aren’t too many of them
. “There’s nobody in my life who doesn’t know.”
“There’s nobody who reads the
Sports Illustrated
website who doesn’t know.”
I grinned at him. “Okay, so I no longer have even a shred of privacy. But tomorrow, when you’re skating a little funny, I’ll be the only one who knows why.”
Graham turned his face away and blushed. Fuck, I
loved
that blush. I scooted closer to him and pulled him into a hug.