The Twelve Dates of Christmas (2 page)

No! Adventures do matter! It was her life too, her relationship too, and what she wanted out of it damn well mattered. He was such a
dick
. She grabbed a pretty carved soap and mashed it in her fist. Mashed it really hard. Like it was his stupid, pig-headed face.

Claudia washed the mess off her hands and tried to calm down. She walked out of the toilets, half expecting, a tiny bit hoping, to see Seth waiting outside.

No one.

She ascended the plush red-carpeted stairs like a zombie. At the top she bought a packet of wine gums – an attempt to realign her universe – and slipped back into the auditorium.

Let’s not force this … we’re done here.

On stage, the Sugar Plum Fairy twinkled like starlit snow as she danced in front of the ice castle. Her tutu trembled like a bauble on a Christmas tree. The Opera House was a winter wonderland that night, with beautiful sets in glittering creams and ice whites, dancers in pale, delicately embroidered costumes, and a mesmerised audience draped in their best velvets, cashmeres and silks.

And up there, a part of this magical world, were her two best friends in the world: Penny, dancing as part of the ensemble, and Nick, creating this Christmas dreamland backstage.
I should have been part of this.

Penny’s pretty, spot-lit face was turned to the audience and Claudia knew she was looking straight at her. Penny twitched her head just a fraction, asking ‘What’s up?’ That’s when the tears came. Luckily the ballet was so beautiful she wasn’t the only one crying. She’d never see his niece again.

He wouldn’t be coming to Ellie and Emma’s wedding in three weeks’ time. His absence would mess up their seating plan.

How would they divide the saucepan set? She’d take the two smaller ones, she supposed, being a girl. But the smallest didn’t even have a lid; it was just a milk pan.
I don’t need a milk pan, I need a lid!
She stuffed four wine gums into her mouth in indignation.

On stage, Clara was sighing in the arms of her soldier in front of the magnificent Christmas tree. The music swelled and Claudia’s heart sank. She wished it didn’t have to end; she wasn’t ready to leave this cocoon of music and darkness.

But the lights came up and Claudia stood with the two thousand other patrons to applaud. She clapped and clapped until her hands stung and until everyone else from her row had filtered out. Claudia picked up her bag, wiped the mascara off her face and headed backstage.

Claudia stood for a moment, her hand resting on the heavy, black-painted door leading backstage. She let out a stray choking sob that desperately didn’t want to be taken in there with her. And then she pulled herself together. It was a big fat fake pulling-herself-together, but it was a start. She pushed open the door and entered the lion’s den.

Noise and chaos enveloped her into the centre of post-performance buzz. Margie, the hard-nut security guard, waved her through, recognising her as the frequent groupie who was always hanging around the dancer and the stagehand.

Racks of tiny-waisted costumes, enormous bunches of flowers, towering sets shifting back to their Act One positions … Claudia made her way through the corridors, wishing she were invisible and avoiding the eyebrows being raised in her direction. Once she’d been part of this world, back in amateur hour. Now she was painfully aware of how out of place and awkward she was in the big leagues.

It wasn’t that anyone was ever outwardly mean, it was just that feeling of being way out of your depth. Penny and she had grown up dancing; mostly ballet, but they would try any class they could get their hands on: jazz, hip hop, salsa.

Then Claudia had stupidly,
stupidly
fallen in the middle of a breakdancing class, tearing ligaments in her ankle and putting her out of action for close to four months. She missed the audition that elevated Penny into a prestigious London ballet academy. Penny was euphoric. Along with their other good friend, Nick, who’d been accepted into his dream theatre production course, they celebrated hard. She couldn’t be happier for them, but Claudia was left behind.

She eventually recovered from her injury, but she’d lost the drive. Whether it was fear, or bitterness, Claudia wasn’t even sure she knew. So here she found herself, twelve years out of the game, the outsider.

But Penny and Nick were her family, and that meant battling her way through the maze of tutus, wigs and lighting, squashing down her crap, falling-apart life and congratulating them on being awesome.

Rounding the corner, mumbling ‘Oops, sorry, I’m sorry,’ to a stretching ballerina whose legs she tripped over, she saw her life-lines.

Nick and Penny were deep in conversation, their brows furrowed. Nick’s brown hair was a tousled mess of sweat and dust, his eyes full of concern for what Penny was saying, and he stood in his thinking stance – legs wide apart and his arms folded across his chest. They saw her at the same time and lunged forward, wrapping her in hugs of sawdust and feathers.

‘What’s happened?’ Penny muffled into her ear.

Claudia pulled back, but Nick kept a big hand on her back, holding her close. ‘Nothing much – Seth and I had a bit of a fall-out – but you guys were great. Penny, you were the best one on stage, and Nick, you created masterpieces out there.’ This was their night; the Seth drama had to wait.

‘Claudia … ’ Nick cupped her face gently, wiping a stray tear with his thumb. ‘Talk to us.’

Claudia’s resolve wobbled. She couldn’t look Nick in the eye without wanting to crumble to the ground and tear at the floorboards with her fingernails. She stared at his grubby grey T-shirt, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest.

‘It was nothing; we’re just … sort of … maybe … not together any more.’ She gulped back an enormous sob. ‘I loved your Christmas tree,’ she told Nick quickly, prodding his pec.

Penny squeezed her even tighter, her white-blonde wig stuffing its way up Claudia’s nose. ‘How did this happen? Was he so disgusted by my fat thighs on stage he said he didn’t want anything to do with you?’

‘That was partly it. Then he got his willy out and I said, “No! Get it away!”’

Nick kissed her on the top of the head and took her hand. ‘Do you want to see mine instead? It’s much better. You’ll feel much better. Come on, I’ll show you.’ He started leading her to the door.

‘No, really, I’m fine. I’m fine.’ She laughed gently, dropping Nick’s hand. ‘You guys did ridiculously good tonight. Sorry I’m a rubbish old party-pooper. I’m going to go home now, and I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.’

‘Wait, we’ll come with you.’ Penny started yanking clips out of her wig and freeing tendrils of her real hair.

‘No, don’t be silly, you’d look ridiculous on the Tube.’

‘I can leave now. I’ll take you,’ Nick volunteered.

‘No thanks, please stay.’

‘Don’t be such a pain in the arse. Let me take you home.’ Nick tilted his head and gave her the warmest grin in the world. But she just couldn’t bear to be around anyone right now.

‘NO,’ Claudia insisted. ‘I really just want to go on my own, please; I’ll call you both in the morning when my head’s a bit clearer.
Please
go and celebrate your amazing show.’ She gave them both a quick kiss on the cheek and felt Nick’s hand rest tenderly on her bare arm for a moment. She pulled away and retreated down the corridor.

Claudia exited the Opera House alone. The crowds had left and she was by herself on the dark, chilly street. She stood for a moment, closing her eyes and letting the cold breeze dry her face. How could she go home? But what else could she do? When this date started she had no idea it would end in the kind of awkward ‘broken-up couple living in the same house’ scene she’d only seen on TV.

This was a ridiculous situation. It had to sort itself out. It had to.

She opened her eyes and turned to walk up the road.

She stopped.

Seth.

He was coming around the corner at the very top of the street. He had come back to her.

Claudia was boiling all the way to her toes with anger and hurt, but relief still swept over her. She realised how much she’d needed to see him; safe, familiar, half-of-her-life him. Her pace quickened.

Then Seth stopped outside the pub on the corner. He broke into a series of cheers and laughs as he greeted a large group of friends.

She watched but he didn’t come any further; he hadn’t seen her.

He looked cheerful.

She was a mess and he didn’t even look a bit sad, or wistful about the life he’d just lost.

He threw his arms around a girl who emerged from the centre of the group.

Who’s that?

They laughed together. She looked like one of those fun, sexy, confident girls you both hate and desperately wish you were. Like The Pussycat Dolls.

His hands groped her perfect butt cheeks.

What?

They kissed.

Things. Just. Got. Worse.

Claudia’s legs made an executive decision, taking charge before her brain and heart could crumble into each other, inconsolable. They swept her across the road and in through the door of a quiet Italian restaurant. The eatery was mellow at this time of night, with just a few couples sharing desserts and a birthday party taking their time over the dregs of several bottles of wine.

The darkness of red upholstery and mahogany tables shrouded her, and she took a seat on a stool at the far end of the bar, next to the windows that looked out onto the street. Claudia never took her eyes off Seth.

Her whole body was trembling, and the sensation that her heart had been scraped out of her chest made her curl inwards. She laid her small, shaking hands on the window. No, no, no, he can’t have cheated on her. Their life together can’t have all been a lie. That would mean they could never be together again.

The barman materialised in the corner of her vision. ‘Can I get you a drink?’ he asked in an Australian accent.

‘Can I have a bottle of house red please? One glass?’ Claudia whispered, as if Seth would hear her voice in the wind and turn to look at her.

Claudia dragged her eyes from the window for a second to look at the bartender. His name badge read ‘Billy’. He looked like Billy Kennedy from
Neighbours
.

‘You look like Billy Kennedy from
Neighbours
.’

‘So they say.’ He grinned. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Claudia,’ she mumbled.

‘So, Claudia, this whole bottle’s just for you?’

‘Yep.’ She went back to watching her partner of five years stroking someone else’s bottom. She wanted to break every bone in that hand. ‘Just for me. Big fat lonely me.’

Pop. Glug, glug, glug. ‘Good for you, darl’. You crack on.’

She took some hearty gulps of wine and went back to squinting at Seth, misting up the window with her breath. Was that a look of pain? Was that beardy guy patting him on his back out of consolation? Was he wiping a tear? Ha! Thank God …

No.

No, he was crying with laughter at something
she
had said.

‘You’re not funny,’ Claudia hissed, her fingers curling into claws.

‘I reckon he’s laughing at her fat ugly face.’ Billy was standing behind her, tea towel flung over his shoulder, staring out across the street. She half-smiled through the pain.

‘What?’

‘Yeah, he’s thinking, Bloody hell, what am I doing listening to your drivel, you dumbo. With your boring clothes and your minging hair.’

Her hair
was
a little boring, if you call ‘no need to style because it looks amazing anyway’ boring. She scrutinised Billy’s face. ‘Minging?’

He nodded. ‘Minging.’

‘I feel sorry for her,’ Claudia said. ‘She probably doesn’t even know how grating that laugh can get.’

‘I like your dress, by the way.’

Claudia had been best friends with her dress at the start of the evening. Now she looked at it bitterly, like you would an apparently friendly co-worker who’s thrown you under the bus in front of your boss.

‘Date night gone wrong?’

‘Dunno.’ Claudia sighed and had another gulp of wine. ‘It’s the only date I’ve been on in yonks, so maybe it’s normal now for the boy to bugger off half way through.’

‘I’ve never been on a date with a boy, so I’m not sure. But it doesn’t sound quite right.’

Claudia shook her head and gazed outside.

‘If you stop staring you never have to see the bastard again.’

‘Ah, but I do,’ she choked, finishing off the glass and pouring herself another. ‘I live with the bastard.’

Billy roared with laughter. Claudia swigged and tried to look affronted, but her features were beginning to slacken as the alcohol numbed them.

‘Life’s got a way of kicking you right in the balls sometimes, hey? My girlfriend back in Oz cheated on me; we shared a house but she was my landlord and I had to give her two months’ notice. You’ve gotta laugh … ’

Something that could have been a sob and could have been a chuckle burst from Claudia. ‘You’ve gotta laugh … ’ She watched the pitiful end to her date, the weight of her own breathing hunching her back until she was resting her cheek on the rim of her wine glass. More than anything she wanted to curl up where she was and sleep. She felt defeated.

‘I hate him,’ she whispered to no one in particular.

‘I think you should confront him,’ Billy answered. Claudia swivelled her eyes to look up at him without moving. ‘I really think you should. He’s got no right to treat you like that; you should do it now, while he can’t deny it or try to get out of it.’

‘I can’t—’

‘Yes you bloody can!’ Billy whipped the empty glass from under her cheek. She sat up, startled, and wiped the red-wine circle from her face. She couldn’t confront him, not in front of all those people. She
hated
confrontation.

But she was a bit pissed.

‘Go on, you drunk, bugger off,’ Billy said with an encouraging grin. ‘Go and tell him which bridge to jump off, do it for all us cheatees who never had the courage.’

Claudia stood, wobbled, and took a deep breath.

She sat down again. She really didn’t want to face him. What was she going to say?

Nothing, because she wasn’t going to do it. She would cut through the side streets to the Tube station and avoid him. He never had to know she was there, or that she’d seen him.