The Truth of Yesterday (57 page)

     I glanced up at the bright yellow orb, hanging low in the sky.
“A full moon for Halloween?
The goblins and ghouls will love that.”

     “It's beautiful though, don't you think?”

     “Yeah, it is.”

     He moved a little closer to me and I shifted away as nonchalantly as I could.

     “You really look great tonight, Killian.”

     “So you've mentioned a few times,” I said teasingly. “You look great too, although you have to be freezing now.”

     “It is a little chilly.” He shifted closer again and I moved away. He nearly had me against the wall now, another foot and I wouldn't have anywhere to move to. “You could keep me warm,” he said when I failed to pick up on his hints.

     “Or we could go back inside,” I said. I liked Noah, and there was no denying my attraction, but things were quickly getting out of hand.

     “I'm not ready to go back inside just yet.” He turned to look at me and the moonlight reflected off his face making him almost seem to glow. His eyes locked onto mine and his full, red lips parted.
He really has amazing lips
, I found myself thinking,
I wonder what it would be like to kiss them…

     He moved in a little closer and my back hit the wall. He lifted his hand and softly stroked my cheek. “I've wanted to do this since the first time I saw you,” he whispered and quickly leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

Chapter 24

     For one shocked, confused moment, I actually returned the kiss. It was as if instinct took over and my lips responded of their own accord. Then my brain caught up and I reacted. I twisted my face away, planted my hands firmly against his chest, and shoved with all my strength. Noah stumbled back, tripped on an uneven paving stone, and sprawled backwards onto the ground, where he lay looking up at me with an expression of disbelief.

     “Noah, I have a boyfriend,” I said softly. I reached out a hand to help him up. He stared at my hand for a minute,
then
purposefully ignored it as he stood up without my assistance.

     “You know,” he said in a low, tense voice as he brushed off his bottom, “I'll admit I'm not blameless here, but let's get one thing very clear; neither are you. You've been sending out mixed signals to me since the day we met. You were staring at me that day in the bookstore, you flirt with me, you've been dancing with me all night, you come out here alone with me, and I know damn well you kissed me back just now.”

     “You're right and I'm sorry. I have been sending out mixed signals. The truth is I am attracted to you. I can't deny that. I like you. If I wasn't already dating someone then I'd probably want to date you. But I
am
dating someone; someone I care about very much. I'm sorry if I confused you or hurt you, but I can't do anything to risk losing Micah. He means too much to me.”

     Noah slumped against the wall and slowly slid down to a crouching position on the ground, his back to the brick. “How much does he mean to you?” he asked.

     “Everything,” I answered simply.

     “What does that mean?”

     “It means…I want to be with him. It means I can't stand the thought of losing him. It means I really want to try and make it work. It means…it means I love him.” I sank down Indian style to the ground a few feet away facing him. “It's taken a lot to get us to the point we're at now. I don't know if this is a forever thing, but it feels like it could be, and that's all I know right now. Do you understand?”

     “Not really. I've wanted that for so long, but I've never experienced anything like it. It seems like most guys aren't looking for that. All they want is a quick screw, or maybe a fuck buddy. I want more. I hoped that maybe I could have that with you. Maybe I'll never have it. Maybe I'm not meant to have it.”

     “Don't say that. You'll find someone. You have to believe that. You're so young still, how can you give up?”

     “I never really knew any other gay people until I got to college. When I got here I got involved with Haven and suddenly I had friends who understood, who were like me. But we're all single most of the time. You're the only person I know in a serious relationship. The longest anyone in Haven has been in a relationship is a couple of months at the most.”

     “You're in college. How many straight couples do you know who are in serious relationships? And they have more of a selection to choose from! We're what?
Ten percent at best?
And how many of those are even out of the closet?”

     He shrugged. “I guess you're right. Intellectually, I know you're right. Emotionally, I'm just tired of being alone.”

     “Well, I can't be your boyfriend, but I would like us to be friends, if we can,” I said.

     He smiled a sad smile. “If I can keep from jumping you, you mean?”

     “No! That's not…”

     “I was trying to make a joke, Killian. I'd like us to be friend too, and I know I've said that before, but I mean it. Now I know where the boundaries are, and I know I don't have a chance with you as something more than friends.
At least not while Micah is in the picture.
Not that I'm wishing you would break up or anything,” he added quickly.

     I laughed.
“At least not too much?”

     He smiled; a real smile this time. “I still have to meet this guy. He really must be something special to have won your heart so completely. I just hope I can keep from being too jealous.”

     Just then, the door opened and Kane came out, obviously looking for me, or perhaps I should say checking up on me.

     “Over here, Kane,” I called softly, so as not to disturb the other amorous couples. He turned and walked over, eying the distance between us with undisguised approval.

     “I hadn't seen you in awhile so I thought I'd look for you,” he said bluntly.

     “You know, I was supposed to be the one keeping an eye on you,” I told him.

     “Just goes to show that Father doesn't always know best,” Kane commented dryly.

     I grinned up at him,
then
turned my attention back to Noah. “You ready to go back in?” I asked.

     “Might as well, I'm pretty chilly.”

     “Maybe if you weren't naked…” Kane muttered under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear.

     I snorted, but turned it quickly into a cough. “You'll warm up quick enough inside,” I said.

     We stood up and the three of us walked back inside. It seemed like more people had arrived while we were outside.

     “It's a really good turnout,” I commented. “I have to admit I'm a little surprised this many people would come out for a dance put on by a gay/straight alliance.”

     “It's not just our school,” Noah explained while Kane scanned the crowd, for Lila I assumed. “We went in with the other three schools in this area and the other two large schools on the Shore. Plus, everyone knows gays throw the best parties so everyone shows up to these things. Probably less than half the people here even have gay tendencies.”

     I laughed. I noticed several guys who definitely had gay tendencies, judging by the way they were eying Noah hungrily. “Well, with this many people here, you shouldn't stay with me the whole night. Mr. Right might be out there while we speak.”

     “And if not Mr. Right, then at least maybe Mr. Right Now,” he said morosely.

     “Go have fun.” I gave him a little push and he gave me a crooked smile in return.

     “I'm sorry,” he said.

     “Don't apologize. It's over, forgotten.”

     “I hope it's not forgotten. I'd like to think I'm not that forgettable.”

      I winked and shooed his away. I moved off to one side and sat on the edge of a bench. Several guys and at least two girls approached to ask me to dance, but I wasn't really in a dancing mood any more. What I really wanted to do was see Micah, but I could see Kane dancing with Lila and it was obvious he wasn't ready to go.

     “Why the long face?” Val said, appearing beside me.

     “Just missing my man,” I said shifting over to let her sit down.

     “Did he have to work?”

     
“Yeah.
He's a reporter and he's working on a big story.”

     “He's not the one who broke the big scandal with the council is he?”

     
“Actually, yeah.
Micah Gerber.”

     “I saw him on TV. He's pretty hunky.”

     I giggled. “Yeah, he is.”

     We sat in silence for a minute,
then
she cleared her throat. “I know this is probably none of my business,” she began, “but I couldn't help but notice you seemed pretty, um, close to Noah tonight.”

     “It's not…”

     “Hey, like I said, it's none of my business. It's just that Noah is a good friend and I'd hate to see him get hurt, so if you're just playing around…”

     “Val, really, it's not like that. We talked earlier tonight and everything's fine. We're just friends. Things got a little confusing tonight, but we got it all worked out.”

     
“Yeah?”

     
“Yeah.”

     “Good. I'm glad to hear that.
So.
You want to go see your boyfriend?”

     “Yeah, but Kane's having such a good time with your cousin that I don't want to ask him to leave.”

     “They do see to be hitting it off, don't they? You're brother seems like a nice kid.”

     “He is; he's a great kid. I can brag because he's not really my brother. His dad took me in when my dad kicked me out. I've lived with them for the last two years and for all intents and purposes, they're my family. Adam is just like my dad and Kane is like a brother.”