The Truth About James (Y.A Series Book 2) (24 page)

“Grab my bag strap.” Jenna ordered. I grabbed her strap and she plowed her way back to the door.

But then another worry crashed into me. I stalled again, halting her from entering inside. I worriedly scanned the crowded patio to see if anyone was staring at me. I’d completely forgotten that yesterday’s little hallway fight was witnessed by everyone. I’d made a fool of myself yesterday. Everyone probably thought I was a hysterical mess now. And those who’d missed it, well, they probably already knew via text message. “I don’t know if I can do this!”

Two percent better.

She groaned loudly and stepped back onto the patio, letting the door close behind her. “You can do this!”

“But yesterday, everyone saw.” I panted, which had nothing to do with trekking up the stairs. I was so nervous, my heart was beating out of my chest.

Jenna shook her head, seeming exasperated. “So what, there’s a hundred fights a week here.”

My jaw dropped. “Really?”

Jenna nodded. “Yeah. Last week there was a huge fight with Roy and Dana, right beside my locker. It was way worse than what happened yesterday. Then the next day, everyone forgot all about it because Sarah and Denise from History got into it over some guy. Girls these days, fighting over a stupid guy, he was probably two timing them with each other. Now that’s ridiculous!”

“Really?” I stammered, shell shocked that all that had happened, and I didn’t even know about it.

“Yeah.” Jenna said. “Our fight is probably old news by now.”

Twenty percent better.

I exhaled and inhaled deeply. “Okay,” I nodded, timidly to her. “I can do this.”

I grabbed her bag strap and she guided us through the threshold. 

“Correction, we can do this.” Jenna corrected, stopping once we got inside. She grabbed my shoulders and shook them, eying me sternly. “You, stay strong.”

“Got it.” I nodded.

“Don’t cave, don’t cry, and most of all, don’t fall for any of his tricks if he stupidly decides to go there with you today. Please!”

I nodded. “I got it, don’t worry. I’ll be strong, I mean, I’m going to do my best to be strong.”

She squeezed my arm. “You can do this. You’re a man!” She said.

“I’m a man.” I repeated, breathing sharply.

She kept going. “You won’t let anyone crush you.”

“I won’t let anyone crush me.” I repeated, gulping.

“Especially douchebag James and slutty slut Donna.” She continued.

“Especially douchebag James and slutty slut Donna.” I repeated.

She held a fist out. “Fight”

“Fight!” I said back.

“Text me if there’s a problem, I’ll have my phone next to me just in case. I’m a hallway away, girl!” She laughed, slowly backing away and turning into her hallway.

“I can do this.” I chanted to myself and slowly turned into my hallway, quickly eyeing it for the popular crew. The hallway was on the cusp of overcrowding, so thankfully, none of them had arrived yet.

Thank God!

Twenty five percent better.

I headed to my locker quickly and exchanged notebooks, and then headed to English where the classroom was half filled. I chose the same seat as yesterday, in the middle.

He would probably end up sitting in the back. Which was fine by me, the farther, the better.

Twenty six and half percent better.

I opened my notebook as more students trailed inside, each one making me more nervous than the last, all in anticipation to ‘him’ arriving.

All of sudden the image of him walking in had my heart beating at an unprecedented rate. Then I realized something horrific, I’d have to spend an entire hour in the same room as him, worrying that I’d concede as soon as I’d make eye contact with his penetrating stare. He had power over me and he knew it. He knew how I felt about him, how strong it was considering all the other times I’d easily forgiven him. 

I was crazy about him. And I hated myself for it.

And at that thought, every word Jenna said to me washed right out the window.

Ten percent better.

I couldn’t do it.

I just couldn’t. I needed to get out of here now, before it was too late and we’d bump into each other. I wasn’t strong enough to face him, or to look him his beautiful green eyes and not give in. I needed time to put myself back together.

Five percent better.

I quickly stuffed my notebook into my bag and rushed to the exit. I slowed down through the threshold and scoured the hallway for the popular crew, not wanting another repeat of yesterday. Thankfully, because there was still quite a bit of time left before class started, they still weren’t in the hallway yet.

Thank God!

Ten percent better.

I threw myself into the crowded hallway and headed in the opposite direction they’d all be arriving from. I was going to take the back exit out. No one came through that one, unless they were coming from the fields.

I exited the building and leaned against the brick wall, exhaling a monstrous breath.

Five percent better.

I couldn’t look him in the eye. I couldn’t do it.

I was a failure.

One percent better.

*~*~*

Thunder struck loudly.

“Dean, I need to tell you something.” My voice trembled into the receiver.

Class started fifteen minutes ago and I was still outside talking myself out of going in and facing James like a strong warrior would have.

I wasn’t a warrior. Clearly!

I wasn’t that much of a coward either and there was someone who needed to know the truth, even if it would bite me in the ass.

He deserved to know the truth.

About everything.

Thankfully Pleasant View High’s first period started thirty minutes after ours did, so I’d caught him before his first class started.

“Oh no, why don’t I like the sound of that?” He asked, sounding suspicious from the other end. 

I held my phone tightly against my ear, gulping back my nerves. “My senior year so far, it’s been a bit messy.”

“Messy….like guy messy?” He asked, quietly.

“Yeah,” I breathed.

“A guy that’s not me?” He asked slowly.

This was it.

I gulped and continued. “No, not you.” I whispered, covering my eyes with my arm.

“Do I know him?”

“Unfortunately.” I replied pathetically.

“Is it that asshole, James?” Dean probed, anger rising in his tone.

I waited a few seconds before replying. “Yeah, I met him last summer working at the country club.”

“Was he, or is he your boyfriend?” Dean asked, breathing hard. 

“No, it wasn’t like that. He just played with me.” I replied, feeling ashamed.

“Like you played with me?” Dean growled all of sudden.

I dropped my arm and grimaced to the wall I’d been facing. “I didn’t.” I protested, shaking my head at his words.

No! I didn’t play with him like that.

“You went out with me while you were with him?” Dean pushed.

My heart pounded crazily. “No I didn’t, I wasn’t with him?” I assured.

“So what, you were off and on with him?” Dean spat back bitterly.

“Yes, but,” I started to defend myself but was interrupted by his eruption.

“And you didn’t feel like you needed to share that piece of information?” Dean snapped.

“I’m sorry.” I cried, feeling my eyes water and my vision sway.

“You’re just as bad as he is.” Dean said through his teeth. “You’re the same. He played with your feelings, and you played with mine.”

Dial tone.

My phone dropped from my hand, hitting the ground with a light thud. I shook my head, staring up at the angry sky, wondering what had just happened.

I breathed in and out, following the rhythm of my palpitating heartbeat. A fresh set of tears slid down my face. I didn’t wipe them away.

I guess I deserved that.

‘You’re just as bad as he is.’

His words had cut me hard.

I was just as bad as James.

I did to Dean, sort of, what James had done to me. Strung him along, undecided on which route I’d wanted to take our relationship on, all because I had one foot somewhere else.

Selfishly, just like James was being with me.

I was just as bad as him, if not worse considering I knew how bad it felt to be stringed along without a clear answer. I was much worse. I was a disgusting hypocrite who had no right to feel scorned. 

I had done it to Dean.

I was a fraud.

Thunder struck again and the first drop of rain smashed into my face, joining my tears. I grabbed my phone off the ground and texted Dean.

Annabelle:
I’m so sorry.

I waited, hoping for a response.

After a while, there was still nothing and I was soaked from head to toe.

Zero percent better.

To be continued….

Annabelle’s story continues in …… What My Heart Wants (Y.A SERIES #3)