The Truth (9 page)

She’d wanted Marissa here, she’d wanted her support, to lean on her if her world came crashing down, but now she wanted to be alone. She wanted to be able to scream, and yell if she needed to, to throw things, or just curl into a ball and cry if she felt like it. She wanted to curse the fates, before adjusting to the reality that she’d grow old alone.

She’d always believed you only had one chance at real love, and she’d adapted to her fate after Kyle died. Then Grayson showed up and she’d started to believe she’d been gifted with a second chance. Was Grayson so cruel he’d allow Maggie to believe he’d actually died? Did he know about Ryan? Was he using her to be with his son? Was she completely wrong on the timing of it all, and he wasn’t ever with Maggie? It was simply an innocent snapshot of two strangers at a Broadway show? But an innocent picture would not be in a frame, tucked inside of a drawer.

Standing up, Lexie began to pace. “I can’t do this.”

“Are you scared of what you’ll find?” Marissa asked, standing up as well.

Lexie whipped around, her eyes full of tears, her heart lodged in her throat. “Hell, yeah, I’m afraid.”

Marissa reached over and pulled her into her arms. “I’ve known you long enough to know you can’t bury your head in the sand. You have to know.”

Lexie looked up into her best friend’s face, and smiled wistfully. “I do.”

Lexie opened the lid, and with shaking hands lifted the first item off the top. Nestled inside of a plastic bag for protection was a blue crocheted baby blanket. Setting the bag on the table, she noticed a note inside:

Hand knitted for you with love, Mommy.

Lexie ran her hand over the note, remembering the first time she’d met Maggie, sitting outside of her coffee shop, tears streaming down her face. Maggie’s babysitter hadn’t shown up and she’d been forced to bring Ryan to her job interview. She’d been so sure his presence would cost her a much needed job that she’d stood outside, crying and apologizing repeatedly for her unprofessional behavior. Lexie had known instantly that they’d be friends as she’d taken Ryan, wrapped in this same blue blanket, into her arms and walked them both into her office and hired Maggie on the spot. At the time, she hadn’t known Maggie was dying.

With tears falling unchecked down her face, she reached into the box and pulled out a photo album. She sat back onto the couch, and crossed her legs, balancing the book on her lap. She’d almost forgotten Marissa was there until she slid back beside her, in silent support. She flipped through pictures of Ryan at the hospital, Maggie smiling wide as she bent her head toward her new son, Maggie kissing Ryan’s tiny feet, another of her kissing his forehead where the striped knit cap left his baby skin exposed.

With hitching little breaths, she fought for control again. Setting the photo album to the side, she dipped back into the box. Beneath a framed photograph of the new mother looking tenderly upon her new son lay two journals. Lexie lifted them out and set them onto the table before placing the other items gently back into the box and closing the lid.

She walked out onto the patio, and leaning against the railing, pulled the fresh saltwater scented air into her lungs and blew it out slowly. Was she wrong to read these books meant for Ryan? Part of her believed she had no right, but another part of her knew she also had no choice. Looking at the pictures of the two of them, she knew it was no longer just her needing to know for her own selfish reasons. Now she needed to know for both Maggie and for Ryan.

If Grayson was a man capable of lying and leaving Maggie alone to care for a new baby while fighting for her life in a cancer clinic, she needed to know. She would protect Ryan first, and always. She’d made a promise.

Marissa walked onto the patio and without a word, sat down in one of the empty deck chairs and sipped from her wine glass. Lexie picked up the glass Marissa had brought for her and sat back in the other chair overlooking the ocean.

Lexie broke the silence. “Do you remember the day I adopted Ryan?”

“I do.”

“Maggie was such a fighter, but that was the day I realized she was losing.”

Marissa nodded her head. “Emily Sinclair was with her that day, too. She told us it was happening faster than we expected. Somehow just having her there was comforting; not only for Maggie, but for you as well.” Marissa reached over and rested her hand over Lexie’s. “Do you remember what you said to Maggie when she woke up that day?”

Lexie had walked over to the bed and felt her chest constrict at the sound of Maggie’s labored breathing as tiny wisps of air struggled to escape through her parted, chapped lips. Her body resembled a skeleton beneath the sheet, and her arms lay at her sides, black and blue from the needles keeping her alive. When Maggie had spotted her, her eyes had grown bright.

“I told her, this is where I’m supposed to tell you that you look great, but I’m a terrible liar. You look like hell.”

Marissa chuckled. “I couldn’t believe you’d said that, but Maggie giggled even though she was trying to look insulted.”

“The look on Emily’s face was priceless.”

“Then it grew serious. It was like everyone knew this was the day.”

Lexie wiped the tear from her cheek. “Maggie told me it was her time and that it was worth dying to know she was responsible for bringing Ryan into the world, and to hold him in her arms if only for a short time.”

Marissa wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “She was so brave. Ryan was all she cared about. She told you she knew you were the best choice to raise him, and for you to not be afraid because you’d be great.” Marissa looked over. “She was right, you know. You’re a great mother.”

“I promised I would love him enough for both of us.”

Marissa nodded her head.

“Then she asked me to make sure Ryan knew how much love she had for him, and to tell him his father would have loved him. To tell Ryan that his father was a hero and she expected nothing less from him.”

“You don’t know that’s not true, Lexie. If Grayson is Ryan’s father, there could be another explanation.”

Lexie grunted.

“Just keep an open mind.”

They sat in silence for a moment, each of them reliving Maggie’s final day.

“Then Emily handed me the adoption papers, and Ryan became my world.”

“Did I mention you’re a great mom?” Marissa added.

“Thank you, but nobody can compare to Maggie. She literally died for her son. How many people would choose to deliver a child at the cost of their own life?”

“I would,” Marissa answered. “And so would you.”

“She looked so peaceful after the paperwork was signed. It almost made me believe she was okay to leave. I still remember the way her eyes drifted closed as she held tightly to Ryan.”

Marissa wiped at the tears on her cheeks again. “But she was able to leave with her baby in her arms and his scent in her final breath.”

Unable to speak through her tears, Lexie only nodded.

Grayson paced. He walked the same path in his living room Lexie had walked the night before. He was worried. He was confused. Last night had been amazing, and tonight, she’d all but vanished. This morning, he’d waken alone; only her spicy, sweet scent lingered as evidence that he hadn’t been dreaming. He’d gone to the shop for his morning coffee only to be informed that Lexie wouldn’t be in to work that day. She hadn’t answered her phone all day, and she hadn’t answered her door the three times he’d gone by. He wondered if she was trying to slowly drive him insane. If so, it was working.

Jumping over the couch, he dove for the ringing phone. “Lexie?” He asked breathlessly.

“Well, hello to you too, dear,” his mother sneered.

“Hello, Mother.” Grayson inhaled and prepared himself for the lecture he knew was lingering on the tip of her tongue.

“And who, may I ask, is Lexie?”

Closing his eyes, he leaned back on the couch and rubbed his temple with his free hand. He wasn’t in the mood to get into it with his mother tonight. He needed to talk to Lexie, to know she was okay. He needed to get off the phone and call her again. “I’m sorry I haven’t called Mother. I’ve been meaning to, but I’m on my way out the door. Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Grayson, I haven’t heard from you in weeks, and now I hear from someone else, that you were actually shot. Do you have any idea how humiliated I was when I was completely blindsided by this information?” He could hear the familiar disappointment in her tone. “I told you this could happen, but you insisted on becoming a policeman. All those years of education, just wasted, and now — ”

“I’m fine, Mother. I had on a vest. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry,” Grayson interrupted, hoping to deter her tirade. “I’ll tell you all about it, just not tonight. I really have to go.”

“You can’t spare five minutes for your own mother?” He knew she was working herself into tears. If there was one thing his mother excelled at, it was guilt.

“Can it wait?” He knew he sounded rude, but he’d used up the last of his patience trying to reach Lexie. “I promise I will call you tomorrow.”

“No, Grayson, it cannot wait,” she snapped. “Your father and I will not be able to attend the Sinclair wedding. Mama’s Gold qualified for the Kentucky Derby. Your father and I will be escorting her. Darla will be flying in and attending the wedding with you.”

Grayson groaned. Darla Mae Pruitt moved in with his family when she was sixteen years old after her parents died in a car accident. Within six months of that day, his mother was convinced she was destined to be his wife. The truth was he tolerated her because he’d been raised to be proper. She was pretentious, shallow, and entitled, but also convinced with time he would change his mind and they would end up together. Not if she were the last woman on earth.

“Mother, I’m the best man. I can’t escort her to the wedding. I have responsibilities to Mark. You know that.” He was beginning to panic. The thought of spending a full day with Darla was more than he could bear. “Emily will understand if Darla needs to attend the Derby as well.”

“Grayson, Darla is flying in on Friday. I expect you to pick her up and get her settled into her hotel. I also expect you to escort her to the wedding. It’s the right thing to do. Darla is not just some girl, and I refuse to have her attending the wedding alone like some desperate simpleton, praying to catch the bouquet.”

Grayson stood up and walked to the kitchen. He placed a glass onto the counter and poured a substantial serving of whiskey. “Mother, I have a date to the wedding. You can’t possibly be asking me to escort two women.” He hadn’t exactly asked Lexie to go with him, but there was no one else he could imagine taking.

“No,” his mother spoke slow, punching each word. “I expect you to escort the
right
woman.” He could picture his mother’s chin shooting into the air, her perfectly made up lips pressed into a thin line. “I expect you to walk into that wedding with Darla on your arm.”

“Fine,” Grayson said, resigned to his fate, but angry at himself for not refusing his mother’s ridiculous demand. “I’ll take her, but it will not be a date.”

Writing down Darla’s flight information, he was finally able to get his mother off the line. Pressing redial, he listened as Lexie’s phone once again went unanswered, her recorded voice asking him to leave a message.

Lexie walked back into the living room and unplugged the phone from the wall. She knew it was Grayson on the other end. Until she knew the truth, he’d have to wait. It wasn’t like she could explain anything at this point anyway.

Picking up the journal, she carried it into the bedroom. Crawling under the covers, she opened the book and turned to the first handwritten page.

February 2

I can’t believe it. I’m pregnant. I’m not sure how I feel right now. I’m excited and scared, petrified really. I’m going to be your mother. Will I be good at this? Will you know how much you mean to me if I have to leave you earlier than I’d want to? Are you a boy with your father’s green eyes and a love for motorcycles? Or are you a little girl with dark hair that might love to dance like me? Either way, I can’t wait to meet you.

Lexie took a deep breath, trying to imagine how Maggie felt as she processed the fact that she was going to be a mother. Although she’d never experienced it, she remembered the way she felt when she and Kyle would sit by the ocean and plan the family they’d have together someday. When Kyle died, she’d stopped dreaming of that moment, no longer believing it would ever happen to her. Until the day Maggie placed Ryan in her arms.

Scanning through the next few entries, she froze and returned to the beginning of the entry that brought tears to her eyes.

February 17

I’ve just returned home from Dr. Thorne’s office. She wants me to terminate my pregnancy. Well, not necessarily wants me to, but insists I must. She doesn’t understand that I can’t, no matter the consequences to myself. You’re already my whole world and you’re only the size of a pea. I hoped I would come through this and you would never have to know, but in case that doesn’t happen, I should tell you I’m sick. I have the dreaded C word — cancer. After you arrive safely, I promise to fight it with everything I have to ensure our life together is as long as possible. But for now, you come first.

I wish I could talk to your father right now. I know I can’t. I ended things with him believing I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t take the chance of him worrying about me and putting himself in danger while he’s off fighting this terrible war. I’m not condoning lying if it can be avoided, but sometimes it’s what you have to do when you truly love someone. You put yourself last, caring more for the other person than your wants or needs. You’ll be like that. You won’t have any other choice; it’s in your genes already. Your father is going to love you so much. He’s wanted you forever. He’ll be an amazing father. He has so much love to give. I hope you’ll understand someday why I must still keep my illness a secret from him, but he needs to know about you. He deserves to know. You deserve to know him.