The Touch of a Woman (29 page)

“Whatever.” She quickly added, “You want to do is fine.”

“What I want is for you to deal with your anger.” And for Jonathan to regain his ability to focus. Blinking back tears that welled at the thought of her children’s struggles, Ellis continued, “I could use some help with this too, sweetie. If you’re willing, I’d like us to go together to see someone. The boys too if they feel like they need it. None of us deserves to feel this way. More than anything, I want you all to have the future you planned for yourselves before this horrible thing happened.”

Allison was crying openly now, and Ellis joined her on the bed for a hug. It broke her heart to see her daughter come apart, but if they followed through—and she’d see to it they did—they were finally on the road to recovery.

* * *

Summer was drenched in sweat after forty-five minutes at full speed on the elliptical. She didn’t usually go this long, but was paying penance for having missed her workout three days in a row. It was surprisingly quiet but for the grind of her machine. She hadn’t expected to have the fitness room to herself on a Saturday morning.

Nor had she expected to peek out at seven thirty and find Ellis’s car already gone. That left her kicking herself for not marching over there last night and pounding on her door the way Ellis had done on Thursday.

It was a misunderstanding, plain and simple. What else could explain the dramatic change in Ellis’s demeanor, from warm and open as she cried over Jon to curt and dismissive on the phone? It wasn’t rational to get so upset over someone having to work late. There had to be something else going on, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Her legs trembling from exertion, Summer collected a pair of dumbbells and proceeded through her upper body routine. As she wrapped up her third set, the familiar SUV pulled into the parking lot and Ellis returned to her apartment. No groceries, no packages, and most important, no kids.

Good manners called for a shower after such a sweaty workout, but Summer didn’t want to risk having her leave again. She wiped down with a towel, slung it around her neck and knocked on Ellis’s door.

Ellis had doffed her blazer and replaced her shoes with bedroom slippers. An unexpected smile crossed her face—not a broad grin by any means, but it was a welcome change. “You’re working out early.”

“Because I’ve been lazy all week. I was going to knock on your door and drag you with me, but your car wasn’t here.”

“I went to see my daughter. She wasn’t returning my calls, so I had to catch her before she got out of bed. She’s a captive audience in her underwear.”

“How is she?” She only asked to be polite. The last thing she wanted was another fight about Allison.

“Much better than the last time I saw her. We had a long talk and a good cry.” Indeed, the makeup around her eyes was smudged. “My job for next week is to call around and find a therapist who can help pull us all out of the ashes.”

That was great news. Maybe Allison would learn to let go of her mother so she could live her own life.

“Want some coffee?”

“Water would be nice.” Summer followed and took her usual seat at the bar. “Look, about yesterday…I don’t know what I said or did to get you so upset with me. And that makes me feel awful, because I ought to know you well enough by now that I should be able to figure out when something’s going to hurt you. You have to know, Ellis, I’d never do that on purpose. I care about you way too much.”

Ellis passed her an ice-cold bottle of water and proceeded to set up her coffeemaker. With her back still turned, she said, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just being oversensitive. If I had any doubts, you erased them by coming over here this morning.”

It was a relief to know her stalking had paid off. “I want this friendship to work. I can’t stop thinking that if we hadn’t made love, we’d be sitting here laughing our butts off about something. I wouldn’t be losing sleep or wracking my brain about what to say. And it’s all my fault. I know it. I shouldn’t have come on to you like I did.”

“It’s not anybody’s fault unless we did something wrong.” Ellis turned and leaned against the counter but continued to stare at the floor. “I think I’d feel better if you didn’t regret it quite so much.”

The admission caught her off-guard until Ellis finished her thought with a chuckle.

“Trust me, you don’t want to go there,” Summer said. “The only thing I regret is making a mess of our friendship. I feel like I took advantage of your emotions…that we should have waited a lot longer. Then there wouldn’t have been any questions. And if I’d gotten to know your kids better—”

“I’m not sure it would have made any difference with Allison. She was looking for a reason to blow up and I gave it to her.”

Maybe so, but it might have made a difference in the way Ellis handled it. “The doubts were yours too, Ellis. I could see it on your face. Your kids made you stop and think about it, and you probably would have stood up for yourself if you knew for sure we were doing the right thing.”

Ensuing silence made her worry she’d gone too far. Or perhaps not far enough.

“But you know what? It’s okay to have doubts. When I first started seeing women, I had a lot of questions too. Did I want to live a life most of society didn’t approve of? Did I want to give up the chance for a family like the one my parents had? I didn’t decide those things overnight.”

It was killing her that Ellis hadn’t answered.

“And here’s the other thing. It’s perfectly fine to do something and then change your mind later. So no, we didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay to decide you don’t want that. What matters to me more than anything is that you and I can be friends…that we can talk like this about whatever’s on our mind. And we can be honest.”

“Nothing more, nothing less.”

So that was it. She’d taken offense at the trite characterization. “I meant that literally. That I wouldn’t pressure you to do something you didn’t want to do, and I wouldn’t treat you like a casual acquaintance. This right here”—she jabbed the counter with her index finger—“this is us. Laying it out there for each other in a way we don’t do for other people. You’re special to me, and I don’t want that to change just because we aren’t lovers anymore.”

The words tumbled out sharply, but she didn’t regret her emotions, especially when Ellis leaned over and clasped her hand. “I’d be crazy to say no to a friend like you.”

As they shared their first genuine smile in a week, Summer felt some of the tension dissipate, replaced by an aura of comfort and familiarity.

Ellis gave her a skeptical look. “I don’t suppose you’re up for another workout.”

“Not on your life, but I’ll cash in a raincheck for last night’s dinner. You like barbecue?”

“Mmm…I can’t. I’m busy tonight.” She dropped her eyes and let go of Summer’s hand.
“I’m going into the City for the ballet…and we probably won’t be back until sometime tomorrow afternoon.”

It was hard not to notice she’d left out a very important detail, but easy to understand why. She undoubtedly had a date, and Summer would bet her last dollar it was with Rex Brenneman. “Sounds like fun. I know how much you miss that,” she said stiffly.

“
Giselle
, one of my favorites.”

“I’m sure you’re dying to see the Opera House again.” As for Summer, she was just dying.

* * *

Ellis’s dress was two shades of plum with lace above her bra line and down the sleeves. She’d last worn it when the New York Philharmonic played Davies Symphony Hall. Almost two years ago, with Bruce. She remembered because he’d hurried back into the house to change his handkerchief to one of nearly the same shade. Not because he was meticulous about his appearance, but because she’d suggested it once in the early years of their marriage and he automatically incorporated it into his routine. Their social life, after all, was her domain.

Looking back, she wondered how much of Bruce’s life had been “going through the motions.” His last three years, for sure, since those were the ones in which he pretended to be an executive of a financial services company. It wasn’t much of a stretch to imagine him pretending other things as well. When had he stopped loving them or caring about their lives? Certainly well before the day he brought the wrath of the world down onto their heads.

Her suitcase lay open on the bed awaiting her selection of pajamas. The practical choice was the gray satin set Jeremy and Bruno had given her for Christmas, but it hardly mattered, since she had no plans for anyone to see her in them. Surely Rex wouldn’t dare suggest they share a room on only their second date.

The thought made her physically ill, nauseous with anxiety. If he were a gentleman, he’d already have booked separate rooms, but how would she handle it if he hadn’t? She’d have to insist on her own. Depending on which hotel he chose, a room in the City could run upwards of five hundred dollars, which she’d be paying off for months.

Why had she said yes to an overnight date in the first place? Or any date, for that matter. The answer made her furious with herself—because she’d been frustrated by Summer’s apparent lack of interest, which turned out to be a misunderstanding. It was too late to cancel. Rex would see right through the old headache excuse, and the truth might ruin their chances of working together. He was powerful enough at
Vista
to sink her possibilities for a better position, even with Gil Martino on her side.

Life would be a lot easier if she could learn to care for Rex the same way she cared for Summer. He obviously found her appealing, though she hadn’t fully convinced herself his attraction went beyond the morbid fascination of dating the widow of a mass murderer. She’d be the envy of Roxanne. Jonathan would be thrilled to engage with someone so politically astute, and Allison and Jeremy could shed their worries about her getting involved with a woman.

Summer wouldn’t take it well, even if jealousy weren’t an issue. As a matter of principle, she was opposed to the idea of going out with someone from work. Her fallen face when she heard of the ballet plans, however, likely had nothing to do with Rex being a coworker. She was still hurting over their breakup and doing her best to put up a brave front.

Ellis recognized the look, guessing it was the same one on her face. Any excitement she felt for the chance to go back into the City for the ballet was blunted by the fact that she was going with Rex instead of Summer. If they’d gone together—even as friends—they’d have talked and laughed the whole way. No anxiety, no sense of dread. And they’d have shared a hotel room without batting an eye. The irony was breathtaking.

She rolled her suitcase to the foyer in time to see Rex’s Audi pull into the guest space next to her car. To her mild surprise, he’d traded his bomber jacket for a dark suit and low-key striped tie. His trademark trilby was missing as well. It was the most handsome she’d seen him.

His face lit up in a broad smile when she opened the door. “You look lovely.”

“Thank you.” It came instantly, that nervous feeling that bordered on embarrassment, to know she was being scrutinized. “I hardly recognized you without your bomber jacket.”

He held out his hands the way a lounge singer would on the last notes of a ballad.
“Hey, it’s not every day I get the chance to go to the world famous Opera House.”

His admission triggered the recognition that this wasn’t an ordinary outing for him. He’d already confessed to knowing little about the ballet, so he didn’t just happen to have tickets for
Giselle
, as he’d suggested. His motivation obviously was to entice her out for another date.

“Let me get your bag.”

She wanted badly to relax and grant herself the freedom to enjoy the evening. Only the luckiest of women landed a date with one of Northern California’s most eligible bachelors.

As he stowed her suitcase in the trunk, she walked slowly toward the passenger side of the car. With each step, the feeling she was being watched grew stronger, and she turned toward Summer’s apartment.

She was there, standing perfectly still with one hand on her doorknob. Going or coming, it wasn’t clear. But her downcast look was obvious even from so far away.

Rex hustled to the passenger door and opened it before she could. “I checked the traffic report earlier. Nothing to worry about construction-wise, so let’s hope we get there without running into a backup on the freeway. Knock on wood.” He did just that, tapping the varnished inlay of the opulent dashboard.

Settling against the luxurious leather seat, she cast a wary eye toward Summer’s door. She was gone.

“Our dinner reservation is at six thirty at the North Box. Have you eaten there?”

The North Box was an elegant restaurant inside the Opera House on the Mezzanine Level. She and Bruce often met friends there for dinner before the performance. How many of those same faces would see her there with Rex tonight?

“Ellis?” He prodded her as he turned out of the complex.

“Sorry, I was trying to remember which one that was,” she lied. “I’ve eaten at so many.”

How was it that Summer had chosen that exact moment to step outside? It was as though she’d waited…watching for Rex’s car. That she’d come out to face the inevitability of Ellis moving on. Whatever her reason, she’d meant to be seen.

Ellis absorbed that realization with the growing awareness that she too had felt a palpable need to connect before embarking on an evening that marked the resolute end of their short-lived romance. She’d known before looking that Summer would be standing there, that they’d silently press one another one last time to ask if this was what they wanted.

“Rex, I’m so sorry…please stop the car.”

Summer scrolled through the list of showtimes at Tower Theater, Sacramento’s most recognized art house cinema. Subtitles required her to focus, and that would get her mind off what was arguably her worst day in a very long time. French at four, Chinese at six thirty. If her misery persisted, she could do Italian at nine. For sure, she wasn’t going to sit home and punish herself with fantasies of Ellis.