Christian is in so much pain. This is the first time in his life that he hasn’t had Brice in his corner for support. He made a choice and he chose me. Christian said that he had to stand up, be a man and do the right thing.
So, I lie here today with Christian somewhere buying me a magazine to read. As I finger his mother’s beautiful cross that I wear around my neck, I thank God for him. I have so many decisions to make about my future. Is my marriage over? Hell yeah, in its present form. Do I still love the man? I hate to admit it, but I do. Is there hope for Christian in my life as a possible lover? I don’t know. He is or was so close to Brice that they are almost inseparable in my mind. But I admit that I care for and possibly love him. Maybe I’ll make a clean cut and go on with my life. I mean, I’m still young. I finally got my bachelor’s degree and can teach now.
Christian has asked me to come home to him when they release me, but I have to get away from here, away from them. He is going to drive me home to Mama when they release me, which will probably be tomorrow. And then I have the huge task of deciding what to do with the rest of my life. Who knows what my future holds? Only time will tell. Lord knows I don’t have any idea.
35
Brice
I
fucked up big-time this time. It was only a matter of time before I self-destructed. I have sat here in this apartment the last couple of days with all these reminders of Mia around me and I realize what a fool I have been. That’s a little late though. Mia doesn’t want to see me or have anything to do with me. And you know what . . . I can’t blame her.
I did something last night that I haven’t done in years. I went to church and prayed. I went into the brick church on Main Street, went to the front pew, knelt down and I prayed. Prayed and cried for all the mistakes I made with Mia. I prayed that she would find it in her heart to forgive me, and I prayed that I could start liking myself again. Afterwards, I got up and sat, thinking and staring into space for what seemed like hours.
I don’t know what happened that night. Hell, I do know. As usual, I let my temper get the best of me. But I swear before God that I didn’t mean for Mia to fall down those stairs. I know Christian and Mia don’t believe me, but it is the God honest truth. I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt my heart, but I didn’t want her to end up in the hospital.
I realize now that I drove her into his arms. I understand that she didn’t actually sleep with him. That is some consolation for me. There was a day when I would have done the same thing.You know, you see a pretty lady having problems with the old man, so you make your move to comfort her and you end up in her bed.
Christian. I have seen him from a distance on base, but I haven’t talked with him since the day after the incident. I don’t trust myself to talk to him. I want to rip his heart out. It’s weird not being able to call him up and just talk. I feel like I should be crying on his shoulder about this shit with Mia, but he’s part of it. My best friend is in love with my woman.
My wife!
Ain’t that some messed up shit? Of all the people in the entire universe, I thought—no, I knew—that I could trust him. But he told me, he looked me in the eye, and told me that he loves Mia. I admit it took a lot for him to do what he did and to tell me that, but my heart is cold when it comes to him. Hell, I can’t say that either. I don’t know what I feel anymore.
Mia. I know I have lost her for good. I can’t even think of life without her. So I am not going to give up. I am not going to let her give up on us. I will get help. Go to therapy, do whatever it takes to win her back. I know that this is something that I have to do for myself, not just for her. But I want her back if she will have me. I have never stopped loving her and never will. Mia is my African princess, my woman, my soul mate, my heart. It will take some time, but time is all I have now. My first stop will be resolving some issues with my father. Yeah, that’s definitely the first stop.
Christian and I have had a lifetime of friendship and love. I don’t know . . . my brotha betrayed me with my wife. No, he didn’t sleep with her or even make a move on her. In fact, he was the good friend that she needed when I was putting her through all those changes. But for Christian to lust after my wife, not just some man’s wife on the street, but me, his brotha. I don’t know . . .
Like I said before, I have all the time in the world. I have to take one day at a time. Everything will work out. It always does for me.
36
Christian
S
ometimes you have to stand up and be a man.You have to make a decision that is going to affect the rest of your life. Well, I’ve done that, and I am proud of myself and I know Moms would have been proud of me too, even though my life is in total shambles now.
I finally told Mia that I love her. She didn’t say much and the earth didn’t shake, but that’s fine because I know that she has been through hell. The main thing is that she didn’t turn me away or ask me to leave. I get my reward when she smiles for just a second, and the smile is all for me. I honestly don’t know what, if anything, will happen with me and Mia. It hurts, it hurts like hell. I don’t know what I expected from her . . . to run into my open arms . . . I don’t know. But regardless, I was true to my heart for the first time in my life.
I’m driving Mia home to her mom’s after she’s discharged from the hospital. She declined my offer to stay with me. I guess that’s for the best, because that would be an awkward situation. During the drive home we will have plenty of time to talk. When I stay with her at the hospital, she talks about everything and everybody but Brice. She is doing some serious hurting. Her heart is wide-open.
Speaking of Brice, I’ve seen him from a distance on base, and I could feel the hate. I don’t blame him, though. It’s not every day that your best friend, ex-best friend, admits that he is in love with your wife. I know at some point we will have to sit down and talk. We owe each other that much. That point will come in time. I may have lost the only family and brother that I ever had or ever will have in life.
Mia. I love her. Hell, I am not going to lie. I love her with all my heart and soul. I would love to have her in my life, but it is all so complicated. The ties that bind. The ties that bind have probably already been severed in my case. I have already given up everything for her, and I still don’t get the girl. That’s a trip. Life’s a trip.
Mia came into my life and unfroze a frozen heart. Mia, the lady with the beautiful smile. I know that she feels something for me. I can see it in her eyes, and the eyes don’t lie. “They are the window into the soul,” is what Moms used to tell me all the time. Time will tell. I don’t intend to give up. For the first time in my life, I believe in something . . . love.
Epilogue
“G
od never gives us more than we can handle”is what Mama is always telling me. Well, he has definitely given me my limit because I can’t take any more. I’m maxed out! I’m overdrawn! I am surviving one day at a time. Just one day at a time. I can’t do any better than that right now.
I’m home, recuperating, with Mama for now. Christian drove me here straight from my discharge from the hospital. I couldn’t bear to go back to that apartment for even a moment. It holds too many memories, both good and bad. A lot of things were said on that long drive home. Mama has been pampering me so much that it is almost disgusting. Who am I kidding—I could almost get used to this if it weren’t for the circumstances. I still have my good days, though they are far and few in between, and my bad days. Many nights I wake up trembling from nightmares in which Brice is towering over me. Sometimes I start crying and can’t stop, and other days when I’m feeling strong, I realize that I’ll get past this. Life goes on, and this too shall pass.
I haven’t seen Brice since the “incident.” That’s how I refer to what happened. After I left him, Brice drove down one evening, knocked and banged on the door, and begged and pleaded with me to talk with him, but Mama informed him she’d call the police if he didn’t leave me alone and get off her property. I stayed upstairs, like a coward, hiding out in my old bedroom the entire time until he left. As he returned to his car, I pulled back the curtain and looked out the window. He looked up at that instant and our eyes met for a brief second. With a pounding heart, I quickly closed the curtain on the window and him. After that, he called several times declaring his undying love, telling me how much he missed me, how he wanted to be with me and how we could make it work if I gave him another chance. He promised that he would never, ever, hit me again. And get this, Brice said he forgave me for messing around with Malcolm. Each time our conversation ended with me in tears. I’m like an open wound. I’m totally raw when it comes to him. I’m not strong enough emotionally to face him yet. Finally, Mama told him to deal with her as a go-between concerning our divorce.
Yeah, I’m divorcing him. I’ve seen an attorney to file for divorce. It’s over for us, and I’m ready to close the book on that chapter in my life.
I talk to Christian about once a week. He calls to check up on me. I kid him that old habits are hard to kick. He always laughs at that, which is something he doesn’t do a lot of lately. He is hurting so badly. Sometimes I feel so close and so at peace talking to him because I feel like we have survived a war together. Yet other times it is so emotionally draining to talk to him because Christian always reminds me of
him
. There is no way, at this point, that I can separate the two in my mind. But I think, no I know, Christian will remain in my life in some form or fashion because he is definitely a “keeper,” as Mama would say.
Oh, I’ve found a job. I found one once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and got up out of bed. I have realized my dream to become an elementary-school teacher. I can honestly say that I love my job. My “children” are an adorable bunch of third graders. They are the ones who have kept me sane and gotten me through this ordeal. They are my joy. There’s this one little girl, Briana, who is always telling me that she wants to grow up and be a teacher just like me!
I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger each day. I’m learning to love myself again. I’ll just have to take it one step at a time, like a recovering alcoholic. I think I can do it. In fact, I know I can do it. I have learned my lessons in love and learned them well.
Electa Rome Parks
currently lives outside Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, Nelson, and their two children. With a BA degree in marketing, she is presently working on her next novel and fulfilling her passion as a writer.
READERS GUIDE
The Ties That Bind
Electa Rome Parks
A CONVERSATION WITH ELECTA ROME PARKS
Q. What can you tell your readers about Electa Rome Parks?
A. Umm, that’s a hard question. It’s not easy to define or describe oneself in a condensed version, but I’ll try. I was born and raised in Georgia. So yes, I’m a true Georgia peach, even though I lived in Chicago and North Carolina for many years. Basically, I’m just your average, down-to-earth wife and mother of two who has a great passion for writing and reading. Honestly, I don’t think I could live without books and the written word. I’ve found that a pen to paper is a powerful tool!
Let’s see, what else can I divulge about myself and keep you interested? (Smile) Believe it or not, I’m actually kinda quiet and laid-back. I can be moody and oversensitive (Pisces trait). So . . . be careful what you say about
The Ties That Bind,
because I’m sensitive about my stuff (LOL).
I have a very vivid imagination, which is evident in my books, and I believe in a lot of theories that most people would think bizarre. Let’s just say I absolutely love
X-Files
and the entire concept of spirits, guardian angels and karma. I once had a palm reader tell me I was a writer in another life and that’s why writing validates and elevates me to be in complete sync with my spirit. I thought that was so deep and so unbelievably true.
Bottom line, anyone who truly knows me will state that I’m real. I’m very approachable and I have a genuine caring nature (another Pisces trait). I have my “few” imperfections and struggles just like the next person. However, I believe in order to really get in touch with our true spirit, we need to discover our gifts. I feel that we are all born into the world with a special gift, and I’ve found mine. That brings me great joy!
What else? I pretty much suck at any sport, my favorite color is purple, I’ve never weighed more than 112 pounds my entire life, my all-time favorite movie is a toss between
Soul Food
and
The Best Man
and I have tons of stories to share with my readers.
Q. Who has been your writing inspiration?
A. I have a great love and admiration for contemporary writers such as Terry McMillan, Eric Jerome Dickey, Bebe Moore Campbell, E. Lynn Harris, Kimberla Lawson Roby, to name a few. For me, reading and writing go hand in hand. I read for entertainment, to relax and unwind, to take a minivacation for 250 pages or so. Through reading I travel to new places and meet new and interesting people without ever leaving the comfort of my home. Amazing. So I tend to write that way. I like for my readers to feel as though I’m letting them in on some juicy gossip and that my characters are talking directly to them. I’m a very emotional person, and my characters tend to be, as well.