The Surgeon's Family Wish (7 page)

‘More of what?'

‘Being with you... This, maybe.'

He'd swivelled round and was reaching out for her, and the next moment his mouth was on hers. He had one hand in the hollow of her back and the other was wrapped in her hair. Her breasts were hard up against his chest, her thighs beginning to ache, and Annabel knew in those moments that this was what had been missing with Randy.

She'd mistaken what they'd had for real passion and it was taking this charismatic widower to show her the difference. But Aaron was an idealist. If she let this wonderful chemistry that was springing up between them take over, one day she might have to watch disillusion take its place.

‘It's too soon,' she said, easing herself out of his arms. ‘We haven't known each other five minutes.'

It was the first excuse she could think of and would have to do. The fact that she felt as if she'd known him always was not going to get an airing. Aaron had told her in his own words that he was in no hurry to marry again and yet here he was, stirring her dormant senses, making her blood run warm again.

There were two reasons why it had to stop. The first was that maybe he
was
like Randy. That he'd meant what he'd said about not marrying again, but wasn't amiss to a bit on the side. And secondly, if that wasn't the case and he really was sincere, she didn't want him to see her as less than the woman he wanted her to be.

‘So what is it?' he asked. ‘You've just responded to me like I never dreamed possible and now you're drawing back. You are the first woman I've touched since losing Eloise. Doesn't that tell you something?'

‘Yes, it does,' she told him bleakly. ‘It tells me that you have high expectations of me. Expectations that I might not be able to live up to.'

He was angry now.

‘That's a lame excuse if ever I heard one. There's something you're not telling me and until I know what it is I'm groping in the dark. Or maybe you think that
groping
is what it's all about!'

He was on his feet, towering over her, and as she looked up at him, Annabel knew that Aaron deserved to know the truth. So that he could make his own judgement and, for a man who'd been celibate for four long years because of his love for a courageous woman, her own sorry tale would make distasteful hearing.

B
UT
the words were sticking in her throat. Those moments in Aaron's arms had been like a glimpse of the promised land after months in the wilderness. Did she want to spoil this tender thing that was shooting up between them? Maybe if their relationship was given the chance to put down some roots, her past wouldn't sound so grim when she told him.

So instead she explained lamely, ‘It's how I feel, Aaron. We haven't known each other long...and I
am
afraid I might not come up to your expectations.'

His smile was tight. ‘You came up to my expectations a few moments ago.'

Annabel could feel her colour rising.

‘I don't mean in that way. I was referring to the difference in our lives. You have a stable, financially comfortable background and mine is far from that. I think my insecurities stem from my pillar-to-post sort of childhood. I never had the opportunity to establish myself in one place and if the chance came now I wouldn't know how to go about it.'

He sighed.

‘Why do I feel that you're making excuses?
I'm
the one who should be having doubts. I have Lucy to think about...
and
my mother. I owe her a lot, and with that thought in mind I need to be going. I told her I would only be out a matter of minutes. Maybe you're right in what you say, Annabel. I shouldn't have come.'

‘What was she like?' she asked, as he turned to go.

He swivelled round to face her again.

‘Who?'

‘Your wife.'

‘Small, blonde, bubbly.'

‘So I'm nothing like her. A tall, brunette, whose fizz has gone flat.'

‘A good shake-up usually brings it back.'

‘Not always.'

‘Look, Annabel,' he said impatiently, ‘I'm tired of listening to you talk in riddles. Let me know when you're ready for some plain speaking. In the meantime, goodnight.'

You're a glutton for punishment, Annabel told herself when he'd gone. That man is something else! And you've just fobbed him off. What is the matter with you? He's in a different league to Randolph Graham. Way above him in looks, stature, integrity...
and
the way he kisses. So why put a dampener on him?

It was a good question and she didn't know the true answer. Or maybe she did. The sadness she'd felt when they told her she'd miscarried was still there like a dull ache inside her.

She'd longed for a child, vowing as the wonder of her pregnancy had taken hold that it would never be made to feel unwanted as she had been. Even after Randy had made his uncomfortable confession, her joy at the coming birth had kept her spirits from falling too far. Until the day when she'd been hurrying to Theatre to deal with an emergency and had slipped.

Yet she
was
coming alive again and it was because of the man who'd just left her with his mind in a state of irritation and confusion. They were both as bad as each other. She was like a seesaw. No sooner had her life taken an upward thrust than it was plunging back
down again, and as for Aaron, he was just as unpredictable.

Less than a week ago he had made it clear he had no wish to remarry and yet tonight he'd made no bones about the fact that he was attracted to her. But that didn't have to mean that he was considering her for the role of the second Mrs Lewis. Lots of men were interested in sex, but weren't necessarily rushing to put a ring on the woman's finger.

Though something told her he wasn't like that. He'd said she was the first woman he'd touched in years. She'd believed him, and four years was a long time.

* * *

Aaron's thoughts were running along different lines. He felt he'd made a prize fool of himself. He should have remembered that Annabel had never shown she was interested in him in any shape or form. Why he was so obsessed with her he didn't know. He'd never sensed any warmth in her towards him, with the exception of when he'd had Lucy with him and during those moments when she'd been in his arms.

Apart from that she was cool, cold almost, and he doubted that it was only an unhappy childhood that was to blame for that. Annabel was right when she'd said she was nothing like Eloise. But if he married again he didn't want to be living with a carbon copy of his first wife.

He would want it to be a fresh start in every way and was constantly amazed that it had only been since he'd met her that he'd been thinking along those lines.

Let it rest, he told himself irritably as he undressed. You were living in a state of muted contentment before Annabel came. Revert back to that. But it was easier
said than done with the memory of his mouth on hers and his loins aching at the contact.

* * *

The first-year children of a neighbouring primary school were waiting wide-eyed to be shown round the cheerful Rainbow and Lollipop wards.

The hospital had checked with the school to see if there were any parental objections and had discovered that apart from one nervous mother all the parents were in favour of the children being shown the inside of a hospital.

‘I was in
there
,' Lucy was telling them, pointing proudly to the small side ward that led off Rainbow, ‘after Dr Swain mended my head.'

Watching from a few feet away with one of the ward sisters by her side, Annabel hid a smile. She'd been right when she'd prophesied that this visit would give Lucy some standing amongst her classmates after her prolonged absence.

They were looking suitably impressed, some of them almost envious, and it was hard to keep a straight face. Aaron was to join them any moment. He was bidding farewell to Oliver who was going home after a very successful result from the brain operation. The convulsions had stopped. It was early days, of course, but the future looked good for him and his parents.

When Aaron joined them he was smiling and Annabel wasn't sure if it was because of his pleasure at seeing Oliver off in a much-improved condition or seeing his daughter and her friends waiting to be shown round, with their teacher in attendance.

Actually, his pleasure was a bit of both and, though she wasn't aware of it, her presence was adding to his
happiness. Even though they hadn't exactly been best buddies since the night he'd called at the flat.

They had no problems with each other on the job. They were both too professional to let personal matters get in the way of their work with poorly children, though Annabel found herself wishing frequently that they were back on the old footing. But Aaron had given her an ultimatum. Plain speaking was required and she wasn't ready yet.

If
he
had any such thoughts he kept them well hidden behind a brisk air of competence and that was the present state of play. But now, seeing Annabel waiting for him with the children, he was reminded that this was
her
idea and concern for Lucy was at the heart of it.

She had a way with children. Lucy liked her and their young patients in the two paediatric wards reacted well to her calm air of reassurance. She would make a good mother, he'd thought a couple of times, and then had switched his thoughts elsewhere. There was no husband or children in the background so maybe Annabel wasn't that way inclined, having no experience of proper family life to fall back on.

They had both left themselves free for the next couple of hours, although each of them could be called away if an emergency arose. With Aaron leading the way, Annabel followed as they set off to tour the wards, operating theatres and the rest.

Aaron had had a warm greeting for the children's teacher. It had been plain to see that he and Nicola Edwards had a good parent-teacher relationship. She was a small, vivacious blonde, and it didn't escape Annabel's notice that she was a similar type to his late wife.

There was an odd little pain around her heart as she watched them walking side by side, leading the small
crocodile of five-year-olds. Just how friendly were they? she wondered, and knew that the ache came from envy.

She wished that she herself was as easy in his company as Nicola Edwards. Instead of backing off like a nervous virgin as she had on that night when he'd shown her what real passion was.

But, of course, the curvy blonde teacher didn't have to work with Aaron. Didn't have to keep up a guard all the time because she was hurting and didn't want to have to tell him why.

Had Nicola ever been invited to dine with them? she wondered. Had Mary Lewis sounded her out as a replacement wife for her son? She certainly looked the part, compared to herself.

Lucy, who'd been at the front of the procession in her role as the star of the exercise, must have done some dawdling along the way as Annabel now found her beside her. As she smiled down at her, the little girl slipped her hand into hers.

‘When are you coming to see us again, Dr Swain?' she wanted to know.

It was a good question. Annabel could hardly tell Lucy that an invitation wasn't likely to be forthcoming in the present climate.

‘Soon, I hope.'

That seemed to satisfy Lucy and she had a change of subject ready.

‘Uncle Richard was at our house last night and he was asking Daddy about you.'

‘In what way?'

‘I think he was hoping you might buy his house. I wish you would.'

‘Why do you wish that, Lucy?' she asked softly.

‘So I could come and stay with you.'

‘But your daddy and grandma might feel lonely if you did that.'

‘Grandma would be glad of the rest...and Daddy could take Miss out somewhere. She likes him, you know. Grandma says she reminds her of my mummy.'

‘And what do you think?' Annabel questioned in the same gentle tone.

‘I can't remember what Mummy looked like. I was only small when she went into the water.' Trusting blue eyes were looking up into hers and Annabel wondered what was coming next. ‘Daddy was upset when Grandma said that, though I don't know why. What is a clone, Annabel?'

‘It is something formed in the likeness of something else.'

Lucy frowned. ‘I don't understand what that means either.'

Annabel smiled and gave her hand a squeeze.

‘Don't worry about it, Lucy. It's grown-up talk.'

They were at the entrance to Rainbow Ward and as Annabel digested Lucy's comments she knew that the child wasn't the only one who wasn't sure what he'd meant. Whatever it was, his mother's comment hadn't been well received. Had he been irritated because she was still pursuing the ‘finding him a wife' campaign? Or had he just been generally upset at the mention of Eloise?

He was watching her now, dark eyes unreadable, with the petite blonde teacher glowing beside him as the children filed into the ward and stood in a semi-circle.

There was no way his mother would ever liken herself to her daughter-in-law, Annabel thought wryly. Next to Nicola Edwards she felt six feet tall and droopy. The white coat covering a neat skirt and cotton blouse was
only a shade paler than her complexion, and she had a sudden urge to run out and jump onto the nearest sunbed.

‘So, Dr Swain, are we ready to meet the children of Rainbow Ward?' Aaron asked, and, bringing her thoughts back to why they were there, she managed a weak smile.

Laura, in the first bed, had been brought in the day before with a severe asthma attack, and though she was better today the eight-year-old looked tired and poorly, but she perked up when the children stopped by her bed and chatted happily to them.

Jessica, in the next bed, had just come up from Theatre after a tonsil operation and was still sleeping off the anaesthetic. Jamie, further along the ward, was happy to show off a leg in traction after a serious fracture.