The Stranger's Woes (9 page)

“Okay, okay. I’ll get over it. But I keep interrupting you. You should give me a cuff on the ear or something. You were talking about the ‘talentless’ Red Jiffa. What’s the story?”

“I’ll give you a cuff on the ear if it makes you happy. And as for Jiffa—you know, Max, people like him always come to a bad end. First he tried to do some conjuring, insofar as he was able. Then he realized he just didn’t have what it takes, and he completely let himself go. In his bitterness, he killed some Junior Magicians. Then some former Magicians who had survived the new order tried long and hard to do him in. It’s very likely there is an unfortunate coda at the end of his biography.” The boss gently stroked the feathery crest of the dozing buriwok. “Kurush, my clever fellow, what do we know about the death of Sir Jiffa Savanxa? Come on, time to wake up.”

“You people are so impatient,” the wise bird said. “I want some pastry.”

“All right, coming up,” Juffin said. “Max, you want a couple of pastries, too, I assume?”

“A couple? I want three at least.”

“They’re on the way,” Juffin told Kurush. “In the meantime, give me the low down, my sweet bird. I really only want to know one thing: the names of the ones in the punitive expedition who were connected with the Ancient Orders.”

“Sir Pafoota Jongo, Junior Magician of the Order of the Holey Cup,” Kurush began.

“Ah, a former colleague of our Lonli-Lokli,” said Juffin. “I’ll have to have a chat about him with Sir Shurf. Go on, my sweet bird.”

“Sir Xonti Tufton and Sir Abaguda Channels, Junior Magicians of the Order of Time Backwards.”

“Former young protégés of our friend Maba. Charming.”

“Sir Pixpa Shoon, Junior Magician of the Order of the Barking Fish.”

Juffin grimaced with displeasure but remained silent.

“Sir Bubuli Jola Giox, Junior Magician of the Order of the Secret Grass. Sir Atva Kuraisa, Junior Magician of the Order of Grilles and Mirrors. Sir Joffla Kumbaya, Junior Magician of the Order of the Sleeping Butterfly. Sir Altafa Nmal, Junior Magician of the Order of the Brass Needle. That’s about all. Where’s the pastry?”

“At the door, my dear.”

The door opened as if on command. A sleepy courier placed a tray loaded with pastries and kamra on the table and disappeared into the darkness of the corridor again.

“Well?” I asked with my mouth full five minutes later.

“Well, what?” the boss said, starting in on his pastry again.

“Does it make more sense to you now?”

“It does and it doesn’t. Go on your picnic, Max. If you have any questions, any matters to discuss with me, that’s what Silent Speech is for. But first, you have to know whether there is anything to ask. Maybe there won’t be. Maybe Shixola’s imagination just ran away with him. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Okay. If you don’t want me to know, fine. I’ll remain ignorant. You’re the one who has to put up with me. By the way, Kurush, what do you know about a gentleman by the name of Anday Pu? He’s a journalist, one of the senior reporters at the
Royal Voice
, if I remember correctly.”

“People often tell untruths,” Kurush said. “I don’t think he’s a senior reporter since I don’t know anything about him. And I keep bits of information about all the notable people of Echo. You need to go to the Main Archive, Max. I don’t bother my head with trifles.”

“What a self-important bunch you all are,” I groaned. “The Main Archive sleeps sweetly till noon, so I’m not likely to find anything there. I’m abandoning you for my pillow.”

“It’s about time,” Juffin said. “You have circles under your eyes and sunken cheeks, though you can still eat like there’s no tomorrow. I’m tired of seeing your face, so scram.”

“My sunken cheeks are the result of my spring cleaning. You won’t believe it, but yesterday morning I actually did it with my own two hands.” I waved my industrious extremities around under Juffin’s nose.

“Why shouldn’t I believe you? If you had told me you hired a cleaner like normal people, I might have doubted you. Sweet dreams, Max. Drop by this evening to say goodbye.”

I did sleep sweetly, and I dreamed, too. This time, some exhilarating nonsense. So from the moment I awoke, my good mood soared to dangerous heights. I felt I might just explode..

When I went downstairs I discovered that the one and only Anday Pu was there. He sat timidly on the edge of a chair, wrapped up in a heavy old looxi, and stared at me forlornly with his warm, dark eyes.

Ella was purring relentlessly on his lap, and Armstrong sat at his feet. My little furries seemed not only to have fallen in love with the fellow but also to have teamed up to protect him from any untoward wrath on my part. I sighed.

“Hey guys, I hope I’m not disturbing you. Or is it already time for me to move out?” I asked the threesome. Ella mewed tenderly. Armstrong rushed up to me and rubbed against my leg, as if to say, “Don’t move, Max! Yes, you are a nuisance, but we’ll put up with you if you feed us right this very minute.”

“I’m sorry, Sir Max. I catch that it’s very rude to barge in uninvited like this, but I simply had no choice.”

“Never mind,” I said. “I’ll bathe now, and then I’ll turn nice again. You took a big risk, you know. In the morning I’m even more fearsome than people suspect. You’re lucky this silly flirt is crazy about you.” I nodded at Ella, who apparently considered Anday to be her new pillow, and wasn’t in the least inclined to part with it.

While I was bathing I tried to recapture my good mood. It didn’t work, though. I’m not the most companionable person in the Universe for the first hour and a half after I wake up, and the last thing I want to do is entertain guests.

Now he’s going to say that he has nowhere to live, and since I have so many empty rooms, well . . . I thought gloomily. Then he’s going to say he wants to eat, and after that he’ll want to borrow my toothbrush. And no Mantle of Death is going to save me.

By the time I crawled into the fifth bathing pool, my irritation had begun to subside. By the sixth pool I had been rendered almost harmless. By the seventh I started thinking that it wouldn’t hurt to have some good company for my morning kamra. And I didn’t even get into the eighth since I was so weary of the whole bathing rigmarole. So I got dressed and went upstairs to the living room.

Now both cats were sitting on Anday’s lap. How could he bear the weight, poor guy! Finally I melted altogether and sent a call to the tavern keeper of the
Fat Turkey
. I ordered a double portion of kamra and cookies. What else could I do?

“Well?” I said. “You had no choice. How is that possible? Let me guess, I no catch, right?”

“Righto!” Anday beamed. “Sir Max, I—”

“Yesterday we agreed that we could get along without any ‘sirs.’ And, just for the record, standing on ceremony is not the best way to improve my mood.”

“Give me a break! That’s not how aristocrats are supposed to behave. They no catch—”

“Who said I was an aristocrat? I’m way cooler,” I said. “Anyway, what’s the problem? Did your article get rejected again? By the way, you’re no senior reporter for the
Royal Voice
. I checked up on you. Don’t worry, though. I’d boast, too, if I were in your place. That’s the name of the game. Just keep in mind for the future that you don’t have to lie to me. With everyone else—it’s your call.”

“I really do sometimes write for the
Royal Voice
. And believe me, those philistines at the paper, the staff writers, they knock themselves out trying to write like me. It’s very clear that they badmouthed me to Sir Rogro, so now he won’t offer me a long-term contract. So I thought, now the dinner’s over once and for all! Then I found out they had been wanting to print a story about your cats for a long time, but no one was willing to risk showing up at your house to talk to you in person. And I thought, well, I have nothing to lose. Back in the day, my pen used to burn like a comet, let me tell you!” Anday shook his head and smiled meditatively, lost in recollection.

“Good.” I stretched luxuriously till my joints cracked, which filled me with delicious pleasure, then poured myself another mug of kamra. “I understand all that. Come on, tell me your problem. I’ve got work to do, people to kill.”

“Give me a break!” Anday said again.

I didn’t get it. Either he really appreciated a good joke, or he approved of the hypothetical goal of my activities. Then he started arranging the dishes on my table with absentminded precision. A few minutes later a fairly intricate design of plates and leftover food had emerged on the tabletop.

I waited.

“Actually, I was just about to tell you that I wasn’t . . . In short, now I really do have a chance to become senior reporter for the
Royal Voice
.”

“You do?” Something seemed to dawn on me. “You told them that we were friends? Don’t be afraid. Spit it out.”

“It was my only chance,” Anday mumbled. “If you only knew how these upstarts who’ve managed to scrawl their plebeian names on a full-time contract live. Especially the society columnists and crime reporters. They get a fat salary, and bonuses to boot. They get paid as much per letter as I get per line. So I went to Rogro Jiil and told him I get to see you every day now.”

“What did you say? Every day?”

I was horrified.

“Well, I hinted so that he would catch. Of course, every day isn’t absolutely necessary,” Anday said. “But Sir Rogro didn’t catch. He doesn’t believe me. That jackass Jafla Dbaba, my former classmate at school, interfered again. In high school he used to sit in a corner and wait until someone sent him to a tavern for some Jubatic Juice. Now the guy shamelessly kisses Rogro Jiil’s skinny backside. If it hadn’t been for his gossip and scandalmongering, the contract would have been in my pocket more than a dozen years ago. Today he whispered to Rogro that I had made it all up, that I’ve never even seen you face to face, and that I found out about your cats from the neighbors.”

“He forgot to consider that I don’t have any neighbors.”

This was the honest-to-Magicians truth. There were no houses near mine. The Street of Yellow Stones is one of the newest in Echo. Property here isn’t cheap, and people are reluctant to part with it.

All of this rubbed me the wrong way. There are things I love and things I hate, and occasionally they switch places. But guys like Dbaba had always awakened in me a thirst for blood since in my time they had thrown plenty of crap in my general direction. I realized that this time Anday wouldn’t be able to defend himself against evil tongues. Strange fellows like my new friend always attract plenty of ill-wishers, that’s for sure.

“In short, Sir Rogro Jiil demanded evidence. I told him that he could send you a call and ask, but he wouldn’t agree to it. I think he’s afraid of you, too. Sound the alarm,” Anday said sadly.

“You did the right thing,” I said without any real enthusiasm. “Well, what do you want from me,
mon ami
? Do you want me to talk to him?”

“You catch!” Anday said, cheering up all at once. “Will you send him a call?”

“You want him to have a heart attack? Excellent idea. I’ll do it right away.”

“You catch everything, Max! A hundred percent!”

To be honest, I was very pleased with the compliment.

I drank down my kamra, put down the mug, and started concentrating to my utmost. I had seen Rogro Jiil only once before, for all of a moment. On the previous Last Day of the Year he had stopped by the Ministry of Perfect Public Order to attend the Royal Awards ceremony. Such a superficial acquaintance is really no basis for establishing contact through Silent Speech, but I tried my best and succeeded.

Good day
,
Sir Rogro
.
Max here
,
of the Minor Secret Investigative Force of Echo
.
I really have had several meetings with Mr
.
Anday Pu
.
It
’
s possible that our meetings will continue
.
I hope this is evidence enough for you
?

Of course
,
Sir Max
.
Please let me express my gratitude for the time and attention you
’
ve given to one of the senior reporters of my publication
.

Sir Rogro Jiil was a tough nut to crack, but the understated courtesy of his manner gave me to understand that my protégé’s fate had been decided in the most advantageous way. It also witnessed to Rogro Jiil’s extensive experience in disseminating information.