The Stainless Steel Rat Goes to Hell (10 page)

“No.”
“Think! If the rate of entropy in our universe were faster than the rate of entropy in universe X, let us say. Then to a theoretical observer in that universe our universe would appear to be decaying at a great rate. Right?”
“Right.”
“Then, it also becomes obvious that if an observer in our universe were to observe universe X, the entropy rate there would appear to be going in the opposite direction, what might be called
reverse
entropy. Though it does not exist it would be observed to exist. Therefore the equation is closed.”
He sat back and smiled happily at his conclusions. I hadn't the slightest idea of what he was talking about. I told him that and he frowned.
“I do wish, diGriz, that you had taken a little more mathematics instead of playing hooky from school. To put it even more simply, a phenomenon that is observed to exist
does
exist and can be mathematically described. And what can be described can be affected. What can be affected can be altered. That is the beauty of it. No power source is needed to manipulate the wormholes between the universes, although energy is of course needed to establish the interface. The wormholes themselves are powered by the differences in their entropy rate. Justin Slakey has discovered that and I will be the first man to take my hat off to him.”
He lifted an invisible hat from his head, then patted it back into place. I blinked quickly and cudgeled my brain hard, trying to understand just what he was talking about. With great difficulty some sort of order began to emerge from his flights of physical fancy.
“Tell me if I have this right. Different universes exist, right?”
“Yes and no …”
“Let's settle for the
yes
—just for a moment. Different universes exist, and if they exist they could be connected by wormholes
in space. Then the difference of entropy between these universes might be used to travel through the wormholes from one galaxy to another—and Slakey has invented a machine to do just that. Okay?”
He raised the finger, frowned, shook his head in a very negative no. Thought a bit more, then shrugged. “Okay,” he said in a most resigned manner. I hurried on before he changed his mind.
“Hell is a planet in a different universe, with different laws of physics, maybe a different chemistry, where time passes at a different rate. If that is so then Heaven is a different universe connected to ours by wormholes in space and time. There could be more …”
“The number of theoretical universes is infinite.”
“But with Slakey's machine they can obviously be contacted, over and over again. And what he can do—you can do?”
“Yes and no.”
I resisted the temptation to rip out a handful of my hair. “What do you mean yes and no?”
“I mean yes it is theoretically possible. And no, I cannot do it. Not without the mathematical description of the entropy relationships that was recorded in the machine. The one he destroyed.”
“There will be other machines.”
“Get me one and I'll build you an intergalactic wormhole subway.”
“I will do just that,” I promised. Not rashly but because I had to do just that to get to Angelina. Which led to the next obvious question. “Who has these machines?”
“Slakey.”
“Which Slakey?”
“There is only one Slakey.”
“I can't believe that. I saw three at least. One bright red with a tail. Another with no right hand—and a third with a good right hand.”
“You saw the same man—only at different times. Just as if you were to take a time machine to visit a baby being born, then
went on in time to see the same baby grown—then saw him again as an old man. The mathematics is quite clear. In some manner he has managed to duplicate himself at various times during his existence. He, they, him, are all the same individual, just observed at the same time though he is from various different times. Since they are all the same person they have to share the same thoughts. That's how Slakey no-hand knew that Slakey right-hand was in trouble and came to the rescue. You saw this same phenomenon with your own sons, the twins. Since they are biological twins and divided from the same original egg, they were at one time exactly the same person, or egg. So when they were in different universes they shared the same thoughts. It is all very obvious.”
“What's obvious?” Sybil asked as she came into the breakfast room.
“What is obvious,” I said, “is that we now know how to get to Heaven and Hell—or wherever else we want to go. The good professor appears to know all about these various universes.”
She nodded. “If you know that Professor—do you know how Jim found his porkuswine in Hell?”
“I do. I read your notes concerning that visit and I agree completely with your first conclusions. Hell is obviously a malleable and unformed universe. It must have been geologically active when Slakey first found it. He mistook it for Hell—so it became Hell. You both found his Hell, but also formed a little bit of your remembered worlds there as well.”
“Then a question, please?” Sybil asked. “If we did that—why didn't the other people we found there do the same thing?”
“Also obvious,” the professor pontificated, always happy with an expectant audience. “They were normal people—not supernormal Special Corps agents. The force of your personalities and your mental strength enabled you to force your memories upon the fabric of that universe, to bend it to your will. Where normal people might run in fear you turn and growl savagely and rend your enemies.”
“You make us sound like feral terriers, wild dogs!” I growled savagely,
“You are. Any more questions?”
“Yes. What happens next?” Sybil said.
“I can answer that,” I answered. “With Professor Coypu's help we will build a machine to travel to these distant universes. And we will get Angelina back.”
“That is wonderful news. But let us not do any of that until after breakfast,” she added with womanly practicality. “I'm sure that we will need all our strength to do all of that.”
I WAITED UNTIL JAMES AND Bolivar had joined us at the breakfast table, and had eaten their stringy eggs, before I brought them all up to speed.
“Meeting come to order.” They all looked intently at me—with the exception of Professor Coypu who was muttering to himself as he scrawled mathematical equations onto a large scratchpad. “The professor will not mind if I simplify drastically what he revealed to me this morning. Heaven and Hell are in different universes and we can get to them. Plus there are other universes we can reach—and Angelina is in one of them. With a little help from us he can build a machine that we can use to get her back. Understood?”
Everyone nodded and smiled. Except for Coypu, who sniffed miffedly. He could apparently do two things at one time because, while still noodling his equations, he spoke.
“Your simplification is utter nonsense. These equations prove …”
“That you know what you are doing,” I broke in before everything got murky again. “And we know what we are going to do. We are going to find one of the Slakey clones. Unless they used their machine to leave this planet, they must still be here.
I had the Special Corps put the pressure on the local military to seal this planet tight. Like a roach motel they can come in but they can't go out. An intense and thorough search has been going on at this moment …”
“Let the Slakeys go,” Sybil said.
Silence descended. Even Coypu stopped writing. Sybil smiled sweetly at her stunned audience. “Think latterly,” she said. “Think subtly. The trouble with you men is that all the testosterone and other hormones you have whizzing around your systems tend to make your actions very predictable. So try to be a little more devious, just this once. These men you are looking for, Slakey and Company, are just as masculine as the rest of you and will be expecting you to do what you are planning to be doing.”
“Then what should we do?” I asked.
“Ease up, allow for loopholes and human error. Let them test the doors until they find one unlocked. When they get out have them followed.”
“That won't be easy …”
“Yes it will,” Coypu said. “I have been considering a new and unique theory about the effects of inter-universe travel,” he held up his pages of equations, “that I have now proved to my satisfaction is true. It is called entropic delimitation.”
He smiled with scientific satisfaction, so pleased with himself that he tapped happily on his teeth with his fingernails, looked around at our glazed stares.
“I will elucidate. When you were in Hell you observed that certain changes occurred to people there. Skin color became en-carmined, new appendages grew, insanity progressed. These equations prove positively that the changes are not physical in the sense that they are made by chemicals in the atmosphere and so forth. No indeed. These changes are caused by entropic delimitation, the basic incompatibility of material taken from one universe to another. Once I had realized this it was simplicity itself to construct an E-meter. A machine that embodies immense possibilities while remaining simple in construction. Here it is.”
He dug around in his shirt pocket, took out something small and placed it carefully on the table. We all leaned close.
“It looks like a stone tied to a piece of string,” I said.
“It is. When I analyzed your reports and saw the direction in which my researchers were going, I took the precaution of obtaining some Hell-matter. From your discarded clothing, Jim. There were bits of gravel in your pockets, from all that slithering about on the ground I imagine. Now—the proof of the pudding is in the eating.”
He picked up the string by the loose end, stood and walked over towards me. Stopped and held this complicated scientific device out so that the stone was suspended just before my nose. I looked at it cross-eyedly.
“Is it moving?” he asked.
“It seems to be swinging towards me.”
“It is. You were in Hell long enough for entropic delimitation to affect your body, if ever so slightly.” He held the thing out over Sybil's hand and nodded happily. Then walked to the twins, held it in turn behind one head and then the other. He pointed at James.
“You are the brother who operated the machine and did not pass through to Hell.”
James could only nod in silence. Coypu admired his invention. “If I can get this strong a response after such a brief transit—just think how Jiving Justin will light up in the dark! As soon as I have manufactured a few thousand meters, simple enough to do, all the restrictions on free movement will be lifted. No attempt will be made to apprehend the miscreants or stop them from leaving—”
“Great!” I cried aloud gustily. “They can run but they cannot hide. Every train, bus, spaceship, scooter, rickshaw, every form of transportation, will have a meter close by. We'll follow them and they will lead us to another of their machines and we will grab it and the good guys will win!”
Of course it didn't happen that easily. Instead of trying to run, Slakey and Slakey had apparently gone to ground. When they didn't walk into any of our traps, the good Professor
Coypu went back to the workbench and improved upon his original model. Which, all things considered, was pretty crude. He built larger ones with amplifying circuits that would work over greater distances. Then military jets quartered the skies over the islands—and had a trace within hours.
“Here,” the Special Corps technician said, opening up a large map and tapping his finger on a red-marked site. We all leaned close. “The pilot of the search plane took off, circled for altitude—and all the bells went off.”
“That is right in the middle of a city,” I said.
“It certainly is. In fact it is the center of the capital of this planet, Hammar City. The first reading we had almost blew the needle off its bearings. And it hasn't moved since we spotted it. But there are two other, weaker traces in the city—and one of them is moving.”
“Is it possible—that there could be another machine, which would explain the strong trace? And the other contacts might be a couple of Slakeys?”
“Professor Coypu is of the same opinion. He says if you plan to take any offensive actions you must speak to him first.”
“No problem. Where is he?”
“In the nightclub downstairs doing research.”
“Research … ?” It was mind-boggling time again. “But which club? There are seven in this hotel.”
“The Green Lizard. Very ethnic.”
I wondered what could be ethnic about lizards; I soon found out. The sound of jungle drums filled the hot, moist air, while the screams of nocturnal animals cut through the semidarkness. I ducked under the low leaves of the trees and almost choked myself on a vine.
“May I be of service, human visitor?” a large green lizard said, smiling fangedly before me. While the head was that of a lizard the green body was human and enthusiastically female. Painted green I realized, this fact was visible even in the dim jungle light. Also visible was the even more interesting fact that paint on skin was all that she was wearing; nothing else. I wondered just what kind of research the professor was doing here.
“Coypu,” I said. “I'm joining him. Small man, gray hair, good teeth …”
“This way, please, dear human visitor.” She led me through the jungle—a fine figure to follow!—to a log table. Coypu sat on a chair stump just as naked, though not as attractive, as my leading lizard. He was sucking at the straw of a tall drink in a section of bamboo while he scribbled equations on a large leaf.
“I'll have whatever he has,” I said, then forced my gaze back on the professor when she slithered away.
“Ahh, Jim, sit down.”
“I don't want to interrupt your work.”
“You're not. I have just finished with all of my research. So that tomorrow I'll be able to finalize my scientific paper titled ‘Saurian Substitutions for Reenhancing Subliminal Sexual Inhibitions.'”
“Sounds fascinating.”
“Indeed it does. I'm also writing a shorter and more popular version for the Internet called ‘Chicklist for Hungry Hunters.'”
“You're onto a winner. What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Plans. We must find a fail-safe way of getting our hands on an intact model of Slakey's universal differentiator. My research cannot proceed until that has been done. Twice now his machines have gone up in flames before they could be examined. Let us try not to let that happen again. I have constructed a device that will make that possible.”
“What is it?”
“A temporal inhibitor. An intellectual offspring of my temporal helix. Which you will remember, since you traveled on it, when you traveled back in time and had some interesting adventures while you were busy saving the world. You deserve some credit in this invention as well. You will also remember that when you saved the Special Corps from time attack you met those time travelers from the future, who gave you a machine. It froze everyone around you with a time stasis. Once I knew it could be done the rest was easy.”
“You're a great man, Professor.”
“I know that. Finish your drink and sally forth. You'll find the temporal inhibitor, or TI for short, on the table in my room. It works just like the one you used before. Turn it on and everything around you freezes in time. Except for you, of course. Go, Jim, go forth with the TI and use it to get the dimensional machine. Leave me now for I have important research to do here and you are a married man.”
I went. Picked the lock on his suite and looked at the flashlight on the table. I picked it up and turned it on. Instead of lighting up it hummed industriously. Nothing else appeared to have happened that I could see. I turned it off, dug a coin out of my pocket and threw it into the air, turned on the flashlight. The coin hung in midair, dropped only when I turned the TI off.
“Next stop Hammar City!”
I used the room phone to call the suite where the boys were staying. There was a recorded message for me suggesting that I join them in Waterworld, the most popular nightspot in the hotel. I slipped the TI into my pocket and left, and found the nightspot easily enough, following the sound of wet music and splashing waves. But I hesitated at the entrance, having had more than enough of nightclubs after the Green Lizard. This one was better lit and provided more clean-cut fun. With the lighting effects and almost nul gravity field, the illusion of being underwater was very good. The waitresses had mermaid tails and swam laden trays of drinks and food to the floating tables. The happy customers danced a few feet off the floor, twining themselves sinuously about to the happy beat. I could see Bolivar dancing with Sybil, both enjoying themselves greatly. He didn't seem to mind when James cut in—or was it the other way around? Not that it mattered. They were young and in high spirits and deserved every bit of relaxation they could get. I could take care of getting the machine myself while they danced the night away.
I was picking up some needed devices from my room when the phone pinged and turned itself on. Inskipp glared out of the screen at me.
“What do you think you are doing, diGriz?”
“Just running a little errand. Picking up something for Professor Coypu,” I said innocently. A scowl replaced the glare.
“No you're not—at least not alone. I know everything, remember. Including exactly what it is you are getting for Coypu. There have been too many mistakes made of late. Sloppy work. That practice ends now. Captain Grissle of the Space Marines has his squad waiting for you in the lobby at this very moment.”
“Thank you, thank you, you are kindness itself. I'll join him right away.”
I would of course exit from the back entrance of the hotel and avoid the noxious military presence of the marines. There was a loud hammering on the door.
“While the squad is waiting in the lobby that will be the captain coming for you now. Go.”
I seized up the TI and thought of using it on the marine, but the snarl from the phone changed all that.
“I'm watching you, diGriz—no games!”
I muttered a few favorite profanities under my breath as I opened the door. A burly marine with nasty tiny red eyes and a jaw like an anvil was standing outside. He saluted a quivering tense salute. I touched the flashlight-TI to my brow.
“Transportation to the airport is waiting,” he shouted. “After γou, sir.”
It was all very well organized; at least the Special Corps could get this kind of thing right. Marines stamping, guns waving, sirens wailing; the usual. Captain Grissle briefed me on the way, ticking off the points with a raised finger.
“One. The Hammar City police have the area where we are going under close observation. Investigation has shown that the machine you are looking for is in a meeting hall owned by an organization called the Circle of Sanctity. Very exclusive, bigwig politicians and industrialists. Some of the members of this group are being interrogated right now.”

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